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Starring: David Harbour, John Leguizamo, Beverly D’Angelo, Cam Gigandet, Alex Hassell, Alexis Louder, Edi Patterson
Christmas fantasy action comedy directed by Tommy Wirkola. Violent Night (2022) follows a team of mercenaries who break into a wealthy family compound on Christmas Eve, taking everyone hostage inside. However, the team isn’t prepared for a surprise combatant, Santa Claus (David Harbour), who is on the grounds, and he’s about to show why this Nick is no saint.
We’ll add the best quotes once the movie is released and we’ve had a chance to watch it, but for now, here’s a small selection.
Bartender: Another one?
Santa Claus: I’m still vertical, so I’d like to change that.
Pub Santa: You just get off?
Santa Claus: I’m taking a break between shifts, I guess you could say.
Bartender: You ain’t driving, are you?
Santa Claus: I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work.
Pub Santa: This is my fourth year as a Santa. How about you?
Santa Claus: I started the whole damn thing.
Santa Claus: I’m going to get going. Presents aren’t going to get delivered themselves.
Jason: It’s Christmas!
Jason: We decided that you could have one gift early.
Trudy: What is it?
Jason: That is a direct hotline to Santa Claus himself.
Trudy: I can talk to Santa?
Santa Claus: [as he steps in some poop] Come on. Which one of you did that? Prancer? So unprofessional.
Scrooge: Alright, revelers. Welcome to your worst Christmas ever.
Scrooge: You have three hundred million dollars in your personal vault. That’s what I want for Christmas.
Santa Claus: I don’t want to get involved. I just have a job to do. Okay? That’s it. I’m just going to take me bag, and I’m just going to scooch up that chimney.
Thug: [uses his gun to hit Santa in the stomach] Enough talk. Let’s go!
Santa Claus: You don’t want to do this.
Thug: [as he hits Santa in the face] What? This? Now move! Are you deaf? F***ing move!
Santa Claus: [after he knocks out the thug, his reindeer takes off with the sleigh] No, no, no, no. No! Wait! Wait! Wait! Don’t go! Come back!
Scrooge: Who is he? Because it’s not your typical mall Santa.
Santa Claus:[over radio] Hello?
Santa Claus: Yeah, this is Santa.
Trudy: Daddy said you were very busy tonight.
Santa Claus: I’m on a break. Who am I speaking to?
Trudy: My name’s Trudy Lightstone. And I’ve been very good this year.
Trudy: [over radio] I’m in a big room with all my relatives. There’s two bad men with guns watching us.
Santa Claus: I’m going to get you out of there. I’m going to put those bad men on my naughty list. I’m going to take a lump of coal, to each and every one of them, and shove it straight up…
Trudy: The a**.
Santa Claus: Well, come on, sweetie. We want to keep it on the nice list, you know?
Trudy: Sorry. Can I say “butt-hole” then?
Santa Claus: I mean, that’s borderline.
Santa Claus: Time for some seasons beatings.
Scrooge: Bah humbug, m**herf***er.
Scrooge: The three wise men presented him with gifts of frankincense, myrrh, and cold hard cash.
Scrooge: [to Santa] Who the hell are you?
Thug: Boss, what if he really is the real…
Scrooge: There is no such thing as Santa.
Santa Claus: These bad men, they’re all on my naughty list.
Trudy: And what do you do to the naughty ones?
Santa Claus: I give them a lump of coal.
Trudy: Give them their lumps.
Scrooge: [over radio] Is this our Santa Claus?
Santa Claus: It is. To whom am I speaking?
Scrooge: Well, for tonight I’m Mr. Scrooge now. What is it that you want exactly, Santa?
Santa Claus: I want you to put down your weapons, and I want you to let this family go. And then I want to find my reindeer, and I want to continue delivering my presents.
Scrooge: Who the hell are you really? Some security guard who’s watched too many action flicks? Or loser ex-cop stuck in a mall playing dress-up with fats kids pi**ing on your lap? Stop me when I get it right.
Santa Claus: It’s a little more complicated than that.
Scrooge: Not to me it’s not. Because I’m going to make it my personal mission, my holiday to-do list, to find you, and to end you.
Santa Claus: That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. Maybe you and I should discuss that in person. Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa Claus: That’s naughty!
Trudy: I believe in you, Santa.
Trudy: This is my friend.
Santa Claus: Claus. But please call me Santa.