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Home / Best Quotes / Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) Best Movie Quotes

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) Best Movie Quotes

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Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Evan Rachel Wood, Rainn Wilson, Toby Huss, Julianne Nicholson, Quinta Brunson, Will Forte

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

Bio-comedy drama directed and co-written by Eric Appel. A parody of the biopic genre, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) tells the fictionalized tale of Al Yankovic (Daniel Radcliffe) exploring every facet of Yankovic’s life, from his meteoric rise to fame, with early hits like ‘Eat It’ and ‘Like a Surgeon’, to his torrid celebrity love affairs and famously depraved lifestyle.

 

Our Favorite Quotes:

'I know it's hard to hear this, but your dad and I had a long talk, and we agreed it would be best for all of us if you would just stop being who you are and doing the things you love.' - Mary (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story) Click To Tweet

 

Best Quotes


 

Grizzled Narrator: Life is like a parody of your favorite song. Just when you think you know all the words, surprise, you don’t know anything.


 

Doctor: [after failing to save Al] Time of death, 7:30…
Weird Al: [suddenly wakes and sits up] Quick! I need some paper, and a number two pencil.


 

Young Al: I don’t want to work at the factory. I want to make songs.
Nick: What? You want to make songs? Did you hear that, Mary? We got a regular Bing Crosby on our hands, don’t we?


 

Nick: [as young Al is singing] Stop. Stop! What in God’s name are you doing? Those aren’t the right words.
Young Al: I know. I made them better.
Nick: By changing the lyrics to a well-known song? No, boy. What you’re doing is confusing and evil. My God, and I will not have that kind of blasphemy in my own home!


 

Mary: Honey, I know it’s hard to hear this, but your dad and I had a long talk, and we agreed it would be best for all of us if you would just stop being who you are and doing the things you love.
Young Al: You don’t understand me!


 

Salesman: [to young Al] Son, when you play the accordion, you are a one-man band. You are the life of every party. Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories.


 

Nick: [to the salesman, referring to the accordian] What are you doing in my house? And why is my innocent young child wearing that devil’s squeeze box?


 

Nick: [to young Al, referring to the accordian] Take that devilish monstrosity off this very instant. I don’t want to see you ever wearing it again!

 

'I'm living the dream. I mean, to have twenty thousand people every night singing along to my words to other people's music. I feel truly alive when I'm on that stage.' - Weird Al Click To Tweet

 

Young Al: [referring to his father, Nick] Why is he always so hard on me?
Mary: Listen, you’re too young to understand now, but just trust me, your father has his reasons.
Salesman: I think I have a collapsed lung.
Mary: We’re trying to have a conversation here, sir.


 

Teenage Al: My mom always tucks me in in case I have night terrors.
Robbie: You have night terrors?
Teenage Al: No. You know, just in case.


 

Teenage Al: Hey, you didn’t tell me that this was going to be a polka party.


 

Police Officer: [to Mary] I’m sorry to disturb you, ma’am, but I’m afraid we found your son at a polka party. He was playing an accordion.


 

Teenage Al: Well, it’s my life, and I want to make music, and I want to play the accordion.

 

'Life is like a parody of your favorite song. Just when you think you know all the words, surprise, you don't know anything.' - Grizzled Narrator (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story) Click To Tweet

 

Teenage Al: I play in the closet. But I’m not a closet accordion player anymore. It feels good!


 

Teenage Al: [after Nick breaks his accordion] You think you’re going to stop me from playing? You’ll see. One day I’m going to be the best! Well, perhaps not technically the best, but arguably the most famous accordion player in an extremely specific genre of music. I’ll show you. I’ll show everybody!


 

Johnny Barf: [as Al is playing the accordian for his audtion] Okay, that’s enough. Thanks. Yeah. Very, very interesting. So, we’ll let you know, okay?
Weird Al: Great. When?
Johnny Barf: Right now. You didn’t make it.


 

Weird Al: This sucks. It’s the fifth audition I’ve been kicked out of this week. It’s almost like nobody wants an accordion player in their band.
Jim: That just doesn’t make any sense.
Steve: Yeah. Accordions are cool.

 

'One day I'm going to be the best! Well, perhaps not technically the best, but arguably the most famous accordion player in an extremely specific genre of music.' - Teenage Al (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story) Click To Tweet

 

Bermuda: That’s the problem with being on the bleeding edge. You got to wait for the rest of the world to catch up with you.
Weird Al: I don’t have time to wait. If nobody wants to have me in their group, I’m just going to have to go it in on my own.


 

Steve: Just last night, I was driving down the wrong side of the 101 with my eyes closed, not knowing whether I was going to live to see another day, or die in a horrible, fiery wreck. Suck on that, Mom and Dad.


 

Bermuda: What’s something you always wanted to do, but you were never allowed to?
Weird Al: Make up new words to a song that already exists.
Bermuda: Oh. Well, you should do that, then.
Steve: Absolutely.


 

Weird Al: [singing] Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one. Open up a package of my bologna. Ooh, I think the toast is done. The toast is done. Top it with a little of my bologna.
Steve: Where did that come from?
Jim: Dude, I’ve got chills.


 

Jim: Al, you’ve got something here. I don’t know if it comes from God or the devil, but the world needs to hear it.
Weird Al: No, forget it, guys. I don’t have the money for a recording studio.
Bermuda: I think the bathroom at the bus station has pretty good acoustics.

 

'That's the problem with being on the bleeding edge. You got to wait for the rest of the world to catch up with you.' - Bermuda (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story) Click To Tweet

 

Weird Al: Alright. Just mailed the tape off to Captain Buffoon. Now, I guess, all I got to do is sit back and wait to become famous.
Bermuda: Yeah, I don’t think that’s quite how it works, Al. Nobody becomes famous overnight. That’s a myth. Sometimes it takes years, decades of hard work to get noticed.
Weird Al: What?


 

Bermuda: I know it’s going to happen for you someday, but you can’t just mail your tape off to some disc jockey and expect to instantly become a sensation.
Weird Al: Man, why can’t I catch a break?


 

Captain Buffoon: [on radio] I just received this tape in the mail a few minutes ago, and what can I say? It’s an instant sensation! It’s already the number one most requested song of the week, and we’re playing it all day long. So, here it is, once again, Al Yankovic with “My Bologna!”


 

Tony Scotti: [to Al] Use your head, kid. Nobody wants to hear a parody song when they can hear the real thing for the same price. What’s the point?

 

'Are you saying you want to be my mentor?' - Weird Al, 'No. I'm saying I want to be your de-mentor!' - Dr. Demento (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story) Click To Tweet

 

Tony Scotti: Captain Buffoon actually played your song on the radio?
Weird Al: Yeah.
Tony Scotti: Why didn’t you tell us? This changes everything. Ben, get this young gentleman a record contract this very instant. We are going to sign him to a fourteen album deal.
Weird Al: Wait. Really?
Tony Scotti: No! What do you think I am, an idiot?


 

Ben Scotti: I’m going to remember your name because you, Al Yankovic, are the most untalented, pathetic loser that I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’re nothing but a hack, a stupid, useless parasite, and you’re so ugly. That ridiculous hair, that horrible mustache, stupid glasses. You make me want to throw up!

 

'You must die in order to be reborn.' - Dr. Demento (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story Click To Tweet

 

Tony Scotti: [to Al] Just get out there, build up your chops, and who knows? Maybe someday, we’ll talk again.
Ben Scotti: But don’t count on it because you truly suck.
Tony Scotti: Right.


 

Steve: [as Al is about to go onto the stage at the bar] The new song’s a bona fide hit.
Weird Al: It’s about ice cream!
Bermuda: Everybody likes ice cream.
Weird Al: This seems like more of a whiskey and heroin crowd.

 

'If there's one thing I've learned in life, the only thing that can clear your head and make you feel better is hard alcohol, and lots of it.' - Madonna (Weird: The Al Yankovic Story) Click To Tweet

 

Mama Bear: [as Al is playing his music at the bar] Give me a shot of tequila and two scoops of rum raisin.
Bartender: We don’t sell ice cream here.
Mama Bear: You better start selling it before this song’s over, or you’re going to have a riot on your hands.


 

Dr. Demento: [to Al] Every once in a great while, I can spot a talent that I know is headed straight to the top. Nervous Norvus. Wild Man Fischer. And now, you.

 

'Live the life you want to live. Be as weird as you want to be. Believe me, you will never find true happiness until you can truly accept who you are.' - Weird Al Click To Tweet

 

Dr. Demento: Well, stick with me, huh? I know a little something about the biz.
Weird Al: Wait. Are you saying you want to be my mentor?
Dr. Demento: No. I’m saying I want to be your de-mentor!

See more Weird: The Al Yankovic Story Quotes


 

Dr. Demento: First, we got to find you a stage name. I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh. Blech. Doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue now, does it?
Weird Al: I guess not.
Dr. Demento: It’s so clunky. It’s long. It’s ungainly. It’s hard to pronounce.
Weird Al: Sorry.
Dr. Demento: Now, I’m just going to throw this out there. Would you be willing to change your name to “Weird Al” Yankovic?
Weird Al: I love it.


 

Tiny Tim: Oh, Mr. Yankovic. Oh, why, you’re just the cat’s pajamas.
Weird Al: Is that a good thing?
Dr. Demento: Sure.


 

Salvador Dali: What do you think of this “Weird Al” Yankovic? Dali predicts he will change everything we know about art! Weird Al will change the world!
Andy Warhol: Eh, I give him fifteen minutes.


 

Wolfman Jack: [referring to Al] He’ll never crack the top forty, he’s too niche.
Dr. Demento: This kid, as you call him, is the future of music.


 

Wolfman Jack: That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al.
John Deacon: Hey, mate, we’re playing a little gig next week called Live Aid, Wembley Stadium. I’d be honored if you would join the band and play that song on stage with us. What do you say?
Weird Al: Hard pass!


 

Oprah Winfrey: Simply by taking well-known pop songs and changing the lyrics, Yankovic has taken the world by storm.


 

Oprah Winfrey: And what about this, this necklace you’re wearing?
Weird Al: Oh, these. Yeah. I wear one solid platinum record medallion for each time my album went platinum. So that’s one, two, three, four, five.
Oprah Winfrey: Wow. Those look heavy.
Weird Al: They are super uncomfortable.


 

Weird Al: I’m living the dream. I mean, to have twenty thousand people every night singing along to my words to other people’s music. I feel truly alive when I’m on that stage.


 

Weird Al: [over phone, referring to Nick] What does he want to tell me?
Mary: Well, mostly he just wants to let you know that he’s definitely not proud of you.
Weird Al: What?
Mary: Yes. He told me to be crystal clear about that. Also, he still thinks that parody songs are stupid. And I don’t have to tell you how he feels about the accordion, do I?


 

Dr. Demento: [to Al] I saw in you a visionary. An artist who has something to give to the world. I saw in you something special, something your father doesn’t see, and that even you don’t see, yet.


 

Weird Al: This guacamole tastes funny.
Dr. Demento: Of course it does. It’s loaded with LSD.
Weird Al: What?!


 

Weird Al: [as he’s high on LSD] What’s happening to me?!
Dr. Demento: Now you must die in order to be reborn.


 

Weird Al: I’m tired of people thinking I’m some kind of joke, okay? I am done writing parody songs. Done. From now on, I am only going to do completely original music.
Ben Scotti: Oh, Al, you can’t smoke in here.
Ben Scotti: [after Al puts out the cigarette on his hand] I totally deserved that.


 

Weird Al: So, what brings you here, Madonna?
Madonna: Oh, I was in the neighborhood. Wanted to see if my map to the stars homes was accurate.
Weird Al: Guess you won’t need a refund then.


 

Madonna: Have you heard my new single, Like a Virgin?
Weird Al: Oh, I’ve heard it. And I’m curious, is that song autobiographical?
Madonna: Yes. I technically am a virgin. Except for the fact that I’ve had a lot of sex. I mean, a lot.


 

Weird Al: So, would you like to see the rest of the house?
Madonna: There’s only one room I’m interested in seeing.
Weird Al: Oh, I’m doing some work on the bathroom. But there’s another one downstairs.
Madonna: Oh, I’m not talking about the bathroom.
Weird Al: Then let me show you to the laundry room.
Madonna: Al Yankovic, are you playing with me?
Weird Al: Yes?


 

Dr. Demento: Well, we have another offer. A very serious offer. This is to replace Roger Moore in the James Bond franchise. Now this one…
Weird Al: No! No, no, no. I’m not going to be the new James Bond. I’m not going to be the new Indiana Jones. From now on, everything I do has to be completely original.


 

Weird Al: You don’t think things are moving too fast with us, do you?
Madonna: Baby, don’t be silly. We’re soul mates. This is true love. When you know, you know.
Weird Al: You’re so right. This has been the happiest six hours of my life.


 

Weird Al: Why is that has-been trying to ride my coattails?
Tony Scotti: Well, he actually has a pretty successful solo career now.
Weird Al: Whatever! You’re telling me Michael Jackson recorded a parody of my song?
Tony Scotti: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Same music, different words.
Weird Al: What kind of sick freak changes the words to someone else’s song?


 

Weird Al: I need people to start taking me seriously as an artist that creates original music. Now some idiots will probably get confused and think “Beat It” came first!
Tony Scotti: Nobody’s going to think that.
Weird Al: This is a disaster. For the rest of my life now, I’m going to be linked to this Michael Jackson guy.


 

Madonna: Babe, you seem stressed. You should have a drink.
Weird Al: I don’t really drink.
Madonna: If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, the only thing that can clear your head and make you feel better is hard alcohol, and lots of it.
Weird Al: Well, you know me better than anyone. I trust you.


