The Best Quotes from All Scream Movies

Randy: [referring to Billy] If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath, would you be standing in the horror section?

Stuart: [referring to Billy] Well, why did the cops let him go, smart guy?
Randy: Because obviously they don’t watch enough movies. This is standard horror movie stuff. Prom Night revisited, man.
Stuart: Yeah? Why would he want to kill his own girlfriend?
Randy: There’s always some stupid, bulls**t reason to kill your girlfriend. That’s the beauty of it all. Simplicity. Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience.

Randy: The police are always off track with this s**t. If they’d watch Prom Night, they’d save time! There’s a formula to it. A very simple formula! Everybody’s a suspect! I’m telling you, the dad’s a red herring. It’s Billy.
Billy: [Randy suddenly turns and runs into Billy] How do we know you’re not the killer? Huh?

Randy: If this were a scary movie, I’d be the prime suspect.
Billy: That’s right.
Stuart: And what would be your motive?
Randy: It’s the millennium. Motives are incidental.

Randy: [to Stuart, referring to Billy] And you’re telling me that’s not a killer.

Tatum: [jokingly] No, please don’t kill me, Mr. Ghostface. I want to be in the sequel!

Sidney Prescott: But this is life. This isn’t a movie.
Billy: Sure it is, Sid. It’s all a movie. It’s all one great big movie. Only you can’t pick your genre.
Sidney Prescott: [kisses Billy] Why can’t I be a Meg Ryan movie? Or even a good porno.

Randy: There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one, you can never have sex. Big no-no! Big no-no!
Stuart: I’m a dead man.
Randy: Sex equals death. Okay?

Randy: Number two, you can never drink or do drugs. No, the sin factor. It’s a sin. It’s an extension of number one. And number three, never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say, “I’ll be right back.” Because you won’t be back.
Stuart: I’m getting another beer. You want one?
Randy: Yeah, sure.
Stuart: I’ll be right back!
Randy: You see, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay? I’ll see you in the kitchen with a knife.

Gale Weathers: People treat me like I’m the Antichrist of television journalism.
Dewey Riley: I don’t think you’re that bad.

Randy: Stu’s flipped out! He’s gone mad!
Billy: We all go a little mad sometimes.

Billy: [referring to the blood] Corn syrup. Same stuff they used for pig’s blood in Carrie.

Billy: [using the voice modulator] What’s the matter, Sidney? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

Sidney Prescott: Why are you doing this?
Stuart: It’s all part of the game, Sidney.
Billy: It’s called Guess How I’m Going to Die!

Billy: I don’t really believe in motive, Sid. I mean, did Norman Bates have a motive?
Stuart: No.
Billy: Did they ever really decide why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? Don’t think so! See, it’s a lot scarier when there’s no motive, Sid.

Sidney Prescott: You sick f***s. You’ve seen one too many movies.
Billy: Now, Sid, don’t you blame the movies! Movies don’t create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative!

Stuart: [after being stabbed by Billy] I can’t take anymore. I’m feeling a little woozy here!

Billy: [referring to the gun] Works better without the safety on.

Sidney Prescott: [over phone] What’s your motive? Billy’s got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them?
Stuart: Peer pressure. I’m far too sensitive.

Stuart: [to Billy] You f***ing hit me with the phone, d**k!

Stuart: [over phone] Did you really call the police?
Sidney Prescott: You bet your sorry a** I did.
Stuart: My mom and dad are going to be so mad at me.

Sidney Prescott: Oh, my God. Randy, I thought you were dead.
Randy: I probably should be. I never thought I’d be so happy to be a virgin.

Gale Weathers: [after shooting Billy] Guess I remembered the safety that time, you b****rd.

Randy: Careful. This is the moment when the supposedly dead killer comes back to life, for one last scare.
Sidney Prescott: [as Billy wakes she shoots him in the head] Not in my movie.

Gale Weathers: [doing her news report] It all began with a scream over 9-1-1, and ended in a bloodbath that has rocked the town of Woodsboro, all played out here in this peaceful farmhouse, far from the crimes and the sirens of the larger cities that its residents had fled.

Gale Weathers: It’s happening again, isn’t it?
Dewey Riley: You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Better hurry, Gale. Might get scooped.

The Voice: Hello, Sydney. Remember me?

Randy: [to Dewey] I don’t get it. They get Tori Spelling to play Sid, and they cast Joe Blow Nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove Jane Seymour’s stagecoach for one episode of Dr. Quinn.

Randy: The way I see it, someone’s out to make a sequel. You know, cash in on all the movie murder hoopla. So it’s our job to observe the rules of the sequel. Number one, the body count is always bigger. Number two, the death scenes are always much more elaborate. More blood, more gore. Carnage candy. Your core audience just expects it. And number three, if you want your sequel to become a franchise, never ever…
Dewey Riley: How do we find the killer, Randy? That’s what I want to know.

Dewey Riley: Serial killers are typically white males.
Randy: That’s why it’s perfect. It’s sort of against the rules, but not really. Mrs. Voorhees was a terrific serial killer. And there’s always room for Candyman’s daughter. She’s sweet. She’s deadly. She’s bad for your teeth.

Dewey Riley: Look. Gale’s no killer.
Randy: Okay. Okay. Whatever you say. But if she’s not a killer, she’s a target.

Dewey Riley: When did she start smoking?
Randy: Ever since those nude pictures on the Internet.
Gale Weathers: It was just my head. It was Jennifer Aniston’s body.

The Voice: What’s your favorite scary movie?
Randy: Showgirls. Absolutely frightening. What’s yours?

Cotton Weary: I don’t know about homicide, but you’ve definitely got me for raising my voice in a public library.

Gale Weathers: I feel bad, Dewey. I feel really bad. I never say that because I never feel bad about anything. But I feel bad now.
Dewey Riley: Is this just another brilliant Gale Weathers performance?
Gale Weathers: There are no cameras here. I just want to find this f***er! I really do.

Sidney Prescott: I’m going back.
Hallie: Look, look. Stupid people go back. Okay? Smart people run. We’re smart people, so we should just get the f*** out of here.

Mickey: I’m an innocent victim.
Sidney Prescott: You’re a psychotic.
Mickey: Yeah, well. Shh. That’ll be our little secret. Because people love a good trial. It’s like theater. They’re dying for it. And I’ve worked hard to give the audience what they want. See? That’s what Billy was good at. He knew, it’s all about execution.
Sidney Prescott: Yeah? Well, you’re forgetting one thing about Billy Loomis.
Mickey: What’s that?
Sidney Prescott: I f***ing killed him.

Mickey: Sid. You got a Linda Hamilton thing going. No, no. It’s nice. I like it.

Sidney Prescott: Mrs. Loomis?
Gale Weathers: What?
Mickey: Billy’s mother! Nice twist, huh? Didn’t see it coming, did you?
Gale Weathers: Jesus. It can’t be. I’ve seen pictures of you.
Sidney Prescott: This is sixty pounds, and a lot of work later.
Debbie Salt: It’s called a makeover. You should try it. Look a little tired yourself there, Gale.

Debbie Salt: Poor boy was completely out of his mind.
Sidney Prescott: And you’re not?
Debbie Salt: No. I’m very sane. My motive isn’t as ’90s as Mickey’s. Mine is just good old fashioned revenge. You killed my son. And now I kill you. And I can’t think of anything more rational.
Sidney Prescott: You’re never going to get away with this.
Debbie Salt: Of course I will.

Cotton Weary: Jeeze, Gale. You got more lives than a cat.

Gale Weathers: [referring to Debbie] Is she dead?
Sidney Prescott: I don’t know. They always come back.

Cotton Weary: Look, guys. No one wants to give you the story more than I do. Unfortunately, there is a time and a place, and indeed, a price for everything, so feel free to call me.
Joel: Come on, Cotton. Tell us something.
Cotton Weary: Well, I’ll tell you one thing. It’ll make a hell of a movie.

Wallace: Ten more murders and we can publish a calendar.

Mark Kincaid: The old “killer playing with the cops” routine. Very Hannibal Lecter. Very Seven.
Wallace: Doesn’t the killer come after the cops in those movies?
Mark Kincaid: Usually one cop makes it.
Wallace: And?
Mark Kincaid: One cop doesn’t. Usually.

Gale Weathers: Detective Kincaid, what do we know? Same killer?
Wallace: Hey, hey. Terminal Entertainment, this is a crime scene, okay?

Dewey Riley: The killer called her.
Mark Kincaid: What? When?
Gale Weathers: What did he say?
Sidney Prescott: Oh, you know, the usual small talk. “What’s new? How you been? How do you want to die?”

Randy: Anyway, the reason I’m here is to help you so that my death will not be in vain. That my life’s work will help save some other poor soul from getting mutilated. If this killer does come back, and he’s for real, there are a few things that you got to remember. Is this simply another sequel? Well, if it is, same rules apply. But, here’s the critical thing. If you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back story, and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules do not apply. Because you’re not dealing with the sequel. You are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy. That’s right. It’s a rarity in the horror field, but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn’t true from the get-go.Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn’t true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules.

Randy: [referring to the trilogy rules] One, you’ve got a killer who’s going to be superhuman. Stabbing him won’t work. Shooting him won’t work. Basically, in the third one, you’ve got to cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. Number two, anyone, including the main character, can die. This means you, Sid. I’m sorry. It’s the final chapter. It could be f***ing Reservoir Dogs by the time this thing is through. Number three, the past will come back to bite you in the a**. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest! Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. So in closing, let me say, good luck, Godspeed, and for some of you, I’ll see you soon. Because the rules say some of you ain’t going to make it. I didn’t. Not if you’re watching this tape.

Gale Weathers: What the hell are you doing?
Jennifer Jolie: Being Gale Weathers. What the hell are you doing?
Gale Weathers: I am Gale Weathers.
Jennifer Jolie: Here’s how I see it. I’ve got no house, no bodyguard, no movie, and I’m being stalked. Because someone wants to kill me? No, because someone wants to kill you. So now starting now, I go where you go. That way, if someone wants to kill me, I’ll be with you. And since they really want to kill you, they won’t kill me, they’ll kill you. Make sense?
Gale Weathers: None.

Jennifer Jolie: You know, in the movies I play you as being much smarter.
Gale Weathers: And as a sane person. For you, that must be quite a stretch.
Jennifer Jolie: That’s funny.

Jennifer Jolie: Oh, God. I forgot your birthday. Happy birthday, Roman.
Roman Bridger: Yeah, as if life isn’t tragic enough.

Sidney Prescott: What do you know about trilogies?
Mark Kincaid: You mean, like movie trilogies?
Sidney Prescott: You seem to like movies, Detective.
Mark Kincaid: Call me Mark, would you? Because I’m going to keep calling you Sidney.
Sidney Prescott: I’ll call you Mark when you catch the killer, Detective.
Mark Kincaid: All I know about movie trilogies is that in the third one, all bets are off.

Mark Kincaid: To me, Hollywood is about death.
Sidney Prescott: Excuse me?
Mark Kincaid: I’m a homicide detective, remember? And when you see what I see, day in and day out, the violence that people do to each other, you get haunted. I think you know about that.
Sidney Prescott: What do you mean?
Mark Kincaid: I know what it’s like to see ghosts that don’t go away. To be watching a scary movie in your head, whether you want to or not. Watching it alone.
Sidney Prescott: Ghosts are tough. You can’t shoot ghosts.
Mark Kincaid: Can’t arrest ghosts. But the best way to stop being haunted is to be with people. You’re here, you’re not hiding. You’ve done the right thing, Miss Prescott.

Sidney Prescott: I don’t know who my mom was.
Mark Kincaid: You know who she was to you.

Sidney Prescott: Hey, Detective. What’s your favorite scary movie?
Mark Kincaid: My life.
Sidney Prescott: Mine too.

Roman Bridger: I’m going to go check this place out.
Tyson Fox: Woh! Woh! Woh! Just one damn minute. There’s a psycho killer on the loose. And you want to go traipsing around this gigantic mansion? Have you ever actually seen the Stab movies? Every time this dude enters a room, he ends up a goddamn shish kebab.

Sidney Prescott: Gale, Dewey, whoever, call me back. I can only hear myself.
The Voice: I only hear you too, Sidney.
Sidney Prescott: Who is this?
The Voice: The question isn’t who I am. The question is, who’s with me?

The Voice: Oh, it’s hard being friends with you, Sidney. When you’re friends with Sidney, you die.

Sidney Prescott: How do I know their voices are…
The Voice: Are real? How do you know you’re not hearing things? How do you know I’m not someone in your head? Somewhere you know.
Dewey Riley: Don’t come here, Sidney!
Gale Weathers: Dewey!
The Voice: Or do you?
Sidney Prescott: You’re dead.
The Voice: I don’t want them. I want you. It’s simple. You show yourself, they survive. You run, they die!

The Voice: You’re not going anywhere, Sidney. It’s time you came to terms with me and with Mother. Maybe you never knew her at all, Sidney. Maybe you just can’t get past the surface of things.
Sidney Prescott: Who the hell are you?
The Voice: The other half of you. I searched for a mother too, an actress named Rina Reynolds. Tried to find her my whole life. And four years ago, I actually tracked her down. Knocked at her door, thinking she’d welcome me with open arms, but she had a new life, and a new name, Maureen Prescott. You were the only child she claimed, Sidney. She shut me out in the cold forever. Her own son.
[he takes off the Ghostface mask and we see it’s Roman]

Sidney Prescott: You. This is all because of you.
Roman Bridger: I’m a director, Sid. I direct. I had no idea they were going to make a film of their own. What a film it turned out to be, huh? I mean, introducing Sidney, the victim. Sidney, the survivor. Sidney, the star!

John Milton: You don’t have to do this, Roman. Just tell me what you want. I can make it happen. Any picture. Name your budget. Script approval. Final cut!
Roman Bridger: I already have it.
[he cuts Milton’s throat]

Sidney Prescott: God, why don’t you stop your whining and get on with it? I’ve heard this s**t before!
Roman Bridger: Stop!
Sidney Prescott: You know why you kill people, Roman? Do you?
Roman Bridger: I don’t want to hear it!
Sidney Prescott: Because you choose to! There is no one else to blame! Why don’t you take some f***ing responsibility?!

Dewey Riley: I know it’ll never work, and you know it’ll never work. But what I’m asking is, just to see if we’re wrong. We don’t know everything, Gale. I mean, you think you do, but…
Gale Weathers: You’re a brave man, Dewey Riley.
Dewey Riley: I’m really scared right now.
[they kiss]

Mark Kincaid: Sid, we’ve been waiting for you. We’re going to start a movie.
Sidney Prescott: What kind of movie?
Mark Kincaid: You have to come and see.

Gale Weathers: Dewey, would you please explain to Betty Crocker that I have every right to be here? If there’s been another murder in Woodsboro, obviously, What?
Dewey Riley: That is not public information!
Gale Weathers: It is all over the Internet, Dewey!
Dewey Riley: It is?
Gale Weathers: Yes! The whole world knows about it before me!

Gale Weathers: [to Judy] Your lemon squares taste like a**.

Deputy Judy Hicks: And the killer didn’t call you?
Kirby Reed: No. Is that a bad thing? Does that mean that I’m not going to live as long as these two?
Dewey Riley: No. Maybe. Of course not. Just be careful.
Kirby Reed: Oh, my God. Did you hear that? I’m going to be next!

Olivia Morris: What are you guys up to?
Kirby Reed: We’re watching Shaun of the Dead.
Olivia Morris: You know, there are two zombies sitting outside the house in a car?
Kirby Reed: Yep. They’re cops.

The Voice: How’s the movie?
Kirby Reed: What movie?
The Voice: Shaun of the Dead.
Kirby Reed: How did you know that?
The Voice: Because I’m standing in the closet.

The Voice: Welcome home, Sidney. Preview of coming events.
Sidney Prescott: Why don’t you come for me? You got the balls for that?
The Voice: Oh, poor Sidney. You think this is all about you. You think you’re still the star.
Sidney Prescott: This isn’t a f***ing movie!
The Voice: It will be.
Sidney Prescott: These are innocent people.
The Voice: Spare me the lecture! You’ve done very well by all this bloodshed, haven’t you? Well, how about the town you left behind?

The Voice: You know, Rebecca, it doesn’t sound to me like you’re in the hospital. Sounds like you’re in a parking garage. A dark and deserted parking garage. But if you want to be in the hospital, I’d be happy to put you there. In the morgue!

Sidney Prescott: So who do you think is behind the murders?
Charlie Walker: Well, it’s a Stab fanatic, clearly. Working on less of a shriekquel and more of a scream-make.
Robbie Mercer: Copyrighted terms, by the way.
Charlie Walker: Because all there are now are remakes. Only horror the studios green light. I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed. The unexpected is the new cliché.
Robbie Mercer: Yeah, you got to have an opening sequence that blows the doors off, dial up some flashy music-video direction, and the kills got to be way more extreme.
Charlie Walker: Modern audiences get savvy to the rules of the originals, so the reversals become the new standard. In fact, the only surefire way to survive a modern horror movie, you pretty much have to be gay.

Gale Weathers: So why are you so sure that the killer’s working by the rules of a horror remake?
Robbie Mercer: Well, the original Stab structure is pretty apparent.
Charlie Walker: Yeah, two kids killed in a house when their parents are away.
Robbie Mercer: And then the school’s hot chick “savaged beyond recognition”.
Charlie Walker: We all know where it goes from there.
Sidney Prescott: A party.
Charlie Walker: Exactly. A party. Guaranteed third act main cast bloodbath.
Robbie Mercer: Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change.

Deputy Hoss: The cops guarding the house, they always get it.
Deputy Perkins: What are you talking about?
Deputy Hoss: It’s a movie cop rule. It sucks to be a cop in a movie, unless you’re Bruce Willis.
Deputy Perkins: Not all cops die in movies.
Deputy Hoss: No, but if it’s your last day before retirement, you do. If you’re a rookie and just found out your wife is pregnant, you do. Or if your partner is better looking than you, you do. And, by the way, I win that one.

Deputy Perkins: I’ll be right back. S**t. I know this one. You’re not supposed to say that, are you?
Deputy Hoss: New decade, new rules. You know, these days, you might come back, find me dead. Eyes gouged out, tongue sticking out. Could go either way.
Deputy Perkins: I got to learn this s**t.

Deputy Perkins: Hey, Hoss. Be careful.
Deputy Hoss: I’m always careful.
Deputy Perkins: Dead man walking.

The Voice: You’re a survivor, aren’t you, Sidney? Your one and only skill. You survive. I have one question for you. What good’s it to be a survivor in this little drama, if everyone close to you is dead?

The Voice: Glad you came home, Sidney? Has it been worth it yet?
Sidney Prescott: Why are you doing this?
The Voice: Friends count, but it’s the family ties that cut deep. Am I right?
Sidney Prescott: What do you mean?
The Voice: The ones you care about most. And what’s closer than family? The bond of blood.
Sidney Prescott: Don’t.
The Voice: You can’t save them. All you can do is watch.

Gale Weathers: Promise me something.
Dewey Riley: Anything.
Gale Weathers: Catch that m**herf***er.
Dewey Riley: Absolutely.

Robbie Mercer: [as Ghostface is stabbing him] Wait, no. You can’t! You can’t! There’s rules! I’m gay! I’m gay! I mean, if it helps.

The Voice: Then it’s time for your last chance question. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the villain…
Kirby Reed: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When a Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

Charlie Walker: [as he stabs her] Kirby? This is making a move. Four years of classes together and you notice me now?

Sidney Prescott: [as Jill kilss Charlie] Even your friends.
Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it?! This has never been about killing you. It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane.

Jill Roberts: You had your fifteen minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous anymore? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just got to have f***ed-up s**t happen to you. So you do have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingénue days, they’re over.

Jill Roberts: [to Sidney] You just won’t die, will you? Who are you? Michael f***ing Myers?

Jill Roberts: Is this how it’s going to be, Sid? The ending of the movie was supposed to be at the house. I mean, this is just silly.
Sidney Prescott: Consider this an alternate ending. You’re never going to get out of this, Jill.
Jill Roberts: Of course I will!

Sidney Prescott: You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original.

Gale Weathers: Hicks? You’re alive?
Deputy Judy Hicks: Wear the vest, save your chest.

Reporter: Jill Roberts of Woodsboro. A girl who’s lifted all our spirits tonight. An American hero, right out of the movies.