Starring: Tom Holland, Chris Pratt, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Octavia Spencer
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Disney-Pixar’s animated fantasy adventure directed by Dan Scanlon. The story is set in a suburban fantasy planet where it’s populated with elves, trolls, mermaids, centaurs, fauns, satyrs, gnomes, sprites, unicorns and others. We follow two teenage elf brothers, Barley and Ian Lightfoot (Chris Pratt and Tom Holland), who embark on a quest to discover if there is still magic in the world in order to spend one day with their father, who died when they were too young to remember him.
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Our Favorite Quotes:'You have to take risks in life to have an adventure.' - The Manticore (Onward) Click To Tweet 'On a quest, the clear path is never the right one.' - Barley Lightfoot (Onward) Click To Tweet 'I think, with a little bit of magic in your life, you can do almost anything. ' - Ian Lightfoot (Onward) Click To Tweet
Wilden Lightfoot: [voice over] Long ago, the world was full of wonder. It was adventurous, exciting, and best of all, there was magic. And that magic helped all in need. But it wasn’t easy to master. And so the world found a simpler way to get by.
[we see as magic was not easy to master, technology takes over, making life easier]
Wilden Lightfoot: [voice over] Over time magic faded away. But I hope there’s a little magic left in you.
Ian Lightfoot: Morning, mom.
[their pet dragon, Blazey, jumps on Ian and starts licking his face]
Laurel Lightfoot: Oh! Blazey, down!
[she squirts him with water]
Laurel Lightfoot: Bad dragon! Back to your lair.
Laurel Lightfoot: Happy birthday, Mr. Adult Man.
[she starts kissing his face]
Ian Lightfoot: No, mom!
Laurel Lightfoot: Hey, buddy. Don’t wipe off my kisses.
Laurel Lightfoot: [to Ian] Well, your birthday’s a day to try new things. Be the new you!
[as Ian is about to touch his board game, Barley grabs him by the neck]
Barley Lightfoot: Halt! Doth my brother dare disrupt an active campaign?
Ian Lightfoot: Oh, come on!
[after he let’s go of Ian]
Barley Lightfoot: But I know you’re stronger than that. There’s a mighty warrior inside of you. You just have to let him out.
Laurel Lightfoot: [to Colt] Well, come on in. Rest your haunches for a minute.
Colt Bronco: Hey, there, birthday boy. So, are you working hard, or hardly working?
Ian Lightfoot: I’m just, you know, making toast.
Laurel Lightfoot: I’m serious, Barley, you need to start thinking less about the past and more about your future.
Colt Bronco: Ah, she’s right. You can’t spend all day playing your board game.
Barley Lightfoot: Quests of Yore isn’t just a board game! It’s a historically based role playing scenario. Did you know, in the old days, centaurs could run seventy miles an hour?
Colt Bronco: I own a vehicle. Don’t need to run.
[as Barley grabs hold of him]
Ian Lightfoot: Hey! Careful of dad’s sweatshirt!
Barley Lightfoot: I don’t even remember dad wearing that sweatshirt.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, you do only have like two memories of him.
Barley Lightfoot: No, I’ve got three. I remember his beard was scratchy, he had a goofy laugh, and I used to play drums on his feet.
Ian Lightfoot: Drums on his feet. Right.
[as Ian is about to leave for school]
Barley Lightfoot: Wait, wait, wait!
[takes out a sword]
Barley Lightfoot: By the laws of yore, I must dub thee a man today. Kneel before me.
Ian Lightfoot: Oh! That’s okay. I got to get going.
Barley Lightfoot: Alright, well, I’ll pick you up later, and we’ll perform the ceremony at school.
Ian Lightfoot: Oh! No, no, no, no, no! Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Okay, bye!
[as Ian stops to get breakfast he meets an elf who used to go to college with his dad, Wildon]
Gaxton: You know, your dad was a great guy. So confident. When he came into a room, people noticed. The man wore the ugliest purple socks every single day.
Ian Lightfoot: What? Why?
Gaxton: Hey, that’s exactly what we asked. But he was just bold. I always wished I had a little bit of that in me.
Ian Lightfoot: Yeah. Wow. I’ve never heard any of this about him before.
[as Ian turns up to class he notices one of his classmates has put his large feet on his chair]
Ian Lightfoot: Would you mind not putting your feet on my chair today?
Gorgamon: Sorry, dude. Got to keep them elevated. Gets the blood flowing to my brain.
Ian Lightfoot: It just makes it a little hard for me to fit in there.
Gorgamon: Well, if I don’t have good blood flow, I can’t concentrate on my schoolwork. You don’t want me to do bad in school, do you?
