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Starring: Nicolas Cage, Pedro Pascal, Neil Patrick Harris, Tiffany Haddish, Sharon Horgan, Ike Barinholtz, Alessandra Mastronardi, Jacob Scipio, Lily Sheen
Action comedy directed and co-written by Tom Gormican. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) follows the fictionalized version of Nicolas Cage, who is feeling creatively unfulfilled and facing financial ruin, begrudgingly accepts to make a paid appearance at a billionaire super fan’s, Javi Gutierrez (Pedro Pascal), birthday party. Things take an unexpected turn when Cage is recruited by a CIA operative, Vivian (Tiffany Haddish), and forced to live up to his own legend, channeling his most iconic and beloved on-screen characters in order to save himself and his loved ones.
We’ll add the best quotes once the movie is released and we’ve had a chance to watch it, but for now, here’s a small selection.
Cage’s Agent: Nick, you’ve been living at the Sunset Tower for over a year.
Nicolas Cage: They love having me there.
Cage’s Agent: You owe them six hundred thousand dollars.
Nicolas Cage: Okay, I’m going to deal with all that. But I’m going to get this next role, and when I do, all of that changes. Then I’m back.
Cage’s Agent: Not that you went anywhere.
Cage’s Agent: We got another offer.
Nicolas Cage: What’s it about?
Cage’s Agent: You head to Southern Spain and attend a wealthy gentleman’s birthday party.
Nicolas Cage: I would never do that.
Cage’s Agent: It’s a millions bucks, Nick.
Nicolas Cage: [over phone] I’ll take it.
Vivian: Nicolas Cage! Oh, my God! I love you!
Vivian: He was so good in The Rock.
Man: What about Gone in 60 Seconds?
Vivian: Have you seen Croods 2?
Man: No, I’m forty-four years-old! Why in the f*** would I see Croods 2? I’ve seen Face/Off and Con Air.
Nicolas Cage: The guy that owns this house, what’s his name?
Javi Gutierrez: Javi.
Nicolas Cage: Yeah. Javi.
Javi Gutierrez: Mr. Cage…
Nicolas Cage: Excuse me. Is Javi going to want me to, you know?
Javi Gutierrez: I’m not sure I understand.
Nicolas Cage: Look, if Javi wants me to f*** his wife, or watch me watch him f*** his wife, that’s a no-go. You understand? That’s no bueno.
Javi Gutierrez: I am Javi.
Nicolas Cage: [pauses, then does the fist and palm salute] Nick Cage.
Girl: Nicolas Cage. That’s f***ing cool.
Javi Gutierrez: I am so happy that you are here.
Nicolas Cage: [referring to the statue of himself, to Javi] Is this supposed to me? It’s grotesque. I’ll give you twenty thousand for it.
Nicolas Cage: What have you got there?
Javi Gutierrez: Divine inspiration.
Javi Gutierrez: I’m paranoid.
Nicolas Cage: Let’s just get up on the count of three and run.
Javi Gutierrez: [gets up and runs] They’re coming!
Nicolas Cage: Grab my hand!
Nicolas Cage: [as Cage tries to lift Javi] You’re heavier than you look.
Javi Gutierrez: I have a very big head. You go!
Nicolas Cage: I’ll never forget you, Javs.
Javi Gutierrez: [walks around the wall] Mr. Cage? It turns out we could have just walked around.
Nicolas Cage: Wow. I guess so.