Willow Best Quotes (TV Series)

Airk Tanthalos: Kase. Excellent scowling.
Jorgen Kase: Trudging across the Western Reach looking for you, just how I’d hoped to spend the afternoon.
Airk Tanthalos: I do what I can for my friends.

Kit Tanthalos: [referring to Dove] That’s that kitchen maid, right? That makes those buttered muffins everybody always talks about?
Airk Tanthalos: Hey, I happen to be a great admirer of her muffins.
Kit Tanthalos: Yeah. No, I’m just concerned about what she’s going to put in those muffins when you inevitably break her heart.
Airk Tanthalos: I’m not going to break her heart.
Kit Tanthalos: Please. Airk, you’re going to lose interest, and then you’re going to move onto the next. It’s like the one way you’re totally consistent.

Willow Ufgood: The shadow lengthens. Only by her light can we find our way in the darkness.

Thraxus Boorman: [as he locked up in the cell] I think we both know how fond I am of our little chats, but unless it’s to bring me a slice of cake, why are you down here? Maybe it’s because you want me to tell you not to force your daughter into a loveless marriage.
Queen Sorsha: You know I don’t have a choice.
Thraxus Boorman: You married Madmartigan. Nothing easy about that choice, but at least you made it for the right reasons.
Queen Sorsha: Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect the people I love. It costs a lot. I’m tired.
Thraxus Boorman: But how long can you keep it up?
Queen Sorsha: As long as I have to.

Kit Tanthalos: So, we’re getting married. That’s weird, right?
Graydon Hastur: I’m looking forward to it.
Kit Tanthalos: Why? You don’t even know me.
Graydon Hastur: I am grateful for the opportunity to serve the realm.

Kit Tanthalos: I’m a prisoner, sentenced to a life I didn’t even choose.
Queen Sorsha: No one chooses their life, Kit.
Kit Tanthalos: Or their mom.
Queen Sorsha: That’s right. And if you think I’m tough, you should’ve met mine.

Kit Tanthalos: Everybody loves you because you’re so charming and fun, as long as they don’t expect anything from you. Because the moment that they do, you’ll just leave. Just like Dad did.
Airk Tanthalos: I’m not him. Kit, I’m not going anywhere.

Kit Tanthalos: [to Jade] This isn’t about marrying Graydon. I mean, it is. But, I’m looking for something. And it’s not here. It’s out there. Beyond the Barrier.
Kit Tanthalos: [after she kisses Jade] You’re going to be a great knight. But I’ll still kick your a**.

Airk Tanthalos: It’s a symbol of my commitment to you. Just until I can get something more real.
Dove: I don’t have anything for you.
Airk Tanthalos: Well, that’s okay. You could just look at me, just like that, for the rest of my life.
Dove: I could. I will.

Dove: Please be careful.
Airk Tanthalos: I’m always relatively careful.
Dove: Let our love be your strength.
Airk Tanthalos: Right. Definitely going to do that.

Jorgen Kase: Would it be too much to ask you not to do anything stupid?
Airk Tanthalos: Probably.

Dove: They’re saying Airk was kidnapped. We have to find him. We have to rescue him.
Prunella: Look, I appreciate your affection for the prince, but these are serious matters. And I assure you, everything that can be done, will be.

Merrick: Caught up with him on the edge of town, trying to steal a horse.
Thraxus Boorman: False. Patently false. I was actually checking on the conditions of the stables as I was concerned for the welfare of the animals. Is it a crime to care, huh? To feel?

Jade Claymore: Where the princess goes, I go.
King Hastur: In that case, so is Graydon.
Graydon Hastur: I’m what now?
Kit Tanthalos: You know, I think we’re good, fellowship-wise.
King Hastur: You’d let your bride-to-be travel beyond the Barrier without you?
Graydon Hastur: It’s not ideal, but I’d learn to live with it.

Queen Sorsha: It’s all happening just as he said it would. I believed if Elora Danan disappeared and we forbade magic, that perhaps we could keep evil out. Willow disagreed. He believed eventually evil would find its way in, and when it did, magic would be the only thing that could save us.

Queen Sorsha: [to Kit] Look, just be careful. We have enemies without and within.

Jade Claymore: I think someone’s following us.
Thraxus Boorman: You know, that’s what I thought. Then I realized, you’d have to be daft to follow us, considering we’re all going to die.
Graydon Hastur: Wait, you think we’re going to die? I wish someone told me. I’m really scared of dying. That and communal bathing.

Dove: You don’t understand. We’re in love.
Jade Claymore: I don’t know how to break it to you, but Airk’s been in love with…
Dove: Not like this. Not like us. You think I’m a fool, fine. I don’t care. What we have comes around once, maybe, if you’re lucky. And there is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.

Kit Tanthalos: Seriously? You brought a flute?
Graydon Hastur: Yeah, was that not a good idea? My nan believed that music was a balm for the soul, so.
Kit Tanthalos: This is not some jaunt, or your chance to see the world. It’s dangerous.

Thraxus Boorman: Well, you’re all so naive, it’s adorable. What? You’ve never known pain, fear, hunger. When we get out there, it’s not going to matter who your parents are, or what you think you deserve. Because the world is bigger than you could possibly imagine. It doesn’t give a damn about any of you.

Thraxus Boorman: [referring to Dove] She’s gone. When I woke up. Yeah, one night of sleeping on the hard ground will cure anyone of their romantic fantasies.

Graydon Hastur: [reading from the writing on the rocks] “We stand at the threshold. We peer into the void. We bear witness to his glory. The Eternal One, the healer of worlds. As he stirs from his deathless slumber deep below the surface, the Harbinger of the Wyrm will come.”

Dove: You’re not the boss of me, Princess. Not out here.
Thraxus Boorman: I like her. I think we should keep her.
Kit Tanthalos: Nobody asked you, Boorman!
Dove: Shut up, Boorman.

Jorgen Kase: I don’t care if you like each other. We’re all in this together now. And out here, in the world beyond, if you’re not vigilant at each moment, I swear you will not survive.
[just then he’s shot through the back with an arrow]

Thraxus Boorman: [to the others as they’re being chased by bone reavers] Why are you riding so slow? We are being chased!

Bone Reaver: Boorman! You’re supposed to be dead!
Thraxus Boorman: That’s not me, mate. I think you’re thinking of someone else.

Jade Claymore: What happened here?
Silas: Plenty. And if you’re not careful, it will happen to you too.

Thraxus Boorman: You’re Willow?
Silas: Yep, that’s me. Willow. But I’m out of the sorcery business now. I’ve retired. So jog on.

Kit Tanthalos: My name is Kit Tanthalos. My mother is Sorsha. She sent me here to come find you. She told me that once long ago, you stood together against the forces of evil and defeated them. The world needs you again. It needs your magic.
Willow Ufgood: It’s okay. She is who she claims to be.
Silas: How do you know?
Willow Ufgood: I read her mind. Kidding! Had you though, didn’t I? I didn’t read your mind. It’s just, you remind me of your mother.

Thraxus Boorman: Princess, I’ve traveled all across the world, and I’ve met some real magical marvins, but I’ve never met anyone who crossed the Shattered Sea. That’s where all the maps end.
Willow Ufgood: And that’s where we must go. Beyond the edge of our world. Into the unknown.

Willow Ufgood: You shouldn’t be here, but it’s so good to see you, Elora.
Kit Tanthalos: Did he just say…
Dove: No, you’ve made a mistake. That’s not, I’m not, I’m nobody.
Willow Ufgood: You are Elora Danan, Last Blood of Kymeria, future Empress, High Priestess, Semprum Sorceress of the Nine Realms, and the world’s last, best hope against the evil coming to destroy us all.
Dove: What?

Willow Ufgood: She was the most serene baby.
Mims Ufgod: I remember.
Willow Ufgood: Those thoughtful, gentle eyes would just follow me, and she seemed to understand everything. What happened to that Elora?
Mims Ufgod: Oh. She fell in love. And I’d have thought you, more than anyone, would understand why you’ll never talk her out of it.

Willow Ufgood: If anything happens to her, the world will burn.
Mims Ufgod: And that’s why you have to go. To protect her, like you did before.

Thraxus Boorman: Maybe I’m Elora Danan. I always thought there was something special inside me.
Jade Claymore: You don’t believe it either?
Thraxus Boorman: It’s not that I don’t believe it, as much as I don’t really care.

Jade Claymore: I guess you have a better idea on how we can save the prince.
Thraxus Boorman: Oh, I’m bursting full of better ideas. But first, I recommend that we split before Miss Chosen Face catches wind and decides to follow us.

Kit Tanthalos: [referring to Elora] Where are you going?
Jade Claymore: To look for her. But just do what you want. You always do.

Willow Ufgood: You’re afraid.
Elora Danan: Well, of course I’m afraid. I couldn’t even pass the damn finger test. What if I can’t do magic? What if I can’t save him?
Willow Ufgood: You just have to believe. That’s what the finger test is about. Having faith in the power that’s inside you.
Elora Danan: Please, come with us. We need you to find Airk. I need you.

Willow Ufgood: I can’t defeat the Crone without you. You can’t save Airk without me.
Elora Danan: I guess that makes us partners.
Willow Ufgood: No. It makes me your teacher and you my student.
Elora Danan: That works too.

Mims Ufgod: I love you, Dada. You’ve always been, and you always will be, my hero.
Willow Ufgood: If I’d known going on a perilous quest was all it would take for you to say that, I’d have done it a long time ago.

Merrick: What’s gotten into you, Commander?
Commander Ballantine: Do you really want to know? It’s such a wonderful feeling.
Merrick: What is?
Commander Ballantine: Purpose.

Thraxus Boorman: You know, despite what you may have heard, I’m not actually a thief by trade. I’m what you might call an obtainer of rare artifacts.
Kit Tanthalos: Grave robber.
Thraxus Boorman: Treasure hunter.

Elora Danan: Before we start, you should probably know, that the rocking back and forward of the wagon is making me a touch queasy.
Willow Ufgood: Well, I don’t think we can do anything about that.
Elora Danan: No. No.
Willow Ufgood: It’s kind of the nature of the beast here.

Willow Ufgood: Magic is the bloodstream of the universe. Forget all you know or think you know…
Elora Danan: Oh, I don’t know anything. So, we can probably just skip that bit.

Willow Ufgood: Have you ever had the feeling, there was something happening beyond what you can see and touch? How about, have you ever dreamt of something, and then it happened? Communed with animals?
Elora Danan: You commune with animals?
Willow Ufgood: No. Do you?
Elora Danan: No! No.

Willow Ufgood: There is an energy that flows through all living things.
Elora Danan: The bloodstream of the universe.
Willow Ufgood: Yes. Now that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed. What we call magic is the art of transforming that energy from one form to another.

Willow Ufgood: [to Elora] You’re being something weird. Be you. Be a human being. This is really quite a simple spell compared to what you’re going to be doing.

Willow Ufgood: [to Elora] I firmly believe you have the power deep inside you. Very deep.

Willow Ufgood: [to young Elora, flashback] Big, small, you’ll find it’s all a matter of perspective.

Willow Ufgood: I’ve made some poor decisions.
Silas: When?
Willow Ufgood: You know, over the years.
Silas: Oh.

Elora Danan: My name’s not Elora. It’s not even Dove. That’s just what Airk calls me. It’s Brünhilde.
Willow Ufgood: Oof.
Thraxus Boorman: Really?
Elora Danan: Yeah. And unsurprisingly I got teased a lot. And when I wasn’t getting teased, I worked in the kitchens, and I learned how to cook. That’s who I am. That’s all I am.

Kit Tanthalos: All I know is what I can see. And so far I haven’t seen any magic.
Thraxus Boorman: [to Graydon and Silas] And that is why the three of us need to stick together. You know, we’re the glue of this group, and I want you guys to know that you can tell me anything, all your secrets, all the embarrassing stuff from when you were a child and you wet the bed, to when you played healers and nurses with that girl from down the road and it didn’t work out.

Elora Danan: When Willow said I was Elora Danan, part of me thought, “Yes. This is it.” The answer to a question I’ve been asking my whole life. “Who am I?” But this other part of me, this little voice in my head, just didn’t believe it. The truth is, I’m not special. I’m just ordinary.

Graydon Hastur: [to Elora] Why do you think Kit is so mean to you? She’s jealous. Why do you think Jade defends you? She’s dedicated. And Boorman, Boorman sticks around to see what you can do. So, yeah, there’s something kind of funny about the fact that you seem to be the one perso who can’t see how extraordinary you are.

Willow Ufgood: You don’t understand. It’s too late. The power inside her had to be nurtured, or it would dissipate till there was nothing left. She was Elora Danan once. She isn’t anymore.

Willow Ufgood: No matter what I do, no matter how many times I try to change her fate, in the end, for our world to survive, Elora Danan has to die.

Willow Ufgood: [referring to Elora] Free her!
Graydon Hastur: Me? Are you sure I’m qualified for something like that?
Willow Ufgood: Just do it!

Elora Danan: What are you doing?
Graydon Hastur: I’m rescuing you.
Elora Danan: Was no one else available?

Graydon Hastur: I blew it. When there’s an opportunity to be heroic, or even competent, I freeze up. My father calls me an embarrassment to the name of Hastur. And he’s right.

Thraxus Boorman: [referring to the broken wagon] You can’t just levitate it or something?
Willow Ufgood: No.
Thraxus Boorman: Okay. It’s really good having a sorcerer on this quest.

Kit Tanthalos: Nice work. Can we go?
Thraxus Boorman: Yeah, right after my heart explodes, I should be good to go.
Graydon Hastur: I think I pulled my groin.
Willow Ufgood: Don’t say “groin” in mixed company.

Elora Danan: Listen, we don’t have much time.
Hubert: See, they just don’t teach young people situational awareness anymore.

Elora Danan: There are men coming for me.
Hubert: Oh. We do not doubt that. You do have a pleasing aspect and fine complexion.
Elora Danan: No, wicked men! And they’re on their way here right now.

Thraxus Boorman: And Pitiless Pass, I mean, while I’ll admit is an unfortunate name, it’s actually a perfectly lovely, nice pass. Which goes by, might I add, a cozy little inn called The Slaughtered Lamb. Kind of a home away from home for me and my old partner. It’s got everything you could want, you know, in an inn.

Elora Danan: So, like I don’t know if I am, or not. Willow thinks I am, but the princess definitely doesn’t. It’s like she hates me. I don’t know why, but no matter what I do, or say, she just always takes the opposite position. Do you know how exhausting that gets?

Thraxus Boorman: [as he’s telling the story about her father, Madmartigan] I was the young, handsome, heroic one. He was my slightly shorter comedic foil.
Kit Tanthalos: And where did you go? Why did you come back and he didn’t?
Thraxus Boorman: There’s no such thing as fate. Okay. You get lucky, or you get dead. I got lucky.

Kit Tanthalos: [referring to Madmartigan] So, you actually saw him?
Thraxus Boorman: No. But I know what I know.
Kit Tanthalos: How?
Thraxus Boorman: Because if he were alive, if he’d come back, things would be different.

Jade Claymore: You’d think that Willow would contribute a bit more, being the world’s last great sorcerer and all.

Jade Claymore: Can a sorcerer lose his mojo?

Silas: You know what you’ve got to do. What are you waiting for?
Willow Ufgood: When I was young, resilient, I could take the punishment. But now I have to be careful, preserve my strength for…
Silas: For what?
Willow Ufgood: For when it gets worse.
Silas: How could it possibly get any worse?
Willow Ufgood: It can, and it will. Trust me.

Kit Tanthalos: Has anything you said been true?
Thraxus Boorman: How dare you? At least one-third of everything I’ve said has been true.
Kit Tanthalos: I’m such an idiot.
Thraxus Boorman: No, you’re not. You’re just, you’re very young.

Kit Tanthalos: What are wererats?
Thraxus Boorman: Exactly what they sound like.

Thraxus Boorman: Just pull me up, yeah?
Kit Tanthalos: I would, but I think there is this thing that is looking at me in a not-friendly way.
Thraxus Boorman: Is it a wererat?
Kit Tanthalos: I’m going to go ahead and say yes.
Thraxus Boorman: Okay. In that case, don’t pull me up.

Thraxus Boorman: Let’s try to break through one of the burial mounds.
Kit Tanthalos: If I get bit, yours is the first flesh I’m tasting!

Willow Ufgood: Silas. I can fix you. I can heal you.
Silas: Don’t waste your magic. There is something you could do. Give this to Libby. Tell her that I wasn’t scared because I’ve had a great life, and that I died doing what I was supposed to, protecting my best friend.

Commander Ballantine: [to Jade] Listen to me. Every road you’ve ever walked has led you here, to this moment.

Commander Ballantine: Elora must reach the Immemorial City, Jade. Do it.
Jade Claymore: I can’t.
Commander Ballantine: It has to be you. I’m so proud of you, Jade. Training you, raising you, the best thing I ever did. Now please, release me.

Thraxus Boorman: Horses are gone. They ran off. And I think they had the right idea. The Pitiless Pass is about to become the Pitiless Lake.

Kit Tanthalos: And if I have to decide between saving Airk, and waiting for Graydon to turn into some kind of monster…
Thraxus Boorman: Hey, you should put that in your wedding vows.

Thraxus Boorman: Killing someone who isn’t trying to kill you back, it’s not an easy thing to do.

Willow Ufgood: [referring to Bavmorda] She once changed the entire Galladoorn army into pigs. Raziel and I, eventually, changed them all back. It was chaos, pigs everywhere.
Thraxus Boorman: [as he’s eating] Sorry, all of them?
Willow Ufgood: Huh?
Thraxus Boorman: You turned all of the pigs back into people?
Willow Ufgood: I think so.

Elora Danan: What kind of fluids are we draining?
Willow Ufgood: Blood, pus, discharge from…
Elora Danan: On second thought, surprise me.

Willow Ufgood: We can’t allow Graydon’s infection to pass to any of us. If it does, we won’t get out of here alive.
Kit Tanthalos: How contagious are you talking, like if he coughs on us? Or if I touch him, and then I, you know, touch my face, or…
Willow Ufgood: The vermiscus goo. Don’t sniff it, don’t wipe it, don’t eat it.
Elora Danan: Why would we eat it?

Thraxus Boorman: I just got to say, I’m feeling really energized and optimistic about this exorcism.

Elora Danan: Brined possum bladder. Red-throated possums eat nothing but nightshade. Cook down its spleen, and voilà, essence of.
Kit Tanthalos: Is that what you put in your muffins?
Elora Danan: Among other things. Can you just go and check if they have any?
Kit Tanthalos: You think that’s something people just have in their cupboards?

Kit Tanthalos: [to herself] “Go ahead, Kit. Fetch me some brined possum bladder, and some pixie dust so I can sprinkle it on my bum and make my gentle wind smell like cinnamon.”

Kit Tanthalos: Boorman, are you plundering my dead grandma’s castle?
Thraxus Boorman: No. Of course not.
Kit Tanthalos: I don’t care if you are.
Thraxus Boorman: Oh. Okay. In that case, a hundred percent, yes.

Jade Claymore: [referring to the possessed Graydon] One of us is going to have to kill him.
Thraxus Boorman: Probably.
Jade Claymore: And it’s going to have to be either you or me.
Thraxus Boorman: Yeah.

Jade Claymore: All I ever wanted to be was a knight, to serve. So far, I hate it.
Thraxus Boorman: You know, when my partner died, I spent a lot of time running from myself, till I realized the only person I’ll never get away from is me.
Jade Claymore: How did you live with it?
Thraxus Boorman: You set your eyes on what you want, you go for it, and you don’t look back. And I think Ballantine would’ve said the same.

Elora Danan: [to Kit] Look, if you’re going to get grossed out, or faint, or something, can you just take a few steps back, please? Amateur.

Kit Tanthalos: [to Elora] Wait. I’ll come with you. I cannot lose you a third time.
Kit Tanthalos: [as she sees Elora’s disappeared] Oh, Willow’s going to be pi**ed.

Mother: [referring to Elora] She’s here. I feel her. I see her! Oh, she’s grown up, fierce and resilient. She is the beacon of light in a time of dread.

Jade Claymore: How did you get in here?
Kit Tanthalos: Through the door?
Jade Claymore: What? I just spent the last half an hour barricading the door!
Kit Tanthalos: There’s definitely something very wrong with this castle.
Jade Claymore: Right?
Kit Tanthalos: God, the spiral staircase just tried to eat me. I feel like we’d be better off in the storm.
Jade Claymore: All due respect, Your Majesty, but no s**t.

Kit Tanthalos: Who is it?
Jade Claymore: We have swords! And crossbows and spiked flails with poison.
Thraxus Boorman: Oh, wow. Okay, I surrender. Now let me in.
Jade Claymore: How do we know it’s you?
Thraxus Boorman: Oh, I don’t know. My fiery aroma. My sweet singing voice. Take your pick.
Kit Tanthalos: Tell us something only the real Boorman would know.
Thraxus Boorman: Okay. You two have totally got the hots for each other.
Jade Claymore: We don’t.
Kit Tanthalos: Yeah, at all.

Jade Claymore: [to Boorman] Please remove your grubby hands from my Princess.

Elora Danan: I know you’re in there, Gray. And I know some part of you can hear me.
Graydon Hastur: [possessed] I’ve never felt stronger.
Elora Danan: You’ve looked better.

Graydon Hastur: This is what you want, right? Confidence, strength? I can have that.
Elora Danan: Clearly, but that’s not what I want.
Graydon Hastur: It’s what Airk has.
Elora Danan: But it’s not why I love him.

Willow Ufgood: What did I say was the number one most important safety rule?
Elora Danan: “No matter what, stay out of the High Tower.”
Willow Ufgood: You are the worst apprentice ever!

Graydon Hastur: [possessed] So tell me. How will you defeat us?
Willow Ufgood: Same as last time. With my friends.

Kit Tanthalos: So I’m going to need you to get your s**t together, and use whatever it is you’ve got to save Graydon. Because if you don’t, you’re going to regret it, for the rest of your life.
Elora Danan: I don’t know how.
Kit Tanthalos: Yes, you do. Just throw out the recipe.

Thraxus Boorman: Hey, you know what, I’m going to miss this place. Say what you want about the service, but I think it’s got personality.

Thraxus Boorman: Graydon, bubby, women are the central preoccupation of my life. And many a knee weakens and pulse quickens at the mere mention of Thraxus “Relaxus”…
Kit Tanthalos: Boorman, you cheddar-headed goob.

Kit Tanthalos: I’m Kit Tanthalos of Tir Asleen. I’m Queen Sorsha’s daughter.
Scorpia: Scorpia. Well, actually, it’s Her Sublime Eminence, Mistress Magnificus Venoma Scorpia. But Scorpia’s fine.

Kit Tanthalos: [to Scorpia, referring to Airk] We’re going beyond the Shattered Sea. To rescue him. If you could find it in your hearts to let us go, I am sure my mother would repay the favor. And you can keep Boorman. He’s like the worst.

Graydon Hastur: It’s good to spend a little one-on-one time together. Without the constant interruption of the groupthink.
Willow Ufgood: We are not spending one-on-one time together. We’re trying to find a way out of here.

Graydon Hastur: [referring to Elora] Do you think that she’s ignoring me? A little?
Willow Ufgood: You tried to exile her into another dimension. In my experience, ladies tend to be a little less trusting after that sort of thing.

Graydon Hastur: So you’re saying saving the world and having a relationship are mutually exclusive?
Willow Ufgood: You’ve got to find a balance between personal and professional.
Graydon Hastur: Exactly.
Willow Ufgood: [referring to Elora] What am I saying? No. I mean, yes. You’ve got to stop thinking about her in that way.

Elora Danan: I said love is the most powerful force in the universe. That’s how I know we’re going to save Airk.
Kit Tanthalos: Are you kidding?
Elora Danan: No.
Kit Tanthalos: My best friend is being tortured right now, and you’re talking to me about love?

Willow Ufgood: I’m looking for some old friends of mine. Perhaps, you might know them.
Ganush: Why would I know them?
Willow Ufgood: They’re Brownies.
Ganush: And I suppose all Nelwyn in the world know each other? Do you have any idea how offensive that is?

Rool: Now this one, she wants to move upstairs, live with the Bone Reavers, probably get taken in a Troll raid.
Ganush: Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Rool: What I would like is for you to get off your a**, and get a job, have a hobby. Do something! She just wants to be famous. Now, they all want to be famous. For what? I don’t know.
Ganush: Decoupage!

Willow Ufgood: We need to help our friends get out of here. We’re on a very important quest.
Rool: Well, as long as it’s important. If it was a frivolous quest, I would have to refuse to help you.

Scorpia: You ensorcelled me with your sarcasm and your magnificent beard.
Thraxus Boorman: Not intentionally!

Rool: Just like old times. Before we sunk into an inescapable morass of soul-crushing domesticity. Zing, attack, running, horses, mayhem, mayhem, happy-kissy ending.
Willow Ufgood: Alright, hop in.
Rool: No, I left those days behind. These days, I like to snack, reminisce, a little more snack, spend time with Ganush.

Graydon Hastur: You hear that?
Willow Ufgood: Big drums. Never a good sign.

Willow Ufgood: It appears we’ve yet to be detected.
Graydon Hastur: Did you cast, like, a invisibility charm on us or something?
Willow Ufgood: I think what’s actually happening is that they really don’t care about us.

Toth: I feel like it’s still too cuminy. Am I crazy?
Elora Danan: No, you’re not crazy, Toth. You just have a very well-developed palate.

Graydon Hastur: [after they’ve shaved his beard] Do you think she’ll like it?
Toth: Who?
Graydon Hastur: No one. Just this girl.
Toth: Women like beards. Kind of wish you’d have told us that before.
Graydon Hastur: Kind of wish you’d told me before. I mean, this guy doesn’t have a beard.
Toth: That guy doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Willow Ufgood: And that’s why I never leave home without a good digestive tonic, and at least three pairs of clean socks. See, you guys are laughing, and you probably don’t even wear socks.

Elora Danan: Just be honest. And with these damn truth plums, it’s impossible to be anything else.

Graydon Hastur: You’re Willow Ufgood, the greatest sorcerer of the world.
Willow Ufgood: I’m not actually. I never was. Mediocre at best.

Graydon Hastur: I used to stay up late at night and read all your adventures and close calls. You are so wise.
Willow Ufgood: Behind all that “wisdom”, Willow Ufgood here is terrified that one day he’ll be discovered as the aging, talentless hack that he really is.

Sarris: [to Kit] Much as I appreciate pluck, the unvarnished truth is this. You’re going to spend the rest of your life here, and no one is coming to save you.

Scorpia: So, when you fought your way out the last time, and slaughtered all those Trolls, you went right out the front?
Thraxus Boorman: Yeah, about that, when I said “slaughtered”, I didn’t actually mean “slaughtered”. More like I slaughtered their pizzazz.
Scorpia: Their what?

Scorpia: What are we walking through?
Thraxus Boorman: It’s best not to get too specific.
Graydon Hastur: Pretty sure it’s Troll poop.
Thraxus Boorman: What did I just say?

Kit Tanthalos: Look, you guys going to torture me, or what?
Sarris: Torture you? Well, what do you think we are, animals? We only want to incentivize you to work with us in procuring that which our mistress desires above all else.

Graydon Hastur: [to Elora] I just feel like we’ve left some stuff, I don’t know, unresolved? And maybe you still have some doubts about my character, which are totally valid. I mean, my dad did tell me to murder Boorman, so.
Thraxus Boorman: I knew it!
Graydon Hastur: Don’t sweat it, pal. He’s a first-rate shmoog, so. But I just feel like we were making a real connection, before I overshared.

Graydon Hastur: [to Elora] If you’re asking if I’d rather have this conversation in private than in a mine full of vicious Trolls? One hundred percent. That’s an easy yes. But who knows when that’ll be?

Upper Management Troll: We may have some instigators on our hands. Possibly even rabble-rousers.
Sarris: I deplore those who rouse rabble.

Kit Tanthalos: My dad told me about you. He said that you were the only knight in Galladoorn that was dumber than he was.
Allagash: Braver. I’m sure he meant braver. Besides, I’m the only one who knows where he is.

Sarris: Yeah, because when I said, “I do,” what I really meant was, “Explain it to me like I’m an imbecile.”

Thraxus Boorman: How are you going to get them all out?
Scorpia: Well, if it goes as well as I’m hoping it will, straight out the front door. And I’ll be taking a lot more than their pizzazz.
Thraxus Boorman: Right. Because I already took that.

Willow Ufgood: I guess you’re not as dumb as Madmartigan said you were.
Allagash: Right?
Willow Ufgood: No, you’re dumber.

Jade Claymore: You’re too tall. No one is going to believe you’re a Troll.
Thraxus Boorman: I sell it with my performance. Unlike you three. Not even remotely convincing.

Kit Tanthalos: I thought you said no one ever escapes.
Allagash: Well, I was going through a bit of a rough patch, doing some soul-searching, feeling kind of lethargic and stuck, you know?
Kit Tanthalos: That was like eight minutes ago.
Allagash: Well, kind of a lot’s happened since then. I’m with you guys now. I’m back!

Jade Claymore: Whatever you do, don’t look down.
Elora Danan: Yeah. Yeah, totally. Except, I’m one of those people, you tell me not to look, or think about something, then I have to look and think about it, okay?

Jade Claymore: Did we just lose Cherlindrea’s wand?
Thraxus Boorman: Yikes.
Elora Danan: Willow’s going to kill me.
Thraxus Boorman: Yeah, he might actually kill you.
Jade Claymore: Not helpful, Boorman. But maybe just don’t mention it straight away.

Allagash: Mads deserted after the Battle at Land’s End, ran off to chase fortune and glory. Took a lot to forgive him for that.
Kit Tanthalos: For breaking his oath?
Allagash: What? No. For not inviting me to go with him.

Allagash: Dammit. There’s two things I hate, and one of them is killing.

Kit Tanthalos: What’s the other thing? That you hate.
Allagash: Olives.
Kit Tanthalos: Really? I love olives.

Elora Danan: I really thought I was starting to figure it out.
Jade Claymore: What?
Elora Danan: Magic. But it’s like, the harder I try to control it, the more I just, I feel like it’s slipping away.

Thraxus Boorman: You puckered old bergencoif!
Allagash: You spineless little zudcudder.
Willow Ufgood: Come on, guys. Language.

Allagash: Buffet’s open, beanpole. Grab a tray.
Thraxus Boorman: Beanpole? Yeah, well, I’ve actually put on quite a lot of bulk.
Allagash: You know what, you have. You’ve gotten bigger, you look good.
Thraxus Boorman: Well, thanks. It’s diet mainly actually, and a little bit of torture endurance.

Jade Claymore: I don’t see a secret door.
Allagash: That’s because you don’t know how to look.

Wiggleheim: I have tested those who entered. Seeking fortune, fame and glory, hoping those might change their story, but the greatest treasure I ever found was the love and laughter all around.
Allagash: What a lovely sentiment, huh?

Thraxus Boorman: Okay. Your songs stink!
Allagash: How dare you, sir! I’ve gotten much better.
Thraxus Boorman: Oh, yeah? Doesn’t sound like it to me.

Allagash: Damn thing doesn’t work. I put the Lux in and nothing.
Thraxus Boorman: Ha! Maybe a lifetime of lying, cheating, stabbing your friends in the back made you, somehow, I don’t know, unworthy of its power?

Kit Tanthalos: You started this.
Elora Danan: I didn’t mean to.
Kit Tanthalos: All that power, and no self-control.

Zeb: I am dreaming and you are figments of my imagination.
Thraxus Boorman: Afraid not.
Zeb: Prove it.
Jade Claymore: Prove that we’re real?
Zeb: You can’t, can you? Or perhaps I’m a figment of your imagination. Or we’re all phantoms in the dream of some vindictive god suffering from a spot of indigestion.

Graydon Hastur: You don’t know what quest you were on?
Zeb: Well, all these quests and battles and aspirants vying for the throne, they sometimes sort of all get blended together.

Elora Danan: [to Zeb, referring to the edge of the Shattered Sea] Just because you didn’t find anything, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Airk Tanthalos: You were merciless when I told you that I was a prince!
Lili: You were snotty about it. “Actually, I’m the prince of Tir Asleen. Do you want to scrub some laundry on my abs?”
Airk Tanthalos: Actually, I didn’t. First of all, I don’t sound like that.
Lili: Yeah, you kind of do.
Airk Tanthalos: Second of all, I kind of don’t.
Lili: Yeah, you do. But you’re less obnoxious than I expected. Still not going to make out or whatever.
Airk Tanthalos: I hadn’t even thought about it.
Lili: Of course you have. You’re thinking about it right now.

Graydon Hastur: [to the mudmander] I shall name you Kenneth, after the protagonist of the romantic farce I’m writing.

Willow Ufgood: [to Elora] As with all magic, you have to mean it. Remember, simplicity, intention, and, most importantly, the breath.

Kit Tanthalos: I really do love you.
Jade Claymore: Yeah?
Kit Tanthalos: Yeah.
Jade Claymore: Then shut up and do something about it.

Airk Tanthalos: Well, you shouldn’t do things just because they’re expected of you.
Lili: You don’t do what’s expected of you?
Airk Tanthalos: Nothing’s expected of me.

Airk Tanthalos: What do you want?
Lili: To be free. To follow my impulses, say what I really think.

Lili: I’ve actually been here a long time. I hid from you because I’ve made mistakes. I trusted the wrong person, and I had to be sure that I could trust you. I was like you once, trapped by my fears and the lies I had to unlearn.
Airk Tanthalos: You are the one that brought me here.
Lili: You’re freaking out.
Airk Tanthalos: Yes, I am. A little.

Lili: You think know what is real, and what isn’t, what is light, and what is dark, what is good, and what is evil.
Airk Tanthalos: Oh, my God.
Lili: Now forget all you know, or think you know, and come with me.

Thraxus Boorman: [referring to his recurring dream] I’m at this wedding. I’m completely naked. Everyone’s laughing at me. Which doesn’t make any sense because, you know, I look phenomenal, you know, naked. And I’ve got really gorgeous…
Willow Ufgood: Alright, don’t say any more.

Elora Danan: [to Kit] I don’t know why Madmartigan did whatever he did. I don’t even remember him. But I don’t believe that he chose me over you. And I don’t believe that he didn’t love you. Completely.

Kit Tanthalos: Nothing I’ve ever wanted has come naturally to me.
Elora Danan: What did you want?
Kit Tanthalos: To be brave And loved. And to not be a princess.
Elora Danan: It’s funny. I sort of did.

Thraxus Boorman: Well, now we’re going to die. Hundreds of leagues from anywhere. There’s no way to go forward, there’s no way to go backwards. And nothing, nothing has gone the way it was supposed to!

Jade Claymore: Your mother told me before we left that you’d never give up. And there might come a time where I’d have to bring you home.
Kit Tanthalos: You think this is it?
Jade Claymore: No. I think you’re going to make that decision on your own.

Graydon Hastur: When we get to the city, I know you’re going to save Airk, and you two will go off together. Because you love him. And while I don’t love him, I do love you.
Elora Danan: Graydon.
Graydon Hastur: It’s okay. I’m not asking you to love me back. I just wanted to tell you because without you, I never would’ve have become the man I’ve always wanted be.

Willow Ufgood: But I’m not a great sorcerer. I’m just a farmer who got lucky. And I can’t keep pretending.
Elora Danan: Neither can I. I don’t want to be Elora Danan. I just want to go home.
Kit Tanthalos: Well, tough. You’re afraid. So am I. But you know what? My fear, it doesn’t get to decide. It doesn’t get to define me. I’m not giving it the power. I’m giving it to you. I have never believed in anything my whole life. I believe in you.
Elora Danan: I don’t know what to do.
Kit Tanthalos: Yes, you do. We both do.
[Elora and Kit then jump over the edge of the Shattered Sea]

Thraxus Boorman: Yeah, priorities. Tough one. See, primarily I’ve always been focused on me.
Willow Ufgood: Nobody’s buying it, Boorman. Truth is, you’re loyal, dedicated, and strong.

Kit Tanthalos: You’re the Crone?
Lili: You may be the only person in the world who can call me that and live.

Airk Tanthalos: [referring to the Crone] We’re going to set her free. She’s the Harbinger of the Wyrm. She’s going to awaken him and bring about a new age of this world.
Kit Tanthalos: Yeah, that sounds really bad.

Elora Danan: I mean, it’s obviously a trap.
Kit Tanthalos: Obviously. Airk has always been pretty gullible. You know, one time I convinced him that he had Bugenhagen’s Disease, and that all of his fingers and toes would like rot off if he didn’t drink large amounts of vinegar.
Elora Danan: Is that a real thing?
Kit Tanthalos: Oh, no. No. I made it up.

Thraxus Boorman: [to Graydon and Jade] It’s dark, windy, probably the end of the world. I guess what I’m saying is, if either of you two want to make out right now real quick, I’d be up for it.

Graydon Hastur: So what’s the plan? We just go down there and see what happens?
Thraxus Boorman: Great strategic minds of tomorrow, right here.
Jade Claymore: Well, what do you suggest?
Thraxus Boorman: Well, I already suggested that we all kiss, but you blew me off. So in lieu of that, camouflage.

Thraxus Boorman: Oh, they’re here. They’re hiding.
Jade Claymore: From who?
Thraxus Boorman: From us.
Graydon Hastur: Well, if they’re hiding from us, that means they know that we’re here. In which case, who are we hiding from?
Thraxus Boorman: From them!

Kit Tanthalos: Are you here? Where are you?
Madmartigan: I’m with you. Always.
Kit Tanthalos: You kind of left a while ago.
Madmartigan: It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But love is sacrifice. You’ve got to be willing to give up what you want for what you believe in. It’s the only way to save Elora.

Kit Tanthalos: Dad, I’m not you.
Madmartigan: Yes, you are.
Kit Tanthalos: No, really, I’m not.
Madmartigan: Alright. You’re not. You’re better. You are her shield. You are her sword. And I am already so proud of you. Now go.

Elora Danan: You know what? I don’t think I’m into you anymore.
Airk Tanthalos: What?
Elora Danan: I’m not going to kiss him. I’m Definitely not going to marry him.

Airk Tanthalos: Just let go, my dove.
Elora Danan: I’m not your dove. You’re being gross, and really creepy.
Airk Tanthalos: I’m not being creepy.
Elora Danan: No. You’re being so creepy. If old you could see the new you, he’d gag.

Lili: I don’t get it. Who are you that you would choose pain over pleasure? The hardest road when the easiest is laid out in front of you?
Willow Ufgood: She’s Elora Danan. Last Blood of Kymeria, future Empress, High Priestess, Semprum Sorceress of the Nine Realms. And you, lady, are in big trouble.

Elora Danan: I decided not to marry your brother.
Kit Tanthalos: Good. I didn’t think you should.
Elora Danan: Oh, really? Why? Because he’s possessed, or he’s just a little naive?

The Crone: Desire really is the most exquisite agony.

Elora Danan: What made you come back?
Willow Ufgood: It’s where I belong. Standing beside you.

Thraxus Boorman: [to Kit and Jade] I finally figured it out. This isn’t my story. It’s yours. You’re the one. And all you got to do is believe in yourself, and you will be unstoppable. Now, go save us all.
Jade Claymore: What are you going to do?
Thraxus Boorman: I’d like to leave this world the way I came in.
Jade Claymore: What?
Thraxus Boorman: Butt naked and kicking a**. Go! Okay, boys. Who brought butter?

Willow Ufgood: You know, it’s taken me a long time to learn, it’s okay to fall, to make mistakes. I’ve made lots. It’s how you become a cantankerous old sorcerer. I think the trick is to embrace your defeats as well as your victories. You pay for both in the end. Be decent. Be fearless. And know this, wherever the adventure leads, I’m with you.

Kit Tanthalos: We all have to give something up. For what we believe in.
Elora Danan: But you know what? We both believe that love…
Kit Tanthalos: Is the most powerful thing in the universe.

Kit Tanthalos: I know that you’re in the dark. And I know you’re scared. But I did not come all of this way to lose you. Airk. Airk. You’re far away right now. You’re lost. And I know it feels like you’re alone right now, but you’re not. And I’ve got you. And I’m never going to leave you.

Jade Claymore: [believing that Graydon was killed in battle] No one’s going to know how brave he really was.
Kit Tanthalos: They will. I’m going to tell them.

Kit Tanthalos: [referring to the Lux] I’m going to take it off.
Jade Claymore: When?
Kit Tanthalos: As soon as I figure out how.

Willow Ufgood: Did I ever tell you about the time Madmartigan rolled himself into a giant snowball?
Kit Tanthalos: No. What happened?

Graydon Hastur: [as he wakes and sees an entity impersonating Elora] What is this?
Elora Danan: The end. The beginning. The dawn of the next age of this world. My age. But I can’t do this alone. I need someone to help me. To sit beside me at the head of all tables. And to lead the world into my light. And, Graydon, I want you.