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, no.
Gorgamon: Thanks, bro.
Barley Lightfoot: [to Ian] You know, in ancient times, you celebrated your day of birth with a solemn quest. Of course, those were nothing compared to the challenges of the old days.
[Ian is listening to a recorded tape from his dad and pretends to have conversation with him]
Ian Lightfoot: Did you have a good day?
Wilden Lightfoot: Well, I’m trying to.
Ian Lightfoot: Yeah. Me too. Although, I could clearly use some help.
[he hears his dad laugh]
Ian Lightfoot: I sure do wish I could spend the day with you sometime.
Wilden Lightfoot: I know.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, there are so many things we could do. I bet it’d be really fun.
Wilden Lightfoot: Well, let’s find out.
Ian Lightfoot: Yeah. I mean, I’d love to. We could, uh…
Wilden Lightfoot: Okay. Bye.
[the tape stops]
Ian Lightfoot: [sad] Yeah. Bye.
[as she steps on a toy soldier]
Laurel Lightfoot: Barley, keep your soldiers off my land, or our kingdoms will go to war!
Barley Lightfoot: Sorry, mom!
Laurel Lightfoot: Ooh, this is the world’s longest gap year.
[after Ian has sewn the rip in his dad’s sweatshirt]
Ian Lightfoot: What was dad like when he was my age? Was he always super confident?
Laurel Lightfoot: Oh, no. It took him a while to find out who he was.
Ian Lightfoot: I wish I’d met him.
Laurel Lightfoot: Oh, me too. But, hey, you know, when your dad got sick, he fought so hard because he wanted to meet you more than anything.
Laurel Lightfoot: You know what? I have something for you. I was going to wait until after cake, but I think you’ve waited long enough.
Ian Lightfoot: What is it?
Laurel Lightfoot: It’s a gift from your dad.
[as Laurel is getting the gift from the attic]
Barley Lightfoot: What do you mean, it’s from dad?
Ian Lightfoot: I don’t know. Mom said it was for both of us.
Barley Lightfoot: What is it?
Laurel Lightfoot: He just said to give you this when you were both over sixteen. I have no idea what it is.
[Ian opens the item, and it appears to be a staff]
Barley Lightfoot: No way! It’s a wizard staff. Dad was a wizard!
Ian Lightfoot: What?
Laurel Lightfoot: Hold on. Your dad was an accountant! I mean, he got interested in a lot of strange things when he got sick, but…
Ian Lightfoot: There’s a letter.
[reading his dad’s letter]
Ian Lightfoot: “Dear Ian and Barley, long ago, the world was full of wonder. It was adventurous, exciting, and best of all, there was magic. And that magic helped all in need. But it wasn’t easy to master. And so the world found a simpler way to get by. Over time, magic faded away, but I hope there’s a little magic left in you. And so I wrote this spell, so I could see for myself who my boys grew up to be. Visitation Spell.”
[looking at the Visitation Spell his dad left in the letter]
Barley Lightfoot: I don’t believe this. This spell brings him back. For one whole day, dad will be back!
Laurel Lightfoot: What?
Ian Lightfoot: Back, like back to life? That’s not possible.
Barley Lightfoot: It is with this!
[holds up the staff]
Ian Lightfoot: I’m going to meet dad?
Laurel Lightfoot: Oh, Will, you wonderful nut. What is this?
Barley Lightfoot: Now, a spell this powerful needs an assist element. I mean, for this to work, dad would’ve had to find a Phoenix Gem!
[holds up the gem]
Ian Lightfoot: Woh.
Barley Lightfoot: There’s only a few of these left.
Laurel Lightfoot: Hold on! Is this dangerous?
Barley Lightfoot: We’re about to find out.
[he puts the gem on the staff, the as he holds the staff he yells]
Barley Lightfoot: Ah!
Laurel Lightfoot: What?
[holds up his finger]
Barley Lightfoot: Splinter.
[reciting the Visitation Spell]
Barley Lightfoot: “Only once is all we get, grant me this rebirth. Till tomorrow’s sun has set, one day to walk the earth!”
[he stamps the staff on the floor, nothing happens]
Barley Lightfoot: Hold on. I was just gripping it wrong.
[after Barley has repeatedly recited the incantation and failing to get the staff to work]
Laurel Lightfoot: I’m sorry you guys don’t have your dad here. But this shows just how much he wanted to see you both. So much that he’d try anything. That’s still a pretty special gift.
Ian Lightfoot: Yeah.
[after Ian unknowingly activates the staff, Barely enters the room]
Barley Lightfoot: Hey, man, what are you doing in here? Holy Tooth of Zadar! How did you…?
Ian Lightfoot: I don’t know! It just started!
[as the spell is starting to make their dad appear]
Barley Lightfoot: Woh, feet!
[as we see the spell bringing back their, Ian finds it hard to hold the staff]
Barley Lightfoot: Hang on. I can help!
Ian Lightfoot: Barley, no!
[suddenly the gem shatters and the spell stops]
[after the spell suddenly stops, they see their dad’s legs with some clothes on the upper half]
Ian Lightfoot: Dad?
[as the legs move, the clothes fall off to only reveal their dad’s legs]
Barley Lightfoot: He’s just legs! There’s no top part. I definitely remember dad having a top part!
Ian Lightfoot: Oh, what did I do? This is horrible.
[after Barely taps on his dad’s foot like drums to let him know who he is]
Barley Lightfoot: That’s right, dad. It’s me, Barley.
[then his places one goot on top of Ian’s foot]
Barley Lightfoot: Yeah, that’s Ian.
Ian Lightfoot: Hi, dad.
Ian Lightfoot: I messed this whole thing up. Now he’s going to be legs forever!
Barley Lightfoot: No, not forever. The spell only lasts one day. At sunset tomorrow, he’ll disappear, and we’ll never be able to bring him back again.
[he sets the timer on his watch to 24 hours]
Ian Lightfoot: Well, we’ll just have to do the spell again.
Barley Lightfoot: You mean you have to. A person can only do magic if they have the gift. And my little brother has the magic gift!
Ian Lightfoot: Okay! Okay. But I couldn’t even finish the spell.
Barley Lightfoot: Well, you’re going to have plenty of time to practice. Because we have to find another Phoenix Gem.
Barley Lightfoot: A-ha! We’ll start at the place where all quests begin. The Manticore’s Tavern. It’s run by a fearless adventurer. She knows where to find any kind of gem, talisman, totem.
Ian Lightfoot: Barley, this is for a game.
Barley Lightfoot: Based on real life.
[after Barley declares they have to go to the Manticore’s Tavern]
Barley Lightfoot: Look, my years of training have prepared me for this very moment. And I’m telling you, this is the only way to find a Phoenix Gem. Trust me.
Ian Lightfoot: Whatever it takes, I am going to meet my dad.
Barley Lightfoot: You hear that, dad? We’re going on a quest!
[as they are setting off on their quest in Barley’s van, “Guinevere”]
Barley Lightfoot: Hey, uh, what are you two Chatty Charlies up to back there?
Ian Lightfoot: Well, you know, I felt weird talking to dad without a top half. So, ta-da!
[we see he’s made a make-shift top half and a head with some clothes on top of his dad’s legs]
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, that’s great! Dad, you look just like I remember. Hey, don’t worry, we’ll have the rest of you here before you know it. And then, first thing I’m going to do, introduce you to Guinevere Rebuilt this old girl myself, from the lug nuts to the air conditioning.
[turns on the air conditioning, which blasts high powered air at them]
Barley Lightfoot: What’s that?
Ian Lightfoot: I’m just working on a list of things I wanted to do with dad. You know, play catch, take a walk, driving lesson, share my whole life story with him.
Barley Lightfoot: That’s cool. Oh, but before you cast dad’s spell again, you’re going to have to practice your magic.
[gives him the book Quests of Yore]
Ian Lightfoot: This book is for a game.
Barley Lightfoot: I told you, everything in Quests of Yore is historically accurate. Even the spells. So start practicing, young sorcerer.
Ian Lightfoot: Okay, dad. Let’s try some magic.
[as he’s practicing doing magic spells]
Ian Lightfoot: Yeah, well, it’s not working. Am I saying it wrong?
Barley Lightfoot: Well, mmm, you said it right. It’s just, for any spell to work, you have to speak from your heart’s fire.
Ian Lightfoot: My what?
Barley Lightfoot: Your heart’s fire. You must speak with passion! Don’t hold back.
[as they arrive at the Manticore’s Tavern]
Barley Lightfoot: Alright, listen. First, let me do the talking. Secondly, it’s crucial we show the Manticore the respect she deserves, or she will, thirdly, not give us a map to the Phoenix Gem.
Ian Lightfoot: Wait, wait, wait. The map? I thought she had a Phoenix Gem.
Barley Lightfoot: You’re so cute. Hear that, dad? He’s a smart kid, he just doesn’t know how quests work.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, is there anything else you’re forgetting to tell me?
Barley Lightfoot: Mmm. No.
[they see Manticore come out of the kitchen carrying plates of food]
The Manticore: Quick! Somebody help me. These griffin nuggets were supposed to go out minutes ago!
Ian Lightfoot: That’s the Manticore?
Barley Lightfoot: Your fearlessness? My brother and I seek a map to a Phoenix Gem.
The Manticore: Oh! Well, you’ve come to the right tavern.
[giving the plates to a waiter]
The Manticore: Table twelve.
The Manticore: I have the parchment you desire right here. Behold!
Ian Lightfoot: Oh. That’s a children’s menu.
The Manticore: Isn’t that fun? They’re all based on my old maps. Uh, now, oh, the great Manticore sends you on your adventure with a hero’s blessing. And here’s some crayons.
[after the Manticore refuses to give them the real map]
Ian Lightfoot: You say you can’t risk losing this place! Look at that Manticore. She looks like she lived to take risks!
The Manticore: That Manticore didn’t haveinvestors to look out for. She didn’t have payroll to cover. She could just fly out the door whenever she wanted and slay a magma beast!
The Manticore: Okay, maybe this place isn’t as adventurous as it used to be. So it isn’t filled with a motley horde willing to risk life and limb for the mere taste of excitement. But so what? Who ever said you have to take risks in life to have an adventure?
Ian Lightfoot: Apparently, you did.
[he points to a picture of herself and the exact same quote above the picture]
The Manticore: I’m living a lie! What have I become?
[she roars and breathes fire on the Manticore costume head]
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, no.
The Manticore: Everybody out! This tavern is closed for remodeling!
[in a fit of rage she drives the customers away and sets fire to the tavern and the map]
[after Barley reveales that he’s taken a kids menu of the map]
Barley Lightfoot: Look, on a quest, you have to use what you’ve got. And this is what we’ve got. Best part is, little Kayla already solved the puzzle.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, according to Kayla, we just have to look for Raven’s Point.
[points on the map]
Ian Lightfoot: Raven’s Point.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, it looks like the expressway should take us right there.
Barley Lightfoot: Mmm. Expressway is a little too obvious. On a quest, the clear path is never the right one.
Ian Lightfoot: What?
Ian Lightfoot: I know you want this to be like one of your adventure games, but all that matters is that we get to spend as much time as possible with dad. So, we should just take the expressway, right?
Barley Lightfoot: Yeah, you’re right. But if you end up inside a gelatinous cube, you are on your own.
[as Laurel is driving to the Manticore’s Tavern to find Barely and Ian; over the phone]
Colt Bronco: You know, it’s late, you shouldn’t have to be out looking for them.
Laurel Lightfoot: I know, it’s silly. I’m sure they’re both probably on fire.
Colt Bronco: Fire?
[as she drives up to the tavern she sees it’s on fire]
Laurel Lightfoot: Fire! The place is on fire! My boys! I got to go!
[Laurel overhears Manticore talking to the cop]
The Manticore: I told you already, there were two teenage elves.
Laurel Lightfoot: Oh! Those are my sons. Where did they go?
The Manticore: Oh. They went on a quest to find a Phoenix Gem. But don’t worry, don’t worry. I told them about the map. I told them about the gem. I told them about the curse.
The Manticore: I forgot to tell them about the curse!
The Manticore: [to Laurel] Your boys are in grave danger! But I can help!
Officer Avel: Woh! Hey, hey! You’re not going anywhere. We got questions for you.
[he starts to lead her away]
The Manticore: I know where they’re going! We can still save them!
The Manticore: [to the cop] Last name “Manticore”, first name “The”.
[after Laurel sneaks Manticore away from the cop]
Laurel Lightfoot: Alright, how do we help my boys?
The Manticore: Ooh! I’m going to like you.
[after the truck stalls and stops]
Ian Lightfoot: I thought you said you fixed the van.
Barley Lightfoot: Relax. Guinevere is fine. Her stomach is just a little empty.
Ian Lightfoot: But it says we have a full tank.
Barley Lightfoot: [chuckes] No. That doesn’t work.
Ian Lightfoot: Is there a magic way to get gas?
Barley Lightfoot: Oh! I like your thinking, young mage.
[picks up the spell book]
Barley Lightfoot: Growth spell! We grow the can, and then the gas inside will grow with it.
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, that’s kind of a weird idea.
Barley Lightfoot: I know! I like it too.
[as he’s about to use the staff to do the growth spell]
Ian Lightfoot: Ow!
Barley Lightfoot: What?
Ian Lightfoot: Splinter! Can we sand this thing down?
Barley Lightfoot: No! It’s an ancient staff with magic in every glorious fiber! You can’t sand it down.
[after Ian tries to do the growth spell, but accidentally shrinks Barley]
Barley Lightfoot: It worked! The can is huge! And the van is huge. And you’re…
[looks down his body and realizes what’s happened]
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, no.
Ian Lightfoot: What happened?
Barley Lightfoot: Looks like you shrunk me.
Ian Lightfoot: How?
Barley Lightfoot: Well, if you mess up a spell, there are consequences.
Ian Lightfoot: I only messed up because you wouldn’t stop bothering me!
Barley Lightfoot: I was trying to help you.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, don’t try to help me!
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, okay. Fine. I won’t!
[as they are making their way to the gas station on foot]
Barley Lightfoot: I just need a little break. My baby legs can’t go that fast.
[as Ian puts the shrunken Barley in his front shirt pocket]
Barley Lightfoot: Hey, I don’t need you to carry me! I’m a grown man!
[at the gas station, Ian and Barely see a motorcycle gang of pixies arrive]
Dewdrop: Hey! Did you just bump into me?
Customer: Oh, I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t see you there.
Dewdrop: Do it again, and you’ll see me in your nightmares!
[the customer screams and runs off]
[at the gas station; Barely is still small and in Ian’s shirt pocket]
Barley Lightfoot: Psst. I have to go to the bathroom.
Ian Lightfoot: Can it wait?
Barley Lightfoot: It’s your pocket.
Laurel Lightfoot: Please, the curse. What does it do?
The Manticore: Right. Sorry. It’s a Guardian Curse. If your boys take the gem, the curse will rise up and assume the form of a mighty beast, and battle your sons to the… Ooh. Well, how do your boys do in a crisis?
Laurel Lightfoot: Not great! One of them is afraid of everything, and the other isn’t afraid of anything.
The Manticore: Yeah, that skinny kid of yours is pretty fearless.
Laurel Lightfoot: No, no. You mean the big one, Barley.
The Manticore: No, no. The little guy. Ooh, he really let me have it.
Laurel Lightfoot: Look, you said you could help them, right?
The Manticore: Every curse has a core, the center of its power. And only one weapon forged of the rarest metals can destroy it. My enchanted sword, the Curse Crusher!
Laurel Lightfoot: Well, okay. But you don’t seem to have that on you.
The Manticore: I sold it. Got in a little tax trouble a few years back. But don’t worry, I know just where to find it.
Laurel Lightfoot: I am on my way, boys. Just try to stay out of trouble.
[Ian sees Barely getting into an argument with Dewdrop]
Dewdrop: You’ve got a lot of nerve!
Barley Lightfoot: I’m just saying, sprites used to fly around spreading delight. That’s a good thing.
Dewdrop: Sprites can’t fly!
Barley Lightfoot: Well, your wings don’t work because you stopped using them.
Dewdrop: You calling me lazy?
Barley Lightfoot: No. No, no, no, no. Not you. Your ancestors.
Dewdrop: What did you say about my ancestors?
Barley Lightfoot: I didn’t mean lazy…
[Ian quickly intervenes and picks up Barley]
Ian Lightfoot: I’m sorry, very sorry. He’s sorry too. You don’t need to fly. Who needs to fly? I mean, you’ve got those great bikes.
[as they’re dad accidently knocks over the pixie gang bikes]
Ian Lightfoot: Oh, no!
Dewdrop: Hey! You’re dead!
[she starts running after them]
Ian Lightfoot: We’re dead! We’re dead! We’re dead! We’re dead!
[as they run over to the van]
Barley Lightfoot: Relax. They won’t be able to lift those bikes.
[hears the bike enginges revving]
Barley Lightfoot: They are strong.
[as he’s trying to start the van to get away from the Pixies]
Ian Lightfoot: Come on, Guinevere!
[the engine starts]
Barley Lightfoot: Put it in O for onward!
[Ian shifts the gear to O and sets off]
[as Barley is teaching Ian to drive and merge to the expressway]
Ian Lightfoot: I can’t do this!
Barley Lightfoot: Yes, you can.
Ian Lightfoot: I’m not ready!
Barley Lightfoot: You’ll never be ready. Merge!
[as Ian’s erratic driving causes the cops to chase after them]
Ian Lightfoot: Chantor’s Talon! Cops!
Barley Lightfoot: Pull over!
Ian Lightfoot: I don’t have a license!
[Barley pulls out his wallet, which is still tiny]
Barley Lightfoot: My wallet’s still tiny.
[after they are pulled over by the cops]
Ian Lightfoot: They’re going to take dad!
Barley Lightfoot: Okay, okay. Oh, I got it! The disguise spell. You can disguise yourself to be anyone you want.
Ian Lightfoot: But what if I mess up again?
