The Tourist Quotes: Needs More Thrills!

(Total Quotes: 75)

Directed by: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Written by:
Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Julian Fellowes
Jérôme Salle Salle
Johnny Depp – Frank Tupelo
Angelina Jolie – Elise Clifton-Ward
Paul Bettany – Inspector John Acheson
Timothy Dalton – Chief Inspector Jones
Steven Berkoff – Reginald Shaw
Rufus Sewell – The Englishman
Christian De Sica – Colonnello Lombardi
Alessio Boni – Sergente Cerato
Daniele Pecci – Tenente Narduzzi
Giovanni Guidelli – Tenente Tommassini
Raoul Bova – Conte Filippo Gaggia
Bruno Wolkowitch – Capitaine Courson


The Tourist quotes are a bit deficient in spark and chemistry but they still manage provide a few comical moments. Sadly, not even the most beautiful actors in the world can light a fire and make this movie what it should have been; exciting and thrilling!

Verdict: At best this comes across as an action comedy with beautiful scenery and very nice eye candy.

The Tourist Quotes


[first English speaking lines; Acheson answers his cell phone]
John Acheson: Yes?
Capitaine Courson: She’s at the usual cafe. She’s speaking with a man. He looks like a messenger, but you said to call you if anything changed in her routine.


[referring to the surveillance camera’s following Elise]
John Acheson: Stay on his face. His face.
Capitaine Courson: Do you think he’s Alexandra Pearce?
John Acheson: I think everybody’s Pearce.


[reading the letter that she received]
Elise: [voice over] Elise, you have no reason to trust me anymore, but give me a chance to explain myself. I know the police are watching you, we have to throw them off the trail. Board the eight-twenty-two, the Gare de Lyon, pick someone my height and build and make them believe it is me. Burn this letter. It is important you follow my instructions precisely. I love you, Alexander.


[Acheson is watching Elise read the letter on the surveillance camera]
John Acheson: It’s from him.
[she burns the letter, Acheson gives instructions to the French police]
John Acheson: Save that letter. Go in now, save that letter.


John Acheson: Well?
Brigadier: The letter is burnt to shit.
John Acheson: Don’t fucking touch it. Get the ashes, take them to the van. I’ll send you someone.


[to Acheson]
Chief Inspector Jones: So, Alexander Pearce has a new face, just as you suspected. I’d have thought it must have taken quite a lot of the money he stole from Reginald Shaw to finance this transformation.
[looks at a picture of the courier that had given the letter to Elise at the cafe earlier]
Chief Inspector Jones: Achmed Tchebali, bicycle courier of Algerian decent. Not only has Pearce acquired a wife and a child, he’s also four inches shorter than he used to be. That must have been a big item of expenditure.
[looks at Acheson]
Chief Inspector Jones: [sarcastically] Congratulations, Acheson. You have indeed cracked this case.


John Acheson: Sir, this morning she received a note and we have strong reason to believe…
Chief Inspector Jones: Alexander Pearce, has seven hundred and forty four million in illegal assets, that given he is a British subject we might seize. This operation so far has cost me eight million. If I thought there were more than a one in a hundred chance you could be successful, it would be rational for me to continue this operation. I do not.


[on the train, Elise has picked Frank to sit opposite]the-tourist-4
Frank Tupelo: I’m sorry.
Elise: What for?
[uncertain what to say, Frank just smiles at her]
Frank Tupelo: Do you mind me smoking? It’s not a real cigarette.
Elise: What?
Frank Tupelo: It’s electronic. It delivers the same amount of nicotine but the smoke is water vapor. Yeah, watch.
[he takes a few drags of the electronic cigarette and stabs the end on his hand]
Frank Tupelo: LED light.
Elise: That’s somewhat disappointing.
Frank Tupelo: Would you rather have me smoking for real?
Elise: I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased.


Elise: I’m Elise.
Frank Tupelo: I’m Frank.
Elise: That’s a terrible name.
Frank Tupelo: [laughing] It’s the only one I’ve got.
Elise: Maybe we can find you another.
Frank Tupelo: Okay.


Frank Tupelo: What brings you to Venice?
Elise: You read spy novels. I’m the mysterious woman on the train, you tell me what my story is.
Frank Tupelo: Okay. Um, I think you could be a diplomatic attaché.
Elise: Hmmm.
Frank Tupelo: Or maybe, a girl from East Germany, who’s father’s been kidnapped and they’re blackmailing you into stealing something for them. Probably a micro-film. There’s usually micro-film involved.
Elise: What awaits me?
Frank Tupelo: Trouble, certainly.
Elise: Danger?
Frank Tupelo: Oh, yeah! You’ll most likely be shot at in less than two chapters.
Elise: Hmm. Is there a man in my life?
Frank Tupelo: Have to wait and see.


Elise: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
Frank Tupelo: What?
[she gives him a look]the-tourist-2
Frank Tupelo: Would you like to have dinner?
Elise: Women don’t like questions.
Frank Tupelo: Join me for dinner.
Elise: Too demanding.
Frank Tupelo: Join me for dinner?
Elise: Another question.
[Frank thinks for a moment]
Frank Tupelo: I’m having dinner, if you’d care to join me.
[Elise smiles at him]


Elise: Musician?
[Frank shakes his head]
Elise: Bar tender?
[Frank shakes his head again]
Elise: I give up.
Frank Tupelo: Math. I teach math.
Elise: I would not have guessed that. I’d imagine you a cool maths teacher though.
Frank Tupelo: Still a math teacher.


[shows him a picture of Frank]
John Acheson: Could this be Pearce?
Acheson’s Assistant: Are we still working on that?
[Acheson doesn’t answer]
Acheson’s Assistant: Well, I only have the sketches to go by so…
[studies the photo of Frank]
Acheson’s Assistant: Ectomorph. Same basic phenotype. Bottom line, it could be him.
John Acheson: I knew he couldn’t leave her. Run a worldwide line check on that face, I bet you ten quid there’s no match.
Acheson’s Assistant: Okay, but what case number do you want to book it under?
John Acheson: Just run it.
Acheson’s Assistant: You really think it’s Pearce?
John Acheson: Run it.


Frank Tupelo: I have a strange feeling that those two people over there are watching us.
Elise: Do you know something? I think you’re right.
Frank Tupelo: Really?
[Elise laughs]
Elise: You’re a paranoid math teacher.


Elise: So, what are you doing all alone in the city of lovers? Is there no one in your life?
Frank Tupelo: There was.
Elise: What happened?
Frank Tupelo: She left me.
Elise: I’m sorry to hear that, Frank.


[after hearing the announcement that train will stop at the end of the line]
Frank Tupelo: I guess I should go and get my suitcase and stuff.
Elise: Goodbye.
Frank Tupelo: Goodbye. Thank you.


Acheson’s Assistant: Sir, I…
John Acheson: Wait.
[reads from the remains of the note that Pearce had sent to Elise]
John Acheson: Pick someone my height and build and make them believe it’s me.
Acheson’s Assistant: We did get an exact match. He’s a maths teacher from Madison Community College. Frank Tupelo. Lost his wife in a car crash three years ago. He’s a tourist.
John Acheson: Thank you.


[Elise is on a boat notices Frank and calls him over]
Elise: Do you want to come with me?
Frank Tupelo: What? Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, I…I could use the lift, yeah. Thank you. That’s very kind.


[in their hotel room he notices Elise looking at the closet full of clothes and jewelry]
Elise: This really is a very nice hotel, isn’t it?
Frank Tupelo: They think of everything, don’t they?


[to his men]
Reginald Shaw: You know he will be with her. They’ll be staying at one of the grand hotels. The Gritti, the Regina, the Danieli. I want you to keep a watch on all of them. You can kill the girl, but you can’t kill him. Not until I have my money that is.


[Elisa all dressed up walks into their sitting room, Frank look at her in shock]
Frank Tupelo: Fuck! You’re ravenous.
Elise: Do you mean, ravishing?
Frank Tupelo: I do.
Elise: You’re ravenous.
Frank Tupelo: I am.
Elise: Come on.


Elise: The um…the scampi and champagne risotto, please.
Waiter Antonio: Excellent choice. Excellent.
Frank Tupelo: He didn’t say that to me. Did he not like my choice?
Elise: Your choice was excellent.


Frank Tupelo: Who is he? Hotels don’t leave gifts like that, do they? Who is he?
Elise: He’s someone who used to be very important to me.
Frank Tupelo: Used to? Are you meeting him in Venice?
Elise: I hope so. Part of me hopes I don’t.
Frank Tupelo: Why?
Elise: Because, I don’t like being told what to do. I don’t like being…summoned. But it felt even worse not hearing from him for two years.


[Frank notices Elise touching her bracelet]
Elise: It’s the um…the Roman god, Janus. My mother gave it to me when I was little. She wanted to teach me that people have two sides. A good side, a bad side, a past, a future. And that we must embrace both in someone we love. And I tried.
Frank Tupelo: What’s he like?
Elise: He’s…different, from anybody I know.
Frank Tupelo: Different’s good. Where I come from, the highest compliment they can offer a person is to say that they’re down to earth, grounded. I hate it. It drives me nuts.


[in their hotel room]
Frank Tupelo: It really was a nice restaurant, wasn’t it? Very nice wine. I’m making us a nice little drink. Which is very nice of me, isn’t it?
[Elise laughs, he hands her the drink]
Elise: Thank you.
Frank Tupelo: Were those flowers here when we checked in?
[she opens and reads the note that was on the flowers]
Elise: It’s an invitation to a ball, two nights from now.
Frank Tupelo: Ah, you’ve been summoned.
Elise: It appears I have.


Frank Tupelo: May I pay you a compliment?the-tourist-1
Elise: Another question you need never ask.
Frank Tupelo: You are the least down to earth person I’ve ever met.
[Elise kisses him and the men camping outside her hotel start taking surveillance pictures]
Elise: It’s been a long day. I do hope the couch will be comfortable. Good night.


[two men are trying to kill Frank, he locks himself in the bathroom and calls the hotel reception]
Frank Tupelo: Hello? Please help!
Hotel Concierge Alessio: Buongiorno signore.
Frank Tupelo: Buongiorno. I…I need help! There are two men trying to break down the door.
Hotel Concierge Alessio: I see, what kind of problem do you have with the door, sir?
Frank Tupelo: No, no, no! There are two men with guns trying to break in! Dos hombres, con…con pistolas!
Hotel Concierge Alessio: Your Spanish is excellent, sir.
Frank Tupelo: Thank you.
[the men shoot their guns at the door]
Frank Tupelo: Ah, I gotta go!
[he drops the phone and goes out the window]
Hotel Concierge Alessio: Sir?
[puts the phone down]
Hotel Concierge Alessio: American!


[on the phone to Acheson]
Sergente Cerato: Commander Acheson, two armed men are chasing the American from yesterday. Shots have been fired. Request permission to intervene.
John Acheson: You still have Elise?
Sergente Cerato: I still have a visual on the Elise Ward, but the American is in imminent danger.
John Acheson: You mean the mathematics teacher from Wisconsin? I’d say not our man, Nate.
Sergente Cerato: Sir, this man is in real peril.
John Acheson: This is exactly why she chose him. To distract us. Stay with her, do not move unless she moves. Am I making myself crystal clear?
Sergente Cerato: Sir, they will kill him.
John Acheson: Not our man, Nate.


[at the police station]
Colonnello Lombardi: Now, you wish to report a murder?
Frank Tupelo: No, some people tried to kill me.
Colonnello Lombardi: I was told you were reporting a murder.
Frank Tupelo: Attempted murder.
Colonnello Lombardi: That’s not so serious.
Frank Tupelo: Mmm, no, not when you downgrade it from a murder. But when you upgrade it from room service it’s quite serious.
Colonnello Lombardi: So is assaulting a police officer.
Frank Tupelo: That was an accident.
Colonnello Lombardi: The officer feels differently.


Frank Tupelo: With all due respect sir, I think maybe I should be talking to someone….someone not Italian. The embassy or Interpol.
Colonnello Lombardi: Interpol?
Frank Tupelo: I’m an American citizen.
Colonnello Lombardi: What does it mean?
Frank Tupelo: I don’t know, but I’m involved in something here and no offense, this is not a local issue.


Colonnello Lombardi: What is it you think you are involved in?
Frank Tupelo: It all started when I met woman on the train from Paris.
Colonnello Lombardi: This is already good.
Frank Tupelo: I know, I know. She took me to her hotel.
Colonnello Lombardi: Ah, bene.
Frank Tupelo: I know. No! She’s involved with another man and I think she’s in love. I
Colonnello Lombardi: I’m sorry to hear that.
Frank Tupelo: I know. Anyway, this man, whatever his story is, some people are obviously trying to kill him.
Colonnello Lombardi: How do you know this?
Frank Tupelo: Because they tried to kill me.
Colonnello Lombardi: They tried to kill you.
Frank Tupelo: Yes! Because they must have thought that I was him.


Colonnello Lombardi: I like you, Mr. Tupelo.
Frank Tupelo: I like you too, sir.
Colonnello Lombardi: But surely you understand how strange this all sounds. Come with me.
[he takes a handcuffed Frank out of his office]
Frank Tupelo: Where are you taking me?
[Frank sees that he’s been taken to a police lock up cell]
Frank Tupelo: Oh, you’re gonna lock me in there?
Colonnello Lombardi: Don’t worry.
Frank Tupelo: Please don’t do this. Sir, I’ve done nothing wrong. Please.
[as he’s locking the cell door]
Colonnello Lombardi: It’s only I check some facts.


[Lombardi enters the cell that he’d locked Frank in earlier in the day]
Colonnello Lombardi: You’re facts checked out. We have to leave. You’re not safe here.
Frank Tupelo: I don’t understand.
Colonnello Lombardi: This has to look right.
[he puts Frank into handcuffs and takes him out of the cell]
Colonnello Lombardi: Come on.


[to Frank]
Colonnello Lombardi: The man you are talking about is called Alexander Pearce. He stole big money from a gangster. They’ve come to Venice to find him. They think you are him. They pays…uh…come si dice. A bounty on your head. That’s why you’re not safe.


[he’s left Frank handcuffed in a boat and meets with Shaw’s bodyguards]
Colonnello Lombardi: You’ve come to buy a key?
[one of the men hands him an envelope filled with money]
Colonnello Lombardi: Brand new bills. I appreciate it.
[he begins to count the money]
Shigalyov: You think we cheat you?
Colonnello Lombardi: Of course not. I just enjoy counting.


[referring to Frank escaping with Elise]
Shigalyov: We tried everything, sir. But he got away.
Reginald Shaw: So I heard. So I heard.
[to his tailor]
Reginald Shaw: They’re referring to the young man who stole two point three billion dollars from me.
Arturo the Tailor: Mama mia!
Reginald Shaw: You know I worked very hard for years so I wouldn’t have to do the dirty work anymore. No more chasing traitors, no more killing. Now I employ people to do those things for me.
[he takes his tailors measuring tape and walks behind Shigalyov]
Reginald Shaw: Accept that you don’t.
[he suddenly starts to strangle Shigalyov to death with the measuring tape]


[after he’s just killed his bodyguard Shigalyov he walks up to the mirror and looks at his suit]
Reginald Shaw: Does it look all right?
[his bodyguards look scared]
Fedka: Yes.
Virginsky: Like always
Reginald Shaw: What’s always?
Virginsky: Very good.
Reginald Shaw: Yes, I think it looks all right.


Total Quotes: 75



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