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Starring: Nicolas Cage, Pedro Pascal, Neil Patrick Harris, Tiffany Haddish, Sharon Horgan, Ike Barinholtz, Alessandra Mastronardi, Jacob Scipio, Lily Sheen
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Story:
Action comedy directed and co-written by Tom Gormican. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) follows the fictionalized version of Nicolas Cage, who is feeling creatively unfulfilled and facing financial ruin, begrudgingly accepts to make a paid appearance at a billionaire super fan’s, Javi Gutierrez (Pedro Pascal), birthday party. Things take an unexpected turn when Cage is recruited by a CIA operative, Vivian (Tiffany Haddish), and forced to live up to his own legend, channeling his most iconic and beloved on-screen characters in order to save himself and his loved ones.
Our Favorite Quotes:
'It's just a matter of time before the great power plant upstairs turns off the juice and we retreat to the black pit of nothingness from whence we came.' - Nick Cage (The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes
Nick Cage: Well, you know what? I’m going to read. “It’s a foregone conclusion, Jimmy. It takes thirteen milliseconds for the human brain to send a message to the body. So, by the time your bullets hit me, my cerebral cortex will have transmitted a signal to the seventeen healthy muscles that operate my trigger finger. And before your a**hole has had a chance to pucker up, your medulla oblongata will be splattered on a f***ing wall behind you. And if that’s the last thing I accomplish on this beautiful green Earth, well, then, ha, I say, ha, what a way to f***ing go.”
Director: Holy s**t.
Nick Cage: I can do another if you want.
Nicky: Because, honestly, man, you really need this.
Nick Cage: What? What is that supposed to mean?
Nicky: You get it. This could be a game changer.
Nick Cage: I don’t need a game changer. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, I’ll just keep working. That’s what I do.
Nicky: I’m just saying, you could be a little more strategic. Make more movie star choices. It’s like Miles Davis told me, “Sometimes, it’s the notes you don’t play.”
Nick Cage: Miles Davis was a heroin addict. I mean, I love him, he was a maestro, but I’m happy. I’m healthy when I’m working. I’m an actor.
Nicky: No, you’re a f***ing movie star! And don’t you ever forget that!
Nick Cage: I need this. This could be a game changer.
Therapist: So, you’re not happy with how your career is going, because you seem to be working all the time.
Nick Cage: Well, I never viewed it as a career, only as work. And what’s wrong with that? I mean, in any other job, hard work is something to behold. But with film performance, “You’re making too many movies, Nick. You’re working too hard, Nick. Have the audience miss you more, Nick.” I mean, “Hello, it’s my job. I pay my bills. I feed my family. You’re annoying.”
Therapist: So, what’s the worry here, Nick? You’ve lost some of your ability, your talent as an actor?
Nick Cage: No. No, it’s just that I really want this. This is the role of a lifetime. It’s a great part.
Therapist: Addy, how do you think your dad’s anxiety over his career has affected you?
Addy Cage: Well, his career is pretty much the only thing we talk about. That or he makes me watch old movies, and then discuss them. Which is really just him lecturing me for two hours.
Nick Cage: It’s a conversation. It’s more of a conversation.
Olivia: What happened?
Nick Cage: Oh, she’s mad at me because we watched Cabinet of Dr. Caligari together, and she hated it, which I find odd, given how mature her taste normally is.
Olivia: Wait, you’re surprised your teenage daughter didn’t want to watch an insane one hundred year-old German film with you?
Nick Cage: Yes.
Nick Cage: You know, she’s never read Mary Shelley, or Jane Austen, or even Twain.
Olivia: What a little philistine. Should we disown her?
Nick Cage: She thought Humphrey Bogart was a porn star.
Olivia: Yeah. Oh, what, really?
Nick Cage: Yeah.
Olivia: That’s disappointing. Unless there is a porn star called Humphrey Bogart. That would work, wouldn’t it? Humphrey. Hump. No?
Richard Fink: So, Nick, we got another offer. Just came in this morning.
Nick Cage: Excellent. What’s it about?
Richard Fink: It’s about a million bucks.
Nick Cage: What is it?
'You have a gift. And that gift brings light and joy to an increasingly dark and broken world! And to turn your back on that gift, is to turn your back on the entire human race.' - Javi Gutierrez Click To Tweet
Nick Cage: A birthday party, Fink? What are you even talking about?
Richard Fink: You go, and I don’t know, tell some stories, make them laugh.
Nick Cage: Make them laugh? Like a circus clown? A trained seal?
Richard Fink: Nick, I got a call from your business manager, Kenny. You’ve been living at the Sunset Tower for over a year.
Nick Cage: And so? They love having me there.
Richard Fink: You owe them six hundred thousand dollars. They sent the bills to Kenny.
Nick Cage: I’ll take care of it.
Richard Fink: Kenny says you still have substantial debts. And now, the divorce, and your spending habits, and…
Nick Cage: Okay, I’m going to deal with all that, Fink. You know I will. But I’m going to get this next role. And when I do, all of that changes. Then, I’m back. And, by the way, not that I went anywhere.
Richard Fink: Not that you went anywhere.
Nick Cage: You never s**t on yourself.
Nick Cage: [over phone, referring to the director] What did he say?
Richard Fink: He said he loves you, but he ultimately went in a different direction for the role. Sorry, dude.
Nick Cage: [to Addy] I’m so excited to see what you do with your life, honey. And I’ll support whatever you choose. Only, I wouldn’t recommend a life in the arts. Especially, with how real talent goes unappreciated in this s**thole town.
Olivia: I need you.
Nick Cage: You need me?
Olivia: [referring to Addy] I need you to get your s**t together, Nick. Okay? She’s not two years old anymore. She is a smart girl who needs her dad. She doesn’t need this guy.
Nick Cage: [over phone] The Majorca thing…
Richard Fink: What? The birthday party? So depressing. I am honestly sorry for even bringing it up.
Nick Cage: I’ll take it.
Richard Fink: It’s going to be great.
Nick Cage: It better be, because when it’s over, I’m done. Like hot dogs on a grill.
Nick Cage: [over phone] I’m quitting acting. So, you can call the trades, and tell them I said it was a tremendous honor to be a small part of one of the oldest of human traditions, storytelling, and mythmaking.
Richard Fink: Ah, f***, man. I’m sorry. I’m driving through the hills. One more time.
Vivian: [over phone] Martin, talk to me. Who’s on the plane?
Martin: I don’t know if I’m losing my goddamn mind, but I’m pretty sure that’s the actor Nick Cage.
Vivian: That m**herf***er from Moonstruck?
Martin: Moonstruck? No. From Face/Off!
Vivian: Nicolas Cage! Oh, my God! You’re so f***ing awesome! I love you!
Nick Cage: Oh, thank you.
Vivian: Oh, me and my nephew Raymond, just watched Croods 2. Dude! Cracked us up. Can I get a selfie?
Vivian: [over phone] Have you seen Croods 2?
Martin: No! I’m forty-four years-old! Why the f*** would I see Croods 2?
'Nick Cage smooches good!' - Nicky (The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent) Click To Tweet
Nick Cage: [over phone] I mean, what do we know about this guy anyway? Is he a Spanish Dr. No? Is he into something strange?
Richard Fink: Allan did some research. Hold on. Allan, what does this guy do?
Allan: He owns olive groves apparently. Also, he wrote this screenplay, and he wants Nick to star in it.
Richard Fink: Throw that in the f***ing trash. Nick, you’re fine. It’s not like he’s going to want you to suck his d**k, or f*** his wife, or watch you watch him f*** his wife.
Nick Cage: I wouldn’t think so.
Richard Fink: Relax. Have fun, and give me a call when it’s done. You can tell me all about it.
Nick Cage: The guy that owns this house, what’s his name?
Javi Gutierrez: Javi.
Nick Cage: Yeah, Javi. Is Javi going to want me to, you know?
Javi Gutierrez: I’m not sure I understand.
Nick Cage: Look, if Javi wants me to suck his d**k, or f*** his wife, or watch me watch him f*** his wife, that’s a no-go. You understand? It’s no bueno.
Javi Gutierrez: I think so.
Nick Cage: Okay. And if Javi…
Javi Gutierrez: I am Javi.
Nick Cage: [pauses, then does the fist and palm salute] Nick Cage.
Javi Gutierrez: [referring to Cage] He was incredible.
Gabriela: Was he?
Javi Gutierrez: But also like super cool. He was a little taller than I had imagined, because you know they say actors are pretty short.
Gabriela: So, was he short?
Javi Gutierrez: No.
Gabriela: No?
Javi Gutierrez: He was just right.
Gabriela: What are you working on next?
Nick Cage: Well, that’s a tough question for an actor to get, but it’s fine. Because I’m no longer an actor. I’ve retired.
Javi Gutierrez: What? What do you mean, retired?
Lucas Gutierrez: So, what are you going to do now?
Nick Cage: Live the life of a house cat. Because it’s just a matter of time before the great power plant upstairs turns off the juice and we retreat to the black pit of nothingness from whence we came.
Gabriela: So, tell us about making The Rock.
Lucas Gutierrez: Bet you wish you were still making movies like that, huh, Mr. Cage?
Must have been nice to have been a star. And now…
Gabriela: Mr. Cage. If Mr. Gutierrez is asking you to go with him and see the cliffs, you’re going to go with him and see the cliffs. And you’re going to love the cliffs. Even if you hate the cliffs! Are we clear?
Nick Cage: Stop! I am your guest! Gabriela ripped the bedspread off me this morning! Now you’re sending me on like a wild goose chase!
Javi Gutierrez: I’m sorry. But you can’t stop acting! You can’t!
Nick Cage: That’s none of your business.
Javi Gutierrez: Whether you like it or not, you have a gift. And that gift brings light and joy to an increasingly dark and broken world! And to turn your back on that gift, is to turn your back on the entire human race.
Nick Cage: The human race?
Javi Gutierrez: I’m afraid so.
Nick Cage: [as they jump off the cliff] I didn’t know there was a cliff! I didn’t know it was that high! We could have died!
Javi Gutierrez: How did you meet Olivia?
Nick Cage: She was a make-up artist on Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.
Javi Gutierrez: Beautiful film.
Nick Cage: Thank you. Underrated for sure.
'I should always trust my shamanic instincts as a thespian.' - Nick Cage (The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent) Click To Tweet
Javi Gutierrez: Mr. Cage, what is your favorite movie?
Nick Cage: Oh, favorite movie? Oh, wow! I mean, that’s one of those questions that’s impossible to answer. Because, you see, a hundred plus years of rich cinema. You can’t just limit it to one. It depends upon your mood, the seasons.
Nick Cage: What is your third favorite movie of all time?
Javi Gutierrez: Paddington 2.
Nick Cage: What?! Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Paddington 2. Connect those dots. I mean, I don’t want to be a snob, but…
Javi Gutierrez: I cried through the entire thing. It made me want to be a better man.
Nick Cage: Bulls**t, man!
Nick Cage: [as he’s crying watching the movie] Paddington 2 is incredible.
Javi Gutierrez: I f***ing told you.
Nick Cage: Oh. Hey, Nicky.
Nicky: So, you’re unretired then?
Nick Cage: That’s the idea.
Trailer: