Starring: Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Guest, Wallace Shawn, André the Giant, Peter Falk, Billy Crystal
OUR RATING: ★★★★★
Story: Romantic fantasy adventure directed and co-produced by Rob Reiner, based on the novel of the same name by William Goldman, who also wrote the screenplay. The Princess Bride (1987) is presented as a book being read by a grandfather (Peter Falk) to his sick grandson (Fred Savage). The book tales the tale of about a farmhand named Westley (Cary Elwes), accompanied by befriended companions along the way, who must rescue his true love Princess Buttercup (Robin Wright) from the odious Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon).
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Memorable The Princess Bride Quotes
Grandpa: When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m going to read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles.
The Grandson: Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much. Very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
Westley: Hear this now. I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love, you think this happens every day?
Vizzini: [referring to The Dread Pirate Roberts] He didn’t fall? Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Inigo Montoya: I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Westley: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Westley: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know.
Westley: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: Okay.
Inigo Montoya: Kill me quickly.
Westley: I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can’t have you follow me either.
Westley: [knocks him out] Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.
Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
Westley: Oh, no. It’s just that they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
Westley: [to Fezzik] I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.
Vizzini: Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is, “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.” But only slightly less well-known is this, “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
[starts laughing, stops, then with his smile frozen on his face, falls dead to the ground]
Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Westley: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well, you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.
Buttercup: We’ll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender.
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
The Ancient Booer: You had love in your hands, and you gave it up.
Buttercup: But they would have killed Westley if I hadn’t done it.
The Ancient Booer: Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that’s what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime. The Queen of Filth. The Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.
Grandpa: It was ten days to the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup’s nightmares were growing steadily worse.
The Grandson: See didn’t I tell you she’d never marry that rotten Humperdinck.
Grandpa: Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.
The King: [as Buttercup kisses him] What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you have always been so kind to me, and I won’t be seeing you again since I’m killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
The King: Won’t that be nice. She kissed me, ha, ha, ha!
Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.
Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.
The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam. And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva. So tweasure your wuv.
Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end.
The Impressive Clergyman: Have you the wing?
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Miracle Max: The King’s stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?
Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
Valerie: I’m not a witch. I’m your wife. But after what you just said, I’m not even sure I want to be that any more!
Inigo Montoya: He’s dead. He can’t talk.
Miracle Max: Look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What’s that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Miracle Max: [as they’re waving off Montoyo and Fezzik] Have fun storming the castle.
Valerie: Think it’ll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
Westley: Why won’t my arms move?
Fezzik: You’ve been mostly-dead all day.
Fezzik: You just shook your head. Doesn’t that make you happy?
Westley: My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy?
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean this gate key.
Westley: [as Buttercup is about to stab herself] There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.
Count Rugen: [to Montoya] You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You’ve been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard. How marvelous.
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Prince Humperdinck: First things first. To the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won’t be the last.
Prince Humperdinck: I think you’re bluffing.
Westley: It’s possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again, perhaps I have the strength after all.
Westley: [slowly rises and points his sword at the prince] Drop your sword!
Grandpa: Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End.