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Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Ashton Kutcher, Jesse Williams, Zoë Chao, Wesley Kimmel, Griffin Matthews, Rachel Bloom, Shiri Appleby, Vella Lovell, Steve Zahn, Tig Notaro
OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆
Netflix romantic comedy written and directed by Aline Brosh McKenna. Your Place or Mine (2023) centers on best friends Debbie and Peter (Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher), who are total opposites. She craves routine with her son in LA, but he thrives on change in NY. When they swap houses and lives for a week they discover what they think they want might not be what they really need.
Peter Coleman: [2003, as they’re about to sleep together] That’s so cool. You own your own house.
Debbie Dunn: Oh, yeah. Well, I saved up for the down payment over, you know, some time. I put money away through careful calculations.
Peter Coleman: Nice. Amazing. When I destroy my life, can I move in with you?
Debbie Dunn: Deal!
Debbie Dunn:  Happy birthday, much younger person.
Peter Coleman: What? We’re the same age.
Debbie Dunn: Not in lady years. In lady years, I’m a crone, and somehow you’ll still be considered sexy at like seventy, no matter how wrinkled and bald you get. So congratulations.
Peter Coleman: I’ll admit it. It’s a good deal.
Peter Coleman: Okay, now I’m feeling uncomfortable.
Debbie Dunn: Oh, please. I’ve seen you naked.
Peter Coleman: Never stops being weird.
Debbie Dunn: Which is so weird.
Peter Coleman: You never know, maybe you’ll meet someone while you’re here, and we’ll have a big old sex party up in here.
Debbie Dunn: Uh, barf?
Peter Coleman: Yeah, I’m sorry. That was gross.
Debbie Dunn: Anyway, no chance of me meeting anybody. As you know, my heart is a cold, hard little stone.
Peter Coleman: I’m so glad you’re not being dramatic about it.
Peter Coleman: There’s like helicopter parenting, there’s snowplow parenting. What you’re doing? This is Saran Wrap parenting. You’re so tightly wrapped around this kid, you’re suffocating him!
Debbie Dunn: Yes. I can track a metaphor. Thanks.
Debbie Dunn: Anyway, the best part of the whole night was when I took all your money!
Peter Coleman: That was the best part?
Debbie Dunn: I mean, it overshadowed the sex part, because you fled the next day.
Debbie Dunn: You said that you couldn’t date me, or anybody else, because you were, “an unknowable piece of s**t”?
Peter Coleman: There’s the writer in me right there. Now that’s a beautiful turn of phrase.
Debbie Dunn: And I’m the dramatic one?
Becca: I mean, if you like each other so much, why aren’t you guys together?
Peter Coleman: Me and Debbie? Yeah, because.
Peter Coleman: She’s her. And I’m me.
We're friends. Obviously, I have well thought out critiques of every choice you've ever made. And all the fixes.' - Alicia (Your Place or Mine) Click To Tweet
Becca: Look, if this is a waste of my time, I just want to know. Okay?
Peter Coleman: Define “waste”.
Becca: You just did. Wow.
Debbie Dunn: I have to finish this program before the end of the year, so that I can apply for that open Senior Accounting position at the Regional School District.
Alicia: Oh, I love it when you say a bunch of sexy words like that.
Alicia: Oh, my God. You are so nice about him. If my ex was a mountain climber, and spent ten months out of every year traveling the world with some hot thirty-three year-old covered in tattoos.
Debbie Dunn: Have you been looking at her Instagram?
Alicia: You think I’m not going to be looking at Jimmy’s girlfriend’s Instagram account? I mean, what are we even doing? Who would I even be?
Alicia: I hope that you get what you want out of this trip. And what you need. You know, get your degree, find a man, come home, and then remodel that ancient kitchen of yours. I also think it’s time to get layers in your hair. Layers, but not bangs. Bangs are for an emergency.
Debbie Dunn: Wow, you really have all the answers to my life figured out.
Alicia: Yeah, well, we’re friends. Obviously, I have well thought out critiques of every choice you’ve ever made. And all the fixes.
Alicia: So, if you end up going on this Manhattan adventure, and find yourself a hottie, might I suggest a manicure. Maybe get waxed. You know, spruce it up a bit.
Debbie Dunn: Waxed? Oh, “waxed”.
Debbie Dunn: Oh. Well, that’s just not going to happen.
'A big part of being an adult is being bummed out. A lot of the time really.' - Debbie Dunn (Your Place or Mine) Click To Tweet
Debbie Dunn: Well, this degree is practical, which is what you have to be when you’re a single mom.
Scarlet: Oh, right. Right. Right. Tragic.
Alex: You can take my contact and erase it from your phone.
Peter Coleman: I don’t have it in my phone.
Alex: Well, then put it in your phone and then erase it.
Jack: Well, you seem kind of bummed out.
Debbie Dunn: It’s okay. I’m an adult. A big part of being an adult is being bummed out. A lot of the time really.
Jack: Oh. That’s something to look forward to.
Debbie Dunn: [to Peter] You can’t just drop everything to come and babysit. You have a job and a life. I mean, I don’t know about a life. But you have a job.
'The stories we tell ourselves are very limiting.' - Peter Coleman (Your Place or Mine) Click To Tweet
Alicia: You still got that tall, squared-jaw, long-eyelash vibe going on.
Peter Coleman: Some people like that.
Alicia: It was never my thing, but…
Peter Coleman: It’s a short-term project, right? I mean, that’s what I do. I get in, manage things, no muss, no fuss.
Alicia: I have bad news. Kids are all muss and all fuss.
Jack: My mom hates convertibles, you know? She says they roll over too easily.
Peter Coleman: Yeah, well, they’re also awesome, so that negates the rolling part.
Peter Coleman: I was a thirteen year-old boy once, alright? And I know I’m pretty cool now. But when I was thirteen I was basically a walking Adam’s apple with a bowl cut, and a tattered copy of Catcher in the Rye under my arm, so.
Peter Coleman: I cannot believe your mom didn’t tell me about this. Like she tells me everything.
Jack: But do you? Tell her everything?
Peter Coleman: Of course.
'That's what I do. I get in, manage things, no muss, no fuss.' - Peter Coleman, 'I have bad news. Kids are all muss and all fuss.' - Alicia (Your Place or Mine) Click To Tweet
Debbie Dunn: Twenty-five dollars for a glass? Oh, my God. Peter. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Jack: But I’m not supposed to watch TV while I eat. And never before homework.
Peter Coleman: You poor child. Had I known what was going on in this house, I would have come a lot sooner.
Jack: You know, my mom always says you’re kind of irresponsible. She calls you, “a rolling stone that gathers no moss”. Whatever that is.
Peter Coleman: She does, huh?
Jack: Yeah, she also says you’re terrible with women.
Minka: I’m Minka. And I am a skosh embarrassed. I thought Peter was here, and I am not wearing anything under this.
Debbie Dunn: I figured that.
Minka: Yeah, I feel like an idiot.
Debbie Dunn: Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ve all done the thing where we knock on the door half-naked for some g…
'As my drunk mother used to always say, “Mind your own business.”' - Debbie Dunn (Your Place or Mine) Click To Tweet
Minka: [to Debbie] You know, you are great. I like you. I dig this whole sexy, Gen-X, Earth Mama thing you’ve got going on.
Peter Coleman: Hey, by the way, are you aware that there is a gentleman and his butt crack in your yard all ding-dong day?
Debbie Dunn: Oh, yeah. That’s Zen. He’s around a lot.
Debbie Dunn: This place is amazing. It’s just comfortable and…
Peter Coleman: Really?
Debbie Dunn: No, not really. It’s very, very empty. It looks like somebody stole all your stuff.
Peter Coleman: Yeah, well, if they did, they brought it all here, because you have all the stuff. Like literally, all the things that are, were, and ever shall be, are here.
'You get what you get, and you don't get upset.' - Debbie Dunn (Your Place or Mine) Click To Tweet
Peter Coleman: [to Debbie] Oh, yeah. Just so you know, your kid’s a sieve. Alright? So everything you’ve ever said about me, I’m about to hear.
Peter Coleman: [to Jack] My work here is very simple. It’s to teach you to tell a story to other people about you that is better than the story that you tell yourself. Because the stories we tell ourselves are very limiting.
Jack: Do you always answer a question with a question?
Peter Coleman: Do you always answer a question to a question with a question?
Professor Golden: We’re going to be tackling some big novels. I’m talking about the chunky ones. I’m talking some real door-stoppers. In this class, Anna Karenina is a pamphlet. I grew up reading Uris, and Clavell, and Michener. Haley! Do not forget Alex Haley. Never got over the thrill of reading a massive book with tiny, tiny print.
Debbie Dunn: [as they’re about to enter the bar] These people look really fancy.
Minka: Yeah, you have to be someone, or know someone, and I’m both. And also kind of neither. That’s what’s great about me.
Minka: And your love life now?
Debbie Dunn: Sort of like wind on an open prairie, or footsteps in an empty attic, or what are those…Tumbleweeds going through an old ghost town. Sort of like that.
Minka: [referring to Theo] OMG. He is into you!
Debbie Dunn: No, he’s not.
Debbie Dunn: He’s being nice.
Minka: No, he’s not. That is what “into you” looks like.
Debbie Dunn: Peter used to want to be a writer, but he quit when he moved here. He doesn’t write anymore.
Minka: Uh-huh. Except for the part where he does.
Debbie Dunn: [referring to Peter’s book] If he wanted me to read it, he would have told me, because we tell each other everything.
Minka: I mean, obviously, you don’t.
Debbie Dunn: You and I tell each other everything, right?
Peter Coleman: No.
Debbie Dunn: What?
Minka: [to Debbie, referring to Theo] Oh, God, he is so happy to see you. It’s so cute, it’s gross!
Peter Coleman: Life is hard, right? Sometimes, it kicks you in the teeth. Like, I do not have my s**t together. I was going to be a great American novelist and find somebody to spend my life with. And now I’m just a lonely guy with outstanding hair that tells other people who to be, even though I’m not sure I know who I am.
Peter Coleman: This whole “being a life-changing male adult role model”, little trickier than I anticipated.
Alicia: I think you were just supposed to keep him alive.
Debbie Dunn: [referring to Theo] And thank you for coming with me. I have no idea what to say to this guy.
Minka: I mean, who can say things when he’s smiling at you with that smile?
Debbie Dunn: Right? That smile.
Debbie Dunn: I had a really big coffee on the way here. I just need to tinkle.
Theo Martin: Sure, yeah. Most of the tinkling happens right down the hall.
Debbie Dunn: This is insane!
Minka: I know, this place is so old school. I smell dead people.
Jack: So, you ever going to have kids?
Peter Coleman: What? I don’t know. Should I?
Jack: I mean, you’re not terrible at it. A little weird, but you don’t suck.
Peter Coleman: I don’t?
Peter Coleman: I think I’ve just been stressed out being responsible for a human. You know, I’ve never even taken care of like a herb plant before.
Zen: Well, dude, herb plants can be as hard as children. Yeah, I got a sage over by the patio, kept me up till 3:00 AM last week. I call it “plant colic”. So, you know, I get it.
Zen: You and Debbie, you have your thing, which is different from our thing.
Peter Coleman: Your thing.
Zen: Right! Like, you’re her friend. I’m her neighbor, and like part-time lover, you know?
Peter Coleman: What was that?
Zen: [referring to Debbie] I mean, I know, I know, she’s out of my league. I got it. But I have a plan. Okay? My thing is, I just keep showing up in her life, you know? And then maybe, maybe, she’ll change her mind about me. You know what I mean? In the meantime, I’ll take friends with benefits.
Debbie Dunn: Do you know what Walt Whitman said about the Brooklyn Bridge?
Theo Martin: No, tell me.
Debbie Dunn: He said, “It was the best and most effective medicine my soul has yet partaken.”
Theo Martin: That’s a really great quote. Sadly, that’s the Manhattan Bridge. Good quote though.
Debbie Dunn: I do have Champagne. And as a wise person said once, too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
Theo Martin: Ah. Mark Twain, right?
Debbie Dunn: Yes! Must have been a big boozer, that guy.
Theo Martin: That’s what I heard.
Alicia: Is that cologne?
Peter Coleman: No. I ate a candle.
Alicia: No, you didn’t.
Vanessa: How long has it been?
Peter Coleman: Twenty years.
Vanessa: And yet I’m thirty. Weird.
Peter Coleman: Amazing.
Peter Coleman: I’m trying to be the guy, right? But that guy is… Where’s that guy?
Alicia: I don’t know. But he smells terrific.
Peter Coleman: Thank you.
Peter Coleman: With a touch of oak.
Alicia: I didn’t pick up on that.
Peter Coleman: Oh, it’s there.
Peter Coleman: Can I tell you something? It’s a thing that I don’t think I’ve ever said out loud.
Alicia: Immediately. Please.
Peter Coleman: Okay. So, the night that Debbie and I spent together, after, I told her to stay away from me, because… And then I just, I found myself thinking about her. A lot.
Alicia: [referring to Debbie] You have to tell her.
Peter Coleman: What? No! It’s too late!
Alicia: Dude, remember, I was at the first poker game. You played like s**t. But you took risks. What happened to that guy?
Peter Coleman: That guy is… Drank too much, and he quit writing, and he’s got a friend, and she lives across the country. And most importantly, he’s dated like a million women, and it never lasts more than six months. Why? Because he is an unknowable piece of s**t.
Alicia: No. No, it’s because he has been with the wrong people. Stop telling yourself that story.
Alicia: [as she’s drinking coffee] Peter! Your whole life has been leading up to this point. Don’t waste a second. Oh, my God. I’ve had ten of these. I’m out of my mind. I need to hop on a Peloton or something.
Minka: [to Debbie] Okay, I can’t with this mood. Look at what you’ve done. In a measly few days, you got a boring as hell, but useful, I guess, degree. Got Peter’s book published, and befriended an adorable millennial, me. And then Theo, the sexy cherry on top! I mean…
Minka: Here’s the thing about me. I respect people’s privacy.
Debbie Dunn: Same. As my drunk mother used to always say, “Mind your own business.”
Minka: [after they find Peter’s photos of Debbie] This makes so much sense. Why he couldn’t fall in love with me. There had to be a reason. It couldn’t be because of me. I’m the best.
Minka: I think you fell in love with Peter that first night you hooked up.
Debbie Dunn: What? No. No, no, no. That would be reckless and impractical. And I am not…
Minka: Human? We know. That’s why you freaked out about his book and ran around like a little lunatic with it?
Minka: [to Debbie] You’re in love. You are. Don’t make me sing “I Am A Woman In Love” by Barbra Streisand, because I will. I sang it at my nana’s retirement home.
Debbie Dunn: Peter’s not interested in me like that. He let me know that night. And over the years, just by dating women who are utterly nothing like me.
Minka: Don’t you get it? All you have to do is take a chance.
Debbie Dunn: No. See, that’s what you don’t get about me, is I don’t take chances.
Debbie Dunn: [to Minka] What I have is great. And I appreciate it, you know? You get what you get, and you don’t get upset. And that’s how I live my life. And that is how I play poker. I never draw into a straight. You know what I mean? You don’t, because you don’t play poker. But I’ll explain it later, at a different time.
Minka: And Peter?
Debbie Dunn: Just forget about it. I don’t want to roll the dice.
Minka: If you start with another poker analogy, I will perish. You do take chances, by the way. I’ve seen it. You can do this. You can tell Peter how you feel. You can.
Debbie Dunn: Oh, my God. This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever said. I think I might be in love with somebody else. And I know that’s a crazy, crazy thing to say.
Theo Martin: I mean, love’s crazy. Love’s the worst.
Debbie Dunn: It’s a nightmare. Especially when it hits you, whoosh, just out of nowhere.
Debbie Dunn: Put Jack on the phone, Peter, before the serious brain injury sets in and he doesn’t remember who his mother is!
Jack: This week I got to be a different kind of me. It was kind of great.
Jack: [to Debbie] Look, I know you’re afraid of stuff. Sometimes, I am too. But I don’t want that for us anymore.
Peter Coleman: [referring to Jack] Look, I thought I was giving him what he needed!
Debbie Dunn: What? A hematoma?
Peter Coleman: How about Zen? And what about Theo? As in, “Oh, Theo!”
Debbie Dunn: Hold on. How do you know about that?
Peter Coleman: There’s a camera in my apartment.
Debbie Dunn: You watched me and Theo?
Peter Coleman: Only long enough to want to poke my eyes out!
Peter Coleman: What happened to, “I’m done with all of that?”
Debbie Dunn: Well, I’m a person, Peter. I’m not a rock.
Peter Coleman: That’s literally what you said! “My heart is a cold, hard stone.”
Debbie Dunn: Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you let so much time go by?
Peter Coleman: Because I was scared!
Debbie Dunn: Scared of what?
Peter Coleman: Scared that I’m not good enough for you! Scared that you’re going to reject me if I tell you how I feel.
Debbie Dunn: Well, just tell me how you feel!
Peter Coleman: You know how I feel!
Debbie Dunn: Wait. What? That, what, you’re in love with me or something?
Peter Coleman: No! Debbie, I am madly, deeply, overwhelmingly in love with you. And I have been since the moment I met you.
Debbie Dunn: Well, now what are we going to do? I thought we were going to be friends forever. We’re not?
Peter Coleman: No. We’re not going to be friends anymore, Debbie.
[he kisses her]
Debbie Dunn: [after they’ve kissed] Are we going to be hand-holders? I’ve never seen you hold a human’s hand.
Peter Coleman: I don’t hold hands
Debbie Dunn: Yeah! But it feels kind of good. Yeah. I think we’re hand-holders. I think we are.
Peter Coleman: Oh! Look at us.
Debbie Dunn: [to Peter] So, what happens next?
[six months later, we see Peter, Debbie and Jack living together]