Barley Lightfoot: According to the spell, “Disguising yourself is a lie, so you must tell the truth to get by.” As long as you don’t tell a lie, the spell will be fine.
Barley Lightfoot: Okay. Who are we going to be?
[after they do the disguise spell to turn themselves into Colt to fool the cops]
Officer Spector: You seem a little off yourself.
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, actually, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not super great in this kind of situation, and I’m starting to freak out a little bit. And I’m all sweaty, and weird, and I don’t know what to say, and I just feel like I can’t do anything right, and I’m a total weirdo.
Officer Gore: I don’t envy you, Bronco. That Lightfoot kid is a handful.
[disguised as Colt]
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, I’m going to have to disagree with you there. I think Ian’s a pretty stand-up citizen.
Officer Gore: Not him, the older one.
Ian Lightfoot: What?
Officer Gore: I mean, the guy’s a screwup. You can’t say you don’t agree.
Ian Lightfoot: Um, I don’t.
Barley Lightfoot: [to himself] What?
[Barley is visibly upset after Ian agreed that he was a screwup to the cops]
Barley Lightfoot: I’m not a screwup.
Ian Lightfoot: I didn’t say you were.
Barley Lightfoot: The magic said it for you.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, the magic got it wrong.
Barley Lightfoot: Magic doesn’t get it wrong! The cop asked a question, you answered, and magic revealed the truth. Right? Right?
Ian Lightfoot: I don’t know how any of this stuff works! All I know is that everything we’ve done tonight has gone wrong.
Barley Lightfoot: Yeah, it’s gone wrong because you won’t listen to me.
Ian Lightfoot: Are you kidding? Because everything we’ve done has been your idea.
Barley Lightfoot: But you didn’t do it my way. You didn’t let me handle the Manticore. You freaked out when I talked to the sprites. Because you don’t think I have good ideas.
Ian Lightfoot: What? Of course I do.
Barley Lightfoot: Great! Then I think we should take the Path of Peril.
Ian Lightfoot: And I also think that would be good, normally.
Barley Lightfoot: See?
Ian Lightfoot: I told you, this isn’t a game. All that matters today is dad, and right now he’s sitting in that van, and he’s confused… What?
[he turns to see their dad dancing]
Ian Lightfoot: What is he doing?
Barley Lightfoot: I think he can feel the vibrations of the music, and he’s dancing.
[as they watch their dad’s legs dance to the music]
Ian Lightfoot: Wow. He is terrible.
Barley Lightfoot: Yeah. He’s really, really bad.
[their dad then gets the brothers to join him and dance]
Barley Lightfoot: You know, I want to see him too.
Ian Lightfoot: Yeah, I know.
Barley Lightfoot: It’s not fair for you to call me a screwup if you don’t give me a chance to get something right. Just do one thing my way.
Ian Lightfoot: You really think this Path of Peril is the best way to go to the mountain?
Ian Lightfoot: Okay.
Laurel Lightfoot: Uh, so where is your magic sword?
The Manticore: It lies beyond those gates.
[she points to the pawn shop]
The Manticore: If we don’t leave here with the sword, your boys are doomed.
[after getting her sword from the pawn shop]
The Manticore: Forged of the rarest metals, the only sword of its kind in all the land. Hello, old friend. We shall never part again.
[Grecklin stops Manticore from picking up the sword]
Grecklin: Oh! Turns out this sword is the only sword of its kind in all the land. So let’s call it ten thousand.
Laurel Lightfoot: You can’t do that!
Grecklin: Well, I just did.
The Manticore: Do you know who I am?
Grecklin: Some kind of winged bear-snake lady?
The Manticore: Winged lion-scorpion lady!
[after Manticore uses her scorpion tail to incapacitate Grecklin]
Laurel Lightfoot: Son of a… You killed her!
The Manticore: It’s okay. She’s only temporarily paralyzed.
Grecklin: Hey, you can’t do this!
Laurel Lightfoot: Well, I just did.
Laurel Lightfoot: Grab the sword.
Grecklin: Don’t you touch that!
[Manticore takes the sword and Laurel pulls some cash out of her wallet]
Laurel Lightfoot: Here you go. And a little something extra for your trouble. I love your store. Oh, that’s so pretty.
[they quickly leave the store]
[as Barley is driving through the Path of Peril]
Barley Lightfoot: Well, good morning to thee, dear Lightfoot men. Welcome to the Path of Peril.
Ian Lightfoot: It’s not much of a path.
Barley Lightfoot: Well, you know, they never really developed around here. So heads up, we could run into anything. A centicore, wolf dragon, gelatinous cube.
Ian Lightfoot: Okay, what is a gelatinous cube?
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, it’s a giant green cube that instantly disintegrates all that it touches.
[after they reach the edge of a cliff at the Path of Peril]
Ian Lightfoot: What is this?
Barley Lightfoot: Bottomless pit. Whatever falls in there, falls forever.
[using the staff to cast a spell to get to other side of the bottomless pit]
Ian Lightfoot: Aloft Elevar!
[the spell doesn’t work]
Barley Lightfoot: [chuckles] You can’t cast a levitation spell on something that far away. It only has like a fifteen meter enchanting radius. Dad, can you believe this guy?
[as Ian is trying to cast a spell for a Trust Bridge to cross over the bottomless pit]
Ian Lightfoot: It didn’t work.
Barley Lightfoot: No, the spell is still going. You won’t know if your bridge worked, until you step on it.
Ian Lightfoot: Step on what?
Barley Lightfoot: If you believe the bridge is there, then it’s there.
Ian Lightfoot: But it’s not!
Barley Lightfoot: Well, not with that attitude.
Ian Lightfoot: I’m not going to step out onto nothing!
[after Barley ties a rope around Ian as he steps onto the invisible bridge and falls]
Barley Lightfoot: Okay, you fell. But was that so bad?
Ian Lightfoot: Yes!
Barley Lightfoot: Are you still alive?
Ian Lightfoot: Yes.
Barley Lightfoot: Okay, so now you know the worst that can happen. So, there’s nothing to be scared of, right?
[as Ian is about step onto the invisible bridge]
Barley Lightfoot: Hey. You can do this.
[Ian takes a step and doesn’t fall]
Barley Lightfoot: Yeah! There you go! Believe with every step.
[after Ian’s walked across the invisible bridge to the other side of the bottomless pit]
Barley Lightfoot: That was amazing!
Ian Lightfoot: How long was the rope gone?
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, just like the second half of it.
Ian Lightfoot: I needed that rope.
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, but did you?
[after they find out that Raven’s Point leads them on a trail of series of raven statues]
Ian Lightfoot: I had us going the wrong way.
Barley Lightfoot: Well, I told you. My gut knows where to go. Don’t you, boy? Yes, you do.
[after Colt catches up to the boys]
Colt Bronco: Well, uh, your mom told me there was some kind of strange family issue going on, and this is definitely strange. But, no, dang it. I’m not letting you upset your mother anymore. Now you get in the vehicle. I’m escorting you home.
Barley Lightfoot: No! No way.
Colt Bronco: I’m giving you to the count of three.
[he starts tapping his hoof]
Ian Lightfoot: Okay, we’ll go.
Barley Lightfoot: Ian.
Ian Lightfoot: He’s a police officer.
[as they get back in the van to go back home]
Barley Lightfoot: What are you doing?
Ian Lightfoot: I don’t know.
[Ian puts his foot down on the accelerator and they speed off]
Colt Bronco: Oh! Son of a…
Barley Lightfoot: Yeah! Iandore Lightfoot, breaking the rules.
Ian Lightfoot: I can’t believe I’m running from the cops!
Barley Lightfoot: You’re not running from the cops. You’re running from our mom’s boyfriend.
[as he sees Colt’s back up police cars chasing after them[
Barley Lightfoot: Okay, now you’re running from the cops.
[after Ian can’t do the spell to block the cops, Barely sacrifices his van to crash into the boulders]
Ian Lightfoot: Barley.
Barley Lightfoot: [sadly] She was just a beat-up old van.
[after they are led to a small stone that indicates the gem may lie in the water inside a cave]
Ian Lightfoot: This water could go on for miles. We don’t have that kind of time.
Barley Lightfoot: If we had something to float on, we could cast a velocity spell on it, fly down the tunnel like a magic jet ski.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, there’s not much to float on.
Barley Lightfoot: Remember, on a quest, you have to use what you’ve got.
[after Ian does a spell to grow a Cheez Doodle to use as a boat to jet ski across the water]
Ian Lightfoot: This is actually kind of cool. So what other spells do you know?
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, brace yourself, young mage. I know all there is to know of magic.
[as they are going through the cave]
Ian Lightfoot: I can’t believe I’m this close to actually talking to dad.
Barley Lightfoot: You know what I’m going to ask him? If he ever gave himself a wizard name.
Ian Lightfoot: What?
Barley Lightfoot: Well, because he was into magic. Lots of wizards have cool names. Alora the Majestic. Birdar the Fanciful. Anyway, it’ll just be nice to have more than four memories of him.
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, three.
Barley Lightfoot: Hm?
Ian Lightfoot: You only have three memories.
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, yeah.
Ian Lightfoot: Barley, do you have another memory of dad you haven’t told me?
Barley Lightfoot: No, it’s just not my favorite.
Ian Lightfoot: What do you mean?
Barley Lightfoot: When dad was sick, I was supposed to go in and say goodbye to him. But he was hooked up to all these tubes, and he just didn’t look like himself. I got scared, and I didn’t go in. That’s when I decided I was never going to be scared ever again.
[after the boys make it through the cave but find themselves in front of Ian’s school]
Ian Lightfoot: The gem is in the mountain. The mountain we could have been to hours ago, if we’d just stayed on the expressway.
Barley Lightfoot: No, the expressway is too obvious! You can never take the obvious…
Ian Lightfoot: If I hadn’t listened to you! Okay? I can’t believe this. You act like you know what you’re doing, but you don’t have a clue. And that’s because you are a screwup. And now you’ve screwed up my chance to have the one thing I never had!
[Ian takes turns, starts to walk off with their dad]
Barley Lightfoot: Where are you going?
[Ian gives the staff to Barley]
Ian Lightfoot: To spend what little time we have left with dad.
[after Barley finds another gem]
Ian Lightfoot: Barley, what I said before, I am so sorry.
Barley Lightfoot: There’s no time! The sun’s about to set!
[using the gem and the staff Ian recites the spell]
Ian Lightfoot: Only once is all we get, grant me this rebirth. Till tomorrow’s sun has set, one day to walk the earth!
[as she’s trying to destroy the artificial dragon with Manticore’s sword]
Laurel Lightfoot: I am a mighty warrior!
[referring to the artificial dragon that’s after the gem]
Laurel Lightfoot: Boys, it’s coming back!
Barley Lightfoot: I’ll go distract it.
Ian Lightfoot: What? No! If you do that, you’ll miss dad.
Barley Lightfoot: It’s okay. Say hi to dad for me.
Ian Lightfoot: No. You go and say goodbye.
Barley Lightfoot: What?
Ian Lightfoot: I had someone who looked out for me. Someone who pushed me to be more than I ever thought I could be. I never had a dad, but I always had you.
[after the artificial dragon is destroyed and Barley has the chance to see their dad and share a hug before he disappears]
Ian Lightfoot: What did he say?
Barley Lightfoot: He said he always thought his wizard name would be Wilden the Whimsical.
Ian Lightfoot: Wow. That’s really terrible.
Barley Lightfoot: I know.
[they both laugh lightly]
Barley Lightfoot: He also said he’s very proud of the person you grew up to be.
Ian Lightfoot: Well, I owe an awful lot of that to you.
Barley Lightfoot: He kind of said that too. Oh, and he told me to give you this.
[Barley hugs Ian]
Ian Lightfoot: [voice over] Long ago, the world was full of wonder. It was adventurous, exciting, and best of all, there was magic.
[we see Manticore has reopened her tavern and employed the pixies]
[Ian is giving a presentation to his classmates]
Ian Lightfoot: And I think, with a little bit of magic in your life, you can do almost anything.
Student #1: Is that how you put the school back together?
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, yes.
Student #2: Is that also how you destroyed the school in the first place?
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, also, yes.
[we then see Ian has made friends in his newfound confidence]
Laurel Lightfoot: So, how was school?
Ian Lightfoot: It was really good.
Laurel Lightfoot: Well, alright.
Colt Bronco: Hey, there he is. You working hard?
Ian Lightfoot: No, hardly working.
Colt Bronco: Duty calls. Time to hit the trails.
Laurel Lightfoot: Oh, you forgot your keys!
Colt Bronco: Don’t need them. I was born to run.
[he takes off his hat, lets down his mane and rides off]
Ian Lightfoot: So, how’s the new van?
Barley Lightfoot: Oh. Guinevere the Second is great. I’ve almost got enough saved up for a sweet paint job.
Ian Lightfoot: No, please don’t.
Barley Lightfoot: Why not?
Ian Lightfoot: Because I already took care of it.
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, yeah!
[last lines; as Barley is driving them off in his new van]
Barley Lightfoot: Okay, best way to the park is to take a little something called the Road of Ruin.
Ian Lightfoot: Uh, it’s too obvious.
Barley Lightfoot: Wait, what?
Ian Lightfoot: On a quest, the clear path is never the right one.
[Ian uses a levitation spell to fly them off]
Barley Lightfoot: Oh, yeah!
What do you think of Onward quotes? Let us know what you think in the comments below as we’d love to know.
Great! It reminded me of all the scenes in the movie! I think it would be even better if you added the spells though.