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Starring: John Cena, Lil Rel Howery, Yvonne Orji, Meredith Hagner, Lynn Whitfield, Robert Wisdom, Tawny Newsome
OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆
Comedy directed and co-written by Clay Tarver. Vacation Friends (2021) centers on straight-laced couple Marcus and Emily (Lil Rel Howery and Yvonne Orji), who are befriended by thrill-seeking partiers Ron and Kyla (John Cena and Meredith Hagner) at a resort in Mexico. Months later Marcus and Emily are horrified when Ron and Kyla show up uninvited at their wedding, creating chaos, and proving that what happens on vacation, doesn’t necessarily stay on vacation.
Emily: [as they see Ron and Kyla jet skiing] They look like they’re having fun. We should try that.
Marcus: That looks fun to you?
Marcus: That’s the reason why you don’t see a lot of Black paraplegics. You know why? Because we don’t do stupid s**t like that. Look at them. They riding around like they got no insurance.
Maurillio: You know, a lot of people have issues with three star hotels, but they are just as good as five star hotels. Yeah, after three, it’s like too much, you know?
Marcus: Maurillio, you do know how important this trip is to us, man.
Maurillio: Yes, of course. We want your proposal to be perfect.
Maurillio: Oh, s**t. No, no. I will fix this. Emily. I am sorry. I cannot fix it.
Marcus: F*** you, Maurillio!
Maurillio: That’s fair.
Kyla: You’re not going to believe this. I just screamed in there.
Marcus: Yeah, we heard you.
Kyla: Are you sure it was me?
Emily: Yeah. Pretty certain.
Ron: Kyla and I always say if we find ourselves with too much money, we haven’t been spending it fast enough.
Marcus: That’s one way to live.
Ron: You know, they say money buys you freedom. But how can you really be free if you’re thinking about making money all the time?
Marcus: Well, I guess it’s your welfare checks I’ve been paying.
Ron: Possibly. Possibly, Marcus.
Emily: So, Ron, what park do you work at?
Ron: Oh. Oregon National Cave Monument. It’s in Oregon.
Marcus: Woh. You work in caves?
Ron: I’m like Batman. If Batman’s job was to keep kids from jacking off stalagmites.
Marcus: Quick question. Why does the salt not taste salty?
Ron: Oh, because it’s cocaine.
Marcus: You drugged us?
Marcus: What is wrong with you? Why would you put cocaine in margaritas?
Ron: Because we’re on vacation.
Marcus: I don’t do drugs.
Kyla: Even on vacation?
Emily: Where did you get the coke from, anyway?
Kyla: We actually brought it from home. Very, very easy if you ever want to try it. It’s just a Ziploc in a full shampoo bottle.
Ron: The scanners can’t see it. Dogs can’t smell it. And it’s so much more comfortable than when I had it in my a**. You guys want nibbles?
Marcus: [referring to Ron and Kyla] They’re not weird? They’re the only people I’ve ever heard of to smuggle drugs into Mexico.
Ron: Goddamn, sailing makes my d**k hard. I’m almost at half-mast.
Marcus: What type of skill set do you got to have just to predict when a bird going to s**t? It’s weird, but it’s impressive.
Ron: I’ll take it.
Marcus: Y’all not mad at me for crashing your boat?
Ron: Mad? Are you kidding me? Come on! Nobody’s dead, right?
Kyla: Plus, you guys, how lame would our story be if it was just like a regular old day of sailing?
Ron: You flipped a catamaran!
Kyla: [referring to her and Ron] Spiritually, we’ve probably been married six, or seven times. But like governmentally, you know, with the license, we just never really saw the point.
Marcus: You know, when we first saw y’all on this trip, we thought y’all was crazy. I mean, I was right. I mean, y’all are like f***ing nuts. But in a good way, man. I’m glad I met you, Ron. Like for real.
Ron: A kiss on the forehead is the ultimate sign of respect. I learned that from a sheikh in Kuwait.
Marcus: A forehead kiss is really intimate. You know that, right? Like I almost proposed to you.
Ron: [referring to his gun] De oppresso liber. It’s a phrase that has special meaning to people such as myself, Marcus. A reminder that a powerful weapon like this should only be used when absolutely necessary. Now, put that bottle on your head. I’m going to shoot it off.
Kyla: It’s fine. We play this game at home all the time.
Marcus: Babe, he’s not serious. We been drinking, and we been smoking.
Ron: [suddenly shoots the bottle on top of Marcus’s head] Count it!
Marcus: What the f***?!
Kyla: You hit the bottle this time!
Kyla: Well, my dad never got to meet Ron.
Emily: Oh, no! Sorry. Did he die?
Kyla: No. San Quentin’s just so far.
'A wise man told me once to just float.' - Marcus (Vacation Friends) Click To Tweet
Ron: Allow me to introduce to you, for the first time in sacred matrimony, Marcus and Emily Parker!
Kyla: May this be the worst day of the rest of your f***ing life!
Kyla: Think about it.
Ron: Guys, we got to do this again. The four of us are too good together not to!
Kyla: Yes! Oh, my God. You guys should come out for the Oregon State Fair next month!
Ron: Yeah! It’s in Oregon. We go every year. Last year, we took a double dose of DMT.
Kyla: Yeah, don’t worry. It’s all natural. It’s just the chemical your brain releases when you die.
Ron: You guys are in our lives now. Nothing’s ever going to change that.
Marcus: Yeah. You know, it would be nice if, you know, you keep what happened here, here.
Marcus: Why did you say see you later? That leaves the door open.
Emily: I don’t know. I was trying to be vague. And who says “farewell”? What are you? Othello?
Marcus: Farewell sounds final, okay? I don’t want to see those freaks again. Do you?
Emily: I don’t know. They were kind of fun.
Marcus: Yes, on vacation. Not in the real world.
Nancy: [to Marcus] Ooh, I’m so glad to be out that car. Your father farting the whole way.
Larry: You know I got the diverticulitis.
Marcus: You talked about farting. Nobody care about dad’s gas like that. And, dad, you can’t tell nobody how much you spent on the gift.
Larry: What’s the point in spending so much money then?
Ron: [to Marcus and Emily] You son of a b**ch! You said we were best friends!
Kyla: Yeah. What the hell? You a**holes. How could you not invite us to your wedding? That’s like f***ed up!
[Ron and Kyla start to laugh]
Kyla: Oh, my God!
Emily: What are you two doing here?
Kyla: Oh! Well, you guys, we were so confused why you didn’t call after México. I mean, come on. We were literally sitting by the phone for a week, being like, “What?”
Ron: But it was my bad. Because the card I gave you, old card. You had no way to call.
Kyla: Yeah. So we did a little Internet stalking. And then we found out you guys were registered at Williams-Sonoma in beautiful Atlanta.
Ron: From there, it was easy.
Ron: [to Emily’s dad, Harold] I’m Ron. This is Kyla. Met these two animals down in Mexico. Got to know each other. Intimately.