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Starring: David Harbour, Anthony Mackie, Jahi Winston, Tig Notaro, Jennifer Coolidge, Erica Ash, Faith Ford, Niles Fitch, Isabella Russo, Steve Coulter
OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆
Netflix supernatural adventure comedy written and directed by Christopher Landon. We Have a Ghost (2023) centers on Kevin (Jahi Winston) and his family, who after finding a ghost named Ernest (David Harbour) with a murky past haunting their new house, turns Kevin’s family into overnight social media sensations. But when Kevin and Ernest go rogue to investigate the mystery of Ernest’s past, they become a target of the CIA.
Melanie Presley: The house is just listed really low. And I know it’s a fixer-upper, but still, nothing like bad happened here, right?
Barbara Mangold: Oh, my gosh. No. It’s just a buyer’s market.
Kevin Presley: Think we’re going to move here?
Fulton Presley: Hell no, man. This place is a dump.
[cut to them moving into the house]
Frank Presley: I’m sorry you’re so unhappy. Okay? Now, we’re all here trying to get a fresh start. I’d appreciate it if you’d come at it with a little bit more positivity.
Kevin Presley: How many fresh starts are we at now, Dad? I lost count.
Joy Yoshino: You moved into the House of Death?
Kevin Presley: House of what?
Joy Yoshino: Everyone says it’s haunted. I’m an atheist, so I’m not supposed to believe in that kind of s**t. But secretly, I’d love to die, and then, I don’t know, come back as some fierce ghost and haunt Ted Cruz.
Kevin Presley: [to Ernest, after he fails to scare him] It’s not happening, bro. Listen, I know it probably worked on everyone else before, but my personal life is like a thousand times scarier than this.
Kevin Presley: [to Ernest] Can you talk? Just moans and groans? Did you like die here? In this house? You don’t remember? Do you remember anything?
Kevin Presley: [to Ernest] So, we can’t touch you, but you can touch us? Kind of like a stripper.
Dr. Leslie Monroe: We know that every atom, every molecule of the human body, is composed of energy. But what happens to that human energy field when the body dies? I believe that that energy could be captured.
Fulton Presley: We have a ghost!
Frank Presley: Okay.
Fulton Presley: No, I’m serious. Kevin caught him on camera.
Fan #1: [to Monroe] My ghost is still with me. He followed me home from a Red Lobster six years ago, and I can’t seem to shake him.
Fan #2: Hey, have you seen that viral video that’s been going around?
Dr. Leslie Monroe: I don’t do social media. It makes me nauseous.
Fan #2: Well, guy finds a ghost in his attic. And I don’t know. I mean, it looks pretty legit.
Dr. Leslie Monroe: They always are until they aren’t.
Frank Presley: [referring to the footage of Ernest] It has over a thousand views. Is that good?
Kevin Presley: Don’t quit your day job.
Frank Presley: Hello? We don’t mean you any harm.
Fulton Presley: This page on Wikia says you should speak in a firm, commanding voice so the ghost knows you’re in charge.
Frank Presley: Got it. Spirit of this house! Show yourself!
Fulton Presley: You’re going to scare it away, dumba**.
Kevin Presley: No. Your patronizing, crappy exorcist act is scaring it away.
'We are not going to be like every stupid white family in every horror film. We are leaving.' - Melanie Presley (We Have a Ghost) Click To Tweet
Kevin Presley: Shut up, dog face.
Fulton Presley: I actually have a pretty attractive face. Ask anybody.
Frank Presley: [as Ernest turns to leave] Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!
Melanie Presley: [referring to Ernest] I saw it with my own eyes, Barbara.
Barbara Mangold: Sweetie, I’m sure you think you did. My daughter Carly took a Xanax with a bottle of Pinot Grigio and thought she was Edith Piaf.
Melanie Presley: Barbara, I’m pretty sure you broke some kind of non-disclosure laws here.
Barbara Mangold: We don’t have to disclose ghosts. Not in the fine print.
Melanie Presley: Oh! Well, then you’ll be hearing from our lawyer.
Kevin Presley: We have a lawyer?
Melanie Presley: Of course not. We’re broke.
'I guess it's what a lot of parents do. Try and fix themselves through their kids, but they just mess them up more in the end.' - Kevin Presley (We Have a Ghost) Click To Tweet
Melanie Presley: We have a ghost in our attic!
Frank Presley: Mel, I’m sorry. I should’ve said something.
Melanie Presley: And then to hear it from someone else? Somebody who saw it on freaking YouTube? What happened to communicating more? Wasn’t that the point of sitting through twenty sessions with Dr. Mouth-breather?
Frank Presley: I don’t think you understand how big this is. We’ve captured something no one else ever has, ever, in the history of the recorded world!
Frank Presley: Look, you have guys out there right now making millions on their channel by playing Minecraft and lighting their farts on fire! And, Mel, we actually have a ghost!
Frank Presley: This is real. This is our chance. This could change everything.
Frank Presley: I just need to win once. Just once.
Melanie Presley: You know this is crazy. Right?
'When your kids are little, it's easy to be a parent. They don't see who you actually are. They just see the good stuff. But eventually, as they grow up, parts of yourself that you don't like become harder and harder to hide.' Click To Tweet
TickToker: Ghost rights are human rights, you guys.
TickToker: Just because you’re not made of matter, it doesn’t mean you don’t matter.
Melanie Presley: [as they see a man dressed as Jesus Christ outside their backdoor] Jesus Christ.
Frank Presley: Ha!
Melanie Presley: Not funny.
Kevin Presley: It’s one of Dad’s failed business things. “Male enhancement pills”. But instead of boners, they just gave everyone diarrhea.
Kevin Presley: [to Ernest] Why help you? Because you’re stuck. Nobody wants to be stuck, right?
Joy Yoshino: I’ve never understood the whole “quiet-in-the-library” thing. Like what? Noise makes you stupid?
Joy Yoshino: [to Kevin] Our whole street’s a s**tshow, thanks to you guys. My dad has the tow company on speed dial.
Joy Yoshino: [referring to Ernest] He doesn’t remember how he got there?
Kevin Presley: He doesn’t remember anything.
Joy Yoshino: Ooh. A mystery.