Starring: Taraji P. Henson, Aldis Hodge, Tracy Morgan, Richard Roundtree, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Josh Brener, Tamala Jones, Phoebe Robinson, Max Greenfield, Jason Jones, Shaquille O’Neal
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Romantic fantasy comedy directed by Adam Shankman, in which the story follows successful sports agent, Ali Davis (Taraji P. Henson), who’s constantly boxed out by her male colleagues. When Ali is passed up for a well-deserved promotion, she questions what else she needs to do to succeed in a man’s world, until she gains the ability to hear men’s thoughts.
With her newfound power, Ali looks to outsmart her colleagues as she races to sign the next basketball superstar, but the lengths she has to go to will put her relationship with her best friends and a potential new love interest (Aldis Hodge) to the test.
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 37)
Brandon Wallace: Holy Mother of Men’s Health and Fitness, what is happening here?
Ali Davis: Oh, that’s my new neighbor. Captain Fucktastic, that’s what I’ve been calling him. Right?
Brandon Wallace: Yeah.
[in the elevator with her good looking neighbor]
Ali Davis: Such a nice day for a jog. I like running. I just don’t like running alone.
[her neighbor ignores her; mouths to Ali]
Brandon Wallace: He’s gay.
Brandon Wallace: Anyone seen the new Gaga video?
Ali Davis: [mouthing] No, he’s not.
[the elevator bell rings and Ali’s neighbor steps out of the lift]
Ali Davis: God. Not even a sideways eye fuck, nada. What’s going on in his head? What, my ass doesn’t look good in this skirt?
Brandon Wallace: Oh, given the current climate, it feels inappropriate for me to comment on your body.
Ali Davis: Brandon!
Brandon Wallace: Tight as a snare drum. You could bounce a quarter off that thing.
Ali Davis: You know what? Screw him. Today’s my day. I’m making partner, baby.
Brandon Wallace: Mm-hmm!
Ali Davis: And no man, I don’t care how fucktastic, is going to kill my vibe.
Nick Ivers: Now, speaking of teamwork, I think we got ourselves a championship ball.
[he holds up a football]
Nick Ivers: Right? And I think you know what this means. That means somebody in this room is about to be knighted. Now, that could be you.
[points at someone in the meeting]
Nick Ivers: Uh-huh. It could be you.
[points to someone else]
Nick Ivers: You had a good year. But anyway, before I name names, I got to say something about this person. This person is tough as nails, plays with passion and grit. This person has brass balls when it comes to negotiations. Now, it’s my honor to confer title of partner to the person synonymous with Summit Worldwide Management. Let’s give it up for the newest member of the partners club! Here you go!
[Nick throws the football, but Ali thinking it’s to her, stands and catches it]
Nick Ivers: Eddie Allen! Ali?
[Ali holds on the ball, still not realizing it’s not her]
Ali Davis: Wooh!
Nick Ivers: That’s a great interception, Ali, but that pass was to Eddie.
[as Ali reluctantly passes to Eddie]
Nick Ivers: That’s right, there you are. Eddie Allen! Congratulations to Eddie!
Eddie: Yeah! Wooh!
Nick Ivers: That’s teamwork right there! Teamwork!
[after Eddie has been named partner]
Ali Davis: Is this a joke, Nick? Huh? I mean, what the fuck do I have to do to make partner?
Nick Ivers: Breathe, and grab a Fiji. I mean, you know the deal. It has to be unanimous partner approval.
Ali Davis: Okay. So who was it? It was Kevin, wasn’t it? I knew it was Kevin.
Nick Ivers: It’s anonymous, so I honestly couldn’t tell you.
Ali Davis: This is bullshit. This is boys club bullshit, and you know it!
Nick Ivers: Look, this is a meritocracy. So, you’re not entitled to be a partner.
Ali Davis: I’m sorry, “entitled”? Oh, well, you name someone who reps more Olympic gold medalists than me. I have clients on the cover of Sports Illustrated and Vogue in the same month!
Nick Ivers: But you don’t have any of the big three clients, do you? The MLB, the NBA, the NFL. I mean, Eddie signed Mitchell Trubisky. That’s a number one draft pick. Boom. Done.
Ali Davis: Boom!
Nick Ivers: Yeah.
Nick Ivers: Look, so I’m going to be honest with you. You don’t connect well with men. That means you’re doing great in your lane. So, let’s just stay in your lane. Okay?
Ali Davis: Okay. Are you finished?
Nick Ivers: Yeah, I’m good.
Ali Davis: Great. I have to go get back in my female lane. Have a great day, Dick. I mean, Nick.
Nick Ivers: What did I say?
[Ali wakes up to finds Will’s son, Ben, standing by the bed wearing her underwear on his head]
Ali Davis: Who are you?
Ben: I’m Ben. I hope it’s okay I borrowed your mask.
[he crosses his arms]
Ben: Welcome to Wakanda.
[pointing to her underwear on Ben’s head]
Ali Davis: I need my, uh, my mask.
Will: The nasty… Oh. Don’t. Close your mouth. Don’t breathe. Don’t say nothing.
Olivia: You didn’t make partner, did you?
Ali Davis: Did that little shit Brandon text you?
Ciarra: Uh, no, your half-ass angry smile kind of gave it all away.
Ali Davis: I just can’t believe that Nick tried to sell me some bullshit about how I don’t connect with men. Can you believe that? Me!
Olivia: Okay, so I have a special surprise for you ladies.
Mari: Oh. I love surprises.
Olivia: Now, we all know that Mari and James have a bright and shiny future. Okay? But specifics are good, right? So I hired a psychic. Come on. Come on! Yes!
Ali Davis: That’s really sweet, Olivia. But don’t nobody want no Dionne Warwick psychic hotline con artist spinning bullshit about our past.
Olivia: Okay, well, she’s already here, and she probably can hear you, so.
[Sister, the psychic lady walks down the stairs]
[referring to Sister]
Ali Davis: Where did you find her?
Ali Davis: What?
[Sister starts reading Ali’s tarot cards]
Sister: It says here you’re having problems at work.
Ali Davis: Yeah, you heard me talking to my girlfriends.
Sister: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm! There’s a man there who does not want you to succeed. Uh, he feels threatened by you.
Ali Davis: Oh. A man? Try a dozen.
Sister: There’s also a man who you will have a relationship with. And his name begins with W. Will?
Ali Davis: Wait. How did you know that? How the fuck did you know that? Were you spying on me at the Highland Tap last night?
Sister: Ma’am, I don’t even know who you are. Plus, I’m nineteen years sober. If you don’t count the weed, and the peyote, and the crack.
Ali Davis: Crack?
Sister: I was just kidding.
Sister: You want to know how to connect with men, right?
Ali Davis: Uh…
Sister: Well, I can help you open your inner portal. Yeah. So, let’s just have some tea.
Ali Davis: Oh, I don’t really like tea.
Sister: No, no, have some.
[as Sister pours the tea]
Ali Davis: Oh, what’s that smell?
Sister: Oh, that’s the fey lougawou plant. It’s an extract from Haiti. Then I can read you.
[she hands Ali the cup of tea]
Sister: Just take a sip. Go on, take a sip. Relax.
[Ali reluctantly takes a sip]
Sister: Woh, yes!
[Ali starts gagging]
Sister: Now, get it down. Sip it. Oh. Travel within. Feel yourself. Feel it. Relax. You are yin, and you are yang. You are both male and female. Ali. Oh, feel it all inside. Let it work your insides.
[waking up in the hospital after drinking the tea and knocking herself out at a club]
Dr. Wilson: Oh. Morning, Miss Davis. All your signs look good, but I’m going to check your vitals once more before we release you back in the wild.
[Ali hears his thoughts]
Dr. Wilson: Thank God this one didn’t die on me. Some dickweed shoves a whole hairdryer into his rectum, electrocutes himself in the shower, but somehow I’m responsible. I mean, who does that?
Ali Davis: Um, excuse me.
Dr. Wilson: Hm?
Ali Davis: Doc, did you say something?
Dr. Wilson: No.
Ali Davis: You did. You said something about some dude shoving a hairdryer up his ass.
Dr. Wilson: I don’t think I did.
Ali Davis: No, I heard you. And that’s weird. That’s something very weird to say.
[Ali hears Wilson’s thoughts again]
Dr. Wilson: I must be losing it. Starting today, no more drinking at work. Just cocaine.
Ali Davis: Hey! Why are you telling me about your coke problem? A, it makes me very uncomfortable. You’re a doctor. And, B, just too much information.
Dr. Wilson: I didn’t say anything.
Ali Davis: You did.
Dr. Wilson: Are you taping this?
Ali Davis: What?
Dr. Wilson: I’m calling a lawyer.
Ali Davis: You need rehab. Where’s my cell phone?
Ali Davis: Oh, my doctor says I can’t drive for a week. Which should give me enough time to find my driver’s license. Which could be anywhere, after last night.
[Ali hears Brandon’s thoughts]
Brandon Wallace: Well, at least I don’t have to peel used condoms off your back today. So far.
Ali Davis: Okay, stop doing that.
Brandon Wallace: Stop doing what?
Ali Davis: Talking without moving your mouth, and saying rude shit you should not be saying to your boss.
Brandon Wallace: I swear on my life, I would never say anything disrespectful or inappropriate to you ever.
[Ali hears Brandon’s thoughts]
Brandon Wallace: Which is more than I can say for you.
Ali Davis: Right there. You just did it. You said, “More than I can say for you.” And then there was that crack about the condom on my back. I heard you say it.
Brandon Wallace: But I didn’t say it.
Brandon Wallace: Holy shit, are you reading my mind? Because if you can hear my inner thoughts, I am super fucked!
Ali Davis: I can hear your inner thoughts, and you are super fucked!
[they both scream]
Ali Davis: Stop screaming!
[we hear Brandon mentally screaming]
Ali Davis: I said stop doing that!
Ali Davis: Okay, so apparently I only hear men’s voices.
Ali Davis: And yours.
Brandon Wallace: Okay. Ouch. Wait, wait, wait. Walk me through last night, the bachelorette party. Did you gals get into any controlled substances? Weed? X? Coke? Ayahuasca? Meth?
Ali Davis: A little. No.
Brandon Wallace: LSD? Fentanyl? Bath salt?
Ali Davis: No!
Brandon Wallace: Are you in a K hole?
Ali Davis: Wait. There was this psychic. Sister. Yes! Yes! Sister! And she was supposed to help me understand men better. She gave me this tea, this tea, and she made me drink it. And it was nasty. It tasted like dirt!
Brandon Wallace: And you drank it?
Ali Davis: She said to!
Brandon Wallace: I thought black people stopped drinking tea after Get Out. You forgot to stay woke.
Ali Davis: Shut up! We need to see Sister.
[as they pull up outside Sister’s shop]
Ali Davis: Um, that’s it.
[reading the shop sign]
Brandon Wallace: “Hot Chocolate Hair Designers”?
Ali Davis: Yeah.
Brandon Wallace: You drank tea from this place?
Ali Davis: Hey, don’t judge me.
Sister: What can I do for you, baby?
Ali Davis: You did a tarot reading at my friend Mari’s bachelorette night.
Ali Davis: And you made me drink, this really funky tea. And, um, it messed me up. So, what was in it?
Sister: Oh, that was just jasmine tea.
Ali Davis: Oh.
Sister: And a teeny bit of pot. And a teeny, tiny bit of X.
Ali Davis: What?
Sister: FYI, you signed a waiver.
Ali Davis: So you dosed me?
Sister: No, no, no. See, people like it. People enjoy this, generally. But what do you want me to do? Some dry cleaning?
Ali Davis: Mm-mm.
Sister: Did she, did you shit yourself?
Ali Davis: No. No. No.
Brandon Wallace: Did she shit herself?
Ali Davis: No! No.
Ali Davis: Now, I know you said you wanted to help me understand men better, but now I can literally hear people’s inner thoughts.
Sister: So, you can hear what I’m thinking right now?
Ali Davis: No. Not you, just men.
Brandon Wallace: It’s true.
Ali Davis: And it’s driving me nuts. Please help.
Sister: Amazing. Amazing!
Ali Davis: No, it’s not.
Sister: Yes, it is! That’s amazing! This is the most amazing thing.
Sister: So what do you think I’m supposed to do about it?
Ali Davis: Well, look, I know I always said, you know, “What is he thinking?” And now I know. And you don’t want to know because it’s not good. Okay, just please get the men out of my head.
Sister: So you’re telling me that you came in here to get rid of this ability?
Ali Davis: Yes.
Sister: Are you crazy?!
Ali Davis: No. Do you know how many men I work with?
Sister: Now, if you can read their thoughts, how are they going to do that?
Brandon Wallace: You could get inside Joe Dolla’s head. Or Jamal’s.
Ali Davis: You’re right. And I can sign the hell out of him.
Sister: There you go.
Ali Davis: You know what? I think I’m going to hold on to this gift after all. Thank you, Sister.
Ali Davis: Kevin, my man. Do we have any meetings on the books for Joe Dolla and Jamal yet?
Kevin Myrtle: Nothing yet, but we are working on it.
[hearing his thoughts]
Kevin Myrtle: Just poker at Nick’s house tonight, and you’re not invited.
Ethan: You here to drop off paperwork?
[Ali hears his thoughts]
Ethan: What the fuck are you doing here?
Ali Davis: No, I am here for secret poker night. Thanks for inviting me finally. Hey, I brought a gift.
[she hands him a bottle whiskey]
Ethan: It’s not a secret. But super glad you’ve been invited, finally.
Ali Davis: Me, too.
Ethan: Huh? I invited you? That’s… No, I invited you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[at the poker game Ali hears their thoughts]
Mark Cuban: [thinking] Pair of sevens? Fuck it. I’m bluffing these fools.
Grant Hill: [thinking] This is literally the worst hand ever dealt in the history of poker.
Shaquille O’Neal: [thinking] Three fives, come to papa. Grant lost some weight.
Joe ‘Dolla’ Barry: [to Ali] Bet’s to you, Miss Win-Win.
Ali Davis: Oh. It’s just Miss Win tonight, but I’m in. Two thou.
Ethan: [thinking] And that’s a no.
Joe ‘Dolla’ Barry: [thinking] I smell toast. Am I having a stroke? Wait, I have toast in my pocket. Wooph.
[Ali continues to hear their thoughts during the poker game]
Mark Cuban: [thinking] Got to stop playing poker with poor people.
Grant Hill: [thinking] Shit, I’m missing Real Housewives.
Shaquille O’Neal: [thinking] Nothing.
Mark Cuban: [thinking] I’m so rich.
Joe ‘Dolla’ Barry: [thinking] I’m going to freeze my sperm and have baby ice cubes.
[Ali hears Jo’s thoughts]
Joe ‘Dolla’ Barry: I don’t trust a woman with no family. Like I don’t trust a man with no eyebrows and too many keys.
[playing pool with Will]
Ali Davis: Well, look at you, impressing all the ladies.
Will: Her? Whatever.
[Ali hears his thoughts]
Will: Why would I waste a second on her when I got you standing right here in front of me?
[Ali looks shocked and smiles to herself]
[Ali can hear Will’s thoughts as they are having sex]
Will: Oh, okay, okay. Slow down. Slow. Wait. Slow down, girl. This isn’t a rodeo. Yeah. Woh, woh, woh, woh, woh! Easy with the balls! Easy with the balls. They’re attached to me.
[as Ali and Will are having sex]
Will: [thinking] Why are her eyes always closed? Am I that ugly?
[upon hearing this Ali opens her eyes]
Will: [thinking] Damn, her eyes opened, but she look crazy as hell. They were better closed.
[Ali gives up trying to please Will during sex]
Will: What’s up? You okay?
Ali Davis: Just admit it. This wasn’t going so good.
Will: What? No, it was, it was, it was, it was cool.
Will: Okay, look. How about we try something a little different tonight?
Ali Davis: Uh, like what?
Will: Like how about we call a truce? Nobody is in control. We’ll just, you know, we share a little bit. Can you share?
[after having had sex; they both look exhausted]
Ali Davis: How was that?
Will: It was phenomenal. It was like you were in my head. You knew everything that I wanted. Girl, I feel like I just ran half a marathon. I need some electrolytes. You want some electrolytes?
Ali Davis: No.
Will: I don’t smoke or nothing after sex, but I’m going to get me some Gatorade. You want some Gatorade?
Ali Davis: No.
Will: I got flavors.
Ali Davis: I am good.
Will: Oh, okay.
Ali Davis: I’m straight.
Ali Davis: These powers have ruined my life. I would like to return them. Or whatever you do with powers.
Sister: Well, if I can be real, I finished off the Haitian tea, drunk it all myself. And the only voices I heard were Joan Rivers and Tupac. And they did not get along.
Ali Davis: Oh, my God, this is a disaster.
Sister: Mm. Maybe you looking at it the wrong way. With power comes a responsibility to tell the truth. Have you been telling the truth? You need to let the spirit guide you.
Ali Davis: I’ve been given a gift. Possibly by God. Possibly by a low rent, hair styling, weed dealing psychic. But I can hear men’s thoughts.
Nick Ivers: I think we all know what this is. And I think we all know who deserves it. Let’s give it up for our newest partner, Ali Davis.
[he throws the football to Ali as the others cheer and applaud for Ali]
Ali Davis: Wow. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks so much, Nick. For so many years, all I ever wanted was to be a part of this boys club. It’s all I ever wanted. And I don’t want to be a part of your club anymore. No, from now on, my self-worth is not going to come from a man’s approval. No. I am going to compete and win on my own terms, not yours. So, I’m opening my own agency.
Nick Ivers: I’m sorry, what’s happening here?
Ali Davis: Oh, calm down, Nick. Have a Fiji.
Nick Ivers: I will come after your clients hard!
Ali Davis: Calm your nuts! Look, you do very well in your lane, Nick. So stay in it. Oh, and, uh, my partner is going to be, uh…
[she hands the football to Kevin]
Eddie: What? Wait, bro. No way!
Kevin Myrtle: I’m with her.
Ali Davis: Okay, so on that note, we’re out. Um, and we would like to wish you the best in all of your future endeavors, i.e. go fuck yourself, and kiss my black ass. Let’s go.
Will: So what are you thinking of calling your new agency?
Ali Davis: I’m thinking Davis Athletics Management.
Will: You do know, abbreviated, that’s DAM. Like D-A-M. DAM.
Ali Davis: That’s right.
Will: So you do know.
Ali Davis: When people call, I want the receptionist to say, “DAM. How can I help you?”
Will: Aw, shit.
Ali Davis: No, that’s “Aw, DAM.”
Total Quotes: 37
What do you think of What Men Want quotes? Let us know what you think in the comments below as we’d love to know.