Starring: Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Josh Brolin, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Pratt, Chadwick Boseman, Elizabeth Olsen, Sebastian Stan, Benedict Cumberbatch, Jeremy Renner, Paul Bettany, Cobie Smulders, Benedict Wong, Zoe Saldana, Karen Gillan, Vin Diesel, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Pom Klementieff, Scarlett Johansson, Benicio del Toro, Tom Holland, Anthony Mackie, Danai Gurira, Paul Rudd, Don Cheadle, Letitia Wright
OUR RATING: ★★★★☆
MCU’s superhero sequel directed by Anthony and Joe Russo. Avengers: Infinity War follows the Avengers and their allies who have continued to protect the world from threats too large for any one hero to handle. A new danger has emerged from the cosmic shadows, Thanos. A despot of intergalactic infamy, his goal is to collect all six Infinity Stones, artifacts of unimaginable power, and use them to inflict his twisted will on all of reality. Everything the Avengers have fought for has led up to this moment, the fate of Earth and existence itself has never been more uncertain.
Our Favorite Quotes:
Thanos: I know what it’s like to lose. To feel so desperately that you’re right, yet to fail nonetheless. As lightning turns the legs to jelly. I ask you to what end? Dread it, run from it, destiny arrives all the same. And now, it’s here. Or should I say, I am.
Thor: You talk too much.
Thor: We don’t have the Tesseract. It was destroyed on Asgard.
[Loki makes the Tesseract appear in his hand and offers it to Thanos]
Thor: You really are the worst, brother.
Loki: I assure you, brother. The sun will shine on us again.
Thanos: Your optimism is misplaced, Asgardian.
Loki: Well, for one thing, I’m not Asgardian. And for another, we have a Hulk.
[Hulk starts attacking Thanos, Obsidian goes to intervene but Maw stops him]
Ebony Maw: Let him have his fun.
Loki: If I might, interject, if you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena.
Thanos: Well, if you consider failure experience.
Loki: I consider experience, experience.
Loki: [as he’s being chocked by Thanos] You will never be a God!
Thanos: [finally chokes Loki to death] No resurrections this time.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Seriously? You don’t have any money?
Wong: Attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual.
Dr. Stephen Strange: I’ll tell the guys at the deli. Maybe they’ll make you a metaphysical Ham and Rye.
Wong: Wait, wait. I think I have two hundred.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Dollars?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Which is?
Wong: A buck and a half.
Dr. Stephen Strange: What do you want?
Wong: I wouldn’t say no to a Tuna Melt.
Tony Stark: Tell me his name again.
Bruce Banner: Thanos. He’s a plague, Tony. He invades planets. He takes what he wants. He wipes out half the population. He sent Loki. The attack on New York. That’s him.
Tony Stark: This is him. What’s our time line?
Bruce Banner: No telling. He has the Power and Space Stones, that only makes him the strongest creature in the whole Universe. If he gets his hands, on all six Stones, Tony…
Dr. Stephen Strange: He can destroy life on a scale of hitherto undreamt of.
Tony Stark: Did you seriously just say “hitherto undreamt of”?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Are you seriously leaning on the Cauldron of the Cosmos?
Tony Stark: Is that what that is?
[Strange’s cloak smacks Tony’s hand off the cauldron]
Tony Stark: I’m going to allow that.
Dr. Stephen Strange: We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives.
Tony Stark: And I swore off dairy, but Ben & Jerry’s named a flavor after me, so.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Stark Raving Hazelnuts.
Tony Stark: It’s not bad.
Dr. Stephen Strange: A bit chalky.
Tony Stark: What is your job exactly? Besides making balloon animals.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Protecting your reality, douchebag.
Tony Stark: God, we haven’t caught up in a spell, have we?
Bruce Banner: No.
Tony Stark: The Avengers broke up. We’re toast.
Bruce Banner: Broke up? Like a band? Like the Beatles?
Ned: We’re all going to die! There’s a spaceship!
Bus Driver: [Stan Lee as the school bus driver] What’s the matter with you kids? You never seen a spaceship before?
Ebony Maw: Hear me, and rejoice! You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to…
Tony Stark: I’m sorry, Earth is closed today. So pack it up and get out of here.
Ebony Maw: Stone keeper, does this chattering animal speak for you?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Certainly not. I speak for myself.
Peter Quill: Alright, Guardians. Don’t forget, this might be dangerous, so let’s put on our mean faces.
[Groot is playing a game on his tablet]
Peter Quill: Groot, put that thing away, now. I don’t want to tell you again.
[Groot just smirks and continues to play]
Peter Quill: Groot!
Teenage Groot: [snarky teenage voice] I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Woh!
Rocket: Woh, language!
Peter Quill: [referring to the unconscious Thor] How the hell is this dude still alive?
Drax: He’s not a dude. You’re a dude. This, this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.
Peter Quill: I’m muscular.
Rocket: Who are you kidding, Quill? You’re one sandwich away from fat.
Peter Quill: Yeah, right. What?
Drax: It’s true. You have little weight…
[Drax points to his chin and stomach]
Peter Quill: Gamora, do you think I’m…
[Gamora is transfixed by Thor]
Mantis: He is anxious. Angry. He feels tremendous loss and guilt.
Drax: It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.
Peter Quill: Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay. I’m going to get a Bowflex. I’m going to commit. I’m going to get some dumbbells.
Rocket: You know you can’t eat dumbbells, right?
Gamora: [touching Thor’s muscular arm] It’s like his muscles are made of Cotati metal fiber.
Peter Quill: Stop massaging his muscles.
Thor: [upon seeing the Guardians] Who the hell are you guys?
Gamora: The entire time I knew Thanos, he only ever had one goal, to bring balance to the Universe by wiping out half of all life. He used to kill people planet by planet, massacre by massacre.
Drax: Including my own.
Gamora: If he gets all six Infinity Stones, he can do it with the snap of his fingers, like this.
[snaps her fingers]
Thor: You seem to know a great deal about Thanos.
Drax: Gamora is the daughter of Thanos.
Thor: Your father killed my brother.
Peter Quill: Oh, boy. Stepfather. Technically, she hates him as much as you do.
Thor: Families can be tough. Look, before my father died, he told me I had a half-sister that he imprisoned in Hell. Then she returned home, and stabbed me in the eye, so I had to kill her. It’s life, there was nothing else, and I feel your pain.
Peter Quill: I feel your pain, as well. I mean it’s not a competition, but I’ve been through a lot. My father killed my mother, then I had to kill my father. And that was hard. Probably even harder than having to kill a sister. Plus, I came out with both of my eyes.
Thor: [looking at his spoon] I need a hammer, not a spoon.
Rocket: What are you doing?
Thor: Taking your pod.
Peter Quill: [deepens his voice] No, you’re not! You’ll not be taking our pod today, sir.
Rocket: Quill. Are you making your voice deeper?
Peter Quill: No.
Drax: You are. You’re imitating the god-man. It’s weird.
Peter Quill: No, I’m not.
Mantis: He just did it again!
Peter Quill: This is my voice!
Thor: Are you mocking me?
Peter Quill: Are you mocking me?
Thor: You just did it again.
Peter Quill: He’s trying to copy me.
Thor: He was doing it first.
Gamora: We need to stop Thanos.
Thor: There’s six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week, when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me, when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth. They’re with the Avengers.
Peter Quill: The Avengers?
Thor: They’re Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.
Mantis: Like Kevin Bacon?
Thor: He may be on the team. I don’t know. Haven’t been there in a while. As for the Soul Stone,no one’s ever seen that. No one even knows where it is. Therefore, Thanos can’t get it. Therefore, he’s going to Knowhere. Hence, he’ll be getting the Reality Stone. You’re welcome.
Gamora: Then we have to go to Knowhere now.
Thor: Wrong. Where we have to go, is Nivadellir.
Drax: All words are made up.
Thor: Oh, what’s made up?
Rocket: Nidavellir is real? Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful, horrific weapons to ever torment the Universe. I would very much like to go there, please.
Thor: The rabbit is correct, and clearly the smartest one.
Thor: Only Eitri the dwarf king can make me the weapon I need.
Thor: I assume you’re the captain, sir?
Rocket: You’re very perceptive.
Thor: You seem like a noble leader. Will you join me on my quest to Nivadellir?
Rocket: Let me just ask the captain. Oh, wait a second, it’s me! Yeah, I’ll go.
Peter Quill: Except that I’m the captain.
Peter Quill: And that’s my backpack.
Rocket: Quill, sit down.
Peter Quill: Look, this is my ship. And I’m not going to… Wait, what kind of weapon are we talking about here?
Thor: The Thanos killing kind.
Peter Quill: Don’t you think that we should all have a weapon like that?
Thor: No. You simply lack the strength to wield them. Your bodies will crumble as you minds collapse to the madness.
Rocket: Is it weird that I want to do it even more now?
Thor: A little bit. Yeah.
Thanos: [flashback to when Thanos is destroying Gamora’s planet] What’s wrong, little one?
Young Gamora: My mother. Where is my mother?
Thanos: What’s your name?
Young Gamora: Gamora.
Thanos: You’re quite the fighter, Gamora. Come. Let me help you. Look.
[he shows her a small double-edged knife]
Thanos: Pretty, isn’t it? Perfectly balanced. As all things should be. Too much to one side, or the other. Here. You try.
Gamora: I need to ask a favor.
Peter Quill: Yeah, sure.
Gamora: One way or another, the path that we’re on leads to Thanos.
Peter Quill: Which is what the grenades are for. I’m sorry. What’s the favor?
Gamora: If things go wrong, if Thanos gets me, I want you to promise me you’ll kill me.
Peter Quill: What?
Gamora: I know something he doesn’t. If he finds it out, the entire Universe could be at risk.
Peter Quill: What do you know?
Gamora: If I tell you, you’d know, too.
Peter Quill: If it’s so important, shouldn’t I?
Gamora: Only if you want to die.
Peter Quill: Why does somebody always have to die in this scenario?
Gamora: Just trust me. And possibly, kill me.
Peter Quill: I mean, I’d like to. I really would.
Gamora: Swear to me. Swear to me on your mother.
Peter Quill: Okay. Okay.
[Gamora kisses Peter]
Peter Quill: [as he’s kissing Gamora] Dude! How long have you been standing there?
Drax: An hour.
Peter Quill: An hour?
Gamora: Are you serious?
Drax: I’ve mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I’ve become invisible to the eye. Watch.
[he slowly raises his hand to pop a nut into his mouth]
Peter Quill: You’re eating a zark nut.
Drax: But my movement is so slow that it’s imperceptible.
Peter Quill: No.
Drax: I’m sure I’m invisible.
Mantis: Hi, Drax.
Drax: Damn it.
Peter Quill: Let her go, Grimace!
Peter Quill: I told you to go right.
Gamora: Now, really?
Peter Quill: You let her go!
Thanos: Ah, the boyfriend.
Peter Quill: I like to think of myself more as a Titan-killing long-term booty call. Let her go.
Peter Quill: Or I’m going to blow that nut-sack of a chin right off your face!
Thanos: Not him.
[realizing what Gamora had made him promise earlier]
Gamora: You promised! You promised!
Thanos: Oh, daughter. You expect too much from him. She’s asked, hasn’t she?
Peter Quill: I told you to go right!
Gamora: I love you, more than anything.
Peter Quill: I love you, too.
[as Peter goes to Kill Gamora, bubbles shoot out of his weapon]
Tony Stark: This is a one-way ticket. Do you hear me? Don’t pretend you thought this through.
Peter Parker: I did think this through. You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighborhood. Okay, that didn’t make sense but you know what I’m trying to say.
Bruce Banner: We need all hands on deck. Where’s Clint?
Steve Rogers: After the whole Accords situation, he and Scott took a deal. It was too tough on their families, they’re on house arrest.
Bruce Banner: Who’s Scott?
Steve Rogers: Ant-Man.
Bruce Banner: There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?
Tony Stark: [referring to Strange] See him down there? He’s in trouble. What’s your plan? Go.
Peter Parker: Okay, okay. Okay. Did you ever see this really old movie Aliens?
Ebony Maw: [referring to Strange being tortured] Painful, aren’t they? They were originally designed for microsurgery. And any one of them could end your friend’s life in an instant.
Tony Stark: I got to tell you, he’s not really my friend. Saving his life is more of a professional courtesy.
Ebony Maw: You’ll save nothing. Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.
Tony Stark: Yeah, but the kid’s seen more movies.
[Peter throws Ebony Maw into space]
Peter Parker: I’m Peter, by the way.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Dr. Strange.
Peter Parker: Oh. We’re using our made-up names. Then I am Spider-Man.
Tony Stark: [he knights Peter using his hands] Alright, kid. You’re an Avenger now.