Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Daniela Melchior, Billy Magnussen, Conor McGregor, Jessica Williams, Darren Barnet, Arturo Castro, J.D. Pardo, Lukas Gage
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Story: Amazon Prime Video action thriller remake directed by Doug Liman and written by Anthony Bagarozzi and Chuck Mondry. Road House (2024) follows ex-UFC fighter Elwood Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal), who takes a job as a bouncer at a Florida Keys roadhouse, only to discover that this paradise is not all it seems.
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'No one ever wins a fight.' - Dalton (Road House) Share on X
Frankie: It’s a nice little scam you got going on in there. All you need is for the opponent to know who you are, know your history, and then they’ll be too afraid to fight. That’s f***ing brilliant, man.
Dalton: Yeah, well, beats working.
Frankie: [to Dalton] You know you got a big-a** knife sticking out of you?
Dalton: Patience and a keen interest in the result, that’s all it takes.
Frankie: So listen, I own a roadhouse. Out in the Florida Keys.
Dalton: A roadhouse, huh?
Frankie: Hemingway used to drink there. You know Ernest Hemingway?
Dalton: Good for you.
Frankie: It’s twenty grand. And judging by your car, you need that s**t.
Dalton: Well, I like my car.
Frankie: [referring to her phone number] I’ll write it down on a pen and paper, just like our ancestors did.
Dalton: [referring to the Road House] Well, the owner’s having a little trouble, I guess, and I’m just here to clean it up.
Charlie: That kind of sounds like the plot to a western. Like, “Local townsfolk send for a hero to help clean up the rowdy saloon.”
Billy: I know who you are. Elwood Dalton. Big fan, man.
Dell: Who the f*** are you, Mr. Smiley?
Dalton: Mr. Smiley?
Dell: Yeah. You’ve had this idiot grin since I walked in. So, are you happy? Are you stupid? Or get punched in the face too many times?
Dalton: Honestly, it’s probably the punching thing.
Dalton: Before we start, do you have insurance?
Dell: What?
Dalton: Like you have medical insurance? Is your coverage good? Like, you have dental?
Dell: Oh. Ha-ha. Yeah. I’m not the one that’s going to f***ing need it.
Desk Nurse: Is that one a friend of yours?
Dalton: No, I just broke his arm.
Ellie: Before you go, I really wanted to say thank you for all the new patients.
Dalton: You’re welcome.
Ellie: [to Dalton] I just love when my ER’s packed full of irresponsible idiots. That way, the normal people with real emergencies have nowhere to go. But that’s not something you’d care about, being a rage-filled d**khead who likes to hurt people for fun.
Dalton: Well, technically, I hurt people for money.
Ellie: And how is that better?
Dalton: I guess it’s not. I’m just clarifying.
Vince: Hey, what are you whittling?
Outlaw Chad: A stick.
Vince: Yeah, but what’s it going to be?
Outlaw Chad: A smaller stick.
Frankie: Imagine having a drink right there with somebody special, you know? Hell, you could even get married here. Divorced too. Then you can come back and drown your sorrows. I mean, it’s a whole “circle of life” thing.
Dalton: Oh. That’s one hell of a sales pitch.
Dalton: Isn’t roadhouse one word?
Frankie: Yeah, that’s the joke. It’s a roadhouse. But it’s called the Road House. Get it?
Dalton: Still unresolved.
Charlie: And I have some good news. I found your life story.
Dalton: I don’t know if that’s good news.
'S**t happens. Only here, it always happens on a beautiful day.' - Charlie (Road House) Share on X
Ben Brandt: Glad you’re here. Because if you’re here, that means you’re not somewhere else f***ing s**t up.
Ben Brandt: Can someone just tell me or remind me whose idea was it to hire these dumb f***s in the first place?
Sam: Yours, boss.
Moe: [referring to Dalton] He acts all nice and s**t, like he’s Mister Rogers or something. But then, man, he hauls off, he hauls off. He beats the living s**t out of you. So, really interesting guy overall.
Ben Brandt: That was a brilliant analysis.
Drunk Dude: Hey! One for the road.
Laura: Yeah, I think even the road is drunk at this point.
Dalton: People seem a little aggressive around here.
Charlie: This is kind of sounding more like a mystery-western instead of a straight-up shooting-western. Know what I mean?
Dalton: Yeah, it kind of is.
Ellie: They’re not going to find that guy’s body. Crocs hide their food.
Dalton: Do they teach that in kindergarten around here?
Dalton: You’re a nice person. You don’t want to know me.
Ellie: Don’t tell me what I want. You think we don’t have the Internet out here? I know what happened. And you know this is a date.
Knox: [to Brandt] Your da says you’ve been f***ing things up. He asked me to lend a hand.
Knox: Once Knox is on the job, it’s over, baby. It’s just a matter of when.
Dalton: Most people call me Dalton, sir.
Sheriff: Most people call me Big D**k.
Dalton: I’m not going to do that.
Sheriff: We’ll find you someday. Likely, the very same day you get shanked in the yard. That way, it will be ironic. It will make a good song.
Dalton: Elwood doesn’t really rhyme with much, but I mean, if it’s a catchy tune.
Ben Brandt: I get the impression that you can’t be threatened. I wish you could be, but I’d even bribe you, if I thought money would work.
Dalton: Really? How much we talking?
Ben Brandt: [to Dalton] It can’t be just some competitive thing. You’ve won the fight. You can back off now. But you don’t. You just keep punching, and punching, and punching. So, why? Why don’t you just stop?
Frankie: [to Brandt] Hey, nice suit. You look like a s**tty pimp on Easter.
Knox: [as he starts smashing the bar] Hey, fellas. Looks like you’re having a smashing night!
'I've got a tip for you. Don't let no one get this close.' - Knox (Road House) Share on X
Frankie: They scared you off? Are you really that afraid?
Dalton: Yes, I am afraid. More than you could ever understand.
Dalton: You know, it’s strange. Somebody else asked me if I was afraid today. I am afraid. I’m afraid of what happens when somebody pushes me too far. Somebody just like you. Because I know what happens next.
Dalton: It takes a lot to get me angry, but when I am, I just can’t let go.
Dalton: When you’ve been fighting as long as I have, you know the power of a concussion.
Knox: Lookie here. Our own little octagon.
Dalton: What? Who taught you shapes?
Ben Brandt: Everything I f***ing worked for, all gone because of a f***ing bouncer!
Knox: [to Dalton] You going to kill me now? I thought we had to be friends first.
Charlie: So, this is it? You’re just going to ride off into the sunset?
Dalton: That’s always how the story ends, right?
Charlie: No, not always. Sometimes the hero stays and makes his own little homestead.
Dalton: I don’t think I’m the hero in this particular story, Charlie.
Charlie: So, maybe you’re not the hero. I got news for you. You ain’t the villain either.