 

Weird Al: [to Jim, Steve, and Bermuda] You guys are nothing without me. Yeah, I could replace you with a drum machine, and you with a guitar machine, and you with a, I don’t know, with some other machine. You’re all just a bunch of normals! Okay. I’m the weird one! I am the weird one!


 

Dr. Demento: I think Madonna’s a bad influence on you. I think she’s an evil, conniving succubus, and she’s only using you for her pathetic and selfish needs.
Weird Al: What?
Dr. Demento: [to Madonna] No offense.


 

Dr. Demento: [to Al, referring to Madonna] You got to take care of yourself. When she’s done with you, she’s going to drop you like a sack of spoiled cabbage.


 

Madonna: [to Al] We’ll be the hottest power couple in the entire music industry. What would our power couple name be? I’m thinking Madankovic, or Madonnavic, or maybe just Madonna.


 

Weird Al: I’m seriously okay with anything you want to do. I mean, look at me. I’m a train wreck. I’m barely holding it together. My parents wrote me off. I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento, everyone who was important to me. You’re all I got. You are literally the only thing I have left in the world, and if anything happened to you, I don’t know what I would do.
[just then Madonna gets kidnapped by Pablo Escobar’s thugs]


 

Weird Al: Pablo Escobar, you just made the biggest mistake of your life.


 

Weird Al: Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing. I’m certified platinum. Hey, Escobar. Eat it.
[throws one of his platimum albums at Escobar’s head, killing him]


 

Madonna: You just killed Pablo Escobar!
Weird Al: I know! I’ve killed so many people this week. Before last Thursday, I never really killed anyone. The things we do for love, huh?


 

Madonna: We could have made such a beautiful team. And you know what? I decided I do like Weirdonna better than Madonnavic. But that’s all over now. Our partnership is officially dissolved.
Weird Al: Goodbye, Madonna.


 

Grizzled Narrator: Yeah. I had a lot of soul searching to do. Was I a parody singer? An original artist? The most dangerous assassin in the world? Maybe I had lost my way. Don’t get me wrong, there were things I loved about being Weird Al. The fame, the money, the fancy dinners, joining the Illuminati, going to the Illuminati holiday party, learning the truth about the moon landing and JFK. But without my family, none of that mattered. I knew what I had to do.


 

Weird Al: [to Nick] All my life, all I wanted to do is please you, but I was never enough. You were always disappointed in your weird son. So, yeah, I gave up the most successful career in music history to come work at this miserable factory, because it’s what you’ve always wanted. And what, it is still not enough for you?


 

Nick: I was wrong to stand in your way. This isn’t what you were meant for. You’re special. You’re Weird Al, and you’re my son. And I’m proud of you.


 

Nick: I grew up Amish. Lived in the community for the first sixteen years of my life. And frankly, I don’t think I ever really fit in. Because, well, if I’m being honest, I was just as weird as you when I was a kid. Yeah, I even made up new words to the hymns that we sang during church service. That didn’t go over too well.


 

Nick: I finally had a chance to go out into the great big world and see what it had to offer. And that’s when I saw the love of my life, a 1933 Excelsior, the finest accordion there ever was.


 

Nick: So, I tried for months to make it as a professional musician, but it just wasn’t in God’s plan. Failure mocked me at every waking moment. I knew that I had to give up my dream and go back to the only life that I’d ever known.


 

Nick: [to Al] I lost everything, and I didn’t want you to suffer the same sad fate. I didn’t want you to get your dreams crushed, so I thought I should crush your ideas before they could turn into dreams.


 

Weird Al: Mom, what did you say like a minute ago, about being fat?
Mary: We’re onto something else now.
Nick: We were kind of having a moment here, son.
Mary: Read the room.
Nick: Yeah. I mean, I wrote the book, and did the whole thing. The drawing.
Mary: Alfy! Listen to your father when he’s talking!
Nick: Does anything register with you? Can you see my lips moving? Nothing gets through to you.


 

Bermuda: [to Al] Hey, you’re an artist. Being an abusive jerk is all part of the process.
Jim: Yeah, name me one creative genius that doesn’t have a checkered past involving drugs, alcohol, and a murderous rampage through the heart of the jungle.


 

Diana Ross: And now, the award you’ve all been waiting for. In the category of “Perhaps Not Technically the Best But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player in an Extremely Specific Genre of Music”. And the award goes to…
Hulk Hogan, Diana Ross: “Weird Al” Yankovic!


 

Weird Al: [as he’s accepting his award] But in my remaining few seconds, I just want to say, live the life you want to live. You know, be as weird as you want to be. Believe me, you will never find true happiness until you can truly accept who you are. And standing before all of you, right here, right now, I can honestly say I have never been more happy, or more proud in my entire life.
[then we see as one of Madonna’s henchman is about to kill Al]

 


 

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