Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Karen Gillan, Nick Jonas, Ser’Darius Blain, Madison Iseman, Morgan Turner, Alex Wolff, Awkwafina, Danny Glover, Danny DeVito
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Action-adventure comedy sequel directed by Jake Kasdan. The story continues the adventure of the four friends, Spencer (Alex Wolff ), Martha (Morgan Turner), Bethany (Madison Iseman) and Frdige (Ser’Darius Blain). When Spencer goes missing after attempting to repair the video game, the rest of the group decide to re-enter Jumanji to save him. At the same time Spencer’s grandfather, Eddie (Danny DeVito), and his friend, Milo Walker (Danny Glover), inadvertently get sucked into the game too. As the group re-enter the game, they discover the game has changed, and that nothing is as they expect. The players will have to brave parts unknown and unexplored, from the arid deserts to the snowy mountains, in order to escape the world’s most dangerous game.
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Our Favorite Quotes:'When you're scared and insecure, that's when you need your people the most.' - Ruby (Jumanji: The Next Level) Click To Tweet 'Getting old is a gift. I forget that sometimes, but it is.' - Eddie (Jumanji: The Next Level) Click To Tweet
Spencer: How you doing?
Eddie: I’m terrific. I don’t even know what I’m doing here.
Janice: You’re recovering from hip surgery.
Eddie: Meh! I’ll be out of here in no time.
Janice: It’s not a prison.
Eddie: I want to get back to my apartment. Is that so terrible?
Janice: Your apartment? Yes, it’s terrible.
Spencer: Is it really cold in here?
Janice: Yeah. The downstairs heater isn’t totally working. The guy’s coming in the morning.
Eddie: It’s like a goddamn icebox.
Eddie: [to Spencer] Getting old sucks. Don’t let anybody tell you any different.
Eddie: You still got that little girlfriend?
Spencer: No. We’re not together anymore. I don’t think.
Eddie: Was it her or you?
Spencer: It’s complicated.
Eddie: Try me. We’ll see if I can understand.
Spencer: Well, when we first got together, we were sort of different people than we are now. I mean, last year was amazing. I was a senior in high school. I had a girlfriend. Like, I finally figured out who I was, or something. I wish I could just feel like that again, I guess.
Spencer: I don’t know. Long distance relationships are hard. I mean, I know everybody says that, but turns out it’s true.
Eddie: Can I give you a little advice? Listen to me. Every single day on every single subway car, there’s lots of ladies in New York City. And one in five of them, I would marry, no questions asked. This is the best time of your life.
Spencer: It is?
Eddie: Yes, it is. So pull it together! It doesn’t get any better than this. It’s all downhill from here.
[as Eddie’s former friend and business partner Milo turns up at Janice’s house]
Eddie: What do you want, Milo?
Milo: Nice to see you too.
Milo: Yes, I’d love to come in for a cup of coffee. Thanks for asking.
[after Milo makes them a cup of coffee]
Milo: You mind if I make some eggs?
Eddie: Do whatever you want. I don’t care. Just hurry up. I don’t have all day.
Milo: You going somewhere?
[after Spencer fails to show up at their reunion, Martha, Fridge and Bethany drop by his home]
Fridge: This is Martha and Bethany. This is Spencer’s grandfather, Eddie.
Eddie: Martha? You’re the little girlfriend.
Fridge: Morning, sir. Sorry to barge in on you.
Eddie: You’re not barging.
[referring to Milo]
Eddie: He’s barging.
[referring to Spencer phone that he left behind]
Martha: Fourteen texts and four missed calls. I don’t think he went out. I think he went back in.
Fridge: No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Bethany: What? No. Why?
Fridge: Come on, man!
Bethany: Why would he do that?
Fridge: Remember what it was like?
Bethany: I got eaten by a fricking hippo!
Fridge: I got killed by a piece of cake!
[referring to Spencer]
Martha: Guys, guys! How is he going to get out?
Fridge: Uh, he’s just got to take the green jewel.
Bethany: And stick it back in the statue thing.
Martha: By himself?
[referring to Spencer]
Martha: We got to go get him.
Fridge: Are you crazy?
Bethany: I’m coming with you.
Fridge: Are you out of your minds?
Martha: We can do this. We’ve been there. We know what to expect.
Fridge: I got to stop hanging out with white people. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.
Bethany: She’s right. We played before and we won.
Fridge: We barely survived!
Martha: You know he would do it for you. For any of us.
[as Martha goes to touch the game console]
Fridge: Be careful. It looks pretty busted.
[Martha touches the game console and sparks of electricity fly, starting the game]
Nigel: [on the TV] Welcome to Jumanji.
[they start getting sucked into the game]
Fridge: What? We haven’t even picked our guys yet!
[as she’s being sucked into the game]
Martha: Okay. Okay. Here we go. Oh, I hate this part. Alright. Okay.
Fridge: This is not happening!
[both Martha and Fridge get sucked into the game, but Bethany is left behind]
Bethany: You guys?
[in the game as Martha as Ruby sees Bravestone]
Mouse: What in tarnation? Where am I?
Bravestone: What the hell is this?
Ruby: Oh, my God.
Bravestone: Who the hell are you?
Mouse: I’m Milo Walker. Who are you?
Mouse: What on earth? What…?
Bravestone: What the…?
Mouse: Oh, my. Wait a minute. Oh, Lord.
[looking at them in shock]
Ruby: This isn’t happening.
Bravestone: Who are you?
Ruby: You’re Spencer’s grandfather.
Bravestone: Yeah, no kidding.
Ruby: And you are Milo.
Mouse: I certainly am.
Ruby: I’m Martha, Spencer’s…
Bravestone: You’re the little girlfriend?
[as Oberon lands in the game on top of Mouse]
Oberon: That hurt like a goddamn…
Oberon: What? I’m not… No!
[looks down at his body]
Oberon: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No! No! Yoh! Oh, no! No! No! This can’t be happening!
Oberon: Yes, I’m Fridge, goddamn it! What the hell, man?
Ruby: Okay. Okay, something went wrong.
Oberon: You think?
Bravestone: Why does everybody keep calling me Spencer?
Ruby: No, that is Grandpa Eddie. And that is Milo.
Mouse: Pleased to meet you.
Oberon: What? Then where’s Bethany? And where’s Spencer?
Ruby: I don’t know! Okay? The game, it didn’t let us pick our avatars, so.
Oberon: Because it’s busted!
Ruby: Yeah, okay.
Bravestone: Are we dead?
Mouse: You know, I was just wondering the same thing. Did I die, and turn into some kind of a small muscular Boy Scout?
Ruby: We’re not dead!
Bravestone: So then what’s going on here?
Ruby: Okay, this is going to sound very, uh, strange. But we are in a video game called Jumanji, and we are in the bodies of video game characters. And we’ve been here before, Fridge and I.
Oberon: [to Mouse] Last time, I was you.
Oberon: We’re in a game! We got to find Spencer because he’s in here too.
Bravestone: He’s here?
Mouse: Spencer, Eddie’s grandson?
Ruby: Yes. Spencer.
Bravestone: He’s here too?
Ruby, Oberon: Yes!
Oberon: He’s here, and we got to find him!
Mouse: So it’s like a hide-and-go-seek situation. I’m not it.
[starts twirling his hips]
Bravestone: My hip feels pretty good now. Oh, my joints feel like butter.
[Mouse starts moving his joints]
Mouse: Oh, yeah. Look at those. Look at these. Look at what I got.
Ruby: Uh, we have some issues here.
Oberon: You’re telling me this? I’m the old fat dude. I came back, and things actually got worse. At least last time I was still black.
[after Mouse is nearly eaten by a hippo]
Mouse: What just happened?
Bravestone: What the hell was that thing?
Mouse: Well, that there was a hippopotamus. Mm-hm. And they are awfully fast. Faster than a horse, if you can believe that. And they’ve got an awful ferocious bite. How about that? You know, the funny thing is, I don’t remember knowing much about hippos until right now.
Oberon: You’re a zoologist.
Mouse: I’m sorry, what now?
Bravestone: Are we in Florida?
Oberon: Just listen. This is a dangerous place. Crazy dangerous. But Martha and I, we’ve been here before. We know what we’re doing. You got to stay alert all the time. If I’m near water, I got one eye on the water, you hear me? You’ve got to have eyes in the back of your…
[suddenly a giant python grabs his head in its mouth and takes Oberon]
Ruby: Oh, God!
Mouse: What in the Sam Hill just happened to him?
[Oberon re-enters the game and lands in front of them]
Mouse: Shut the front door.
Bravestone: What the hell happened to you?
[Oberon looks at the life bars on him arm and sees that he’s only got two lives left]
[after Nigel arrives in a plane]
Nigel: Strap in. There’s no time to spare. Dr. Bravestone, famed archeologist and international explorer, I’m so glad you have returned. I’ve been so anxious for your arrival.
Bravestone: You talking to me?
Oberon: Yes, he’s talking to you.
Nigel: Once again, Jumanji is in great peril, and only you can help.
Ruby: Nigel, we’re looking for our friend. Have you seen like anyone…?
Nigel: Ruby Roundhouse, killer of men, welcome to Jumanji.
Bravestone: Killer of men?
Ruby: Yeah, I, uh, I kill guys.
Nigel: I’m so glad you’ve returned. I’ve been so anxious for your arrival.
[referring to Nigel]
Mouse: What’s with this fella?
Nigel: My dearest, Mouse, surely you remember me. Nigel Billingsly at your service.
Mouse: Hey. Nigel, I thought that was you.
Oberon: He’s a, what is it called?
Ruby: NPC, a non-player character.
Oberon: He’s not a real person.
Ruby: He only has like a limited number of things he can say.
Mouse: Mm. My friend, Carl, is just like that.
Ruby: Nigel, we’re looking for someone. Has anyone arrived here in Jumanji…?
Nigel: Jumanji is in great peril. It’s all detailed in the letter I sent you, Dr. Bravestone. Perhaps you should read it aloud.
Ruby: Grandpa Eddie, do you have a letter?
Bravestone: Do I have a letter?
Ruby: Check your pockets.
Bravestone: Why would I have a letter?
Ruby: Because Nigel here, he wrote you a letter.
Bravestone: I didn’t get a letter from this guy.
Ruby: But we are in a video game, and…
Bravestone: We’re in a video game?
Oberon: We’re going to die.
Mouse: We did die.
Bravestone: Are we in hell?
Mouse: I knew it.
Ruby: Oh, my God.
[as Nigel tells them that they need to find the Falcon Jewel, which was stolen by warlord Jurgen the Brutal]
Nigel: A drought befell the land. The crops dried out and died. And if the jewel is not returned soon, it may be too late. Which is why we called for you, and your brilliant associates. I understand the enormous weight that this must carry for you, Dr. Bravestone, how this adventure is like no other, since it was Jurgen the Brutal who killed your parents.
Ruby: He killed Dr. Bravestone’s parents?
Nigel: Indeed, he did. When the doctor was just a boy.
Mouse: Oh, well, that’s terrible.
Ruby: I can’t say this enough. We’re in a video game.
Nigel: You must recover the jewel from Jurgen the Brutal, and show it to the sun. He’s making his way north across the desert now.
Mouse: Jurgen the Brutal. Is that Barbara’s boy?
Nigel: And remember, the goal is to recover the loot. To wrest it from the hands of the brute. And if you wish to leave the game, you must save Jumanji and call out its name.
Bravestone: Excuse me. Who is Jumanji?
[referring to Ruby]
Mouse: Well, if I was listening correctly, that is her sister.
Nigel: Here’s your map. Find an oasis and follow the flame to the desert fruit.
[after Nigel drops them off at a desert called the Dunes to track down Jurgen]
Oberon: Where are we? Where’s the jungle? What are we doing here?
Ruby: We’ve got to keep it together, okay?
Oberon: Keep it together?
Oberon: This is a whole new thing! Nobody said we’d have to do a whole new thing! And by the way, what the hell happened to Bethany?
[referring to the desert]
Mouse: So what part of New Hampshire is this exactly?
Bravestone: We’re not in New Hampshire, Milo.
Ruby: That’s right. Exactly. Not New Hampshire. You’re starting to get it now?
Mouse: Nope. I don’t have the foggiest clue what’s going on here.
Bravestone: That guy kept calling me Dr. Braverman, which is the name of my orthopedist. So what I’m thinking is, I just had another hip surgery, and now I’m coming out of it.
Ruby: [to Oberon] Okay. We have to find Spencer. And in order to do that, I think we have to start playing the game. I mean, I’m sure that’s what he did. We find him, we finish the game, and we go home.
Mouse: Ed, you okay?
[as he’s looking at his reflection in the car window]
Bravestone: Would you look at me? I’m back. I mean, I haven’t looked like this since…
Mouse: Never. You looked like this never.
Bravestone: What are you talking about? When I was younger, I was in great shape.
Mouse: I remember you when you were younger, and this is not what you looked like.
Bravestone: I think my eyes are a different color.
Mouse: All of you is a different color.
Bravestone: It’s a good look on me, huh? Huh?
Ruby: Each place on the map is a different level of the game, and the levels get harder as we go.
Oberon: This one is called Dunes. No sh*t.
[after a giant ostrich kills Bravestone]
Mouse: Where’s Eddie? Is he dead?
Oberon: No. Yes, he died, but he’s fine.
Mouse: Did I just kill Eddie by talking too slow, like he always said I would?
[after Bravestone re-enters the game and drops down from the sky]
Mouse: Why does everybody keep dropping from the sky?
Bravestone: Nurse, I’m going to need to see Dr. Braverman right now, please.
Ruby: I’m not your nurse. Okay, listen. These tattoos on our arms, that is your life count. We each have three lives. You and Fridge each have two left. If you lose all three, listen to me, it is game over.
Oberon: That’s it. You’re dead.
Bravestone: Dead like “kaputski”?
Oberon: Yes. Kaputski.
[as they are trying to escape a flock of pursuing ostriches]
Mouse: Oh, you are a terrible driver!
Bravestone: What are you talking about? We’re fine.
Mouse: Nobody fine!
[as they are driving towards the edge of a cliff]
Oberon: We’re not going to make it!
Bravestone: We’re going to make it.
Ruby: No, we’re not!
Oberon: I don’t think we’re not going to make it!
Bravestone: We’re going to make it!
[Bravestone drives off the edge of the cliff]
Bravestone: We’re not going to make it.
[Ruby pops up Bravestone’s strength and weaknesses]
Bravestone: What the hell?
Ruby: It’s your strengths and weaknesses. I mean your avatar, Dr. Bravestone’s, strengths and weaknesses.
[reading from the list]
Bravestone: Fearless, check. Speed. Climbing.
Bravestone: Smoldering intensity?
Oberon: It’s this stupid face you make.
[just then his face starts to smolder]
Oberon: There it is.
[to herself as she looks at Bravestone with interest]
Ruby: Ew! Ew! Old man. Get it together.
[as Bravestone is smoldering]
Mouse: Eddie, you okay? You having a heart attack? His whole left side is shutting down. Eddie, look at me!
Mouse: There you go. Now you’re back.
[reading from his list]
Bravestone: Weakness, switchblade.
Oberon: Switchblade? Hey, that’s new.
Ruby: Bravestone didn’t have weaknesses last time.
Oberon: Yeah, it bugged the hell out of me.
[reading from her own strength and weakness list]
Ruby: Nunchucks? That’s new.
Oberon: Damn, that’s a good list.
[looking at his strength and weakness list]
Mouse: Oh, I got one too. What…? My. Zoology. That’s what you were talking about earlier.
Ruby: Exactly. Your avatar is a zoologist.
[reading from Mouse’s strength list]
Oberon: I didn’t have that last time.
Ruby: The study of languages.
Bravestone: Makes sense. He studies the entire language on his way to the point.
Oberon: Okay, let’s get it over with.
[he pops up Oberon’s strenght and weakness list]
Oberon: You got to be kidding me.
Ruby: Well, geometry is new.
Oberon: Yeah. Who wouldn’t want to be better at geometry? And for weaknesses, Endurance. And what else?
[reading from is weakness list]
Oberon: Let’s see, heat, sun and sand. Shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like we’re in the middle of a goddamn desert, or anything!
[referring to his avatar character, Oberon]
Oberon: What’s the point of this guy? Who even needs this guy?
Ruby: He can read the map.
Oberon: Easy for you to say, you got nunchucks! I’ve been training four hours a day for six months. Now look at me! Man, it is hot out here! How is this guy a character in an adventure game?
[referring to his avatar character, Oberon]
Oberon: Okay, okay, okay. I got to get this guy in shape and build up some endurance. I know how to do that. Burpees. Five burpees, right now. Get it going!
[starts doing burpees in th sand]
Mouse: That’s one.
[as he tries to do another burpee he collapses in the sand]
[after they encounter Ming, who is Spencer’s new avatar]
Ming: Oy vey. Uh, it’s like I’m hyperventilating. Does anyone have like a eucalyptus inhaler? Or a brown paper bag?
Ming: Is it really hot in here?
Oberon: You mean…?
Ruby: That’s him. Right there.
Bravestone: What? That ain’t Spencer. Look, I know my grandson. My grandson’s a guy.
Mouse: Did he change his hair?
Ming: Dammit, I was so close. I had the key in my hand. Why did you stop me?
Bravestone: Huh? Someone yelled, “Thief,” so I grabbed you. What do you want?
Ming: You guys shouldn’t have come. I had it under control.
Ruby: Did you? Because it looked like you just got murdered.
Oberon: I mean, what the hell, Spencer? Why are you even here?
Ruby: Why did you have the game?
Oberon: We destroyed it so that this would never happen!
Ming: I went back and got it, okay? I don’t know why I did it, but I did. And then last night, I’ve been in kind of a weird place, and something came over me, okay?
Oberon: And now we’re all stuck here, again!
Ming: I thought that I would be him. Bravestone! I wanted to feel like that again. Like I could do anything. But instead, I’m, um, Ming Fleetfoot.
[she pops up her strength and weakness list]
Ruby: Cat burglar. Pickpocket. Safecracker.
Oberon: Another better character.
Ruby: Weakness, pollen.
Ming: Yeah. She’s small, and crafty, and has allergies. I mean, she’s basically me.
Oberon: I swear, man, if we survive, I’m going to kill you.
Ruby: I just can’t believe you came back here on purpose.
Ming: I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry.
Ming: Grandpa, you stay here on lookout. Keep a low profile. Got it? Low profile. If anyone tries to enter the livery, just, I don’t know, whistle, or something.
Bravestone: Sure thing.
[Bravestone starts to smolder]
Ming: That’s not when you smolder. It’s not the moment for it. Forget it.
Bravestone: I just did it. I don’t know what it was.
Mouse: Looked like your stomach is upset. Like you ate something bad.
Ming: Oh, man. I’m sweating. I’m sweating. Stealing makes me very uncomfortable, which is not ideal for a burglar.
Mouse: It appears that I speak camel.
Ming: Can you ask them to like come with us and…?
[one of the camels starts growling]
Mouse: Excuse me. They’re willing to talk. Uh, they want to know what’s in it for them, and how much luggage we have.
[after they fall into a pool of glowing green water, Fridge and Martha switch bodies]
Oberon: Will you look at me? Oh! I mean, what am I supposed to do with this?
Ruby: You read the map.
Oberon: I don’t want to read the map.
[pointing to Ruby]
Oberon: I’m supposed to be her. Instead, there’s actual hair growing out of my face! Sorry. All bodies are beautiful, even this one.
[referring to his Ruby avatar body]
Ruby: Yoh, this thing is insane!
Oberon: Be careful. That body is not a toy.
Ruby: No, it’s a machine. And on top of that, boobs.
Oberon: Touch my boobs, and I will murder you.
Ruby: Too late. It was literally the first thing I did.
[after they switch back avatar bodies again and Martah is back as Ruby]
Ruby: Oh, my God. That was awful.
Oberon: I hate being the map guy!
Mouse: You know, Gladys and I took a road trip before she passed. We went on a ceramics tour through the Southwest.
Bravestone: I lost my restaurant so you could drive around and look at ashtrays?
Mouse: Yes, Ed. That’s what you do when you retire. You explore your interests.
Bravestone: I don’t have interests. Guys like me, we don’t retire! We work, and then we keep working, and then eventually, we die. But you retired me. You retired me!
Mouse: It’s a wonder I lasted as long as I did.
Mouse: You’re a difficult man, Ed.
Bravestone: You don’t abandon your best friend, Milo. When I lost the restaurant, I lost everything!
Bravestone: Are you talking to my camel?
Mouse: Yes, I’m talking to the camel. And he can tell that you’re a pain in the a**.
Bravestone: My camel’s taking your side?
Mouse: And he’s not your camel! He’s just giving you a ride.
Bravestone: Oh! Well, how about the both of you go screw yourselves?
Bravestone: You want a piece of me, huh? That’s what you want?
Oberon: You do not want a piece of him, Milo. I’m telling you.
Mouse: Oh, that’s where you’re wrong, young man. Because I do want a piece. I want a big piece. See, Eddie, what you don’t know is that for the last fifteen years, I’ve been studying tai chi. And right now, I am harnessing my chi. And when I’m done, I’m going to whup your a**.
