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Home / Best Quotes / Vacation Friends (2021) Best Movie Quotes

Vacation Friends (2021) Best Movie Quotes

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Starring: John Cena, Lil Rel Howery, Yvonne Orji, Meredith Hagner, Lynn Whitfield, Robert Wisdom, Tawny Newsome

OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆

Story:

Comedy directed and co-written by Clay Tarver. Vacation Friends (2021) centers on straight-laced couple Marcus and Emily (Lil Rel Howery and Yvonne Orji), who are befriended by thrill-seeking partiers Ron and Kyla (John Cena and Meredith Hagner) at a resort in Mexico. Months later Marcus and Emily are horrified when Ron and Kyla show up uninvited at their wedding, creating chaos, and proving that what happens on vacation, doesn’t necessarily stay on vacation.

 

Best Quotes


 

Emily: [as they see Ron and Kyla jet skiing] They look like they’re having fun. We should try that.
Marcus: That looks fun to you?
Emily: Yes.
Marcus: That’s the reason why you don’t see a lot of Black paraplegics. You know why? Because we don’t do stupid s**t like that. Look at them. They riding around like they got no insurance.


 

Maurillio: You know, a lot of people have issues with three star hotels, but they are just as good as five star hotels. Yeah, after three, it’s like too much, you know?


 

Marcus: Maurillio, you do know how important this trip is to us, man.
Maurillio: Yes, of course. We want your proposal to be perfect.
Emily: Proposal?
Maurillio: Oh, s**t. No, no. I will fix this. Emily. I am sorry. I cannot fix it.
Marcus: F*** you, Maurillio!
Maurillio: That’s fair.


 

Kyla: You’re not going to believe this. I just screamed in there.
Marcus: Yeah, we heard you.
Kyla: Are you sure it was me?
Emily: Yeah. Pretty certain.


 

Ron: Kyla and I always say if we find ourselves with too much money, we haven’t been spending it fast enough.
Marcus: That’s one way to live.
Ron: You know, they say money buys you freedom. But how can you really be free if you’re thinking about making money all the time?
Marcus: Well, I guess it’s your welfare checks I’ve been paying.
Ron: Possibly. Possibly, Marcus.


 

Emily: So, Ron,  what park do you work at?
Ron: Oh. Oregon National Cave Monument. It’s in Oregon.
Marcus: Woh. You work in caves?
Ron: I’m like Batman. If Batman’s job was to keep kids from jacking off stalagmites.


 

Marcus: Quick question. Why does the salt not taste salty?
Ron: Oh, because it’s cocaine.
Emily: What?!
Marcus: You drugged us?


 

Marcus: What is wrong with you? Why would you put cocaine in margaritas?
Ron: Because we’re on vacation.
Marcus: I don’t do drugs.
Kyla: Even on vacation?
Marcus: No!


 

Emily: Where did you get the coke from, anyway?
Kyla: We actually brought it from home. Very, very easy if you ever want to try it. It’s just a Ziploc in a full shampoo bottle.
Ron: The scanners can’t see it. Dogs can’t smell it. And it’s so much more comfortable than when I had it in my a**. You guys want nibbles?


 

Marcus: [referring to Ron and Kyla] They’re not weird? They’re the only people I’ve ever heard of to smuggle drugs into Mexico.


 

Ron: Goddamn, sailing makes my d**k hard. I’m almost at half-mast.


 

Marcus: What type of skill set do you got to have just to predict when a bird going to s**t? It’s weird, but it’s impressive.
Ron: I’ll take it.


 

Marcus: Y’all not mad at me for crashing your boat?
Ron: Mad? Are you kidding me? Come on! Nobody’s dead, right?
Kyla: Plus, you guys, how lame would our story be if it was just like a regular old day of sailing?
Ron: You flipped a catamaran!


 

Kyla: [referring to her and Ron] Spiritually, we’ve probably been married six, or seven times. But like governmentally, you know, with the license, we just never really saw the point.


 

Marcus: You know, when we first saw y’all on this trip, we thought y’all was crazy. I mean, I was right. I mean, y’all are like f***ing nuts. But in a good way, man. I’m glad I met you, Ron. Like for real.


 

Ron: A kiss on the forehead is the ultimate sign of respect. I learned that from a sheikh in Kuwait.
Marcus: A forehead kiss is really intimate. You know that, right? Like I almost proposed to you.


 

Ron: [referring to his gun] De oppresso liber. It’s a phrase that has special meaning to people such as myself, Marcus. A reminder that a powerful weapon like this should only be used when absolutely necessary. Now, put that bottle on your head. I’m going to shoot it off.


 

Kyla: It’s fine. We play this game at home all the time.
Marcus: Babe, he’s not serious. We been drinking, and we been smoking.
Ron: [suddenly shoots the bottle on top of Marcus’s head] Count it!
Marcus: What the f***?!
Kyla: You hit the bottle this time!


 

Kyla: Well, my dad never got to meet Ron.
Emily: Oh, no! Sorry. Did he die?
Kyla: No. San Quentin’s just so far.

 

'A wise man told me once to just float.' - Marcus (Vacation Friends) Click To Tweet

 

Ron: Allow me to introduce to you, for the first time in sacred matrimony, Marcus and Emily Parker!
Kyla: May this be the worst day of the rest of your f***ing life!
Emily: What?
Kyla: Think about it.


 

Ron: Guys, we got to do this again. The four of us are too good together not to!
Kyla: Yes! Oh, my God. You guys should come out for the Oregon State Fair next month!
Ron: Yeah! It’s in Oregon. We go every year. Last year, we took a double dose of DMT.
Kyla: Yeah, don’t worry. It’s all natural. It’s just the chemical your brain releases when you die.


 

Ron: You guys are in our lives now. Nothing’s ever going to change that.
Marcus: Yeah. You know, it would be nice if, you know, you keep what happened here, here.


 

Marcus: Why did you say see you later? That leaves the door open.
Emily: I don’t know. I was trying to be vague. And who says “farewell”? What are you? Othello?
Marcus: Farewell sounds final, okay? I don’t want to see those freaks again. Do you?
Emily: I don’t know. They were kind of fun.
Marcus: Yes, on vacation. Not in the real world.


 

Nancy: [to Marcus] Ooh, I’m so glad to be out that car. Your father farting the whole way.
Larry: You know I got the diverticulitis.


 

Marcus: You talked about farting. Nobody care about dad’s gas like that. And, dad, you can’t tell nobody how much you spent on the gift.
Larry: What’s the point in spending so much money then?


 

Ron: [to Marcus and Emily] You son of a b**ch! You said we were best friends!
Kyla: Yeah. What the hell? You a**holes. How could you not invite us to your wedding? That’s like f***ed up!
[Ron and Kyla start to laugh]
Kyla: Oh, my God!


 

Emily: What are you two doing here?
Kyla: Oh! Well, you guys, we were so confused why you didn’t call after México. I mean, come on. We were literally sitting by the phone for a week, being like, “What?”
Ron: But it was my bad. Because the card I gave you, old card. You had no way to call.
Kyla: Yeah. So we did a little Internet stalking. And then we found out you guys were registered at Williams-Sonoma in beautiful Atlanta.
Ron: From there, it was easy.


 

Ron: [to Emily’s dad, Harold] I’m Ron. This is Kyla. Met these two animals down in Mexico. Got to know each other. Intimately.

See more Vacation Friends Quotes


 

Marcus: [referring to Ron] How in the hell did they let that maniac in the military? He’s the most irresponsible person I’ve ever met.
Emily: And somehow, he is charming my dad.


 

Marcus: This only happened because you said, “See you later.”
Emily: I said it without meaning it, like any decent person would.


 

Kyla: I went to the doctor, and they found a growth in my abdomen.
Emily: Oh, my God. I’m so sorry.
Kyla: Yeah, and the doctor, I guess he says it’s only going to get bigger.
Marcus: Can they operate on it?
Kyla: Unfortunately, they can’t. They can’t. Sorry. They can’t.
Ron: The doctors say it’s going to come out on its own. Through her v***na.
Emily: Huh?
Kyla: I’m preggers!
Marcus: That’s how you’re going to make that announcement? By having us think that you had cancer?!


 

Marcus: You going to eat that s**t?
Ron: Yeah, dude. It’s a superfood. And it only grows in a rare section of the loblolly pine ecosystem.
Marcus: Okay, how you know all this weird crap?
Ron: Licensed edible forager, man. Any self-respecting ranger is. Try some?
Marcus: No, I’m good on the tree pubes.


 

Ron: Jackpot. Oh, man. Okay, look. I know you’re not a big drug guy, but if you ever want to unlock the doors to perception, this, my friend, is the key.
Marcus: Wait, what?
Ron: Primarily found in Spain, but around here, we call it the Devil’s D**k. Most potent magic mushroom on Earth. You eat one of these babies, not only will you talk to God, you’ll find a rent-controlled apartment and move in together.


 

Marcus: [referring to the magic mushroom] I ate it.
Ron: Why?
Marcus: You told me to!
Ron: I said, “Jackpot,” and that’s it. I didn’t say, “Eat it.”
Marcus: Man, you are crazy, okay? Everything you touch turn into drugs! Okay?


 

Marcus: What’s going to happen to me? Am I about to die?
Ron: No, no. You’re not going to die. Okay? Part of you is going to die, but it’s going to be reborn. You’ll be fine.


 

Kyla: I’m going to have meaningful connections with literally every single person here. I was just so busy talking to Grandma Phyllis last night that I couldn’t make the rounds.
Emily: No, Phyllis barely even speaks.
Kyla: She’s a major, major chatterbox deep down.


 

Ron: Did you hear that?
Marcus: I heard it. I didn’t know I could hear. It’s like, I know I can see s**t, but I didn’t know I was hearing s**t too.


 

Marcus: I really don’t get you.
Ron: What’s there to get?
Marcus: I mean, everywhere we go, chaos happens. Right? But everybody else panics, but not you. You stay calm and collected. Like you don’t worry about any of it.


 

Harold: [as they’re about to play golf] Lieutenant, good to see you. Hope you’re comfortable in a foursome.
Ron: As long as there’s at least one girl involved.


 

Marcus: Where did you get all that cash from?
Ron: I pawned the wedding rings.
Marcus: No, you didn’t.
Ron: No, I did.


 

Ron: [to Gabe] One shot. I stick it on the 18th green from here, we win. I miss by an inch, we lose.
Marcus: Ron. Ron. I can’t do that.
Ron: Come on. You can, man. Remember, just float.
Marcus: What the f*** you mean floating? F*** floating!


 

Ron: See, man? Just like I told you. You just got to float, and somehow it all works out. You feel better?
Marcus: Did you ask me if I feel better?
Ron: Yeah.
Marcus: Are you serious? Do I feel better? You know how close that was? If I had lost these rings, that whole family would’ve been on my a**!


 

Ron: You’re choking me.
Marcus: I know exactly what I’m doing.
Ron: Marcus, I’m trained to escape this. But I won’t. You’re my friend. I think you need to express your feelings here.
Marcus: Feelings? I feel great. I feel so good. This the best I’ve felt all f***ing weekend.


 

Ron: [as Marcus is choking him] Back before Mexico, the doctors said I could never have a baby. They said I was sterile.
Marcus: Wait, wait. What?
Ron: I went to see a bunch of specialists. Out of pocket cost is so damn high with the deductibles. I should have…
Marcus: Get to the f***ing point!
Ron: Back in Mexico, Kyla got pregnant. And it’s because of you.


 

Ron: [giving a speech to the guests] Never in my life did I think I’d have another friend like Charlie. And then Marcus and I crossed paths in Mexico, and I know. I know. I’m not supposed to talk about Mexico. It was just that moment where Emily and Marcus became like family to Kyla and me. But little did we know just how much like family we would become.


 

Marcus: [to the guests] I unintentionally gave this woman a baby. So now she’s carrying my child. It is what it is. That’s my baby.
Kyla: Actually, no. We just wanted to share with you that it’s a boy, and we’re going to name him Marcus in your honor.
Ron: You’re not the father. He’s not the father. I am.


 

Harold: Did you have sex with that woman?
Marcus: I’m honestly very confused right now.
Emily: No, daddy, he didn’t.
Harold: How would you know?
Emily: I just do, okay?
Harold: No! How would you know?
Emily: Because I did!
Kyla: It’s true. She did. It was hot.
Ron: I can vouch. Super hot.


 

Kyla: They’re not drugs. They’re herbs. Dr. Adolphus, no, he’s a homeopathic doctor.
Emily: Bulls**t! You said he got in trouble with the law.
Kyla: Yeah, for selling raw milk.
Ron: Oregon’s just not as liberal as people think.


 

Kyla: We were just trying to be nice.
Emily: “Trying to be nice” just blew up my f***ing wedding!
Marcus: And this the crazy part about it. We have no idea why you’re here, because we didn’t even invite you.
Ron: Marcus, we’re here because we’re your friends.
Marcus: Friends? You think we’re friends? We’re not friends, okay! We were just vacation friends for one week in Mexico! We didn’t plan on seeing y’all again, at all! That’s why I didn’t give you my phone number!


 

Marcus: [to Ron] I’m going to tell you something, we had enough! We’re done. So do us a favor, and float the f*** out of here!


 

Emily: Grandma. I’m sorry about last night.
Grandma Phyllis: You mean when you stuck your hand down my throat. It happens.
Emily: Does it?


 

Emily: [reading Kyla’s note] “Emily, you’re the sister I never had because my real sister is a B-I-T-C-H. I guess it doesn’t work to spell out bad words when you’re writing. And meeting Marcus has brought Ron back to life. You wouldn’t know it, but he’s been in a s**t ton of pain since he lost his best friend, Charlie. When Charlie died, half of Ron died with him. Or at least it did until you guys came along. I’m sorry we cocked up your whole weekend. To make up for it, Ron spent all morning getting these back. PS, I’d wash them before you put them on.”
[opens the box to reveal their wedding rings]


 

Emily: You guys are not just vacation friends. You’re real friends, and we should have treated you like that.
Marcus: So please come back to the wedding. I can’t get married without my best man.
Ron: Pretty words. How do we know you mean them?
[Marcus kisses Ron’s forehead]


 

Ron: They did come all the way down here. Marcus kissed me on the forehead, in a Waffle House.
Kyla: That’s huge. Okay. We will come to your wedding, but you have to promise to do something for me.
Emily: Sure. What is it?
Kyla: You both have to promise that you will come to ours.


 

Emily: [about marriage] What changed your mind?
Kyla: Well, Ron and I want to do what’s best for Marcus.
Marcus: Why do y’all want to do what’s best for me?
Kyla: No, Marcus. Marcus. Our son who we’re literally naming after you.


 

Marcus: I would like to propose a toast to the new couple, that is not only our new favorite couple, these are our best friends. We love you so much. Congratulations to Ron and Kyla!


 

Ron: Hard to believe I’m a married man now. It’s a lot of responsibility.
Marcus: Think you’re ready for it?
Ron: Yeah. Any advice?
Marcus: A wise man told me once to just float.

 


 

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