The Tax Collector Best Movie Quotes – ‘You’re going to hell.’

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Bobby Soto, Cinthya Carmona, George Lopez

OUR RATING: ★★½

Story:

Crime drama written and directed by David Ayer. The story follows two tax collectors, David (Bobby Soto) and Creeper (Shia LaBeouf), who work for a crime lord named Wizard, collecting his cut from the profits of local gangs. But when Wizard’s old rival returns to Los Angeles from Mexico, his entire business is upended, and David is put in a fight to protect his family.

Copyright Notice: It’s easy to see when our quotes have been copied and pasted, as you’re also copying our format, mistakes, and movie scene descriptions. If you decide to copy our movie quotes please be kind and either link back, or refer back to our site. Please check out our copyright policies here. Thanks!

Best Quotes

[first lines; the alarm goes off as they wake up]
David: Alexis? Are you okay?
Alexis: Are the kids okay?
David: Yeah. They’re fine. They’re fine.
Alexis: That was so real. They ran away. And I could hear the kids yelling like far away, and I could see their footprints on the sand. I followed them. But I couldn’t go in the water. It was like it was glass. And I’m hitting the water, but it’s like a window at an aquarium. And I could see the kids looking at me, and I’m just, It’s just a dream.
David: It’s not real.
Alexis: No, David. It was so real.

[after David pulls out his daughter’s loose tooth]
Casey: Daddy!
David: Hey, look, if you swallow it you can’t get all the money from the Tooth Fairy.
Casey: Can I have ten dollars?
David: What? For a tooth?

[as Favi is talking about her date]
David: Is the dude on Tinder? Did he super like you?
Favi: I am on Tinder, David, because not everyone won the marriage lottery.
David: I can’t believe you’re on Tinder.

[as they’re grilling chilies which sets of the smoke alarm]
Favi: Chill with the chilies for one second.

Creeper: What’s up, Lupe? Give me a hug.
Lupe: F*** you. I’m not f***ing hugging you. S**t.
David: Lupe keeps us grounded, huh?
Lupe: Dude, lay off, man.

David: I’m David. This is Creeper.
Creeper: You heard of me?
[Victor nods]
Creeper: What have you heard, Victor?
Victor: I heard you’re the devil.
Creeper: I might be.

David: [to Victor] Every gang in LA has to pay their f***ing taxes. We get thirty percent of everything you make.

David: [to Victor] Don’t think you can shuck and jive the big homeys and hold money back. You can’t. They’re f***ing psychic.

David: [to Victor] Ain’t s**t on the streets happening they don’t already know about. They’ve got the whole world wired. All the dope you sell, the women you sell, the Paisas you make pay rent. Every movida. Every money lick. Every little tiny transa. The big homeys get their cut. And the Wizard is the king no matter what. Do not test that.

David: [to Victor] I’ve seen m*therf***ers skinned alive, dipped in acid. Arms and legs chain-sawed off, rolling around like a seal pup crying for mama. If your stack’s short, go rob a bank. Rob your own mother. Sell your sister’s pu**y. There’s no excuses.

David: [to Victor] When you’re with us, nobody, and I mean nobody, will f*** with you. Keep your head down.

Creeper: How many times have you given that speech?
David: Too many. Watch his dumb a** get killed too, and I’ll say the same s**t to the next guy.

Creeper: You eat? Check out the cooler. I’ve got cashews, chicken thighs, cheese, broccoli, and mackerel, f***ing everything.
David: What the f*** is this s**t? I don’t want this s**t.
Creeper: Got all my ketogenic meals. I dropped like ten pounds already.
David: Why not just get a f***ing burrito?
Creeper: Because I’m on a mission, dog. Just know this, fool.
David: What’s up?
Creeper: Okay? The human body…
David: Yeah.
Creeper: …is a machine. Science. Machine needs fuel.

[referring to Victor; to David]
Uncle Louis: Of course he’s nervous as f***. I mean, look at you guys. You guys look like a couple of f***ing monsters. That little dude is used to dealing with little f***ing homeys, and now he’s talking to the f***ing power.

Creeper: Hey, how come I didn’t get an invite to the quince?
David: You can come through.
Creeper: That’s not an invitation. That’s you saying, “Come through because I asked you.” A real invitation is like a nice card with lace edges and s**t.
David: Well, don’t f***ing come through then.
Creeper: I want to come through. I’d like to support your family. I know Alexis gets uncomfortable around me, so I stay away.
David: If you got beef with Alexis, go have coffee with her. You got her number, homey.
Creeper: [laughs] Coffee. Yeah, yeah. I’ll call her up.

David: You really wanted a printed invitation?
Creeper: Yes.
David: They’re like twenty bucks each.
Creeper: I thought it would be a nice souvenir.

David: How is it you don’t have no kids, huh?
Creeper: Condoms, IUDs, birth control pills, morning after pills, plan A, plan B, plan C. There’s a lot of options, boy.
David: You’re going to hell, man.
Creeper: Yeah, but I’m at peace with that. I’m not going to argue about Jesus with you.

Creeper: You ever meditate?
David: No.
Creeper: No?
David: No, I don’t f*** with that. That s**t’s satanic.
Creeper: Okay, so some people say yoga’s satanic. Some people. They do.

Creeper: I’m doing that mindfulness s**t.
David: What the f*** is that?
Creeper: So first thing in the morning.
David: Yeah?
Creeper: Clear my head of noise. Boom. Focus on my breathing. Observe my thoughts. Then I lean into my day.

Creeper: [to David] Are we killing anybody today? I’ve got f***ing nice shoes on.

David: M*therf***er got himself killed and had four f***ing kids. Why would you f*** with that? You got the money, pay the f***ing money.
Creeper: It’s greed. These guys are f***ing criminals. It’s in their nature to cheat the system. It’s nothing new.
David: It can happen to us.
Creeper: No.
David: A short count, or we end up on the wrong side of the politics. I mean, we’ll get smoked.
Creeper: Hey. You’re connected as f***. No one is touching you never.

David: Hey, homey, that s**t smells like a**.
Creeper: This? This is fish. It’s going to have an odor.
David: Like summertime dead body nasty.
Creeper: Well, I’m not going to apologize for it. Maybe you’re too sensitive. I’ve got way more energy on this diet.
David: Yeah, that’s not a good thing.

Bone: I’m going keep it G with you, David. And I know you’ve got your chess pieces, and for sure I’ve got mine. But I want all this s**t to die today. I want to walk away clean and focus on the business, you know what I’m saying? You’re a candle in the darkness. Keep that s**t real with you.

David: What’s up?
Alexis: The count’s twenty grand short.
David: Are you sure?
[Alexis nods]
David: S**t,. I mean, I don’t count it.
Alexis: It’s Big Loma’s gang.

Alexis: [to David] Look, I have a little float that I keep week to week for this kind of thing. But we can’t afford to cover other people’s mistakes.

See more The Tax Collector Quotes

[Wizard calls Alexis]
The Wizard: Listen up. Collection needs to go smooth this month. I’ve got something big happening. No f*** ups.
Alexis: I understand.
The Wizard: Put the fool on. I know he’s in there.
Alexis: Yeah, just a second. He wants to talk to you.
[David takes the phone]
David: Yes, sir. Hello.
[Wizard laughs and hangs up]

[referring to Wizard]
David: I just heard him laughing, and then he hung up. What did he say?
Alexis: He said that there’s a lot going on this week, and he needs this week’s taxes to go smoothly. No mistakes.
David: Is he f***ing listening to us? Is this f***ing place bugged?
Alexis: Calm down. Calm down. Calm down, baby.

[Creeper has his gun in Victor’s mouth]
David: You owe me twenty f***ing grand, homey! I gave you basic f***ing instructions. He’ll splatter your brains all over your old lady. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. And she sure as s**t don’t want that.
Creeper: I do. I want that.
David: Hey, this guy, he wants that.
Creeper: I want that, Victor.

Victor: I’ll make it right. In the freezer, there’s a TV dinner.
Creeper: What kind of f***ing TV dinner? Because I’m on a special diet.

Creeper: The money’s in the freezer. You were hiding the money, Victor.
Victor: I’m sorry.
Creeper: Why? Why did you think to f***ing do that, Victor?
Victor: My little girl’s got leukemia, and we ain’t got no insurance.
Creeper: Victor, you think I’m stupid, homey?
Victor: Just take the money.
Creeper: This m*therf***er. Try again.

[after they let Victor go]
Creeper: That’s your f***ing problem, right there. You can’t compartmentalize. You’re taxing forty-three different street gangs. That’s thousands of dudes in the most violent, f***ed-up subculture in Los Angeles, and you want to play the f***ing pope out here.
David: You need to know when to shut the f*** up, Creeper.

Venom: You’re only here because of your f***ing daddy. I earned my way to the top.
David: I’m here to collect your f***ing taxes. So put your f***ing money on the table. Stop opening your f***ing mouth, and do as you’re f***ing told.
Venom: I got the money. That ain’t the problem.
Creeper: Put the f***ing fetty on the table right now, or it’s your last supper. I promise you, my boy. Right now.
[he puts the money on the table]
Venom: This isn’t yours.

David: Who the f*** are you?
Conejo: I’m the future, and you’re the past. So Venom, he work for me now. And all this right here, it’s my money.

[in Spanish; to David]
Conejo: Death is after you.

Creeper: I got a three-eighty on each ankle, thirty-eight on my right, twenty-five on my left, chopper in the trunk, Glock in my belt. F***.
David: Don’t get too f***ing excited, homey. It’s just a lot of f***ing cash, you feel me? You know my uncle whacked Venom’s dad.
Creeper: And he wants to cut your heart out for sure. You say the word, I’ll push that b**ch’s wig back.
David: I don’t want that, Creeper.
Creeper: I’m on it.

[referring to Conejo]
David: You’re scared of him.
Uncle Louis: What the f*** did you say? If you weren’t my nephew, I’d stick your f***ing face in that fire until you stopped moving! Alright, holmes? I ain’t scared of any b**ch-made m*therf***er, alright? Hey, and you don’t leave till I f***ing tell you to leave. Sit your f***ing a** down. You’re going to mind somebody, huh? You’re my nephew, and I love you, and you’re bad, David, but you ain’t f***ing that bad, alright? Now bounce.

David: Alexis, what did you see in me when we met?
Alexis: I told you this a thousand times.
David: No. There’s the story you tell everyone again, and again, because you like telling it. And people like hearing it. And then there’s the truth. I want that. The truth.

[after she tells the story of how her dad beat her mom up]
Alexis: So I heard about you, and you were this big bad gangster who killed people. So here I am, some Mexican-American princess. I go down to the hood, figured out where you hung out. I was going to get you to fall in love with me, and get you to kill my dad.
David: Half the plan worked.
Alexis: Thank God. He stopped drinking.

Alexis: David, what’s wrong?
David: People always want something from me. You didn’t want nothing from me. That’s what I thought.
Alexis: I love you.

Sensei Richard: Wake up and smell the roses, not your own blood. Make sense?
David: Yeah.

Lupe: [to Creeper] Hey, what’s up, Johnny Cash? What? You’re trying to be all cool over there to impress your little lady friend and s**t? Come take a shot with us. Come on. This is some bomb-a** tequila.
David: Hey, don’t get him f***ing drunk, dude.
Creeper: Just one shot. One.

Delia: Hey, Creeper, I’ve seen your a** drunk, fool. You cry like a little b**ch and s**t.
I’ve been nothing but a gentleman to you. How many f***ing favors have I done for you? How many? A lot, a lot.
Delia: Oh, yeah. Tons of favors. Yeah, hold on. Let me count them. How about that time you gave me like three different STDs and s**t?
Creeper: Are you f***ing kidding?
[to his girlfriend]
Creeper: She’s kidding.
Lupe: Dude, did you f*** him without a condom? You’re f***ing nasty!
[as his girlfriend walks off]
Creeper: She’s kidding!

Creeper: I tell you what, you go out to the parking lot, and your car’s on fire, now you know why.
Delia: Oh, now I know why my car’s on fire. Hey, Creeper, I Ubered here!

Creeper: [to David] I want what you got with Alexis. You got your wife. You’ve got your kids. You’ve got your castle. You go out there, you come back here. You’re f***ing safe behind these walls. F***. I’m always living my life on point. You know, I’m always watching for the f***ing bullet.

