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Starring: Lily James, Emma Thompson, Sajal Ali, Shazad Latif, Rob Brydon, Shabana Azmi, Asim Chaudhry
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Story:
Romantic comedy directed by Shekhar Kapur. What’s Love Got to Do with It? (2022) follows documentary-maker Zoe (Lily James), who is a dating app addict, but swiping right has only delivered an endless stream of Mr. Wrongs, to her eccentric mother Cath’s (Emma Thompson) dismay. For Zoe’s childhood friend and neighbour Kazim (Shazad Latif), the answer is to follow his parents example and opt for an arranged marriage to a bright and beautiful bride from Pakistan. As Zoe films his hopeful journey from London to Lahore to marry a stranger, chosen by his parents, she begins to wonder if she might have something to learn from a profoundly different approach to finding love.
Our Favorite Quotes:
'We all need other people. There's no weakness in that.' - Cath Stevenson (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes
Zoe Stevenson: Please don’t tell me your parents still don’t know you smoke?
Kazim Khan: I’m an oncology registrar. It’s not the best look, is it?
Kazim Khan: I’m going old school on this one. I’m getting an arranged marriage. Well, “assisted marriage”. That’s what we’re calling it these days.
Zoe Stevenson: What, like assisted suicide?
Zoe Stevenson: I can’t get my head round marrying someone you don’t know.
Kazim Khan: It might be easier than marrying someone you do know.
Kazim Khan: Did you never want to get married?
Zoe Stevenson: Ooh, “never” is a bit harsh. I’m still interviewing. I haven’t yet met the one.
Kazim Khan: Ah, the one.
Zoe Stevenson: You know, just someone who I could commit to watching a whole TV series with, would be nice.
Cath Stevenson: [to Aisha] Oh! I cannot believe that you did not tell me that Kaz has asked you to find him a wife. Oh, my God. You are so lucky. My Zoe would kill me if I even tried to choose her clothes, let alone a husband.
Zoe Stevenson: Yeah. That’s because you’d choose someone ill-fitting and insist I grow into him.
Sam: [referring to Zoe’s documentary] I think, look, what we’re after is sort of more upbeat, character-led stories.
Olly: Warm heart, feel-good really. And we were kind of brainstorming, and we think that there probably isn’t a feel-good version of honour killings.
Zoe Stevenson: Probably not.
Zoe Stevenson: I could interview other British couples who’ve also had arranged marriages. Older, younger, happy, unhappy.
Sam: Yeah, like in When Harry Met Sally.
Olly: Ooh, don’t you mean When Harry Was Forced To Meet Sally?
Zoe Stevenson: Well, this isn’t a forced marriage, actually. This is his idea.
Olly: My Big Fat Arranged Wedding.
'You don't have to start with love. You end with love. And over time, you grow to love the person you're with.' - Kazim Khan, 'What? Like Stockholm Syndrome?' - Zoe Stevenson (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Sam: Now, I’m just thinking. Meet The Parents First. It’s called Meet The Parents.
Olly: Right. Or, I Hope She’s A Pretty Woman.
Zoe Stevenson: Love Contractually.
Sam: I Love Actually it.
Zoe Stevenson: Dare I ask, what about love?
Kazim Khan: You know what? It’s just a different way of getting there. You don’t have to start with love. You end with love. You know? And over time, you grow to love the person you’re with.
Zoe Stevenson: What? Like Stockholm Syndrome?
Kazim Khan: Marriage isn’t just about two people being in love. It’s a bigger thing than that. It’s about what’s best for children, and the whole family. Society.
Zoe Stevenson: Just say all that weird, old-fashioned, conventional s**t on camera.
Zoe Stevenson: And how is this any different from, say, dating apps?
Kazim Khan: Well, I guess you could say it’s kind of like a bespoke, 3D halal Tinder, operated by your parents.
Zahid Khan: People keep talking about this click. You know? He needs a companion, not a click.
'Sometimes, you meet someone, and you know in a heartbeat that you want to spend the rest of your life without them.' - Zoe Stevenson (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Mo: [to Kazim] No photos yet. Because think about it, if she’s too fit, then you won’t know if she’s a good fit. Okay? You’re going to see the picture. Yeah. You’re thinking with your little lo-lo. You need to be thinking with your no-no. Okay?
Aisha Khan: Actually, it would be best if she is a, you know, Jalandhar KPK Pathan mix.
Kazim Khan: This is getting kind of niche.
Mo: What’s your education, bro?
Kazim Khan: Bachelors in Biology. Then medical school.
Aisha Khan: He’s a doctor.
Mo: Ooph. Well, now this is top of the food chain.
Mo: [to Kazim] And any vices I should know about? Drinking? Smoking? Dogging? Dogging? S and M? Anything like that?
'You wander from room to room sometimes looking for the diamond that's already around your own neck.' - Farooq Khan (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Zahid Khan: No dogs. No pets.
Mo: No, no. Dogging means something… Don’t worry. Don’t worry.
Zahid Khan: Cats are okay.
Mo: Cats? I’ll write that down. “Cats”.
Lily: [reading from the dating app profile] My mantra is, “You have to endure the rain if you want to see the rainbow.”
Maud: What does that mean?
Zoe Stevenson: It means I’ll have to toss a Viagra in his mouth when he’s talking.
Zoe Stevenson: I thought the one upside to getting married is that you get to let yourself go?
Zoe Stevenson: Once upon a time, there was a girl and she met a frog. And he promised her, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a handsome prince.” And she said, “I’m not interested in fixing anyone but myself. And anyway, I’d far rather have a cool, talking frog than a boring old prince.”
Zoe Stevenson: Once upon a time, Cinderella met a handsome prince. And sometimes, kids, you meet someone, and you know in a heartbeat that you want to spend the rest of your life without them. Once upon another time, Cinderella met another prince. Because in fairy tales, a heroine is incomplete without one. And another prince. And he asked her to marry him. And she said, “No.” Cinderella focused on glass ceilings instead of glass slippers, which means she focused on work, and realised she was fine without a boring old prince. The End.
'Love at first anything's a mental health issue.' - Kazim Khan (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Mo: You’re not going to get what you want if you don’t say what you want.
Kazim Khan: [at the matchmaking event] Is this your first time?
City Boy: Mate, here, it’s everyone’s first time. At least that’s what they’ll tell you.
Zoe Stevenson: Oh, Kaz. Isn’t this a massive, crazy gamble? I mean, What if there’s no chemistry? How are you even going to know, if you don’t believe in sex before marriage all of a sudden?
Kazim Khan: I’m not sure I believe in sex after marriage. Most of my friends have no sex after marriage. And that’s with the loves of their lives.
Zoe Stevenson: Fair point. It’s depressing.
Zoe Stevenson: [to Kazim] Do you want to go and get a drink? A Bloody Mary for me, and a Virgin for you.
'It is better to fall into like, and walk into love.' - Aisha Khan (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Cath Stevenson: [referring to the Khans] We’ve been very lucky to have them as neighbours. Actually, they’ve become like family to me since your father left for that teenaged whore.
Zoe Stevenson: She’s thirty-five.
Cath Stevenson: Exactly.
Cath Stevenson: Oh, well, don’t leave it too late. Human eggs have a sell-by date too, you know.
Zoe Stevenson: Oh, well, maybe I’ll freeze them. I could be a ninety year-old pushing a triple pram.
Cath Stevenson: Well, that’s no good to me, is it? Because I’ll be dead.
Kazim Khan: There has to be a spark. There wasn’t even a flicker.
Aisha Khan: You know what I say. Simmer first, then boil. You all want to boil first, then simmer. And when it cools down, you get disappointed, and throw out the chai.
Kazim Khan: Yeah, well, simmer for too long, you end up with a dry pot.
Farooq Khan: No-one likes a dry pot, bro.
'Life's too short and too long to marry the wrong person.' - Zoe Stevenson (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Kazim Khan: [to Maymouna, over Skype] How do you feel about possibly moving to London?
Maymouna’s Mother: She’s fine with it.
Zahid Khan: She will love London. It’s a very multicultural place. Full of Pakistanis.
Nani Jan Khan: [in Urdu] It’s like living in a giant brothel.
Zoe Stevenson: [referring to freezing her eggs] Is there an express service?
Fertility Doctor: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Just come in here on your lunch break. And then in your sixties, we defrost your baby.
Fertility Doctor: Listen, how much do you want to be a mother?
Zoe Stevenson: Well, I’d rather be a father.
Fertility Doctor: Then you don’t have to juggle everything.
'Maybe somewhere between passion and pragmatism, maybe there's a path to happy ever after.' - Zoe Stevenson (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Zoe Stevenson: I thought that was the whole point of this egg freezing, is that I don’t have to put all my eggs in one b****rd.
Zoe Stevenson: Once upon a time, there was a girl called Little Red Riding Hood. She’d had a bad week. And all she wanted was to feel better. Or to feel nothing. So, when her mother warned her not to stray off that path, and talk to any strangers, Little Red Riding Hood thought to herself, “Where’s the fun on a well-trodden path?” And of course, she met a wolf. In an instant, all those bad feelings disappeared, like magic. “What’s the worst that could happen?” she thought to herself. “So, a bad boy wolf wants to eat me? A little nibble here and there can’t hurt. Can it?”
'A husband and wife should be like garments to each other. To protect and keep each other warm.' - David (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Kazim Khan: I got news. I got engaged.
Zoe Stevenson: Wait. What?
Zoe Stevenson: Love at first Skype.
Kazim Khan: Well, obviously not, no. Love at first anything’s a mental health issue.
Zoe Stevenson: [to Kazim] So you really will be marrying a stranger. I guess, in the end, so is everyone else. Everyone turns out to be someone else, or f***ing someone else.
'I don't believe that we choose who we fall in love with. It's too overwhelming to be in our control.' - Jamila (What's Love Got to Do with It?) Click To Tweet
Zoe Stevenson: It’s just been a challenging week.
Kazim Khan: What? Another date with someone you already hate?
Zoe Stevenson: I’m pretty sure most married men would cheat if they could get away with it.
Cath Stevenson: James wouldn’t.
Zoe Stevenson: Even if you’re sure your wife would never know?
James: No, of course not.
Zoe Stevenson: Why not?
James: Because I’d know.
Kazim Khan: I don’t like flying. Even the lingo’s morbid. It’s what? “Final destination”. “Departed”.
Zoe Stevenson: Or “Terminal”.
Trailer: