Starring: Jon Hamm, Jeremy Renner, Ed Helms, Jake Johnson, Hannibal Buress, Annabelle Wallis, Isla Fisher, Rashida Jones, Leslie Bibb, Brian Dennehy
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Comedy directed by Jeff Tomsic based on a true story. Tag centers on a group of ex-classmates (Jon Hamm, Jeremy Renner, Ed Helms, Jake Johnson and Hannibal Buress) who one month every year hit the ground running for a no-holds-barred game of tag, risking their necks, their jobs and their relationships to take one another down. This time, the game coincides with the wedding of the only undefeated player. What should be an easy target soon becomes an all-out war as he knows they’re coming to get him.
Our Favorite Quote:'We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.' - Hogan 'Hoagie' Malloy (Tag) Click To Tweet
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: Someone once said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” When you’re a kid, you can’t imagine having any other group of friends. You think you’re going to be buddies forever. Of course, for most people, that just doesn’t happen. But my friends and I, we figured out a way around that. We just never stopped playing. And I like to think that simple thing, playing a game, is what made me the man I am today.
Pastor: Susan, do you take Jerry to be your husband.
Kevin Sable: [as they’re watching the ceremony] What’s the difference between Episcopalian and Lutheran?
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: Episcopalians don’t eat fish.
Kevin Sable: That’s pescatarian, that’s not a religion.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: They’re all fanatics, I don’t know.
Pastor: You may kiss the bride.
[as Jerry and Susan are about to kiss, Hoagie runs towards them, lunges at Jerry to tag him, but Jerry steps aside]
Rebecca Crosby: Please tell me what’s going on here?
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: Our group of friends has been playing the same game of tag for thirty years.
Rebecca Crosby: What?
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: For the entire month of May every year we play tag, and you never know when someone’s going to pop up. Our buddy, Jerry, he’s the best that ever played, and now he wants to retire. This is the year we get Jerry.
Jerry Pierce: Never been tagged, just saying.
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: Synchronize your watches.
Bob Callahan: I don’t know how to do that.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: I don’t wear a watch.
Kevin Sable: Time is a construct.
Anna Malloy: Some couples go on cruises. Some couples go camping. Some couple go to strip clubs and have gang bangs. And this is just what we love, this is our gang bang.
Cheryl Deakins: Wow.
Rebecca Crosby: It seems like the game has really kept you guys connected.
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: This game has given us a reason to be in each other’s lives.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: [at Hoagie’s father’s funeral] I think your dad would want you to be…
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: [touches Hoagie on his shoulder] Tagged.
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: [reading Jerry’s note] Eat my d**k.
Bob Callahan: My d**k. Balls.
Kevin Sable: No. Butt. Ice cream.
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: What?
Kevin Sable: He knows I’m lactose intolerant, he’s taunting me.
Doctor Yuen: [referring to Hoagie ] He’s still unconscious, but he’s stable. He really should never have been this active given his condition. You can see him when he wakes up.
Bob Callahan: Thanks.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: [as the doctor turns to walk away] I got this. Excuse me, Doctor. Hey, how are you?
Doctor Yuen: Yeah.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: [looks at the doctor’s badge] Dr. Yuen, is it?
Doctor Yuen: Yes.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: How do you spell that?
Doctor Yuen: You’re looking right at it.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: I know, but I’m just asking you.
Doctor Yuen: What exactly are you asking me?
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: My friends and I do this thing, it’s this really weird game. Is there any chance this is all fake, that you could just tell me. I won’t tell the others. Is this fake?
Doctor Yuen: This hospital?
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: The whole thing, yeah. Is it fake?
Doctor Yuen: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: He told you to say that, right?
Doctor Yuen: Look, I got to prep for surgery.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: Will you just do me one quick favor? Could you recite the Hippocratic Oath for me?
Doctor Yuen: That’s not a thing doctors memorize.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: Still unsure.
Randy: [to Jerry] Yeah, you’re really good at tag.
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: Yes, but you’ve kind of missed the point. I mean, it’s not about trying to get away from each other. It’s actually about having a reason to be around each other. You know?
Jerry Pierce: Yeah.
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: I mean, Ben Franklin said it best. Am I right? “We don’t stop playing because we grow old…”
Hoagie, Randy, Anna, Bob: “We grow old because we stop playing.”