David: I love my family. I love God.
Creeper: Oh, f*** me.
David: God allows me to walk through darkness and come back into the light. I have two worlds. You can too.
Creeper: You think God’s going to have me, fool?
David: He will.

Creeper: God doesn’t exist. I’m a product of evolution, David. I’m supposed to terrorize the herd. That’s my function. That’s the knowledge I was born with.
David: Don’t say that.
Creeper: You know, I’ve seen so many m*therf***ers die. So many. And when the lights go out, it’s just a f***ing pile of meat left. That’s it. So I know when I die, I die. That’s the end of the book.

Creeper: [to David] I see so many m*therf***ers begging, pi**ing, s**tting themselves for one more f***ing second of life. And when I’m there pulling their card, I’m their God when I’m there. When I’m there, I’m God.

[referring to Gata]
David: Hey, fool, that’s like the female you. You guys should get married and have evil babies and s**t.
Creeper: I ain’t going to lie, my boy. I’m intrigued as f***.

David: I was told that my uncle was here So where the f*** is he?
Conejo: See, when you kill a man, and you don’t kill his sons, this is what happens.
[in Spanish and English]
Conejo: The trigger was pulled years ago. And sometimes it take a minute for that bullet to hit its target.

[after revealing to David his uncle Louis’s decapitated head and hands in a box]
Conejo: Just following orders. I want you to understand that I’m not a threat to you. As a matter of fact, I’m the only hope you got. Palabra? You actually thought that your uncle could help you. No, little homey. Only you could do that. For how many years have they promised to open up the books, have you made into a boss in the organization?

[to David; in mixture of Spanish and English]
Conejo: I can take care of you, and make you richer than you ever imagined. All you got to do is kiss the ring and join the family, and I’ll give you something that your uncle and Wizard have kept from you all this time. If Wizard wanted to, he could give you more power than you could handle with just a nod. But Wizard doesn’t talk to you. Does he?

Alexis: You said we were protected.
David: You knew who I was, and what my family was.
Alexis: Should we run?
David: There’s nowhere to run, and they’d find us.

David: Alexis, these are international players worth billions, and Wizard and Conejo are fighting it out right now. I got my small slice of the game. They’re way up there. And I’m down here. And I ain’t s**t.
Alexis: We can’t join them, we can’t run, what’s left?
David: I want to fight him.
Alexis: Okay. I trust you.

David: I can’t surrender to Conejo. He’s demonic, and I feel it.
Alexis: Tell me what to do.
David: Don’t change a thing. Conejo’s watching you. They won’t see it coming.

Creeper: No one is concerned his uncle’s head was in a f***ing beer cooler?
Vargas: [to David] Where’s Wizard in all of this? I mean, we could use the high-powered help right now.
Creeper: I need you to find me this lame m*therf***er so I can kill him.

Creeper: Are we not going to talk about the elephant in the room, David? Is Wizard next?
David: Shut the f*** up.

Vargas: David, get your family and get the f*** out of LA, until we handle this for you.
David: No.
Creeper: Nobody’s untouchable.

Creeper: Hey. You got some of the best f***ing soldados in the game right here. Look around, my boy. Every single one of these m*therf***ers will ride with you until the wheels fall off. Now I’m going to hit Conejo, and I’m going to keep hitting until one of us is dead, and so will he, and so will he. And this sick f*** right here, you don’t think he wants to spill blood, David? These are f***ing riders, David. We got you. Let us do this now.
[David and Creeper embrace]

[as he captures a wounded Creeper; in Spanish and English]
Conejo: You’ll beg for a bullet in the head. But I ain’t going to give you nothing but pain.

Conejo: [to David] A real man knows when to take a knee and serve the stronger master.

Conejo: [to David] The difference between a king and a servant, the servant acts while the king masterminds the whole s**t. I got your boy. He’s alive.
[we see Creeper tied up and bloodied]

Conejo: [to David] I came as a friend and I offered you life. Now I come as an enemy and bring you death.

[David watches via the video call as Creeper is being tortured]
Conejo: Don’t curse me. This is your truth. Your pride cost this. I was sent here on a mission by the real jefes to flip the whole f***ing game over.
David: Alright, m*therf***er! You f***ing made your f***ing point, homey. Leave him alone, m*therf***er.
Conejo: You want a little kindness for your friend? Mercy? Watch. Watch my mercy.
Creeper: F*** you.
[Conejo then proceeds to kill Creeper]

Conejo: [to David] Everything you love is going to die real bad.

David: Listen. We’re on our own.
Alexis: You don’t believe that.
David: I don’t need to. I know it.

Alexis: David, promise me that we’re going to start over, please. Okay?
David: Start over.

[referring to the money he’s dug up from his old family home]
Lupe: How much is that?
David: Over a million and a half.
Lupe: And that’s been there this whole time?
David: Nine years. Me and Creeper robbed an armored car back in the day.
Lupe: Crazy.

Delia: What are you doing, David?
David: I know exactly what the f*** I’m doing.
Delia: Oh, do you?
David: Yeah.
Delia: Don’t let it touch, Alexis. She’s clean. Don’t let the family business touch her. If the hand touches her heart, it will turn black.
David: I got to go.

[after David finds Alexis shot and killed by Conejo in their hotel room]
David: I’m going clean you up, okay? I’m going clean you up, okay, baby?
[as he’s washing the blood off of Alexis]
David: Lord God in heaven, please hear me. I’m a sinner. I’ve always known that. But Alexis is good. She’s good. Please take her by the hand, Lord, and hold her close. She needs lots of love.

[as David remembers what Creeper said to him when they embraced]
Creeper: I’d die for you, my boy.

[after David goes to Boner for help]
Bone: Where’s your crew? Why are you by yourself?
David: Everybody’s gone, man.
Bone: What do you mean, gone? Why are you here, bro?
David: They killed my wife. And they killed Creeper, man. Mexico’s trying to change the structure. They took my kids, man. They took my kids.

Bone: What you need?
David: I need riders with heart. Some m*therf***ing killers with choppers, Bone. I’m alone, Bone. I’m trying to do this s**t by myself, but I ain’t got nobody else, man. I need your help.
Bone: Listen, I’m with you, bro! I’m with you.

[to his men as they are getting ready to help David]
Bone: That’s a good man, right there. He stands for what we stand for. And somebody done took his f***ing kids. I’m not politicking, pushing the line, shot calling, none of that bulls**t. But we’re going so far down the rabbit hole on this one, there might not be no getting back. This is strictly a volunteer mission. Because this s**t is heavy as it gets. And I ain’t never asked y’all to do nothing that I wouldn’t do.

[after they finds David’s kids being kept at Conejo’s grandmother’s house]
Casey: Where’s mommy?
David: She’s not here right now. I’m here.
[referring to Conejo’s grandmother]
Bone: Dave, how are we going to do her?
David: I ain’t going down to his level. Family’s sacred.

[as David is going after Conejo]
Bone: I’m going with you.
David: No. I got to do this alone.
Bone: No, you’re not alone tonight. This is me, and you, till the f***ing wheels fall off. It’s like that.

[as Conejo and David are fighting]
Conejo: All you had to do was say yes, you stupid m*therf***er. You caused this!

[in Spanish; as David overpowers Conejo and beats him to death]
David: For my family, I live! For my family, I die! For my family, I kill!

[David calls Wizard, who’s in jail]
David: Talk to me. F***ing talk to me!
The Wizard: Congratulations. You did it. There were two, and now there is one.
David: How do you know?
The Wizard: I got the devil on my shoulder here whispering in my ear. It came for you and you beat it. Just like I did in my day. You saved me, mijo. You saved me. Now you can stand under your own sky. This pain you feel will go away. But the power, the power is forever.
David: I don’t want that. I want her.

[last lines]
The Wizard: Mijo, I love you.
David: Why are you saying that? Why now? You never said you loved me.
The Wizard: Because I didn’t know who you are. Now I know. You and me, we’re the same. You’re a king.
David: I don’t want it. I don’t want it, dad.
The Wizard: But it wants you, son. It wants you.
David: No. No, I don’t want that.
[David hangs up, Wizard then touches his rosary]
The Wizard: Forgive me.

What do you think of The Tax Collector quotes? Let us know what you think in the comments below as we’d love to know.

Trailer: