Starring: James Franco, Bryan Cranston, Zoey Deutch, Megan Mullally, Griffin Gluck, Keegan-Michael Key, Zack Pearlman, Steve Aoki, Casey Wilson, Andrew Rannells, Adam DeVine
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Story:
Romantic comedy written and directed and by John Hamburg. Why Him? (2016) centers on Ned (Bryan Cranston), an overprotective, but loving dad, who over the holidays visits his daughter, Stephanie (Zoey Deutch) at Stanford, where he meets his biggest nightmare, her well-meaning, but socially awkward, Silicon Valley billionaire boyfriend, Laird (James Franco). The straight-laced Ned thinks Laird, who has absolutely no filter, is a wildly inappropriate match for his daughter. The one-sided rivalry, and Ned’s panic level, escalate when he finds himself increasingly out of step in the glamorous high-tech hub, and learns that Laird is about to pop the question.
Best Quotes
Ned Fleming: Stephanie now wants us to fly out to meet the man behind the crack over the holidays. With everything that’s going on here, that’s the last thing I want to do.
Lou Dunne: Well, hold on now. This is the first serious boyfriend?
Ned Fleming: Yeah, apparently. I mean, it’s so strange. I mean, Stephanie and I have always been so close, and yet she has never even mentioned this guy.
Lou Dunne: That’s the way it goes, cheese. I thought I knew everything about Lou junior, when he was down at Ohio state, out of nowhere, he comes dragging home this buckeye that he’s been dating for over a year.
Ned Fleming: No.
Lou Dunne: Yeah. Nice girl, but still. She’s so controlling. I’m sorry, I don’t mean it like that because I don’t know her that well, but I don’t like her. I don’t.
Ned Fleming: Lou.
Lou Dunne: It’s just what happens, you know?
Ned Fleming: Lou, what is the point of all this?
Lou Dunne: Go out there and meet him. I know we going through a lot right now, but hell, Lou junior is talking about getting married in May.
Ned Fleming: Married.
Lou Dunne: Once they’re not under your roof, there’s no telling what they’re into. Oh, that reminds me. He does want you to speak at the wedding and say some kind words.
Ned Fleming: Oh.
Lou Dunne: I told him that I would talk to you about it.
Ned Fleming: And they’d like to get married at your house in the backyard.
Lou Dunne: But anyway, I’m just saying you might want to get out there and meet this kid. Because, I mean, you saw it. You saw it, he’s a free spirit.
Lou Dunne: [to Ned] I remember being that age, don’t you? Just always ready.
[he starts slapping his hands together to denote two people having sex]
Barb Fleming: Honey, who exactly are you dating?
Stephanie Fleming: Laird started this company called guerrilla gang. You play Ape Assassins,right?
Scotty Fleming: Are you kidding me? Yeah, that was my jam in the eighth grade.
Stephanie Fleming: Great, that’s him.
Ned Fleming: So, he makes video games?
Scotty Fleming: Apps, dad.
Stephanie Fleming: [as she pulls up at Laird’s driveway] This is it!
Barb Fleming: This is his house?
Stephanie Fleming: Mm-hmm.
Scotty Fleming: Are you sure this isn’t an apple store or something?
Laird Mayhew: M**herf***ing Fleming’s are in the house! Yes!
Ned Fleming: Oh, my God.
Laird Mayhew: Get up here!
Gustav: Please, please, please.
Laird Mayhew: Family, baby. F***, yeah!
Laird Mayhew: I’m so f***ing psyched that you’re out here for the holidays.
Barb Fleming: [referring to their teenage son Scotty] This is a fifteen year-old child.
Laird Mayhew: Oh, s**t! You don’t say f***?
Scotty Fleming: Heck, yeah, I cuss.
Laird Mayhew: You do. What’s your favorite cuss word?
Scotty Fleming: Titties.
Barb Fleming: Don’t say…
Laird Mayhew: Titties! Classic. What else you got?
Scotty Fleming: D**king, double d**king…
Ned Fleming: Okay.
Laird Mayhew: Wait, wait, hold on. Double d**king? Is that like d**k to d**k?
Barb Fleming: Alright.
Laird Mayhew: This kid is nasty, and I f***ing like it! Yes!
[he high-fives Scotty]
Ned Fleming: What is a double d**king, for crying out loud?
Ned Fleming: [whispering to Barb] We stay half an hour and then we’ll head back to the hotel.
Barb Fleming: Ned, would you look at that.
Scotty Fleming: [referring to Laird’s tattoo of Stephanie’s face on his chest] That’s your face, sis.
Laird Mayhew: Oh.
Ned Fleming: A good likeness.
Laird Mayhew: Oh, thanks. Yeah, Stephie tattoo. I got it like a week after we met, right?
Barb Fleming: One week.
Laird Mayhew: Yeah, right on my heart.
Stephanie Fleming: Okay, do you guys want to go see the house?
Barb Fleming: We, we probably should, we came to stop and say, “Hey.”
Ned Fleming: Yeah, we should go.
Laird Mayhew: Actually, no, no. before we go, I have a little surprise for everybody. I’m nervous.
Stephanie Fleming: Do you want to consult me about this? Do you want to talk about it before you say anything?
Laird Mayhew: You know what, no, I’m just jumping in. Alright, I’m just going to do this.
Laird Mayhew: [to himself] Laird, it’s going to be great. It’s going to be great. Da-dah!
[he turns and reveals a massive tattoo on his back of the Fleming family with “Happy Holidays” written under it]
Laird Mayhew: [referring to his tattoo] I just got it done this morning. I bet it’s red, huh? I need a little feedback.
Ned Fleming: Is that our Christmas card?
Barb Fleming: Yes.
Laird Mayhew: Yeah, that’s exactly what I used. How did you know?
Barb Fleming: Gosh, it says, “Happy Holidays,” and everything.
Laird Mayhew: What? Get the f*** out of here!
Barb Fleming: Okay.
Laird Mayhew: It says, “Happy Holidays.” Barb, f*** you. Goddamn. I gave the guy the Christmas card, I didn’t know he put “Happy Holidays” on there.
Stephanie Fleming: Wow.
Laird Mayhew: F***. I guess it’s stuck on there, huh?
Stephanie Fleming: Oops.
Laird Mayhew: F***.
Laird Mayhew: Hi.
Ned Fleming: Hi. I thought you’d be Stephanie.
Laird Mayhew: Steph’s super pooped. We had a big fight because of the way I behaved at dinner. Don’t worry, we took a shower together and worked it out. I snuck out to have a little check in.
Ned Fleming: Okay.
Laird Mayhew: [enters the room and lies down on Ned and Barb’s bed] Ned, would you come join us?
Laird Mayhew: I owe you two an apology. When I get nervous all kinds of crap comes flying out of my mouth, and I know that’s not how you guys roll.
Barb Fleming: Yes.
Laird Mayhew: I was just trying to make a good impression.
Barb Fleming: Yeah. Well, you did. It was, I mean you didn’t, but it’s okay.
Laird Mayhew: My instinct is to hug you right now.
Ned Fleming: Oh, no.
Barb Fleming: [Laird suddenly hugs Barb] I don’t think you… That’s okay. Oh, my God. Oh.
Ned Fleming: [as Laird goes to hug him, he quickly puts out his hand to shake] Goodnight.
Laird Mayhew: [takes Ned’s hand and kisses it] Peace.
Laird Mayhew: Dad, I’d love some guy time with you. So maybe we could take a walk tomorrow morning?
Ned Fleming: Okay.
Laird Mayhew: Okay, cool. Justine, will you set Ned an alarm for 6:30 AM.
Justine: You got it, Laird. Ned, an alarm’s been set for you for 6:30.
Ned Fleming: What? Who is that?
Laird Mayhew: That’s Justine. Yes, she’s like Siri, but awesome. I got that chick from the Big Bang Theory, Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice. J, say hi.
Justine: Hi, Ned. Hi, Barb. How are you guys?
Ned Fleming: Fine.
Barb Fleming: Really good.
Justine: Stephanie’s told me so much about you. Anything you need, I’m here.
Ned Fleming: Thank you.
Barb Fleming: Okay. Can she see us? Can she see us?
Laird Mayhew: Well, she says that she can’t, but I think that she can.
Justine: What are you talking about? You know I can’t see them.
Laird Mayhew: She’s a perv.
Stephanie Fleming: [to Ned] Laird is a really good guy his heart is always in the right place. He just literally has no filter.
Barb Fleming: [blows Laird a kiss, Laird pretends to catch it, put it in his mouth] He ate it.
Laird Mayhew: [to Steph, when she and her family are all sat down for a meal] Remember when we made love in the hot tub? Steph opened up like a flower, you should have seen it.
Barb Fleming: I shouldn’t have seen it, but now I feel like I have.
Ned Fleming: It turns out her boyfriend is this internet zillionaire.
Laird Mayhew: I’m so glad we’re doing this, Ned. I feel like I know you after everything that Steph’s told me about you , but it’s still not the same…
Gustav: [just then he runs over and knocks Laird down and starts choking him] Do you submit!
Ned Fleming: Stop!
Gustav: [gets a stranglehold of Laird with his legs] Ned, stay away! Tap out!
Laird Mayhew: No!
Gustav: Do you want to tap out!
Laird Mayhew: Okay! Okay!
Gustav: Nice work. And your reactions are getting quicker.
Ned Fleming: Wait, so you just do this Pink Panther thing?
Laird and Gustav: Pink Panther?
Gustav: Pink Panther.
Ned Fleming: The Pink Panther! From The Pink Panther movies. When Kato attacks Inspector Clouseau to keep him sharp.
Laird Mayhew: Is that really old? I’ve never heard of it.
Gustav: I’m not familiar either, but it sounds absolutely charming.
Ned Fleming: Pink Panther, the movies? Kato is his assistant, his house boy.
Gustav: House boy.
Ned Fleming: Well, it’s not…
Gustav: It sounds racist.
Ned Fleming: He did call him “My Little Yellow Friend.” But…
Ned Fleming: No father would want their daughter with this guy.
Laird Mayhew: I don’t know what his issues are. I feel like I’m so normal.
Laird Mayhew: Dude, goose, I don’t know how to talk to the guy. It’s like we speak two different languages or something.
Gustav: You do.
Laird Mayhew: Yeah.
Gustav: He speaks English, and you speak English with resounding amounts of “f***.”
Laird Mayhew: I think it’s going great. I think they’ve already accepted me.
Stephanie Fleming: I’m getting a little bit of a different vibe.
Laird Mayhew: Ned, on Christmas day I’m going to ask Stephie to marry me and I’d really like your blessing. Yeah?
Ned Fleming: The answer’s no.
Laird Mayhew: Look, just give me a couple of days to win you over, by Christmas morning you’re going to call me son and I’m going to call you dad.
Ned Fleming: I don’t think it’s going to happen.
Laird Mayhew: I think it’s going to, dad.
Ned Fleming: I know it won’t.
Laird Mayhew: Dad, it will.
Ned Fleming: Stop that.
Laird Mayhew: What, dad?
Ned Fleming: That, that. Stop that.
Laird Mayhew: Dad, what are you talking about?
Ned Fleming: Why don’t you give me a few days to win you over, by Christmas morning you’re going to call me son and I’m going to call you dad.
Ned Fleming: I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Laird Mayhew: I think it’s going to, dad.
Ned Fleming: Don’t.
Laird Mayhew: What, dad?
Ned Fleming: Stop that.
Laird Mayhew: Alright. Dad.
Ned Fleming: Steph, you could be dating anyone. Why Laird?
Stephanie Fleming: He makes me really happy.
Ned Fleming: [to Stephanie] That kid is wrapping his tentacles around every member of this family. Because of his influence your mother’s smoking marijuana.
Ned Fleming: [to Stephanie] You’ve even got a tattoo with his name on it!
Barb Fleming: Oh, no, that is so cute.
Ned Fleming: [to Barb] This is not someone we want our daughter marrying!
Ned Fleming: I am going to take this octopus down.
Laird Mayhew: [to Ned] You’re not going to say anything to Stephanie about the proposal, right?
Stephanie Fleming: Is that a drone?
Ned Fleming: Laird is spying on us.
Stephanie Fleming: What?
Ned Fleming: Do not mess with me!
[picks up a heavy rock and goes to throw it at the drone but hits a woman in the face instead]
Ned Fleming: You are not the guy we want our daughter to marry.
Laird Mayhew: Do you want to play with me?
Ned Fleming: You are going down.
Laird Mayhew: [to Nerd] You really hurt my feelings tonight, so I bought your company. Game over.
[he shows his knuckles on which he’s written the words “Game Over”, Ned suddenly punches Laird in the face]
Ned Fleming: I think you might be insane.
Laird Mayhew: I am insanely in love with your daughter.
Trailer: