We Have a Ghost (2023) Best Movie Quotes

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Starring: David Harbour, Anthony Mackie, Jahi Winston, Tig Notaro, Jennifer Coolidge, Erica Ash, Faith Ford, Niles Fitch, Isabella Russo, Steve Coulter

OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆

Story:

Netflix supernatural adventure comedy written and directed by Christopher Landon. We Have a Ghost (2023) centers on Kevin (Jahi Winston) and his family, who after finding a ghost named Ernest (David Harbour) with a murky past haunting their new house, turns Kevin’s family into overnight social media sensations. But when Kevin and Ernest go rogue to investigate the mystery of Ernest’s past, they become a target of the CIA.

Best Quotes

Melanie Presley: The house is just listed really low. And I know it’s a fixer-upper, but still, nothing like bad happened here, right?
Barbara Mangold: Oh, my gosh. No. It’s just a buyer’s market.

Kevin Presley: Think we’re going to move here?
Fulton Presley: Hell no, man. This place is a dump.
[cut to them moving into the house]

Frank Presley: I’m sorry you’re so unhappy. Okay? Now, we’re all here trying to get a fresh start. I’d appreciate it if you’d come at it with a little bit more positivity.
Kevin Presley: How many fresh starts are we at now, Dad? I lost count.

Joy Yoshino: You moved into the House of Death?
Kevin Presley: House of what?
Joy Yoshino: Everyone says it’s haunted. I’m an atheist, so I’m not supposed to believe in that kind of s**t. But secretly, I’d love to die, and then, I don’t know, come back as some fierce ghost and haunt Ted Cruz.

Kevin Presley: [to Ernest, after he fails to scare him] It’s not happening, bro. Listen, I know it probably worked on everyone else before, but my personal life is like a thousand times scarier than this.

Kevin Presley: [to Ernest] Can you talk? Just moans and groans? Did you like die here? In this house? You don’t remember? Do you remember anything?

Kevin Presley: [to Ernest] So, we can’t touch you, but you can touch us? Kind of like a stripper.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: We know that every atom, every molecule of the human body, is composed of energy. But what happens to that human energy field when the body dies? I believe that that energy could be captured.

Fulton Presley: We have a ghost!
Frank Presley: Okay.
Fulton Presley: No, I’m serious. Kevin caught him on camera.

Fan #1: [to Monroe] My ghost is still with me. He followed me home from a Red Lobster six years ago, and I can’t seem to shake him.

Fan #2: Hey, have you seen that viral video that’s been going around?
Dr. Leslie Monroe: I don’t do social media. It makes me nauseous.
Fan #2: Well, guy finds a ghost in his attic. And I don’t know. I mean, it looks pretty legit.
Dr. Leslie Monroe: They always are until they aren’t.

Frank Presley: [referring to the footage of Ernest] It has over a thousand views. Is that good?
Kevin Presley: Don’t quit your day job.

Frank Presley: Hello? We don’t mean you any harm.
Fulton Presley: This page on Wikia says you should speak in a firm, commanding voice so the ghost knows you’re in charge.
Frank Presley: Got it. Spirit of this house! Show yourself!

Fulton Presley: You’re going to scare it away, dumba**.
Kevin Presley: No. Your patronizing, crappy exorcist act is scaring it away.

'We are not going to be like every stupid white family in every horror film. We are leaving.' - Melanie Presley (We Have a Ghost) Click To Tweet

Kevin Presley: Shut up, dog face.
Fulton Presley: I actually have a pretty attractive face. Ask anybody.

Frank Presley: [as Ernest turns to leave] Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

Melanie Presley: [referring to Ernest] I saw it with my own eyes, Barbara.
Barbara Mangold: Sweetie, I’m sure you think you did. My daughter Carly took a Xanax with a bottle of Pinot Grigio and thought she was Edith Piaf.

Melanie Presley: Barbara, I’m pretty sure you broke some kind of non-disclosure laws here.
Barbara Mangold: We don’t have to disclose ghosts. Not in the fine print.
Melanie Presley: Oh! Well, then you’ll be hearing from our lawyer.
Kevin Presley: We have a lawyer?
Melanie Presley: Of course not. We’re broke.

'I guess it's what a lot of parents do. Try and fix themselves through their kids, but they just mess them up more in the end.' - Kevin Presley (We Have a Ghost) Click To Tweet

Melanie Presley: We have a ghost in our attic!
Frank Presley: Mel, I’m sorry. I should’ve said something.
Melanie Presley: And then to hear it from someone else? Somebody who saw it on freaking YouTube? What happened to communicating more? Wasn’t that the point of sitting through twenty sessions with Dr. Mouth-breather?

Frank Presley: I don’t think you understand how big this is. We’ve captured something no one else ever has, ever, in the history of the recorded world!

Frank Presley: Look, you have guys out there right now making millions on their channel by playing Minecraft and lighting their farts on fire! And, Mel, we actually have a ghost!

Frank Presley: This is real. This is our chance. This could change everything.

Frank Presley: I just need to win once. Just once.
Melanie Presley: You know this is crazy. Right?

'When your kids are little, it's easy to be a parent. They don't see who you actually are. They just see the good stuff. But eventually, as they grow up, parts of yourself that you don't like become harder and harder to hide.' Click To Tweet

TickToker: Ghost rights are human rights, you guys.

TickToker: Just because you’re not made of matter, it doesn’t mean you don’t matter.

Melanie Presley: [as they see a man dressed as Jesus Christ outside their backdoor] Jesus Christ.
Frank Presley: Ha!
Melanie Presley: Not funny.

Kevin Presley: It’s one of Dad’s failed business things. “Male enhancement pills”. But instead of boners, they just gave everyone diarrhea.

Kevin Presley: [to Ernest] Why help you? Because you’re stuck. Nobody wants to be stuck, right?

Joy Yoshino: I’ve never understood the whole “quiet-in-the-library” thing. Like what? Noise makes you stupid?

Joy Yoshino: [to Kevin] Our whole street’s a s**tshow, thanks to you guys. My dad has the tow company on speed dial.

Joy Yoshino: [referring to Ernest] He doesn’t remember how he got there?
Kevin Presley: He doesn’t remember anything.
Joy Yoshino: Ooh. A mystery.

See more We Have a Ghost Quotes

Kevin Presley: How did he die?
Joy Yoshino: Give me a sec. Oh. Weird. There’s no death certificate.
Kevin Presley: Pretty sure he’s dead.
Joy Yoshino: You think?

Judy Romano: Nobody said you were cute! Nobody. Just want to know, where’s the wifey?
Frank Presley: She’s somewhere getting ready.
Judy Romano: Good. Lock her up. That’s right. And put her in a box under the bed, because you’re mine.

Judy Romano: [as Ernest is not showing himself] Listen, Frank, if you could just fix your little hologram machine, okay? Because I need to get out of here.

Judy Romano: I got to get out of basic cable. It’s just so unprofesh.

Judy Romano: [as she sees Ernest] Yeah, you know what? On second thought, Tupac was better.

Frank Presley: This is a disaster.
Kevin Presley: They wanted a ghost. They got a ghost.
Frank Presley: Yeah, they wanted a ghost, and we gave them The Conjuring.

Kevin Presley: Joy, what the hell? Are you losing your mind?
Joy Yoshino: No. But prepare to lose yours.

Kevin Presley: So, who’s our Ernest?
Joy Yoshino: But I bet my left nut that guy knows who he is.
Kevin Presley: You bet your what?

Frank Presley: Have you ever seen a naked ghost? I haven’t. What would that look like? What parts would a naked ghost have?

Kevin Presley: Listen, Ernest. I get it. You’ve been here a long time, and the world is such a scary place. Believe me, sometimes it terrifies me too. But there aren’t any answers left in this house. If we’re going to find out who you are, what happened to you, it’s out there.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: Back in the late ’90s, I was recruited by the CIA to spearhead a program called Wizard Clip.
Frank Presley: Wizard Clip? Is that like y’all just get high and watch Harry Potter movies and…
Melanie Presley: Babe.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: Soon as word got out that millions of taxpayers dollars were being spent on woo-woo science, we were abruptly shut down, and the agency threw me under the proverbial bus. A sacrificial lamb. It was soul-crushing. But then along came Ernest.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: I don’t think you understand the gravity of your situation. These entities, they are dangerous.
Frank Presley: I’d like you to leave please.
Dr. Leslie Monroe: They may present kindly, but they are never who they say they are.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: They’re harboring a terrorist.
Deputy Director Arnold Schipley: I’m not sure a ghost would legally qualify as a terrorist.

Deputy Director Arnold Schipley: They’ll make a mistake. Careless people always do. And when that happens, we’ll be ready.

Frank Presley: “Ernest The Not-So-Friendly Ghost. Paranormal Whacktivity.” They think he’s a monster now.
Kevin Presley: He saw something out there. Like he was remembering something.
Frank Presley: Well, it looks like he’s trying to kidnap Shirley Temple!

Kevin Presley: Maybe if we help him remember more, he can cross over.
Frank Presley: Cross over? We don’t want him to cross over, Kevin. We need him here with us.
Kevin Presley: You really don’t give a s**t about him, do you?
Frank Presley: I give a s**t about us! This is about our future. This is about Fulton’s college tuition. It’s about yours.
Kevin Presley: Don’t make this about us. It’s about you. Always is.

Joy Yoshino: You look different.
Kevin Presley: I do?
Joy Yoshino: Yeah. Being an outlaw suits you.

Deputy Sheriff: [referring to Ernest] He just flipped me off!

Melanie Presley: [to Kevin, over phone] Listen to me. Just keep going. You do whatever your heart tells you is right.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: [referring to Kevin] Where is he?
Melanie Presley: Lady, I’d just as soon swallow a bag of razor blades and chase it with some fresh lemon juice than to tell you jack s**t.

Kevin Presley: What are you doing?
Joy Yoshino: Looking for the dead body. This room reeks.

Joy Yoshino: You’re saying I should just ditch you? Why would I do that?
Kevin Presley: So you don’t go to jail, maybe? It’s a pretty good reason.
Joy Yoshino: Are you kidding? I was already in jail. Band, AP classes, math tutoring, choir practice. My dad’s programmed every second of my life, and it’s exhausting.

Ernest Scheller: [referring to Ernest, who’s real name was Randy] It’s hard to feel much sympathy for somebody like that, abandoning their own motherless child. I can’t think of a greater sin than that.

Frank Presley: [after Ernest is captured] I guess this worked out for you, huh?
Dr. Leslie Monroe: I think, considering the situation, it’s a pretty fair exchange, don’t you? Now you and your family can go live a normal life.

Dr. Leslie Monroe: [referring to Ernest] What are you going to do with him?
Deputy Director Arnold Schipley: Well, he’s dead. So, whatever the hell we want.

Kevin Presley: How is everything?
Joy Yoshino: Well, I’m grounded until I’m eighty. But other than that, super peachy.

Frank Presley: It’s funny. When your kids are little, it’s easy to be a parent. They don’t see who you actually are. They just see the good stuff. What you want them to see. But eventually, as they grow up, parts of yourself that you don’t like become harder and harder to hide.

Frank Presley: But then Ernest came, and I was like, “This is it.” I could finally have a purpose. I could finally be worthy. I lost myself all over again. I let you down, kid. I broke my promise.

Frank Presley: I know you’re upset about Ernest. But you tried to do the right thing, and that’s all that matters. You’re a better man at sixteen than I am at forty-five. I admire you, Kevin. You turned out great, in spite of me.

Ernest Scheller: Randy, a ghost. A goddamn ghost. Fifty years, I’ve kept this secret. But the chickens finally came home to roost.
Kevin Presley: I don’t know anything. I swear.
Ernest Scheller: You’re lying. You came after me.
[then it’s revealed Scheller kidnapped Randy’s daughter then killed him]

Deputy Director Arnold Schipley: [referring to Ernest] Why would he just vanish like that?
Kevin Presley: I don’t know. Maybe he didn’t need to be here anymore. Found the guy who killed him and got closure.

Kevin Presley: [after Ernest is reunited with his daughter and crosses over] I get my car soon.
Joy Yoshino: Okay. Smell you, b**ch.
Kevin Presley: I know. Ka-ching! Haunted houses are a thing now.

Kevin Presley: Do you think he can still see us? Wherever he is?
Joy Yoshino: I don’t know. Maybe.

Trailer: