Starring: Rebel Wilson, Adam DeVine, Liam Hemsworth, Priyanka Chopra, Betty Gilpin, Brandon Scott Jones, Tom Ellis
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Romantic comedy directed by Todd Strauss-Schulson which follows architect Natalie (Rebel Wilson), a hard worker who finds it hard to get noticed at her job. Also, Natalie is a lifelong cynic when it comes to love, however, when she has an encounter with a mugger that renders her unconscious, she wakes to discover that her life has suddenly become her worst nightmare, a romantic comedy, and she is the leading lady.
Favorite Quote:'You can search the entire universe and never find a being more worthy of love than yourself.' - Donny (Isn't It Romantic) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 61)
[as a young Natalie is watching Pretty Woman]
Natalie’s Mom: Wake up, Natalie. It’s just a movie. Forget about men. Forget about love. In real life, girls like us don’t get that.
Young Natalie: Why?
Natalie’s Mom: Well, look in the mirror, darl. We’re no Julia Roberts.
Young Natalie: We’re not?
Natalie’s Mom: That woman has got a million-dollar smile. She’s got a gorgeous mane of hair. Okay, she might not have to bleach her mustache, but she hasn’t even got room for a mustache. She’s got a tiny little space here. They’ll never make a movie about girls like us, and you know why?
Natalie’s Mom: Because it would be so sad, they’d have to sprinkle Prozac on the popcorn, or people would kill themselves.
Natalie’s Mom: You see, Natalie, love’s not a fairy tale. There’s no happy endings.
Natalie: There is always going to be a happy ending.
Natalie’s Mom: No, darling. Someone might marry you for a visa, that’s about it.
[catching Whitney watching The Wedding Singer in the office]
Natalie: Whit, um, can you maybe stop watching full-length feature films in the office and just, like, do your job and assist me?
Whitney: Yes, okay. There are only, like, forty-three minutes left, so maybe I’ll just stop when it’s over, and then do it. I don’t know how it ends. Do they end up together?
Natalie: This movie ends like all stupid romcoms do. The girl gets the guy, and then, finally, that’s what makes her happy.
Whitney: And what’s wrong with that?
Natalie: Because she should be happy with other things in her life, like her great career that she’s worked hard for.
Whitney: It’s a romantic comedy. They’re the best.
Whitney: I mean, life can be so sad. I try to wake up smiling, then I turn on the news and I’m like…
Whitney: And then I turn on Sweet Home Alabama, and I’m like…
Whitney: I mean, have you seen that movie? It’s literally a masterpiece.
Natalie: Masterpiece of shit. Whitney, all those movies are lies, set to terrible pop songs.
Whitney: I love those songs. And those movies are not lies.
Natalie: Uh, yes, they are. People waking up in bed with full hair and makeup. It’s so unrealistic. Every time someone puts on a pair of pants, it turns into a whole montage.
Whitney: Yeah, because trying on clothes is fun.
Natalie: For you.
Natalie: Yeah, what about how there’s always, like, some main chick, and she’s super clumsy. She’s always like…
[pretends to trip]
Natalie: “Oh! Whoops!” And everyone goes, “She’s so charming.” No. In real life, people would think she had muscular dystrophy.
Whitney: Your flaws are what make you beautiful.
Natalie: Uh, your flaws are what make you ugly. That’s why they’re called flaws.
Natalie: [to Whitney] And then, like, in those movies, when there are two women in the same workplace, they have to be like mortal enemies. Look at us. Like, I love you, I think you’re the best. The idea that two women can’t root for each other at work is just disgusting.
Natalie: [to Whitney] And apparently, there’s no HR at any of those businesses in romcom world, because there’s no diversity, and people are always boning their co-workers. Oh, and don’t even get me started about the cliché gay best friend whose sole purpose in the story is just to help the main hot chick. And like, does he have a job? Like, what’s going on in his life? Who cares? It’s so insulting, don’t you think?
Natalie: And then they always have some stupid voiceover that comes on to tell you what you’re supposed to think. You know what I think? Act better.
Whitney: For someone who hates romantic comedies, you have certainly thought about this a lot.
Natalie: What about how, at the end of those romcoms, they always do this stupid, like slow motion running sequence? And, like they’re trying to break up a wedding, or get their lover back. Well, guess what? He doesn’t love you. That’s why he’s not currently with you or marrying you.
Whitney: He does love you, and he’s there to complete you.
Josh: Mind if I come in? What are we talking about?
Whitney: Natalie’s been saying that romantic comedies are bad. For three hours.
Natalie: Yeah, because they’re toxic.
Josh: Are you kidding me? Have you seen Notting Hill? Have you seen 13 Going on 30?
Josh: I put those in my high school time capsule.
Whitney: This is a man. I love this man.
Josh: Yeah. That and my hacky sack.
Natalie: You two are so soft.
Whitney: You know, she just, uh, she hates happy endings.
Natalie: Because it’s not the end. They stop it there because what happens next is like really shit, and nobody will want to see that. Because it’s unhealthy for little girls to watch that stuff and think that’s how life’s going to be.
Whitney: I think it’s nice to be reminded of how beautiful and full of love life can be.
Josh: Hey, so I know you hate it, but it is Karaoke night tonight.
Josh: Tonight. Would you like to come?
Natalie: Or we could do something less embarrassing, like trampoline nude in public?
Josh: Okay, well, could’ve just said no.
[Josh leaves looking disappointed]
Whitney: Listen to me.
Whitney: You’re friendzoning Josh.
Natalie: No, I’m not. No. No, no, no. No, Josh doesn’t like me like that.
Whitney: You sure about that?
Natalie: Yeah, I’m sure. Do you know how many times a day I catch him gawking at that half-dressed model out there? You know, she’s like, “Ooh. Look, I’m so sexy. I just want a man to buy me a salad. Ooh!” You know, but I don’t have that, so that’s fine. You know?
Whitney: I think people would have an easier time seeing you, Natalie, if you were a little more open.
[the man she spots looking at her on the train comes up to her]
Subway Passenger: Oh, hey. Do you get off here too?
Natalie: Oh. Hi.
Subway Passenger: I’m Jack.
Natalie: Natalie. Nat, like the bug.
Subway Passenger: That’s funny.
[suddenly Jack punches her Natalie in the stomach and grabs her purse]
Subway Passenger: Give me the purse!
Natalie: It my purse!
[they are both pulling on her purse]
Subway Passenger: Come on, give it to me!
[the man continues to struggle with her to take her purse]
Subway Passenger: Come on, I’ve got three kids to feed! You look like you’ve known struggle. Can you help me out? Please?
[Natalie lets go of her purse]
Subway Passenger: Ha-ha, sucker! I don’t even have any kids.
[Natalie punches him in the groin, as he falls she grabs her purse]
Natalie: Why does this shit always happen to me?
[as Natalie turns to leave, she hits her head on the iron railing and collapses]
[Natalie wakes up in the hospital]
Natalie: Where am I?
Hot Doctor: You’re in the emergency room.
Natalie: This isn’t an emergency room, this is a Williams-Sonoma.
[after Natalie is nearly run over in the street by Blake’s limousine]
Blake: Wow, you’re quite beguiling, aren’t you?
Natalie: Why are you now Australian?
Blake: I’m Australian, so it comes out that way.
Natalie: No, no, no. You weren’t Australian this morning when you saw my cup of whipped cream with a dollop of coffee in it.
Blake: I find it impossible to believe that we’ve met before and I don’t remember you.
Natalie: Oh, what’s going on?
Blake: Are you okay?
Natalie: No! Don’t you smell what’s happening? New York doesn’t smell like shit anymore. Everything smells like lavender!
Blake: I think you might have hit your head.
[referring to her apartment street]
Natalie: Someone’s really cleaned up the street. Those wedding dresses. Those weren’t there before. And who put all these flowers everywhere?
Blake: Ooh, bless you.
[Natalie sneezes again]
Blake: Oh, doubles, double blessings.
[Natalie sneezes again]
Blake: Oh, three times! That’s lucky.
Natalie: Oh, I’m allergic.
Blake: You sure I can’t get you something? Maybe a hanky or a tissue?
Natalie: I think I just, um, I need to lie down. I’ll be, I’ll be totally fine then.
[as she’s about to go up to her apartment, Blake grabs a flower]
Blake: If you need anything, anything at all…
[he writes his phone number on the flower petals]
Blake: …don’t hesitate to give me a call on my cellular telephone device.
[he breaks off the petals and drops them haphazardly into her hat]
Blake: Yeah. That’s my number.
Natalie: That’s very charming. But you do realize there’s like three point six million permutations of how this could go together?
Blake: But there’s only one you, so.
Natalie: Right. That doesn’t really make sense.
Blake: Neither does the way I’m feeling about you right now.
Natalie: But, uh, that still doesn’t change the math, though. Just to be clear, I cannot call you.
[Blake gets into his limousine]
Blake: Are you feeling what I’m feeling?
Blake: Call me!
[after finding her apartment looking much bigger and nicer than before Natalie makes a call]
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency?
Natalie: Yeah. I’ve, um, been robbed, sort of. Someone’s broken into my apartment and stretched it, and they’ve taken everything and replaced it all with much nicer stuff.
Operator: Okay, ma’am, this doesn’t sound like an emergency. This sounds like you’ve got it together.
[Natalie opens her closet, which is now stocked with new clothes, shoes and handbags]
Operator: Ma’am, are you there?
Natalie: This is every pair of shoes ever made. I don’t normally wear heels because of the uneven weight distribution, but these are incredible, and they’re all in my size.
Operator: So let me get this straight. Your emergency is that your apartment is too big, you have every shoe you could ever want, and they all fit your cute feet.
Natalie: Yeah, exactly, that’s what I…
Natalie: How did you get in here?
Donny: Someone said “Gay Beetlejuice” three times, and then I magically appeared. How do you think I got in here? With the key you gave me, because I’m your favorite neighbor.
Natalie: Why are you talking like that?
Donny: Um, talking like what?
Natalie: Like an offensive version of a gay guy.
Donny: Miss Girl Thing Bouffant, please.
Natalie: You sound and look like an alien who’s faking being gay.
[his phones starts buzzing]
Donny: Oh, my God! Pop a Tic Tac and move it! You’ve got to get to work to get cracking on that big presentation!
Natalie: What presentation?
Donny: Um, I don’t know. The big presentation. Which is what my boyfriend calls me in the sack, PS. Okay, booch, change out of whatever this is because I’m going to drop you off at the office on the way to my no plans whatsoever!
[Natalie slowly turns and walks towards her closet]
Donny: I love you so much. Can you hear me when I say that?
Donny: How about now?
[as Donny is taking Natalie to work on his scooter]
Natalie: Is this how you normally get to work?
Donny: Um, if I had a job, yeah.
Natalie: Are you going to get a job?
Josh: What’s going on?
Natalie: I got mugged last night, And suddenly, my apartment is tits, and my neighbor Donny is setting gay rights back like a hundred years. And Whitney is giving me resting murder face.
Josh: Nat, are you okay?
Natalie: No, my dog is now clean and guys look at me in the eyes.
[just then two guys in her office walk by them, they smile at Natalie]
Josh: Hey, guys.
Josh: I think that’s a good thing though, right?
Natalie: Maybe in theory, but this is some kind of parallel universe. This isn’t our office. Josh, it’s not. Look, it’s not real. I think I might be going crazy.
Josh: Hey, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on.
[he hugs her]
Josh: Hey, it’s okay. You’re a lot of things, but you are not crazy. So…
Natalie: So you see it too. Oh! Yeah, thank God. I think we should get out of here before they bite us, or impregnate us, or…
Josh: Okay, yeah. Let’s get you some air. No one’s going to impregnate us. Come on.
[Josh and Natalie are walking in the park]
Natalie: See? Doesn’t this all feel really weird?
Josh: Okay, you have to calm down, okay? Just take a breath of this sweet, sweet, New York air.
Natalie: Okay, you’re still looking at me like I’m crazy. Please, just don’t commit me to some super beautiful insane asylum.
Josh: I don’t think you’re crazy. But what you were telling me is a little cuckoo. But since you are the one saying it, I believe you. I’ll help you, okay?
Josh: Let’s figure this out.
Josh: Is that woman choking?
Natalie: No, she’s just being dramatic. I choke all the time.
[after Josh helps Isabella from choking, she turns and Josh is struck by her beauty]
Isabella: You saved my life. I can’t thank you enough.
Isabella: That is such a beautiful name. Josh.
Josh: I like how you say it. Josh. I don’t know. I think it’s kind of ordinary.
Isabella: No. I love ordinary.
Josh: You do?
Josh: Okay, well, I am a very ordinary guy. I am a seven across the board.
Isabella: That’s perfect.
[as she trips over and is caught by a cute guy]
Natalie: I’m sorry. You must think I’m…
Cute Guy: Adorable.
[Natalie shrieks and runs off]
Natalie: Okay, get a grip. Let’s just think about this. I have an amazing apartment and a super cute dog. A gay sidekick. I have a great job, but the only woman that works with me has now become my mortal enemy.
[as she’s walking she trips]
Natalie: Oh! I keep falling down all the time. And I’m talking to myself out loud! I think I’m trapped in a…
[just then a truck’s reversing beeping cuts her off]
Natalie: My life has become a…
[the reversing alarm beeps again to cut her swearing off]
Natalie: Come on! What did I do to deserve this? My life’s become a motherf…
[we hear the truck beeping again that cuts off her swearing]
Natalie: …romantic comedy!
[everyone around her starts dancing]
Natalie: And it’s PG-13!
Natalie: Um, thanks for coming to get me.
Blake: Are you kidding? I was so excited to hear from you. I mean, even though it was to bail you out of jail. Pretty cool.
Natalie: Normally, I’d be so excited to hear that someone like you is so excited to hear from someone like me, but…
Blake: Tell me what’s going on. I’m a good listener, I’ve got very big earholes.
Natalie: I can’t. You’d have me committed.
Blake: Come on, you can tell me anything you want, anything at all. Except that you think koalas are the cutest things ever. They have chlamydia and are actually quite hostile, so stay away from them, alright? Anyway, let’s hear it.
Natalie: Okay. I hit my head really hard and I woke up in this alternate universe.
Natalie: And things are supposed to be better, but it’s actually worse because people are treating me like I’m special.
Natalie: And I’m not special.
Blake: Still waters run deepest, don’t they?
Blake: God, there’s so much more I want to know about you.
Natalie: No, no, no. See, you’re not understanding. This isn’t a real world. This is like the Matrix for lonely women.
Donny: So what’s the update?
Natalie: Uh, I have to go on a date with that big, fancy Blake guy, and, um, make him fall in love with me.
Donny: What? Are you serious? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I’m so happy for you. Oh, my God. Oh. This is it. Oh, my God, this is it. This is the moment. This is the moment I’ve been training for my entire life.
Blake: I’m just trying to extend this date for as long as possible. And it just so happens I know of a great old ice-cream shop in Red Hook. If you want to dock and maybe take a stroll?
Natalie: Ah, funny, my Fitbit sometimes vibrates and says, “Want to stroll?” But when you say it, I don’t want to smash you.
Blake: Oh, good.
[after breaking into the closed ice cream shop]
Natalie: Okay, what’s your favorite ice cream flavor of all time?
Natalie: The big one.
Blake: Uh, I’ll tell you…
Blake: But you have to promise you won’t make fun of me.
Blake: Butter pecan.
Natalie: What? Who likes butter pecan? What’s wrong with you?
Blake: That’s what I thought would happen.
Natalie: You’re like an eighty year-old grandpa.
Natalie: Okay. What’s your second favorite ice cream flavor?
Blake: Rum raisin.
Natalie: No, that’s even worse!
Blake: Yeah, I know. It’s been a lifelong source of insecurity for me. In grade school I was teased about it so mercilessly that I went a solid decade where I only ate ice cream in the privacy of my own home.
Natalie: I can just imagine you sitting at home, like…
Natalie: “Mm, butter pecan.”
Blake: Underneath the bed.
Blake: You know, the Buddhists say that if you meet someone, and your heart pounds, and your hands shake, and your knees go weak, that that’s not the one. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll feel completely calm.
[he takes a deep breath]
Blake: I feel very calm right now. How about you?
[they hear a police siren]
Natalie: I feel like we’re about to get arrested.
Blake: Yep, we should probably go.
[Natalie wakes up to see Blake coming out of the bathroom wearing a bath towel around his waist]
Blake: Good morning, beautiful. Last night was amazing. You know, I was just thinking in the shower, when I look at the world through your eyes, it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. Natalie, I love…
Natalie: Wait, wait, wait. Um, hold that thought, don’t say another word. Just get back into bed. I don’t think we actually did anything. It just cut to the next morning.
Natalie: Just get back here.
[as Blake gets back into bed with Natalie, it cuts to the exact same scene of Blake coming out of the bathroom with the towel around his waist]
Blake: Good morning, beautiful. Last night was amazing. You know, I was just thinking in the shower, when I look at the world through your eyes, it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. Natalie, I lo…
[suddenly Natalie gets out of bed, and jumps onto Blake]
[cut to the same scene of Blake coming out of the bathroom with the towel around his waist]
Blake: Good morning, beautiful. Last night was amazing. You know, I was just thinking in the shower…
Natalie: In the shower, yeah.
Blake: …when I look at the world through your eyes, it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time.
Natalie: If I can’t have sex, I’m at least taking this nice purse with me, and this little koala thing, it looks expensive. Okay. Alright, give it to me.
Blake: Natalie, I love you.
[Natalie looks around, but nothing changes]
Natalie: Can you just say that one more time?
Natalie: Uh, you know how us girls are. We love hearing it. Just say it. Say it again.
Blake: Natalie, I love you.
[Natalie sees that nothing has changed]
[the alarm goes off just as she’s swearing, she tosses the alarm clock out the window]
Man: Thank you so much. I’ve been looking for one of those.
[Natalie is hearing her own thoughts out loud]
Natalie: [voice over] I was beginning to wonder if I’ve gotten it all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t Blake who needed to fall in love with me. And do I look cute in these side braids?
[Josh walks into the room]
Josh: You say something?
[referring to the takeout food]
Josh: Look at these. They’re incredible. Mm!
[as he start eating he starts groaning]
Josh: Mmmm! Mm! Mm!
Natalie: Oh, my God, okay. You sound like you’re having a…
Natalie: Don’t. No, stop it!
[Josh carries on moaning]
Natalie: [laughing] You’re such an idiot!
[he thumps table]
Josh: Oh, my God.
[just then Blake enters the apartment]
Blake: I’ll have what he’s having.
[Josh is making a face, squishing his neck down]
Isabella: Oh, look at that! There’s so much of it!
Josh: I’m a little mushball.
Josh: She loves my neck fat. I just, you know, I love cake, so…
Blake: You are beguiling.
Natalie: Did you just learn that word, because you tend to say it a lot?
Blake: If you want me to stop saying it, I will. But you’re going to have to stop being so damn beguiling.
Josh: Who’d have thought that me and you would both end up with just like perfect humans?
Josh: Crazy. Yeah.
Natalie: Really, really crazy.
Josh: You know what’s funny?
Natalie: The fact that all those rich ladies have crabs?
Josh: Well, yes, that is funny. But, at one point, I thought it would actually be me and you that would end up together.
Natalie: You did?
Josh: Yeah, in the beginning.
Natalie: Well, why didn’t you ask me out then? Why don’t you just like ask me out right now?
Josh: I did. All the time. You’d always say no. You’d shoot me down, and then we became such good friends, so…
Natalie: What are you talking about. I never shot you down.
Josh: I asked you out, like, a million times.
Natalie: For like drinks at happy hour after work, or to go to the karaoke bar with your kickball team. I didn’t want to sit there and listen to you chat about some girl you had a crush on.
Josh: Okay, why do you say kickball team like it’s a bad thing? Hm? The New York Kick Bockers are elite level athletes. It’s true. I’m a jock out there. I’m a jock.
Natalie: [laughs] You are such an idiot.
[to the guests at their party]
Isabella: Hi, everyone, and thank you so much for coming to this modest little thing we threw together last minute.
Josh: I think we all know the story of how Isabella and I met, but I will tell it again. I was walking.
Natalie: Yeah, with me, his best friend. I’m his best friend.
Josh: Yep, I was just walking, and I saw this beautiful woman choking, so..
[she mimics gagging]
Josh: Yeah. So I ran up to her and gave her the Heimlich, and then she gave me her heart.
Natalie: That’s gross.
Josh: Isabella, you are totally and utterly yourself. And you are so confident, and you’re never afraid to go after what you want. And even though I am so not worthy…
[the guests laugh]
Josh: From Wayne’s World. It’s crazy that what you want is me.
Isabella: I do.
Isabella: Which is why this is not just a party.
Isabella: Surprise! It’s our wedding!
Josh: We’re getting married!
Natalie: What the f…
[just then a champagne is popped]
Isabella: So we’re getting married tomorrow, and tonight we’re going into town for some karaoke!
[after Isabella and Josh announce they’re getting married at their party]
Donny: God, what was the theme of this wedding? Easter at Elton John’s house?
Natalie: Donny! How the hell did you get here?
Natalie: It’s Josh. It was never Blake. Okay, I have to get together with Josh.
Donny: Oh, my God.
Natalie: Yeah, and the weirdest thing just happened. He just said to me that he thought we’d always end up together. But now he’s getting married.
Donny: What? So the best friend you’ve always had a ton of chemistry with is the guy for you? Oh, my God, who could’ve seen that coming? Except every single person ever of all time.
Natalie: Oh, well, sorry.
Natalie: I got distracted by Blake’s wealth, and his face, and his, um, giant penis.
Donny: Okay, caller, please hold. I thought you said you two couldn’t have sex.
Natalie: Um, no, we can’t, but of course I had to sneak a peek.
Donny: That’s my booch.
Natalie: Like once or twice. “Sorry, I’m just going to the toilet.”
Donny: Oh, my God. Yes.
Natalie: Mental picture. Mental picture.
Donny: That is a sexy move.
Natalie: Okay, the point is, it’s Josh, okay?
Natalie: And it was always Josh. Because he’s such a nerd, and he’s so sweet, and he just like, he really gets me. And that one time when I thought he was moving away forever, I cried all night. And I never ever told him.
[as he sees Natalie packing]
Donny: Where are you going?
Natalie: Home, booch.
Donny: Home? The wedding starts in like twenty minutes.
Natalie: Uh, yeah. I don’t give a shit.
Natalie: I tried to just be open. I tried to get Josh to fall in love with me, but that’s not on the cards. Not for a girl like me. Mm-mm. Not even in this dumb, perfect world.
Donny: [to Natalie] You know, when I was younger, I was so afraid to put myself out there for love that I became this quirky little queen that just followed all my handsome gay guy friends around. Like I was a pilot fish. And I would make them laugh, and I would find like the best parties to go to, and I would always comfort them when their hearts were broken. But you know what nobody ever knew? That my heart was constantly broken. Constantly. I mean, and how could they? I never let them see it. And it wasn’t until I met this palm reader in Ibiza, and she said to me, she said, “You can search the entire universe and never find a being more worthy of love than yourself.” So that’s why I’m such the happy little whore that I am today, because I love my bitchy little ass.
Donny: Who do you love, Natalie?
Natalie: Josh. I’ve never had the chance to tell him that. I need to tell him that. Right now.
[she looks at her watch]
Natalie: Oh, I’m never going to make it. But I have to try. Oh, my God, of course. Why am I so dumb? It was always going to come down to running to stop the wedding!
Donny: Well, then, you run, girl. You run like a sexy eighteen year-old in a coming out novel who just realized that they’re in love with their theater partner, Ryan.
[they high five]
Donny: Get it!
[as Natalie crashes Josh and Isabella’s wedding to stop them marrying]
Isabella: Are you feeling okay, honey? Because you know, he’s mine, right? We have a soul connection.
Wedding Guests: Awww!
Natalie: Uh, no, she doesn’t even know Josh.
Isabella: What? Of course I know Josh.
Natalie: Really? Uh, what’s his favorite vegetable, then?
Isabella: Well, that’s random. No one has a favorite vegetable.
Natalie: See? She doesn’t even know Josh. It’s tableside guac.
Isabella: That’s not even a real vegetable.
Natalie: It is to him.
Josh: Technically, it is. It’s avocados, smashed.
Natalie: Josh, look, I know you think Isabella is the girl of your dreams. But what if you’re wrong?
Natalie: Okay, yeah, I’ll never look like her. But I’m smart and kind and funny, and I’m passionate about work, and I’m really weirdly good at karaoke. Josh, you should choose me, you should love me. Because I love… I love… I love me. Holy crap! I love me! Oh, my God, this whole time, I thought I had to get somebody else to fall in love with me, but I had to love me.
[to the guests]
Natalie: Okay, I’m just going to go.
Josh: Just to be clear, you’re not still stopping the wedding?
Natalie: No, just go, carry on. You guys, um, yeah, do your thing. I’m going to do me. Good luck with everything.
[to the guests]
Natalie: I don’t have high hopes for what’s going on there. Josh and Iz, what’s their couple name going to be? Jiz? Love! It’s crazy, right?
[she runs out of the chapel]
[as Natalie is driving away in Josh and Isabella’s wedding car
Natalie: [voice over] As I drove away, I began to realize that loving yourself is… There’s something there!
[she crashes the car into an object and is knocked unconscious]
[Natalie wakes up in a hospital]
Hot Doctor: Okay. Looks like someone got a pretty bad bonk on the head.
Natalie: Bonk? No, no, no, no, no. You’re too hot to be a doctor. How can I still be stuck here?
[another doctor walks into the room]
Haggard Doctor: Get out of here. Wrong room.
[the other hot doctor leaves]
Haggard Doctor: Sorry, they’re shooting a Law & Order SVU here today, and he’s just doing some research. God, I should have been a TV doctor. This totally blows, I’m buried in lawsuits.
Haggard Doctor: You got mugged in the subway.
Natalie: I did?
Haggard Doctor: Yeah. You were in a medically induced coma for about eighteen hours.
Natalie: Am I okay? Can I leave now?
Haggard Doctor: If I say yes and I’m wrong, will you sue me?
Haggard Doctor: Well, then my answer’s yes.
[after she pulls out her IV tube from her arm]
Natalie: Fuck! Oh, did you hear that?
Haggard Doctor: Yeah.
Natalie: Aaah! Yes!
[Natalie then walks out of the hospital]
Natalie: New York is a shithole again!
[Natalie steps out of her apartment door and sees Donny outside his apartment door]
Natalie: Donny. You’re still here!
[just then a man comes up to Donny and kisses him]
Donny’s Guy: Come on, frittatas are up.
Natalie: Oh, no. You’re still gay, you must be trapped.
Donny: Wait, what? What do you mean, trapped? I’ve been gay for forever.
Natalie: What? What about all those girls that come to the apartment?
Donny: I sell weed, and we live like a block from an all-girls school. Did you not know that?
Donny: Oh, right, because gay guys can’t be drug dealers.
Donny’s Guy: That’s offensive.
Donny: [camply] You like your gay guys to talk like this? Is that what it is?
Donny’s Guy: [camply] You want them to talk like this?
Donny: [camply] Mm-hm. Yeah, do you want to go out to Fire Island?
Donny’s Guy: [camply] Yeah, are you a Virgo, like me?
Donny: Mm-hm. Okay, we’re real, this is how we are.
[Natalie suddenly hugs Donny]
Natalie: Thank you.
Donny: [awkwardly] Do you want weed?
[as Natalie returns to the office]
Whitney: Oh, my God. I know it was only like one day, but I missed you like a lot, an unhealthy amount. What happened? Are you okay?
Natalie: I am actually the best I’ve ever been. But please, okay, you need to promise me that we will never ever fight again.
Whitney: What? We would never fight. Mostly because you let me watch movies all day.
Natalie: Well, about that, I was thinking that we cut back on the movies.
Whitney: You’re right, totally right.
Whitney: I could stop whenever I want. They’re not important to me. Um, how about one a day?
Natalie: How about none a week?
Whitney: Okay, tough but fair.
Natalie: Yeah, like my leg hair.
[they both laugh]
[after Natalie has given her presentation to Blake]
Blake: What does beguiling mean?
[Natalie goes up to Josh in the office, who has headphones in his ear listening to music]
Natalie: And you! You need to stop living in a fantasy land. Hello? Hello? Hello, Josh!
Josh: Oh. Hey.
Josh: What’s up, Nat?
Natalie: Okay. You need to stop staring out that window at some stupid girl in some stupid little swimsuit. Okay? That’s not all it’s cracked up to be. You need to start living in the real world, and stop thinking that you’re going to get with some model, and that that’s going to make you happy.
Josh: You done? Okay, here, take a seat.
[he gets out of his seat]
Josh: Come on, sit down.
[she sits in his seat]
Natalie: You’re not…
Josh: Come on.
Natalie: You’re not pushing me again?
Josh: No, no, no, no. Hang on. Okay. Stay right there, don’t move.
[he goes over to Natalie’s desk and sits in her seat, he looks at Natalie through the reflection in the window and waves at her]
Josh: So what do you see when you look at the billboard?
[he walks back to Natalie]
Josh: I was looking at you. I’m always looking at you.
Natalie: Josh, you’re such an idiot.
[she kisses him]
Natalie: Maybe we should go out sometime, then.
Natalie: Yeah. If you wanted to.
Josh: That’d be great.
Natalie: Okay. Yeah, good. Good. Great. Great!
Josh: Yeah, let’s…
Josh: Why are we talking like we’re angry with each other?
Natalie: I don’t know. I was just on a roll this morning, and now I’m, now I’m really happy.
Josh: So, uh, this weekend? Karaoke or something?
Natalie: Yeah, that’d be… Yeah. I mean, I might outshine you, but…
Josh: Okay, alright.
[last lines; the elevator door opens]
Natalie: Wait, did you just run down the stairs?
Whitney: I’m trying to be calm, but where are you going?
Natalie: I’m just getting a coffee, because I’m now my own coffee bitch.
Whitney: I just wanted to say I’m so proud of you. Upstairs was amazing.
Natalie: Just to be clear, Josh does not complete me. I complete myself.
Whitney: You know, God, even though you were so cynical, it looks like you have the dream job, the guy that really likes you, the really cool best friend, me. It’s like you are in one of those love stories that you hate so much.
[the elevator door closes]
Natalie: Yeah, all I need now is some catchy musical number.
[she walks out of the elevator and starts singing]
Total Quotes: 61
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