Blockers Best Quotes – ‘This is so messed up.’

Starring: Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz, John Cena, Kathryn Newton, Graham Phillips, June Diane Raphael, Hannibal Buress, Sarayu Blue

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Comedy directed by Kay Cannon in her directorial debut, the story centers on three parents, Lisa (Leslie Mann), Hunter (Ike Barinholtz) and Mitchell (John Cena), who when they stumble upon their daughters pact to lose their virginity at prom, they launch a covert one-night operation to stop the teens from sealing the deal.

Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 24)

[they wave to their daughters as they leave for school]
Lisa: Bye.
Hunter: I think our daughters are friends. I think that makes us friends. I’m Hunter.
Lisa: I’m Lisa. That’s my Julie.
Mitchell: I’m Mitchell, Kayla’s hero.

Mitchell: I was going through laundry, I found these new thongs. Tonight I’m tearing these off with my teeth like an old school cartoon billy goat.
[he starts chewing on the thong]
Marcie: Honey, Mitch, those are your daughter’s.
Mitchell: Oh, God!
[he spits out the thongs from his mouth]

Mitchell: I used to hold that girl in the palm of my hand.
Marcie: Kayla’s becoming a woman, you’re going to have to deal with that.

[to Sam and Julie]
Kayla: Tonight is the first night of our adult life. I want to go to prom and lose my goddamn virginity.
Julie: Prom night, it’s kind of perfect. I’m in.

[wearing her prom dress]
Julie: I’m ready.
Lisa: You look beautiful.

Sam: Dad, why are you here?
Hunter: You think I’m going to miss the most important night of your young life.
Sam: Isn’t that graduation?
Hunter: Graduation is for losers.

Hunter: I can’t believe it’s prom. They’re so grownup.
Mitchell: I can’t even hug my daughter anymore without feeling her boobs.

Lisa: Julie left her laptop open.
Hunter: You guys are snooping on our kids.
Mitchell: No!
[referring to their daughters emoji conversations]
Lisa: We don’t understand what they’re saying so it’s not snooping.
Hunter: Oh, my God. I love puzzles.
Lisa: Something about an eggplant.
Hunter: In teenage emoji eggplants are dicks.
Mitchell: Wait, what?
Lisa: All emojis have a secret meaning, so like trees are weed and this thing is “yasque”.
Hunter: “Yasque.”

[trying to translate their daughters emoji messages]
Lisa: So she’s going to get roses, kiss and then touch his dick eggplant.
Mitchell: Look at that drool coming out of a smiley face.
Hunter: That’s jeez.
Mitchell: Stand down.
Hunter: It is. Look, it’s coming. Like…
[tries to dos smiley face with drool coming down]
Hunter: This is a sex pact. They’re planning on losing their virginity on prom night.
Mitchell: Maybe it’s not sex. They’re saying, “Hey, you’re okay with me. You’re okay with me.”
Lisa: Maybe.
[just then they see #SexPact2018 appear on the screen]
Hunter: Oh, I fucking knew it!
Lisa: Our girls are not thinking things through. I’m going to stop them.
Mitchell: I’m in.
Lisa: Let’s cock block those motherfuckers.

Lisa: All emojis have a secret meaning.
Hunter: Oh, eggplants are dicks. This is some kind of a dick related agreement.
Mitchell: Maybe they’re just saying, “You’re okay with me. You’re okay with me.”
Lisa: I mean maybe.
[just then they see #SexPact2018 appear on the screen]
Mitchell: What?
Lisa: Our girls are not thinking things through. I’m going to stop them.
Mitchell: I’m in.

Sam: [to Julie and Kayla] This is our last big night together.

Julie: [to Sam and Kayla] This pact is going to make our night even more perfect.

Kayla: I’m fully planning on having sex tonight.
Connor: Wherever the night takes us.
Kayla: The night is going to take us there.
Connor: Wherever the wind sails our ships.
Kayla: Your ship is going into my harbor.

[as they follow their daughters limousine]
Mitchell: They’re getting away.
Hunter: W-W-V-D-D.
Lisa: What would Vin Diesel do?

[to Lisa and Mitchell; as their car has turned over]
Hunter: Hey, Fast and the Furious is completely unrealistic. It’s not a documentary, I get that.

Lisa: In times of crisis parents are known to have superhuman strength.

Marcie: This is so messed up. Did your dad try to stop you when you wanted to lose your virginity?
Sam: He was too busy high fiving me.

Mitchell: I’ll do anything for my daughter.
Kyler: What about a little chugging contest?
Mitchell: Bring it.
[Kyler drops his pants down]
Mitchell: Wait, what? No, no, we’re chugging, right?
Kyler: We’re butt chugging.
[Mitchell looks horrified]
Hunter: You got this, dog.
Mitchell: [to Lisa] No, I’m tagging out. You’re in.
Lisa: What?!
Mitchell: You’ve had a baby, everything’s looser down there.
Lisa: I didn’t have a baby out of my butt!

[as they’re butt chugging]
Lisa: On a count of three. One…
Mitchell: Ooh, not a fan!
[just then Kayla opens the curtains from one of the windows inside the house and sees her dad and Kyler butt chugging]
Party Crowd: Butt chug! Butt chug!

[as they’re setting up to butt chug]
Lisa: On a count of three. One…
Hunter: They got a larger or an IAP.
Mitchell: No!
Hunter: It doesn’t, it doesn’t matter.

[to Julie and Sam]
Kayla: I’m tripping so hard. I just had a vision my dad is chugging beer through his asshole.

[as Hunter is pouring beer down the pipe into Mitchell’s butthole]
Mitchell: I can’t do anymore!
Jayden: Hose spray!
[they hear police sirens and everybody starts running off]
Hunter: Hose! Hose!
[just then Mitchell’s pipe hose sprays into Hunter’s face making him gag]

Party Crowd: Butt chug! Butt chug!
[referring to Kyler]
Hunter: Jesus, he’s spit-roasting himself.
Jayden: Hose spray!
[they hear police sirens and everybody starts running off; Mitchell pipe hose sprays into Hunter’s face making him gag]

Lisa: Are you a team player or aren’t you?
Mitchell: I just chugged a forty in my asshole. I’m a team player.

Total Quotes: 24

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