Wednesday Best Quotes (TV Series)

Morticia Addams: Finally, you will be among peers who understand you. Maybe you’ll even make some friends.
Gomez Addams: Nevermore is like no other boarding school. It’s a magical place. It’s where I met your mother. And we fell in love.
Wednesday Addams: You guys are making me nauseous. Not in a good way.

Morticia Addams: Darling, we aren’t the ones who got you expelled. That boy’s family was going to file attempted murder charges. How would that have looked on your record?
Wednesday Addams: Terrible. Everyone would know I failed to get the job done.

Principal Larissa Weems: Wednesday is certainly a unique name. I’m guessing it was the day of the week you were born?
Wednesday Addams: I was born on Friday the 13th.
Morticia Addams: Her name comes from a line from my favorite nursery rhyme, “Wednesday’s child is full of woe.”
Principal Larissa Weems: You always had a unique perspective on the world, Morticia.

Principal Larissa Weems: Did your mother tell you we were roommates back in the day?
Wednesday Addams: And you graduated with your sanity intact? Impressive.

Principal Larissa Weems: You’ve certainly had a very interesting educational journey. Eight schools in five years.
Wednesday Addams: They haven’t built one strong enough to hold me. I bet this place won’t be any different.

Enid Sinclair: [to Wednesday] Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale.
Gomez Addams: Wednesday always looks half-dead.

Morticia Addams: Please excuse Wednesday. She’s allergic to color.
Enid Sinclair: Oh. Wow. What happens to you?
Wednesday Addams: I break out into hives, and then the flesh peels off my bones.

Enid Sinclair: Nevermore was founded in 1791 to educate people like us. Outcasts, freaks, monsters, fill in your favorite marginalized group here.
Wednesday Addams: You can save the sanitized sales pitch.

Enid Sinclair: Rumor’s been swirling around that you killed a kid at your old school, and your parents pulled strings to get you off.
Wednesday Addams: Actually, it was two kids. But who’s counting?

Wednesday Addams: I’m not interested in participating in tribal adolescent cliches.
Enid Sinclair: Well, then use it to fill your obviously bottomless pit of disdain. There are many flavors of outcasts here, but the four main cliques are Fangs, Furs, Stoners, and Scales.

Ajax Petropolus: Yo, Enid! You’re not going to believe the dirt I heard about your new roommate. She eats human flesh. Totally chowed down on that kid she murdered. You better watch your back.
Wednesday Addams: [Enid steps aside to reveal Wednesday] Quite the contrary. I actually fillet the bodies of my victims, then feed them to my menagerie of pets.

Ajax Petropolus: [to Wednesday] You’re in black and white. Like a living Instagram filter.

Enid Sinclair: You should really get on Insta, Snapchat, and TikTok.
Wednesday Addams: I find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.

Wednesday Addams: Pugsley, you’re soft and weak. You’ll never survive without me. I give you two months, tops.
Pugsley Addams: I’m going to miss you too, sis.

Wednesday Addams: I’m not you, Mother. I will never fall in love, or be a housewife, or have a family.
Morticia Addams: I’m told girls your age say hurtful things, and I shouldn’t take it to heart.
Wednesday Addams: Fortunately, you don’t have one.
Morticia Addams: Finally, a kind word for your mother.

Enid Sinclair: What the hell did you do to my room?
Wednesday Addams: Dividing our room equally. It looks like a rainbow vomited on your side.

Wednesday Addams: I devote an hour a day to my novel. Perhaps if you did the same, your vlog might be coherent. I’ve read serial killer diaries with better punctuation.
Enid Sinclair: I write in my voice. It’s my truth. It’s what my followers love.
Wednesday Addams: Your followers are clearly imbeciles.

Wednesday Addams: [to Enid] When I look at you, the following emojis come to mind. Rope. Shovel. Hole.

Marilyn Thornhill: I trust Enid has given you the old Nevermore welcome.
Wednesday Addams: She’s been smothering me with hospitality. I hope to return the favor. In her sleep.

Marilyn Thornhill: The locals are a tad bit wary about Nevermore, so please don’t go making any waves, or perpetuating any outcast stereotypes. That means keep your claws to yourself, and no smothering people in their sleep. Are we clear? Great talk.

Wednesday Addams: [to Bianca] You must be the self-appointed Queen Bee. Interesting thing about bees, pull out their stingers and they drop dead.

Rowan Laslow: [to Wednesday] My mother promised me I’d finally fit in somewhere. I never thought it was possible to be an outcast in a school full of outcasts. But it looks like you’re going to give me a run for my money.

Wednesday Addams: The last thing I remember I was walking outside feeling a mixture of rage, pity, and self-disgust. I never felt that way before.
Xavier Thorpe: Yeah, losing to Bianca has that effect on people, I think.
Wednesday Addams: And then I looked up and I saw that gargoyle coming down at me, and I thought, “At least I’ll have an imaginative death.”

Xavier Thorpe: You probably don’t remember me. Last time we met, I was about two feet shorter, forty pounds heavier.
Wednesday Addams: What happened?
Xavier Thorpe: Puberty, I guess.

Wednesday Addams: Hello, Thing. Did you really think my highly-trained olfactory sense wouldn’t pick up on the faint whiff of neroli and bergamot in your favorite hand lotion? I could do this all day. Surrender?

Wednesday Addams: [to Thing] Mother and Father sent you to spy on me, didn’t they? I’m not above breaking a few fingers. The fact that they thought I wouldn’t find out just proves how much they underestimate me.

Wednesday Addams: Oh, Thing. You poor, naive appendage. My parents aren’t worried about me. They’re evil puppeteers who want to pull my strings, even from afar.

Wednesday Addams: The way I see it, you have two options. Option one, I lock you in here for the rest of the semester, and you go slowly insane trying to claw your way out, ruining your nails and your smooth, supple skin. And we both know how vain you are. Option two, you pledge your undying loyalty to me. Our first order of business is to escape this teenage purgatory. Of course I have a plan. And it begins now.

Dr. Valerie Kinbott: I read the notes from your school counselor.
Wednesday Addams: Mrs. Bronstein. She had a nervous breakdown after our last session and had to take a six month sabbatical.
Dr. Valerie Kinbott: Go ahead and take a seat. How did you feel about that?
Wednesday Addams: Vindicated. But someone who crochets for a hobby isn’t a worthy adversary.

Wednesday Addams: I see the world as a place that must be endured, and my personal philosophy is kill or be killed.

Wednesday Addams: You know the old saying, never bring a knife to a sword fight. Unless it’s concealed.

Dr. Valerie Kinbott: [referring to Dalton] You assaulted a boy, and showed no remorse for your actions. That’s why you’re here.
Wednesday Addams: He lost a testicle. I did the world a favor. People like Dalton shouldn’t be allowed to procreate.

Tyler Galpin: Holy crap! Do you make a habit of scaring the hell out of people?
Wednesday Addams: It’s more of a hobby.

Tyler Galpin: All we have is drip.
Wednesday Addams: But drip is for people who hate themselves and know their lives have no real purpose or meaning.

Tyler Galpin: Wait, you read Italian?
Wednesday Addams: Of course. It’s the native tongue of Machiavelli.

Wednesday Addams: You have a valve issue. I’ve seen it before.
Tyler Galpin: Where? You have one of these monsters at home?
Wednesday Addams: Steam-powered guillotine. I built it when I was ten. I wanted to decapitate my dolls more efficiently.
Tyler Galpin: Sure. Grim Reaper Barbie, makes perfect sense.

Lucas: We work at Pilgrim World.
Wednesday Addams: It takes a special kind of stupid to devote an entire theme park to zealots responsible for mass genocide.

Lucas: So tell me, freak, you ever been with a normie?
Wednesday Addams: I’ve never found one that could handle me.

Wednesday Addams: There’s just something wrong about this place. Not just because it’s a school.

Enid Sinclair: How the hell did you get that oversized violin out the window?
Wednesday Addams: I had an extra hand.
Enid Sinclair: Woh. Where’s the rest of him?
Wednesday Addams: It’s one of the great Addams family mysteries.

Enid Sinclair: I could die alone.
Wednesday Addams: We all die alone, Enid.
Enid Sinclair: You really suck at this. Cheering people up.

Enid Sinclair: I still think you’re weird as s**t though.
Wednesday Addams: The feeling is incredibly mutual.

Tyler Galpin: Okay, I’m taking orders from a hand. This isn’t weird at all.

Wednesday Addams: I’m not used to people engaging with me. Most see me coming and cross the street.
Tyler Galpin: You’re not scary. You’re just kind of kooky.
Wednesday Addams: I prefer spooky.

Wednesday Addams: Let’s see. I narrowly avoided death twice. Discovered that my father may be a murderer. Learned that I could potentially destroy the school. And was mysteriously saved by a homicidal monster.

Wednesday Addams: As much as it pains me to admit, you were right, Mother. I think I’m going to love it here.

Enid Sinclair: I’m so glad you decided to stay.
Wednesday Addams: I thought you wanted your single room back.
Enid Sinclair: Full disclosure, I don’t like living solo and Thing gives a killer neck massage. It’s a win-win.

Wednesday Addams: [referring to Rowan] I witnessed his murder, Enid.
Enid Sinclair: It’s just, we all saw him this morning. Very much like not dead.
Wednesday Addams: I know. Which leads me to believe I’ve been losing my mind. It’s not nearly as fun as I had anticipated.

Enid Sinclair: Want to take a stab at being social?
Wednesday Addams: I do like stabbing. The social part, not so much.

Wednesday Addams: I’ve always hated the expression “write what you know”. It’s a hall pass for the imagination-impaired. But when your life becomes a twisted mystery, maybe it’s time to lean into it.

Principal Larissa Weems: No doubt you’ll find something that tickles your fancy.
Wednesday Addams: The last person who tickled me lost a finger.

Xavier Thorpe: Ever shot a bow and arrow before?
Wednesday Addams: Only on live targets.

Wednesday Addams: [to Thing] How do you lose him in a bathroom with no windows? A lefty wouldn’t have failed me.

Sheriff Donovan Galpin: What are you two yakking about?
Tyler Galpin: Video games, cancel culture, oat milk versus soy, it’s a wild time.

Enid Sinclair: All I know is that we spent an hour giving each other manis, and he really opened up. He feels like you don’t respect him as a person.
Wednesday Addams: Well, technically, he’s only a hand.

Wednesday Addams: I know I’m stubborn, single-minded, and obsessive. But those are all traits of great writers. Yes. And serial killers.

Eugene Otinger: I’ve always had a thing for werewolf chicks.
Wednesday Addams: The chance that Enid ever becomes romantically interested in you is less than one percent.
Eugene Otinger: So I’ve still got a shot? Yes!

Tyler Galpin: [referring to his father, the sheriff] You must think it’s weird I’m stalking him.
Wednesday Addams: No, I consistently stalk my parents.

Marilyn Thornhill: I don’t usually find students in here looking for actual books. Most sneak in to make out.
Wednesday Addams: I accidentally walked in on two vampires fanging. I can’t unsee that.

Marilyn Thornhill: Are you and your mother close?
Wednesday Addams: Like two inmates sentenced to life on the same cell block.

Marilyn Thornhill: To tell you the truth, I’ve never really fit in anywhere. Too odd for the normies, not odd enough for the outcasts.

Wednesday Addams: I act as if I don’t care if people dislike me. Deep down, I secretly enjoy it.

Marilyn Thornhill: Never lose that, Wednesday.
Wednesday Addams: Lose what?
Marilyn Thornhill: The ability to not let others define you. It’s a gift.
Wednesday Addams: Doesn’t always feel that way.
Marilyn Thornhill: The most interesting plants grow in the shade.

Bianca Barclay: [to Xavier, referring to Wednesday] Seriously, what do you see in her? You have a thing for a tragic goth girls with funeral-parlor fashion sense?

Bianca Barclay: [to Xavier] Trust me, Wednesday Addams is not the girl of your dreams. She’s the stuff of your nightmares.

Enid Sinclair: [referring to Wednesday’s cat costume] OMG. You look purr-fect! Only thing, where are your whiskers?
Wednesday Addams: Ask again, and you’ll be down to eight lives.

Wednesday Addams: [to Bianca] For the record, I don’t believe I’m better than everyone else. Just that I’m better than you.

Enid Sinclair: OMG, Wednesday, we did it! This is the greatest moment of my entire life. Admit it, you kind of got into the whole school spirit thing.
Wednesday Addams: You didn’t tell me it was a dark, vengeful spirit.

Enid Sinclair: What are you doing down here?
Wednesday Addams: Hiding. People keep randomly smiling at me all day. It’s unsettling.
Enid Sinclair: It’s called having your moment.

Principal Larissa Weems: It’s good to see you fitting in. Just like your mother.
Wednesday Addams: My mother and I are two different people, slash, species, slash, everything.

Wednesday Addams: Nevermore continues to be an enigma. A place where the questions
far outweigh the answers. But sometimes, the answer is staring you right in the face.

Wednesday Addams: Secret societies. Hidden libraries. My mother staring at me in a judgmental way. These are all things I’ve come to expect. But the minute I inch towards the truth… Luckily, I’m not afraid of the dark.

Principal Larissa Weems: I volunteered you to accompany the Jericho High School marching band at the ceremony. I’m sure it won’t be too challenging to play an uplifting Fleetwood Mac melody.
Wednesday Addams: As long as you promise to hang me as a witch afterwards.

Eugene Otinger: “Ye Olde Fudgery?”
Wednesday Addams: More like ye olde diabetes in a box.

Wednesday Addams: [in German, to the tourists] Enjoy your “authentic” pilgrim fudge made with cacao beans procured by the oppressed indigenous people of the Amazon. All proceeds go to uphold this pathetic whitewashing of American history. Also, fudge wasn’t invented for another two hundred and fifty-eight years. Any takers?

Eugene Otinger: I know this might come as a shock, but I don’t have any friends.
Wednesday Addams: You remind me of my brother, sans the desire to strangle him every waking moment.

Wednesday Addams: Give me your retainer.
Eugene Otinger: What? Why? Your teeth are really good. Not as straight or white as Enid’s, but still.
Wednesday Addams: Hand it over!
Eugene Otinger: What if Mistress Arlene catches us?
Wednesday Addams: Hive code, deny everything.
Eugene Otinger: That’s not hive code!

Wednesday Addams: My grandmother once told me secrets are like zombies, they never truly die.

Wednesday Addams: I don’t know who Etsy is, but I doubt she was an outcast settler.

Arlene: Just what the fudge are you doing in here, missy?
Wednesday Addams: Mistress Arlene. How now?
Arlene: How now, indeed.

Ajax Petropolus: You think squirrels and rats could ever work out? I mean, they’re two totally different species.
Enid Sinclair: Oh, yeah. I mean, totally. Why not? They both have more in common than you think. Most people are scared of them, so it would just be us, them against the world.
Ajax Petropolus: Wow. That was deep.

Ajax Petropolus: Gorgons are taught not to engage. You know, I don’t want to accidentally stone someone.
Enid Sinclair: I’m not afraid of being stoned by you. It’s just temporary.
Ajax Petropolus: Really? You mean that?
Enid Sinclair: One hundo!

Enid Sinclair: Ajax, I have spent spent all morning flirting, and hinting, and trying to act cute while brushing some roadkill just so you would ask me on a freaking date!
Ajax Petropolus: Oh! Oh, that’s what you were doing. I kind of wondered when you spent so long brushing that opossum’s tail.

Tyler Galpin: You’re really becoming obsessed with this whole monster in the woods thing.
Wednesday Addams: Would you rather I develop an obsession with horses and boy bands?

Tyler Galpin: Don’t tell me you were a Girl Scout.
Wednesday Addams: I could eat Girl Scouts for breakfast. Actually, I have an uncle who went to prison for that.

Fabian: Who you talking to, little girl?
Wednesday Addams: Use the words “little” and “girl” to address me again and I can’t guarantee your safety.

Wednesday Addams: I would rather dye my hair pink than ask my mother for advice.

Wednesday Addams: My visions are about as predictable as shark attacks.

Xavier Thorpe: [referring to her psychic abilities] When did they start?
Wednesday Addams: About a year ago. When they happen, it feels like I’m touching live wire. I usually enjoy that sensation.
Xavier Thorpe: Yeah, but you can’t control it, and that freaks you out.

Xavier Thorpe: [to Wednesday] So I’ve lived with a self-described master. And the first thing he’ll tell you is that visions can’t be trusted. They only show one part of the picture.

Xavier Thorpe: You’re creating a story in your head and using visions to back it up. They’re telling you what you want to see.
Wednesday Addams: Are you mansplaining my power?
Xavier Thorpe: All I’m saying is my dad, the expert, would warn you that psychic ability isn’t rooted in logic. It’s triggered by emotions. And let’s be honest, emotion isn’t exactly your strong suit.

Wednesday Addams: I don’t believe in heaven or hell. But I do believe in revenge. I usually serve it warm with a side of pain, but I’ve never faced an adversary cast in bronze.

Wednesday Addams: Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.
Principal Larissa Weems: That’s where you and I differ. Where you see doom, I see opportunity.

Principal Larissa Weems: You don’t think I want the truth? Of course I do. But the world isn’t always black and white. There are shades of gray.
Wednesday Addams: Maybe for you. But it’s either they write our story, or we do. You can’t have it both ways.
Principal Larissa Weems: You’re exhausting.
Wednesday Addams: I know.

Enid Sinclair: I literally think I have PTSD. I mean, didn’t even get to do my dance routine.
Wednesday Addams: What a tragedy.
Enid Sinclair: What kind of twisted psycho would want to sabotage such a life-affirming event?

Enid Sinclair: [referring to her date with Ajax] Wish me luck.
Wednesday Addams: If he breaks your heart, I’ll nail-gun his.

Wednesday Addams: I don’t believe in mandatory volunteer work, sugar-coated history, or happy endings, but most of all, I don’t believe in coincidences. To paraphrase Agatha Christie, one coincidence is just a coincidence, two are a clue, and three are proof.

Wednesday Addams: That monster could be anyone. The sheriff thinks they only exist behind the walls of this school. The truth is, there are monsters everywhere. And sometimes the monsters we least suspect are the most dangerous. They don’t need teeth and claws to terrify. They hide in the shadows until no one is looking. And then they strike. But I’m looking now. And I won’t stop until I find the truth.

Wednesday Addams: Are you really going to make me ask?
Xavier Thorpe: Oh, absolutely.
Wednesday Addams: Would you possibly consider going to the Rave’N dance with a certain… Would you go to the dance with me?
Xavier Thorpe: Yes, Wednesday. I would love to go to the dance with you. I thought you’d never ask.
Wednesday Addams: Neither did I.

Enid Sinclair: Oh my, God! Wednesday Addams is going to the Rave’N. My whole world is tilted! You know what you need?
Wednesday Addams: A bullet to the head?

Wednesday Addams: [referring to the dress shop] What kind of dystopian hellscape is this?

Sheriff Donovan Galpin: [to Wednesday] Listen, Velma, why don’t you and the Scooby gang stick to your homework and leave investigating to the professionals.

Wednesday Addams: [after she tells him that she’s going to the dance with Xavier] I’m not sure why you’re becoming upset.
Tyler Galpin: Yeah, that’s kind of the problem. I mean, call me crazy, Wednesday, but you keep giving me these signals.
Wednesday Addams: It’s not my fault I can’t interpret your emotional Morse code.
Tyler Galpin: Then let me spell it out. I thought we liked each other, but then you pull something like this, and I have no idea where I stand. I mean, am I in the “more-than-friend zone”, or just a pawn in some game you’re playing?

Eugene Otinger: My moms say people will appreciate me when I’m older. I know they’re probably just trying to make me feel better, but…
Wednesday Addams: Listen, people like me and you, we’re different. We’re original thinkers, intrepid outliers in this vast cesspool of adolescence. We don’t need these inane rites of passage to validate who we are.

Eugene Otinger: [as they’re about to enter the cave] I’m not a huge fan of enclosed spaces. I’m claustrophobic.
Wednesday Addams: If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.

Wednesday Addams: [referring to his drawings] How do you know what the monster looks like? Or are these all just self-portraits?
Xavier Thorpe: Oh, what, you think it’s me? I saved your life.

Xavier Thorpe: That’s the only reason you asked me to the Rave’N, isn’t it? To try and cover. You are unbelievable.
Wednesday Addams: It’s nothing personal.
Xavier Thorpe: No, it never is with you, is it? I mean, do you even care about anyone, or anything at all, Wednesday?

Wednesday Addams: [to Thing] Genuine and sweet? How could you do this to me?

Tyler Galpin: [as he sees her in her dress for the dance] Wow. You look…
Wednesday Addams: Unrecognizable? Ridiculous? A classic example of female objectification for the male gaze?
Tyler Galpin: Amazing. I mean it, Wednesday. You look beautiful.

Lucas: Is that an abominable snowman?
Enid Sinclair: Oh, my God! You can’t say that, it’s offensive. The correct name is Yeti.

Ajax Petropolus: [as she enters the dance with Tyler] Wednesday totally busted out of her cocoon.
Bianca Barclay: Like a death’s-head moth.

Lucas: Wednesday, I come in peace.
Wednesday Addams: That’s a shame. I brought my pocket mace. The medieval kind.

Tyler Galpin: Look, I did a terrible thing, but I swear I’m not a terrible person.
Wednesday Addams: Did you think I was going to judge you over some lousy prank? I would have taken it further.
Tyler Galpin: You mean, like putting piranhas in a swimming pool? I may have done a little digging on you after we met.
Wednesday Addams: I’d do it again.
Tyler Galpin: I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Wednesday Addams: Whoever invented high heels clearly had a side hustle as a torturer.
Bianca Barclay: As my dear mother always says, “Fire tests gold, suffering tests a woman.”

Bianca Barclay: You don’t know what it’s like.
Wednesday Addams: Being beautiful and popular?
Bianca Barclay: Never knowing people’s true feelings. If someone likes me for me.
Wednesday Addams: What about your amulet?
Bianca Barclay: It’s not foolproof. It’s a mild prophylactic, so to speak.

Bianca Barclay: You’re lucky.
Wednesday Addams: Do tell.
Bianca Barclay: You don’t care what people think of you.
Wednesday Addams: Honestly, I wish I cared a little more.

Enid Sinclair: [referring to Lucas] I didn’t even want to go with him. I wanted to go with you.
Ajax Petropolus: So then why didn’t you ask me?
Enid Sinclair: Because you blew me off the other night and you never told me why.
Ajax Petropolus: I was too embarrassed to tell you, but I accidentally looked in the mirror and kind of stoned myself with my snakes.

Gomez Addams: Oh, how we missed those accusing eyes and youthful sneer.
Morticia Addams: How are you, my little rain cloud?
Wednesday Addams: I thought Thing was filling you in on my every move. I uncovered your feeble subterfuge almost immediately.
Gomez Addams: So, how’s the little fella doing? Does he still have all his fingers?
Wednesday Addams: Relax. I haven’t snapped any of his digits. Yet.

Wednesday Addams: Since you’ve abandoned me here, I’ve been hunted, haunted, and the target of an attempted murder.
Gomez Addams: Ah, Nevermore. I love you so.

Morticia Addams: You always filled a room with your presence. Like a stately sequoia tree.
Principal Larissa Weems: And I guess that would make you the lumberjack.
Morticia Addams: There’s that biting sense of humor that I always adored.

Gomez Addams: [referring to Weems suggestion of attending family therapy] What can it hurt? I mean, to be honest, I’ve always been a big fan of head-shrinking.
Morticia Addams: It’s not that kind of head-shrinking, mon cheri.
Gomez Addams: Well, that is disappointing.

Pugsley Addams: [during their family therapy session] I mean, for me, it’s been hard not having Wednesday around. I never thought I’d miss being waterboarded so much.

Pugsley Addams: Thanks for the candy.
Dr. Valerie Kinbott: Actually, that’s potpourri. Why don’t you take the bowl?

Sheriff Donovan Galpin: I just saw Doc last week. He was planning a cruise with his wife. He seemed all excited about retirement.
Deputy Ritchie Santiago: I guess you never really know what’s going through someone’s mind.
Sheriff Donovan Galpin: A bullet, apparently.

Esther Sinclair: Have you wolfed out yet?
Enid Sinclair: No.
Esther Sinclair: Well, that is a disappointment.
Enid Sinclair: That’s me. A huge disappointment.

Gomez Addams: [as Wednesday visits him in prison] My little tormenta, how’s your mother?
Wednesday Addams: Devastated. She hates you in orange.

Wednesday Addams: How many fathers hand their daughter a fencing blade when she’s five years-old?
Gomez Addams: Your saber strokes were an essay in perfection.
Wednesday Addams: Or teach her how to swim with sharks?
Gomez Addams: They found you as cold-blooded as I do.
Wednesday Addams: The right way to flay a rattlesnake?
Gomez Addams: They really do taste like chicken when prepared properly.

Wednesday Addams: [to Gomez] You taught me how to be strong and independent. How to navigate myself in a world full of treachery and prejudice. You are the reason I understand how imperative it is that I never lose sight of myself. So as far as fatherhood goes, I would say you’ve been more than adequate.

Wednesday Addams: [referring to Gomez] After he’s sentenced, he’ll be sent to a state penitentiary, where he’ll lose his mind being separated from Mother. Did you know they haven’t spent a single night apart since they tied the knot?
Pugsley Addams: I always thought I’d be the first one in the family behind bars.
Wednesday Addams: Lurch and I had a bet going.

Pugsley Addams: You have to find out the truth and free Dad.
Wednesday Addams: Well, until that happens, we both know Mother will be falling apart. Which means we have to be strong. And by “we”, I mean you.

Wednesday Addams: Why would you send me somewhere I could only ever exist in your shadow?
Morticia Addams: It’s not a competition, Wednesday.
Wednesday Addams: Everything is a competition, Mother.

Morticia Addams: [as Wednesday is digging Garrett’s grave] This reminds me of when you got your first grave-digging kit. You were so happy, you nearly smiled.
Wednesday Addams: Are you sure you don’t want to join?
Morticia Addams: No, that’s okay, darling. I don’t want to spoil your fun.

Wednesday Addams: [to Morticia and Gomez] I’ve seen jackals with more self-control than you two.

Gomez Addams: [to Morticia] You look even more ravishing as an innocent woman.
Wednesday Addams: For once, could you two get off of each other and focus.

Morticia Addams: I know we’ve had our difficulties lately. Navigating the treacherous shoals of our mother-daughter relationship. But I’m always here for you, Wednesday. Always.

Gomez Addams: I don’t hold grudges, only blood debts.

Sheriff Donovan Galpin: So, your daughter and my son have become close.
Gomez Addams: I pity any boy who gets caught in her viper’s gaze, but he must be a good egg. She wouldn’t tolerate anything less.

Enid Sinclair: [to her mother] If I’m meant to wolf out, then I’m going to do it on my own timeline and not yours. I just hope that one day, you’ll finally be able to accept me for who I am.

Morticia Addams: As I leafed through the pages of this yearbook, I was reminded of all the wonderful times I had here. But they were just that. Mine. You have your own path to blaze. I don’t want to be a stranger in your life, darling. If you need me for anything, anything at all, I’m only a crystal ball away.

Wednesday Addams: Do you always speak in riddles?
Goody Addams: Do you always seek simple answers? The path of a Raven is a solitary one. You end up alone, unable to trust others, only seeing the darkness within them.
Wednesday Addams: Is that supposed to scare me?
Goody Addams: It should.

Enid Sinclair: I believe everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday.
Wednesday Addams: I prefer to be vilified.

Enid Sinclair: What happened? It looked like you were having a seizure.
Wednesday Addams: I wasn’t that lucky.

Wednesday Addams: [reading the note from her birthday present] “May your 16th be as sour and misery-filled as your desire. Your ever doting mother and father.”

Xavier Thorpe: You still think I’m the monster?
Wednesday Addams: Haven’t ruled it out.
Xavier Thorpe: Yeah. Well, when you change your mind and you want my help, you know where to find me.

Bianca Barclay: I’m trying not to turn into my mother. She’s like the ghost of b**chiness future.

Wednesday Addams: I want to assure you I remain as cold and heartless as the first day we met.
Dr. Valerie Kinbott: I doubt a cold, heartless person would be sitting by her friend’s bedside feeling some modicum guilt for his condition.

Tyler Galpin: Come on. Don’t you like a day that’s all about you?
Wednesday Addams: Every day is all about me. This one just comes with cake and a bad song.

Tyler Galpin: So, if I asked you out to a non-birthday, song-free dinner, would that be something you’re interested in?
Wednesday Addams: I have a tight deadline. Emphasis on dead.

Wednesday Addams: I figured since you no longer have an old vendetta to obsess over, you’re free to solve some real crime.
Sheriff Donovan Galpin: Your father and I buried the hatchet. Maybe you should do the same.
Wednesday Addams: I don’t bury hatchets. I sharpen them.

Wednesday Addams: [referring to Mayor Walker] Call me old-fashioned, but when someone is run over on their way to give the police key information, it usually means they were onto something.

Principal Larissa Weems: How do you managed to end up at the center of every terrible thing that happens around here?
Wednesday Addams: Incredible luck.

Marilyn Thornhill: Wednesday, I just heard what happened to Mayor Walker. Are you alright? I can’t imagine witnessing something like that.
Wednesday Addams: It was on my bucket list.

Wednesday Addams: “No man chooses evil because it is evil. He only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.” Mary Shelley wrote that line to describe people like Weems, who do bad things under the guise of protecting the greater good.

Marilyn Thornhill: I think we’re a lot alike.
Wednesday Addams: We aren’t. I don’t need your help or your pity. I already have a mother and a therapist. That’s enough torture, even for me.

Enid Sinclair: Who doesn’t have a spooky built-in altar in their family library?
Wednesday Addams: Ours is in the living room. More seating for a year long Dia de los Muertos.

Wednesday Addams: Alright, you go left, I go right.
Enid Sinclair: You seriously want to split up? In here? That is literally how every best friend dies in a horror movie.

Enid Sinclair: [to herself] Why am I even here? I know what my mom would say. “Enid, you’re a doormat. You’re too needy. Show some teeth. Nobody likes a desperate little furball.”

Principal Larissa Weems: I think contrition might be in order right now, Miss Addams. Not hubris.
Wednesday Addams: I’ll never apologize for trying to uncover a truth.

Enid Sinclair: Tonight was just the icing on the birthday cake you couldn’t even be bothered to cut. You’ll use anyone to get what you want, even if it means putting them in danger. We could have died tonight because of your stupid obsession.
Wednesday Addams: But we didn’t.

Enid Sinclair: I’ve tried really, really, really hard to be your friend. Always put myself out there. Thought of your feelings. Told people, “I know she gives off serial killer vibes, but she’s really just shy.”
Wednesday Addams: I never asked you to do that.
Enid Sinclair: You didn’t have to because that’s what friends do! They don’t have to be asked. And the fact that you don’t know that says everything. You want to be alone, Wednesday? Be alone.

Wednesday Addams: Goody warned that I was destined to be alone. Maybe it’s inevitable. But for the first time in my life, it doesn’t feel good. There’s also something else. A gnawing feeling. That death is close at hand. Watching me.

Wednesday Addams: In the meantime, lay low. If you are discovered, I will disown you and collect all the reward tied to your capture.
Uncle Fester: I’d expect nothing less.

Wednesday Addams: My novel started out as a twisted fiction, but somehow reality has turned it into my own personal looking glass.

Wednesday Addams: The dead can be just as annoying and unreliable as the living.

Enid Sinclair: Enjoy your solitude, Wednesday.
Wednesday Addams: It’s not solitude if you’re still here.

Xavier Thorpe: You know what your problem is?
Wednesday Addams: I would love to hear your piercing insight.
Xavier Thorpe: You don’t know who your real friends are. I’ve been on your side since day one. I literally saved your life. I believed your theories when nobody else did. And what do I get in return? Just nothing but suspicion and lies.

Xavier Thorpe: If I am the monster, then why haven’t I killed you?
Wednesday Addams: Because for some reason I cannot fathom or indulge, you seem to like me.
Xavier Thorpe: What’s to like?

Wednesday Addams: How long have you been lurking?
Uncle Fester: [referring to Wednesday and Xavier] Long enough to feel the tension between you two. Yowza! Seriously, you could cut it with an executioner’s axe.

Uncle Fester: These are some sweet digs. How did you swing your own single?
Wednesday Addams: My former roommate couldn’t handle my toxic personality.

Marilyn Thornhill: [referring to Enid] You two seemed as thick as thieves.
Wednesday Addams: Ultimately, thieves turn on each other. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Marilyn Thornhill: Part of the dorm experience is making friends with people that you wouldn’t normally connect with. And those friendships often turn into lifelong bonds.
Wednesday Addams: I would rather buy a rope.

Uncle Fester: Being a solo lobo has its perks. You get to live by your own rules, do whatever you want. Just look at me.

Principal Larissa Weems: I’ve explained to Dr. Kinbott that you’ve recently been taking small but meaningful steps towards embracing your new Nevermore family.
Wednesday Addams: Yes. You know, I think I’ve actually reached the half-hug stage.

Tyler Galpin: Yeah, your family’s very colorful.
Wednesday Addams: Ironic considering Fester’s the black sheep.

Wednesday Addams: Friends are a liability and can be exploited. That makes them weaknesses.

Wednesday Addams: [to Thing, referring to Tyler] It’s not a date. It’s a quid pro quo for almost getting him disemboweled.

Tyler Galpin: I want us to be more than friends.
Wednesday Addams: You’ll snap out of it.

Wednesday Addams: [to Tyler] I’m not friend material, let alone more-than-friend material. I will ignore you, stomp on your heart, and always put my needs and interests first.

Wednesday Addams: [as he’s about to kiss her] You’re making a mistake.
Tyler Galpin: Probably.
Wednesday Addams: Definitely.

Uncle Fester: He’s gone, Wednesday.
Wednesday Addams: No, he’s not. Thing. If you can hear me, if you die, I will kill you.

Wednesday Addams: They found your motorbike, so the sheriff won’t be far. You need to go. Maybe next time steal something a little less conspicuous.
Uncle Fester: Well, where’s the fun in that?

Uncle Fester: You’ll always be my favorite, Wednesday.
Wednesday Addams: Be sure to tell Pugsley that. It’ll give him a complex.

Wednesday Addams: How long have you been seeing Kinbott?
Xavier Thorpe: Have you…? What am I saying? Of course you have. You’ve been spying on me, right? Because I’m the villain in your fantasy. My father thinks that my mental health is a PR problem that he needs to manage.

Xavier Thorpe: [to Wednesday as he’s being arrested] You! You framed me! I’m being set up. I should have let Rowan kill you.

Enid Sinclair: Don’t tell me Wednesday Addams is mellowing out.
Wednesday Addams: Never. More like evolving.
Enid Sinclair: Well, one inch of duct tape at a time.

Wednesday Addams: Why the sudden change of heart?
Enid Sinclair: Because we work. We shouldn’t, but we do. It’s like some sort of weird, friendship anomaly. Everything you said about me is true. But I don’t apologize for it. Not anymore. It’s just who I am.

Enid Sinclair: I’m sorry about Xavier.
Wednesday Addams: I’m not. He’s a liar and a killer. Besides, there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being proven right.
Enid Sinclair: Except maybe someone to share it with.

Wednesday Addams: [after she kisses Tyler and has a vision of him being Hyde] Of course the first boy I kiss would turn out to be a psychotic, serial-killing monster. I guess I have a type.

Tyler Galpin: [to Wednesday] You know, at first, I’d wake up naked, covered in blood, no idea what happened. But over time, I started to remember everything. The sound of their screams, the panic in their eyes, and a fear so primal I could taste it. And it was delicious. You have no idea what’s coming.

Wednesday Addams: [after she’s been expelled] The others had nothing to do with this. I acted alone.
Principal Larissa Weems: For someone who claims to have no friends, you certainly go out of your way to protect them.
Wednesday Addams: They didn’t have guts to do what needed to be done.
Principal Larissa Weems: You mean kidnapping and torture? I should hope not.

Wednesday Addams: I know you’re not the Hyde. Tyler used me to frame you. He is the actual Hyde.
Xavier Thorpe: How do you know?
Wednesday Addams: I saw it in a vision when he kissed me.
Xavier Thorpe: I’m glad you were getting some action while I was falsely accused.

Xavier Thorpe: You want my help? You ruined my life! No. I tried being your friend. Look where that got me.
Wednesday Addams: This isn’t about us, Xavier.
Xavier Thorpe: No, it’s about you! Every time you get involved, people get hurt. You’re toxic. All you ever do is make things worse.

Xavier Thorpe: [to Wednesday] Do you want to stop this? Then leave. Go far away and never come back. Do you understand? That can’t happen if you’re not here. That’s how you save everyone, okay? So, go. Leave!

Enid Sinclair: [to Wednesday] I can’t believe I’m actually going to miss your creepy, lifeless eyes waking me up every morning. It won’t be the same without you.

Enid Sinclair: Will you forget about me?
Wednesday Addams: Enid, the mark you have left on me is indelible. Anytime I grow nauseous at the sight of a rainbow, or hear a pop song that makes my ears bleed, I’ll think of you.

Wednesday Addams: I always believed relying on other people to be a sign of weakness. That inevitably they would lead me to disappointment. Turns out I’ve been the disappointment.
Enid Sinclair: Are you kidding me? I’ve learned so much from you. Part of it is admittedly criminal behavior, but most people spend their entire lives pretending to give zero effs, and you literally never had an eff to give.

Enid Sinclair: [to Wednesday] You’re right. Not hugging is kind of our thing.

Wednesday Addams: [after finding out that Thornhill is Laurel Gates] Typically, I have great admiration for well-executed revenge plots. But yours was a bit extreme, even for my high standards.
Marilyn Thornhill: Oh, dear. Weems was right. You do need psychiatric help. Can’t throw out wild accusations without consequences.
Wednesday Addams: They may be wild, but they’re true.

Marilyn Thornhill: You know, we have roots that go all the way back to Joseph Crackstone.
Wednesday Addams: So you come from a line of psychotic killers too.

Enid Sinclair: I can’t believe you’re in a secret society and you didn’t tell me.
Ajax Petropolus: Because, you know, it’s secret.

Enid Sinclair: Seriously, a secret snap too?

Tyler Galpin: Laurel said you were dead.
Wednesday Addams: I’m feeling much better now.
Tyler Galpin: You’re like a cockroach.
Wednesday Addams: Please, flattery will get you nowhere.

Marilyn Thornhill: I can’t tell you how I’ve longed for this moment, what it means for my family.
Joseph Crackstone: Silence, woman! Be gone, or I will cut thy tongue from thy wretched mouth!
Marilyn Thornhill: Never meet your heroes.

Wednesday Addams: Howdy, pilgrim.
Joseph Crackstone: How canst thy heart still beat? What demon sorcery is this?

Wednesday Addams: [to Thornhill] You brought a gun to a sword fight. It’s probably the first smart decision you’ve made today.

Eugene Otinger: [to Thornhill, as he releases his bees on her] Yeah, that’s what you get for messing with Nevermore. B**ch. Hummers stick together, right?

Enid Sinclair: I hate to admit, but I am going to miss Principal Weems.
Wednesday Addams: She could be a real pain. But she was tough. And she died for the one thing she truly loved, this school. For that, I have immense respect.
Enid Sinclair: She was one of us.

Xavier Thorpe: [to Wednesday] When I was in the cell I said a lot of things. Being your friend should come with a warning label. But I don’t know a lot of people who would take an arrow for me.

Xavier Thorpe: [as he gives her a phone] Welcome to the 21st century, Addams. My number’s in there already.
Wednesday Addams: That’s a bold move. I hope you’re not expecting me to call you.
Xavier Thorpe: No, never. I’d settle for a text though. You know what a text is, right?
Wednesday Addams: Goodbye, Xavier.

Xavier Thorpe: [to Wednesday] Hey, are you going to be back next semester? Yes? No? Maybe?

Wednesday Addams: My very first stalker. Maybe this forced vacation will be more interesting than I imagined. Unlike my novel, not every thread has been tied up, nor every question answered. Secrets are still lurking in the dark corners of Jericho. Were Laurel Gates and Tyler just pawns in a bigger game? Will today’s stalker become tomorrow’s nemesis? I know the suspense is killing you.