Oberon: Milo, I am telling you, this is not a good idea.
[as Mouse goes to hit Bravestone, Bravestone’s hits Mouse, and he gets thrown across smack into a rock]
[as Mouse falls to the ground, the rock lands on top of him]
Oberon: Oh, dude! You got to stop killing everybody!
[then Mouse re-enters the game after losing a life]
Mouse: Alright, then. Well, I guess that’s settled.
Seaplane: Hey, guys.
Bravestone: Who the hell’s this?
Ruby: Alex, what are you doing here?
Seaplane: Bethany thought you might need some help.
Ruby: Where is Bethany?
[referring to his horse]
Seaplane: She’s right here.
Ruby: You mean…?
[the horse neighs loudly; Mouse translates]
Mouse: “Oh, my God. Right? Like I’m a total horse. I can’t believe that we found you guys. Hi.”
Oberon: Yep, that’s Bethany. What’s up, girl?
[to the horse]
Mouse: You know, Eddie, you didn’t lose everything when you lost the restaurant. You still got a lot, man.
Bravestone: I lost my friend.
Mouse: So did I.
Bravestone: I’m sorry, Milo.
Mouse: Hey, I’m sorry too, Eddie. I should have tracked you down a long time ago.
Bravestone: Well, I’m glad you came over for coffee.
Bravestone: What made you do it, huh? I mean, why now? Milo, what’s going on?
[Mouse doesn’t reply]
Bravestone: You’re sick. How bad?
Mouse: I don’t have much time left.
Bravestone: Son of a b**ch.
Mouse: But I count myself lucky, Eddie. I was married to a wonderful woman. I got to live a wonderful life. And not everybody can say that. That’s why I wanted to make things better with you. And now that they are, well, I’m happy about that too.
Oberon: You’re not a good Bravestone! You’re too stubborn and pi**ed off, and you keep getting us killed.
Bravestone: What the hell are you talking about?
Oberon: And Milo, and I say this with all due respect, sir. Is not a good person to be the zoologist. He talks too slow, and by the time he gets to the point, you’re dead! Once again, no offense.
Mouse: None taken. And let me tell you why. Because my friend Bernard…
Oberon: You see?!
Oberon: You’re a thief who’s too neurotic to steal. Bethany’s a horse. All I know is, we are stuck here again, we are running out of lives, and my ankle is killing me!
[after they find a river with the glowing green water, allowing them to switch to their original avatars]
Oberon: [to himself] Yes! I missed you so much.
[to the others]
Oberon: Oh, my God. You guys, hi.
[after Eddie switches into Ming’s avatar]
Ming: Yeah, what?
[the horse, Cyclone, neighs]
[Cyclone neighs again]
Ming: You should see the size of your…
Ruby: There’s something I have to ask you.
Ruby: Why didn’t you come visit when you were supposed to? Like you canceled the first time, then you were going to come for Halloween. You cancel again. And then the next time I hear from you, you tell me we should take a break?
Bravestone: It’s just, I saw all your pictures on Instagram, and you looked like you were having so much fun. And I just got really insecure, or something. Like I wasn’t the guy I thought I was. Or I wasn’t the guy you thought I was. Which would be even worse.
Ruby: Spencer, do you think I’m not totally terrified all the time? I got to school, and suddenly, for the first time ever, people really liked me. But I’m always thinking that, I don’t know, like it’s just a matter of time before somebody figures out who I really am. But then I see you. And you’re the person who makes me feel good about who I really am. When you’re like scared and insecure, that’s when you need your people the most.
[as he sees Cyclone]
Seaplane: Hey, Mr. Walker.
Seaplane: Why the long face?
Seaplane: Dad joke. Sorry. I can’t help it.
[as Oberon and Mouse are pretending to be the Brothers Kebabic]
Elevator Guard: And Tomatoli Kababik.
Mouse: That’s me.
Elevator Guard: The bravest eunuch.
Mouse: Wait a minute. What?
Oberon: Did you say, eunuch?
Elevator Guard: Tomatoli Kababi, everyone knows the tale of your great and generous sacrifice. How you gave your testicles in order to save the region from the floods.
Mouse: Okay, I think there might be a little confusion.
Oberon: Of course. Everybody knows the story about my little brother, and his famous testicles. Wherever they may be.
Elevator Guard: Wherever they may be.
[Oberon and Mouse continue pretending to be the Brothers Kebabic]
Mouse: Alright, let’s back up. Let’s go back a little bit. Let’s clear some stuff up.
Oberon: He’s super brave. I’ve always been the super clever one, and he’s always been super brave. And super ball-less.
Mouse: Stop saying that! Both of my balls are right here!
Oberon: In spirit. They’re here in spirit. Always.
Elevator Guard: Of course.
Oberon: [looking at Mouse] Right, bro?
Mouse: [reluctantly] Right. I got no balls.
[after Mouse and Oberon are taken to Jurgen under the guise of being the Brothers Kebabic]
Jurgen the Brutal: Where is your sister?
Oberon: Which sister were we talking about? Debbie, or Brooke? Or Sierra?
Jurgen the Brutal: Where is your sister?
Oberon: She’s getting ready, back at the hotel. She’s doing what brides do on their wedding day. Hanging with the girls, getting her hair done, mani-pedi.
Jurgen the Brutal: If you come here without your sister, I just might have to cut off your heads.
[after the group have recovered the Falcon Jewel]
Nigel: Well done, intrepid adventurers. You have saved Jumanji, again. And now, with your permission, Dr. Bravestone, I will take the jewel from here.
[Bravestone gives the jewel to Nigel]
Nigel: I will protect it with my life, and return it to the care of the elder at the Avian Province. And so your work here is done. All of Jumanji thanks you. And, sadly, this is where we part.
Mouse: I don’t know what’s sad about it. I’m ready to get the hell out of here.
[Cyclone starts snorting and neighing]
Mouse: What? Really? Hey, guys, you’re not going to believe this.
Ruby: What did he say?
Mouse: He says that he…
Ming: He wants to stay.
Mouse: He says somebody’s got to stay and look after this place. And that he’s seventy-five years old, and he just learned how to fly.
Bravestone: But he won’t be able to get out.
Ming: He knows.
Ming: Oh, Milo. I feel like I just got you back. Now I’m losing you for good.
Mouse: “You’re not losing me, buddy. I’ll always be with you.”
Ming: Being your partner is one of the best things I ever got to be.
Mouse: He says, “Thank you.”
Ming: No, no. Thank you, Milo.
[as they watch Cyclone fly off]
Ming: That’s my partner right there. Everybody should be so lucky to have a friend like Milo.
Bravestone: Come on, Grandpa. Let’s go home.
[turning to the others]
Bravestone: Hey, guys. Thanks for coming to get me.
Mouse: You do it again, your a** is going to be stuck here, Spencer! Because I’m not coming back!
[as they shake hands they start being transported back into the real world]
[after returning to the real world, Spencer teaches Eddie video games]
Eddie: Let me tell you something. Getting old…
Spencer: I know. Getting old sucks.
Eddie: Getting old is a gift. I forget that sometimes, but it is. What more could a guy possibly want?
[as Spencer takes Eddie to his old diner, now being run by Nora]
Eddie: So how’s business?
Nora: Oh, you know how it is. My manager quit six months ago, moved to Philly. Place has been kind of a mess ever since. It’s hard to find people who really know how to do this. Oh, well, I don’t have to tell you this.
Eddie: Mm. So you need some help around here?
Nora: You mean it? I mean, I’d be honored.
Nora: It’s really good to see you, Eddie.
[Eddie start to smolder flustering Nora]
[last lines; after Spencer meets up with the others at Eddie’s old diner]
Spencer: You guys got to come to New York too.
Martha: Yeah, I can’t wait.
Spencer: This team, forever.
Martha: Uh, always and forever?
[they all laugh]
Spencer: One thing. Can we all agree? Let’s never go back there.
Fridge: I thought we already agreed on that.
Bethany: That’s fine.
[they all laugh again]
[mid-credits scene; after the heater repair man finally shows up]
Heater Repair Man: Is that an old video game console?
Janice: Hm? Oh, yeah, probably. It belongs to my son.
Heater Repair Man: Yeah, I’m a big gamer. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Janice: Well, it looks like it’s broken. Maybe you shouldn’t touch it.
[as the repair man goes to touch it, we see a flock of ostriches rush past the diner as Spencer, Martha, Fridge and Bethany leave]
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