Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Bobby Soto, Cinthya Carmona, George Lopez
OUR RATING: ★★½
Crime drama written and directed by David Ayer. The story follows two tax collectors, David (Bobby Soto) and Creeper (Shia LaBeouf), who work for a crime lord named Wizard, collecting his cut from the profits of local gangs. But when Wizard’s old rival returns to Los Angeles from Mexico, his entire business is upended, and David is put in a fight to protect his family.
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[first lines; the alarm goes off as they wake up]
David: Alexis? Are you okay?
Alexis: Are the kids okay?
David: Yeah. They’re fine. They’re fine.
Alexis: That was so real. They ran away. And I could hear the kids yelling like far away, and I could see their footprints on the sand. I followed them. But I couldn’t go in the water. It was like it was glass. And I’m hitting the water, but it’s like a window at an aquarium. And I could see the kids looking at me, and I’m just, It’s just a dream.
David: It’s not real.
Alexis: No, David. It was so real.
[after David pulls out his daughter’s loose tooth]
David: Hey, look, if you swallow it you can’t get all the money from the Tooth Fairy.
Casey: Can I have ten dollars?
David: What? For a tooth?
[as Favi is talking about her date]
David: Is the dude on Tinder? Did he super like you?
Favi: I am on Tinder, David, because not everyone won the marriage lottery.
David: I can’t believe you’re on Tinder.
[as they’re grilling chilies which sets of the smoke alarm]
Favi: Chill with the chilies for one second.
Creeper: What’s up, Lupe? Give me a hug.
Lupe: F*** you. I’m not f***ing hugging you. S**t.
David: Lupe keeps us grounded, huh?
Lupe: Dude, lay off, man.
David: I’m David. This is Creeper.
Creeper: You heard of me?
Creeper: What have you heard, Victor?
Victor: I heard you’re the devil.
Creeper: I might be.
David: [to Victor] Every gang in LA has to pay their f***ing taxes. We get thirty percent of everything you make.
David: [to Victor] Don’t think you can shuck and jive the big homeys and hold money back. You can’t. They’re f***ing psychic.
David: [to Victor] Ain’t s**t on the streets happening they don’t already know about. They’ve got the whole world wired. All the dope you sell, the women you sell, the Paisas you make pay rent. Every movida. Every money lick. Every little tiny transa. The big homeys get their cut. And the Wizard is the king no matter what. Do not test that.
David: [to Victor] I’ve seen m*therf***ers skinned alive, dipped in acid. Arms and legs chain-sawed off, rolling around like a seal pup crying for mama. If your stack’s short, go rob a bank. Rob your own mother. Sell your sister’s pu**y. There’s no excuses.
David: [to Victor] When you’re with us, nobody, and I mean nobody, will f*** with you. Keep your head down.
Creeper: How many times have you given that speech?
David: Too many. Watch his dumb a** get killed too, and I’ll say the same s**t to the next guy.
Creeper: You eat? Check out the cooler. I’ve got cashews, chicken thighs, cheese, broccoli, and mackerel, f***ing everything.
David: What the f*** is this s**t? I don’t want this s**t.
Creeper: Got all my ketogenic meals. I dropped like ten pounds already.
David: Why not just get a f***ing burrito?
Creeper: Because I’m on a mission, dog. Just know this, fool.
David: What’s up?
Creeper: Okay? The human body…
Creeper: …is a machine. Science. Machine needs fuel.
[referring to Victor; to David]
Uncle Louis: Of course he’s nervous as f***. I mean, look at you guys. You guys look like a couple of f***ing monsters. That little dude is used to dealing with little f***ing homeys, and now he’s talking to the f***ing power.
Creeper: Hey, how come I didn’t get an invite to the quince?
David: You can come through.
Creeper: That’s not an invitation. That’s you saying, “Come through because I asked you.” A real invitation is like a nice card with lace edges and s**t.
David: Well, don’t f***ing come through then.
Creeper: I want to come through. I’d like to support your family. I know Alexis gets uncomfortable around me, so I stay away.
David: If you got beef with Alexis, go have coffee with her. You got her number, homey.
Creeper: [laughs] Coffee. Yeah, yeah. I’ll call her up.
David: You really wanted a printed invitation?
David: They’re like twenty bucks each.
Creeper: I thought it would be a nice souvenir.
David: How is it you don’t have no kids, huh?
Creeper: Condoms, IUDs, birth control pills, morning after pills, plan A, plan B, plan C. There’s a lot of options, boy.
David: You’re going to hell, man.
Creeper: Yeah, but I’m at peace with that. I’m not going to argue about Jesus with you.
Creeper: You ever meditate?
David: No, I don’t f*** with that. That s**t’s satanic.
Creeper: Okay, so some people say yoga’s satanic. Some people. They do.
Creeper: I’m doing that mindfulness s**t.
David: What the f*** is that?
Creeper: So first thing in the morning.
Creeper: Clear my head of noise. Boom. Focus on my breathing. Observe my thoughts. Then I lean into my day.
Creeper: [to David] Are we killing anybody today? I’ve got f***ing nice shoes on.
David: M*therf***er got himself killed and had four f***ing kids. Why would you f*** with that? You got the money, pay the f***ing money.
Creeper: It’s greed. These guys are f***ing criminals. It’s in their nature to cheat the system. It’s nothing new.
David: It can happen to us.
David: A short count, or we end up on the wrong side of the politics. I mean, we’ll get smoked.
Creeper: Hey. You’re connected as f***. No one is touching you never.
David: Hey, homey, that s**t smells like a**.
Creeper: This? This is fish. It’s going to have an odor.
David: Like summertime dead body nasty.
Creeper: Well, I’m not going to apologize for it. Maybe you’re too sensitive. I’ve got way more energy on this diet.
David: Yeah, that’s not a good thing.
Bone: I’m going keep it G with you, David. And I know you’ve got your chess pieces, and for sure I’ve got mine. But I want all this s**t to die today. I want to walk away clean and focus on the business, you know what I’m saying? You’re a candle in the darkness. Keep that s**t real with you.
David: What’s up?
Alexis: The count’s twenty grand short.
David: Are you sure?
David: S**t,. I mean, I don’t count it.
Alexis: It’s Big Loma’s gang.
Alexis: [to David] Look, I have a little float that I keep week to week for this kind of thing. But we can’t afford to cover other people’s mistakes.
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