Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, T. J. Miller, Leslie Uggams, Brianna Hildebrand, Stefan Kapičić, Zazie Beetz, Jack Kesy
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Comic book action adventure sequel directed by David Leitch. Deadpool 2 continues to follow Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), who forms a team of mutants, the X-Force, which includes luck-altering mutant Domino (Zazie Beetz), to protect a young mutant (Julian Dennison) from the time travelling soldier Cable (Josh Brolin), the future mutant soldier son of X-Men leader Cyclops.
Our Favorite Quotes:
Deadpool: F*** Wolverine. First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. Then the hairy m**herf***er ups the ante by dying. What a d**k. Well, guess what, Wolvie? I’m dying in this one, too. To understand why I took a cat-nap on one twelve hundred gallons of high-test fuel I need to take you back to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. I’d gone international, taking out mass murderers, gangsters, unspeakable monsters. People nobody would touch. Except me. I’m going to touch them all over.
Deadpool: I don’t speak Cantonese, Mister…
[he looks at card and then tosses it]
Deadpool: Well, I’m not even going to attempt that. But I did take eighth grade Spanish, so, donde esta la biblioteca? Which literally translates to, “I don’t bargain, pumpkin f***er.”
Dopinder: You’re my Tom Cruise!
Deadpool: And you’re my Kristen Dunst! Kristen? Kirsten?
Vanessa: Hey. Look at me. You are not your father. Besides, I will never, ever let our child be named Todd.
Deadpool: But here’s the thing, isn’t that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father, and then have consensual sex with their sister?
Vanessa: I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
Deadpool: No, I’m pretty sure Luke nailed her.
Vanessa: Baby, that’s Empire. The point is, kids, they give us a chance to be better than we are. Better than we used to be.
Deadpool: You’re a lot smarter than I look. I’m going to go make dessert. You get the strap-on. Let’s make a super baby.
Vanessa: Pretty sure it doesn’t work that way, but we can try.
Deadpool: I’m fine.
Buck: You know what “fine” stands for, Wade? F***ed up, insecure, needy, and emotional. According to the…
Buck: Yeah. According to the Kubler-Ross model denial is just one of the five stages of grief.
Deadpool: Jesus Christ, Buck! No more speaking lines for you.
Deadpool: [referring to Vanessa] I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Weasel: An ocean is water.
Deadpool: And more importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? George Michael was right. I’m never going to dance again. F***! He’s dead, too. At least we still have Bowie.
Weasel: Yeah, we still have Bowie.
Blind Al: I heard the news, sweetie. I’m very sorry. I am.
Deadpool: What am I going to do, Al?
Blind Al: Probably something terrible, knowing you.
Deadpool: It was my fault. I f***ing did this. And all I want to do is grab her and see her and tell her that I’m sorry, and I can’t. She’s gone.
Blind Al: Sweetheart, can you speak up? It’s a little hard to hear you with that pity d**k in your mouth.
Blind Al: Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living.
Deadpool: Thank you, Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure.
Blind Al: Listen to the pain. It’s both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes, it’s so bad, we feel like we’re dying. But we can’t really live till we’ve died a little, can we? Wade? Wade?
Deadpool: I’m right here, Althea. And that is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. And you’re absolutely right. I’m about to do something terrible.
Colossus: We have rules. You are not judge, jury or executioner!
Deadpool: F*** your rules! I fight for what’s right, and sometimes you got to fight dirty!
Colossus: You let me down for the last time, Wade.
Deadpool: [to Russell] Look. I can’t protect you. With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow, I’m basically Hawkeye. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.
Cable: Who are you?
Deadpool: I’m Batman.
Cable: The name’s Cable. I’m from the future. Just walk away.
Deadpool: Oh! So, you’re from the future. I have three questions then. One, is dubstep still a thing? Two, which Sharknado are we on? And three, at what point do audiences say, “Enough with the robotic arms?”
Cable: Dubstep’s for pu**ies.
Deadpool: You’re so dark! Are you sure you’re not from the DC universe? I love dubstep!
Deadpool: Is that a fanny pack? I used to have one of those in 1990-never.
Cable: [takes Vanessa’s token] Something to remember you by.
Deadpool: Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. Like the memory of your f***ing fanny pack!
Deadpool: In every film, there’s a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy’s prized bobsled broke. In Human Centipede, it was when those people signed on to be in that movie. But in this film, well, you’re looking at it. Rock, meet Bottom.
Deadpool: You know what we need to do? We need to build a f***ing team. We need them tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise ten to twelve years.
Dopinder: My body is an instrument of death.
Deadpool: Not now, Dopinder.
Dopinder: I could be of great use.
Deadpool: What’s your superpower?
Deadpool: That’s adorable.
Weasel: Do you have the courage to check and see if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser?!
Dopinder: Yes, sir.
Weasel: [to Deadpool] I’m sorry you had to see that, although I’m glad you heard it.
Deadpool: What’s your shtick?
Domino: I’m lucky.
Deadpool: If you’re so lucky, then what are you doing here with us?
Domino: I don’t know yet.
Deadpool: What’s that supposed to mean?
Domino: It means that I don’t know yet. But there’s a reason why I’m here, and I’ll know when I know. Everything usually works out for me.
Deadpool: Luck isn’t a superpower.
Domino: Yes, it is.
Deadpool: No, it isn’t.
Domino: Yes, it is.
Deadpool: No, ma’am.
Deadpool: Mario No-pez.
Deadpool: Nacho cheese.
Domino: No, it definitely is.
Deadpool: There’s no way that it…
Domino: Sorry, I was interrupting you.
Deadpool: No, I interrupted you.
Domino: No, no, no. You can go first.
Deadpool: Oh, I was just going to say, “No, it isn’t.”
Domino: I was going to just bring it back to that, yes, it is.
Deadpool: Let’s meet in the middle and say, “No, it isn’t.”
Domino: [laughing] But it is.
Deadpool: Okay. You’re hired!
Weasel: You’re hired.
Domino: Oh, lucky me.
[she turns and leaves]
Deadpool: She’s great.
Weasel: And last, but not least. Peter.
Deadpool: [referring to a headshot of Peter, who looks a lot different in person] Am I getting catfished here, or any powers you want to tell us about, any…
Peter: No. I don’t have one. I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun.
Deadpool: You’re in.
Cable: People think they understand pain. They have no concept of it beyond their own worst experience.
Deadpool: As a former X-Man…
Deadpool: Thank you, Bedlam. I was always appalled by the blatant sexism in the group’s name. X-Men! Men! The point is, our group will be forward thinking. Gender neutral. From now on, we’ll be known as X-Force.
Domino: Isn’t that a little derivative?
Deadpool: I don’t recall asking your opinion, Peter!
Peter: That wasn’t me.
Domino: Okay, I’m over the convoy. Where did the rest of the team land?
Deadpool: Good news and bad news. Bad news is the whole team is dead. The good news is, I don’t think anyone’s going to miss Shatterstar. He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul!
Deadpool: Peter, I’m going to miss him most. But there is a slight chance Vanisher could make it.
[just then Vanisher lands in a ball of fire]
Deadpool: Nope, no chance. He’s dead.
Domino: The whole team?
Deadpool: Only the main ones. We’re still good.
Domino: F***, you are dumb.
Deadpool: Even after all this time, I still can’t talk about it. Who knew these winds would be so strong?
Domino: Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! And everyone not on the helicopter!
Deadpool: You know, it has always been a dream of mine, to see my face reflected in your helmet as you charge at me with murderous intent. I don’t mean right now.
Juggernaut: [grabs Deadpool by the neck and pulls him off the ground] I’m going to rip you in half now.
Deadpool: That is such a Juggernaut thing to say.
[Juggernaut rips Deadpool’s body in half]
Deadpool: I ain’t letting Cable get to him, even if I have to teabag him to death.
Domino: It’s really just a sip of tea at this point.
Deadpool: Zip it, black Black Widow!
Deadpool: [referring to Russell] Why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? Or better yet, head back a little further, kill baby Hitler.
Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: One to get me here, one to get me home.
Deadpool: Well. That’s just lazy writing.
Cable: Relax. I’m retrieving something from my utility bag.
Weasel: It’s a goddamn fanny pack, and you know it, you sick son of a b**ch! The difference is night and day.
Cable: You remind me of my wife.
Deadpool: I’m sorry.
Cable: I said, “You remind me of my wife.”
Deadpool: No, I’m sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.
Cable: She always struggled. But she was funny and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. Something I could never master. It was my fault she died.
Cable: Here’s a spoiler alert. You’re not a f***ing hero. You’re just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Deadpool: Well, I got news for you. My heart is in the right place. Russell’s not going to kill anyone. Because of me, he’s going to know what real love looks like.
Cable: Because of you, I’ll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
Deadpool: I’m a grower, not a shower.
Domino: I should’ve finished college.
Russell: What do you say we go f*** some s**t up?
Juggernaut: “Let’s f*** some s**t up” is my legal middle name.
Deadpool: [referring to the headmaster] That piece of s**t he deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt you badly. Makes you want to hurt others. But if you kill him, he wins. You become everything he says you are, but worse. You’re just a kid. You don’t want to hurt anyone.
Russell: How do you know what I want?
Deadpool: Because I’ve been inside you. That came out wrong. I’ve been inside your shoes, which is also off-putting. It’s not a great analogy. The point is, there are people, there are people in this f***ing world, besides him, who will treat you right. It isn’t too late. Don’t do it. I never should’ve left you there. I never should’ve left you in that prison.
Russell: I can’t trust you. I can’t trust anybody!
[Russell uses his power to throw Deadpool aside]
Cable: Wonderful kid.
Russell: You can’t stop me, Wade!
Cable: Told you this little f***er’s too far gone.
Deadpool: Zip it, Thanos!
Deadpool: And you, Cable. You get back to your family. You tell them Wade says hi. And promise me, promise me one thing. That you’ll start judging people not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
Deadpool: [as he’s dying] Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful bright light? There it is. Oh, that’s the sun. Don’t stare directly into that. I just have a few final words. Woodpecker. Gingivitis. Codswallop. Do you want to build a snowman?
Vanessa: [as Deadpool is unconcious and sees Vanessa] Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
Deadpool: Well, come here.
[the start kissing]
Deadpool: Don’t f*** Elvis.
Vanessa: Don’t f*** Colossus.
Deadpool: [after he realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him] You time-sliding son of a b**ch. You did this for me? Wait, you can’t go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl, your wife?
Cable: No, my family’s safe. And I didn’t do it for you. No, I’m going to stick around for a while, make sure the world doesn’t s**t itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn’t.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: I really didn’t.
Deadpool: I’m pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I’m positive I didn’t.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright. Let’s flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
[he flips the coin]
Deadpool: I’m not even going to look because you did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: He did it for me.
Deadpool: I don’t know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you.
Deadpool: Yes. Here we go. Bring it in. Come on.
[he hugs Cable]
Deadpool: Pelvis to pelvis. Let’s go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking.
[he hears a knife open]
Deadpool: Is there a knife in my d**k?
Cable: There’s a knife in your d**k, yes.
[Deadpool backs off]
Deadpool: No need to go full Yentl. I’m going to pretend like that never happened.
Deadpool: You guys coming with us?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: No, we’ll get the kids back to the mansion. Besides, we’re X-Men.
Deadpool: No, you’re X-People.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: You’re X-hausting.
Deadpool: I see what you did there. Puns.
Deadpool: [to Vanessa after traveling back in time to save her] We’re definitely naming our kid Cher!
Deadpool: [travels back in time before Peter is killed] Peter!
Peter: Wooh! X-Force!
Deadpool: Walk away! Just walk away!
Peter: But we’re X-Force!
Deadpool: Nope! We’re not, there’s no X-Force!
Peter: Alright, well, this has been pretty scary!
Deadpool: Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
Peter: Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
[we see the old Deadpool/Weapon XI when his mouth was closed off]
Logan: Wade, is that you? I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up.
[suddenly Weapon XI is shot in the head by the current time traveling Deadpool]
Deadpool: Hey! It’s me! Don’t scratch! Just cleaning up the timelines!
[he shoots the old Deadpool several more times]
Deadpool: Love you!
Ryan Reynolds: [to himself as he finishes reading the Green Lantern script] Welcome to the big leagues, kid.
[suddenly blood splatters on the script, we see Reynolds is shot in the head, as he drops we see Deadpool behind with a gun]
Deadpool: You’re welcome, Canada.