Bridget Jones’s Baby (2016) Best Quotes

Starring: Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth, Patrick Dempsey, Jim Broadbent, Sally Phillips, Jessica Hynes, Shirley Henderson, Gemma Jones, Emma Thompson, Ed Sheeran

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Romantic comedy sequel directed by Sharon Maguire and written by Helen Fielding, David Nicholls, and Emma Thompson, based on the fictional columns by Fielding. Bridget Jones’s Baby (2016) continues following Bridget (Renée Zellweger) as she enters her 40s and finds herself unexpectedly expecting with two men in her life, Mark Darcy and Jack Qwant (Colin Firth and Patrick Dempsey). Bridget now has to figure out who’s the father of her baby.

Our Favorite Quote:

Best Quotes

Bridget: Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. How in hell did I end up here again?

Bridget: [after speaking to her mother on the phone on her birthday] The annual phone call from mum reminding me to take my ovaries out of retirement. The truth was that by now I thought I would have had a little baby to love with the chisel jawed love of my life. But sometimes life gives you shallower compensations and at least I was finally down to my perfect weight.

Bridget: Maybe that’s the reason Mark Darcy and I never made it. I always felt like a verbally incontinent old maid, even when we were together. Still, I wasn’t going to dwell on the negatives. At least no-one at work knew it was my birthday. Or indeed, how old I was going to be.

Bridget: I’m not a MILF. I’m not even a mum. I am a spinster. I’m a SPILF.

Bridget: [after sleeping with Jack] I just slept with a complete stranger. I’m nothing but a feckless prostitute. No, no. I’m an elegant older woman taking men for my own pleasure. Or am I just a deluded middle-aged fool?

Shazza: [over phone, referring to Bridget’s night with Jack] So it lasted six hours?
Shazza’s Daughter: What lasted six hours, mum?
Shazza: A puppet show that Auntie Bridget went to.
Shazza’s Daughter: A six-hour puppet show?
Bridget: Hello.
Shazza: Tell me, were they little puppets, or…
Bridget: Very nice size puppets.
Shazza: And did he put his puppet in your mouth? God! I feel like my days of puppet shows are behind me. I’ve had finger puppets. And has he called?
Bridget: It doesn’t work like that any more. You just hook up with rugged troubadors at music festivals and there are no strings.
Shazza: Puppets with no strings.

Photographer: [referring to Bridget who is holding a baby] Give her little kiss on the forehead there.
Photographer: [Mark kisses Bridget on the cheek] I was talking about the baby.

Mark: How are you?
Bridget: Very well, thanks. How are you?
Mark: I’m fine.
Bridget: So am I.
Mark: Well, goodbye.
Bridget: Goodbye.
Bridget: [leans in to bartender and says quietly] Glass of wine.
Mark:  [does the same on the other side of the bar] Can I have a whisky, please.
Bridget: Big glass.
Mark: Double.

Bridget: Oh, my God. I’m pregnant. This is it. More to the point, whose is it? This is not how I thought this moment would be. I always imagined myself in ‘OK!’magazine with the man of my dreams. Oh, Christ! Too many dilemmas to ponder. Not least of all, who was that man I shagged in a tent?

Bridget: So which of the two would you go for?
Dr. Rawling: Couldn’t say. They’re both equally likely, it could have been after the event. Because as you know, sperm can live for several days after ejaculation.
Bridget: Couldn’t you just have a guess for me?
Dr. Rawling: No.
Bridget: What about the first scan? Would that show when conception took place?
Dr. Rawling: No. Ring this number to fix a date. And do bring along the father, if you can work out which one he is.

Bridget: Just out of interest, if someone did have an element of confusion about the father…
Dr. Rawling: Well, you can get a DNA sample at the amniocentesis, and I do recommend that you have the amniocentesis. Because there are always more risks with a geriatric mother.
Bridget: Geriatric?
Dr. Rawling: Hmm.
Bridget: That’s outrageous.
Dr. Rawling: Indeed. Unless you can sign on for your child support and pension at the same time.

Hard News Studio Director: We have a presentation in twelve weeks at the London Media Show and I’m looking for someone dynamic, innovative, focused to lead the charge. Any volunteers?
Bridget: Whatever happens now, must hold on to job. Must prove to fascist boss that I may be single mother, but am willing to roll with the ironic bearded hipsters.
Hard News Studio Director: Anybody at all?
Hard News Studio Director: [as Bridget puts up her hand] Do you need to leave, Bridget?
Bridget: No, I want to volunteer.

Shazza: What if this DNA turns out to be Jack’s?
Bridget: I don’t want the father to be Jack. I don’t even know Jack.
Shazza: And what if it’s Mark Darcy’s?
Bridget: Christ, I’ll have to confess to him that I’ve been a whore with dolphin condoms.

Bridget: [as she sees the scan of her baby] Hello, you. Is that your ear or your foot? You have got very big feet. Oh, look at you. Waving already. You’re the best thing I’ve ever seen. I promise I’ll try my best. So just stay safe and snug in there while I try and sort the mess out here.

Dr. Rawling: [as Bridget and Mark are waiting to have a baby scan] So this is dad I presume. So glad you could be here, this is a unique and wonderful moment.
Bridget: Dr. Rawling, I wonder if you could maybe do me a little favor.
Dr. Rawling: Hmm.

Dr. Rawling: [the doctor walks into the room again and this time we see Bridget with Jack] So this is dad I presume. I’m so glad you could be here, this is a unique an marvelous moment.
[Bridget smiles over awkwardly at Jack]

Bridget: [to Mark and Jack] It’s sort of a funny story. Sort of. You see, a few months ago, on the fourth of the month, I met Jack at a music festival.
Mark: Right.
Bridget: And we got on very well and sort of had relations. And the next week, that is to say, on the eleventh of the month at Jude’s baby christening to be exact following the consumption of a large amount of alcohol, Mark and I, well, we had similar relations.
Mark: And this is the funny part, I suppose.
Bridget: Owing to these relations the resulting life form currently residing in my tummy, could actually, in fact, be either of yours. I know I should have told you both before but I just didn’t. You both seemed so happy.

Jack: So correct me if I’m wrong, but did you just say that the baby could be either of us?
Mark: So you have no idea which of us is actually the father?
Bridget: I know, it’s all very confusing. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Jack: So however we choose to do this the most important thing now is this. Bridget, I’m not going to pretend this isn’t a shock. I want you to know whatever the circumstance, the most important thing is the baby. Who knows, this could be a great adventure.
Mark: I’m afraid you’re going to have to excuse me. I have a meeting. Good night
Bridget: Mark…

Bridget’s Mum: What are you wearing? Oh my God. Bridget, you’re…
Bridget: Yes.
Bridget’s Mum: Why didn’t you say anything?
Bridget: I didn’t want to upset you.
Bridget’s Mum: Why would you? Oh, no, Bridget. Who’s the father? It’s not Mark is it? Oh, do say it is.
Bridget: There’s at least a fifty percent chance.
Bridget’s Mum: A fifty percent chance?
Bridget’s Mum: A fifty percent chance?
Bridget: Mark and this really nice American called Jack.
Bridget’s Mum: [looking horrified] Oh no, Bridget. An American? Did you have a three-way?

Mark: I brought you a nice tea.
Bridget: Oh, wow. Thank you.
Mark: It’s off till this evening. But there’s a heck of a lot of caffeine in that tea.
Jack: I brought you a super juice.
Bridget: Thank you.
Mark: Shall we go in?
Bridget: Why not?
Jack: [taking her bag] Sure. Let me carry that for you.
Bridget: Thank you.
Mark: Can I carry your phone, please?
Bridget: Okay. Thank you.

Lamaze Teacher: [at the Lamaze class] And who do we have here then?
Bridget: I’m Bridget, and this is Jack, and this is Mark.
Lamaze Teacher: Oh, lovely. You’re our second same sex couple today.
Mark: No, actually we’re …
Jack: Absolutely.

Bridget: Stop it. Both of you. This isn’t a competition.
Jack: She’s right. We should take this toxic energy out of the room.

Jack: We should think about Bridget and the baby. For better or worse, fate has brought us together.
Mark: It wasn’t fate, it was condoms.

Shazza: I still can’t believe Mark ducked out like that.
Bridget: Well, it’s not really his fault.
Shazza: I suppose we just have to hope it’s Jack’s, right? I mean, let’s face it, things could be worse. He’s pretty f***ing amazing. He’s richer than God and he has a very nice sized puppet.
Bridget: He does, and we match up very nicely on paper.
Shazza: Well, how do you know?
Bridget: You just have to have faith. You just have to ask yourself, “Can I see myself growing old with this guy, and not Mark Darcy?”
Shazza: There it is. Here we go.

Bridget: What if it’s not yours?
Jack: What?
Bridget: What if the baby turns out to be Mark’s?
Jack: Well, I mean, it’d certainly change things. Is that what you want? For it to be Mark’s? Are you in love with him?
Bridget: I have been in the past.
Jack: And me?
Bridget: I could be, one day.
Jack: Bridget, I haven’t been totally honest with you. Mark thinks the baby isn’t his, and I let him believe it was mine. That’s why he disappeared.
Bridget: Why would he think that?
Jack: Because I let him. Because I wanted you for myself. We could be so good for each other. Ninety-seven percent.
Bridget: On paper. But falling in love doesn’t happen on paper. Sometimes you love a person because of all the reasons they’re not like you. And sometimes you love a person just because they feel like home. I’ve got to find Mark.

Bridget: What are you doing here?
Mark: It seems I can always find time to save the world, but you’re my world.
Bridget: I thought you were back with Candida.
Mark: You know perfectly well her name’s Camilla.
Bridget: Camilla. I came round your house to find you, and she was there.
Mark: She came to collect her bags. Gone back to The Hague. Just taken her to the airport.

Mark: Bridget, you know I find emotional declarations difficult. But the truth is …
Bridget: Why are my trousers warm? My waters must have broken. Oh, Jesus.
Mark: So, sorry. I’ll get a cloth. But you’re not due for another two or three weeks.
Bridget: That’s a contraction.
Mark: I think we should get to the hospital quickly.
Bridget: Absolutely. Let’s take your car.
Mark: I came in a taxi.
Bridget: Oh, for f***s sake.
Mark: Well, how was I supposed to know?
Bridget: No, not you. The contractions.

Mark: [carrying a pregnant Bridget in his arms] Good God, Bridget. You’re immense.
Bridget: I can’t help it.
Mark: I think my lungs collapsed, but this is not about me.
Bridget: The contractions are starting again. I’m going to have the baby in the street.
Mark: I tell you what, we’ll rest for ten, and we’ll walk for ten.
Bridget: Okay.
Mark: It’s not much further.
Bridget: No.
Mark: I think it’s about a mile and a half.
Bridget: Don’t think…
Mark: Are you okay?
Bridget: It’s probably best if I don’t talk too much.
Mark: Yes.
Jack: [comes over and gives him a hand in carrying Bridget] Okay, I’m here. Okay. I can take it from here. I’m here. Okay. I got this.
Mark: Thank you.
Jack: Jesus. This is a two-man job.

Nurse: [as they carry a pregnant Bridget to the hospital] Which of you is the father?
Mark, Jack: I am.
Nurse: Right.

Dr. Rawling: [to Jack and Mark] Come on, you two. Time for a little test. It’s so exciting, isn’t it? It’s like the final of the X Factor or something. Dial zero one if you want it to be Mark and zero two if you want it to be Jack.

Bridget: Dear Diary. And so, I, Bridget Jones am a singleton no more. Married? Yes. Smug? Well, it’s about time, so maybe just a little.

Trailer: