The Upside Best Quotes – ‘You are not qualified for this position.’

Starring: Kevin Hart, Bryan Cranston, Nicole Kidman, Genevieve Angelson, Aja Naomi King, Julianna Margulies, Rachel Alana Handler, Tate Donovan, Mac Brandt, Amara Karan, Omi Vaidya, Golshifteh Farahani

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

Comedy drama English language remake of the French film, The Intouchables. Directed by Neil Burger, based on a true story, which follows wealthy paraplegic, Phillip Lacasse (Bryan Cranston), who strikes up an unlikely friendship with a recently paroled convict, Dell Scott (Kevin Hart), in need of a job and a fresh start. From worlds apart, Phillip and Dell form an unlikely bond, bridging their differences and gaining invaluable wisdom in the process.

Our Favorite Quote:

Best Quotes  (Total Quotes: 34)

Parole Officer: Where are the signatures?
Dell Scott: I’ve been looking, trust me.
Parole Officer: I’m not paid to trust you. Do you want to go back to prison?
Dell Scott: I didn’t belong in prison.
Parole Officer: You need to prove you’re looking for work.
Dell Scott: I am. It’s just that the leads that the computer keeps choosing for me, they’re not for me. The computer don’t know me. You don’t know me.
Parole Officer: Well, I know you, Mr. Scott, and you need three signatures by tomorrow, or you can tell it to the judge.

[being interviewed]
Fast Food Manager: What does great customer service mean to you?
Dell Scott: Doing the right thing. I don’t know.
Fast Food Manager: Tell me about a time when you worked hard to solve a problem.
Dell Scott: This morning, getting up.
Fast Food Manager: Do you even want to work here?
Dell Scott: I just need a signature.

[interviewing for carers for Phillip]
‘This Ability’ Applicant: I don’t hear disability. I hear “this ability”.

[interviewing for carers for Phillip]
New Age Applicant: Let me be your hands, and your arms, and your legs. Allow the space where you begin, and I end, to be both infinite and infinitesimal.
Yvonne Pendleton: I love that.
[she looks over to Phillip, who just stares at her]
Yvonne Pendleton: Alright.

[interviewing for carers for Phillip]
Applicant with the Book: Your book changed me. So I figured, even if I don’t get the position, I could get an autograph.
Philip Lacasse: How would you get an autograph?

[Dell shows up at the carer interview for Philip]
Yvonne Pendleton: You need to wait your turn.
Dell Scott: All I need is a John Hancock. Ain’t going to take you but a second, lady.
Yvonne Pendleton: Are you delivering something?
Dell Scott: Yeah, employment papers. I just got to have somebody sign it. It’s got to be like a manager, or the owner.
[to the man sitting on the couch]
Dell Scott: Is that you? No, it ain’t you.
[looking over to Philip]
Dell Scott: Is that you, boss?
Philip Lacasse: Yes.
Dell Scott: Fantastic, man.
[walks over to Philip]
Dell Scott: Just sign this for me, please.
Philip Lacasse: How would I sign it?
Dell Scott: I don’t know. Slowly?
[Yvonne gasps, Philip chuckles]
Dell Scott: What? Don’t your arms work?
Philip Lacasse: They don’t.
Dell Scott: Damn.

Philip Lacasse: Okay.
Dell Scott: Okay?
Philip Lacasse: Okay, I’m offering you the position.
Yvonne Pendleton: What? Philip, what are you doing?
Philip Lacasse: I’m offering him the position. So?
Dell Scott: I don’t want to be your janitor, man.
Philip Lacasse: Janitor? No, no. We’re hiring a life auxiliary.
Dell Scott: A what? What is that?
Yvonne Pendleton: He doesn’t even know what he’s applying for, Philip.
Philip Lacasse: I need assistance. My arms don’t work, as you so astutely noted. Nor do my legs. I can only move my neck.
Dell Scott: You can move your mouth.
Philip Lacasse: As can you.
Dell Scott: So what’s that mean? I got to carry you around or something?
Philip Lacasse: You’d have to transfer me to the chair, to my bed, to the car. There would be some travel, if that interests you.
Dell Scott: It don’t. I travel enough as it is. It took me an hour just to get here.

Dell Scott: Look, I think your plantation is bananas. But unfortunately, I don’t want to be nobody’s servant. So how about you just sign my paperwork, and I’ll think about your offer, okay?
Philip Lacasse: Well, we can’t sign papers saying that you’re looking for work if you’re going to turn down the work I offered.
[referring to Yvonne]
Dell Scott: Alright, I know you can’t, but how about your boo?
Philip Lacasse: My boo? Yvonne is not my boo.
Yvonne Pendleton: No.
Philip Lacasse: Are you, Yvonne? Are you my boo?
Yvonne Pendleton: No, I’m not your boo.
Philip Lacasse: No. Alright. So listen, why don’t you take the night and think it over? Come back tomorrow morning ready for work, or we’ll sign the papers.
[Dell huffs in frustration]
Philip Lacasse: I won’t show you out.
Dell Scott: Yeah. Don’t you get up.

Yvonne Pendleton: Good morning, Mr. Scott.
Dell Scott: Ain’t it?
Yvonne Pendleton: I can sign your paperwork.
Dell Scott: There’s no need. I’m going to take the gig.
Yvonne Pendleton: Wouldn’t it be better if I just signed your papers? You are not qualified for this position. You have never done it before.
Dell Scott: Look, does he want me or not?
Yvonne Pendleton: Yes, he does
Dell Scott: Alright, so good.

Dell Scott: How much does it pay?
[she holds out a paper to show him the information]
Dell Scott: Is that a month?
Yvonne Pendleton: Per week.
Dell Scott: Alright. Well, I can live with that, if you throw in a MetroCard. Unlimited.
Yvonne Pendleton: A MetroCard?
Dell Scott: I got to get here, don’t I?
Yvonne Pendleton: Mr. Scott, this is a live-in position.

Dell Scott: You as rich as Jay-Z?
Philip Lacasse: No. Richer.
Dell Scott: Jeez.
Philip Lacasse: Money doesn’t buy you everything.
[Maggie enters the room]
Dell Scott: Hey, look like it does to me.

Maggie: Have you ever changed a catheter?
Dell Scott: No.
Maggie: It’s not hard.
Dell Scott: It better not be.
Philip Lacasse: Oh. Sorry, this is your sensitive side?
[Maggie starts to demonstrate changing Philip’s catheter]
Maggie: You just slowly…
[we hear the catheter snapping]
Dell Scott: Ooh!
Maggie: …pull it out.
Dell Scott: Ooh! Oh.
Maggie: And the new one…
Dell Scott: Oh, man.
Maggie: …goes right back in. You pinch the head, and insert. Then you feed it in.
[Dell winces as he watches]
Philip Lacasse: I can’t feel it.
Dell Scott: Well, I can.

Dell Scott: You want to feed your soul? Then listen to its queen. Think about it. Yeah.
[starts singing Aretha Franklin’s “Think”]
Dell Scott: You better think, think. Think about what you’re trying to do to me. Think, think. It’s amazing, ain’t it? I sound just like her.
Philip Lacasse: [sarcastically] Yeah. When I close my eyes, which I needed to, it’s uncanny. It’s like identity theft.

Dell Scott: Which car is yours?
Philip Lacasse: All of these to the right.
Dell Scott: All of these?
Philip Lacasse: Yes, but we’re selling them.
Dell Scott: Oh, my God.
Philip Lacasse: We use this van now.
Dell Scott: I’m not putting you in no paddy wagon unless you’re drunk. You drunk?
Philip Lacasse: Just on your positive attitude.
Dell Scott: You want positive? Then I’m not putting you in no big-ass negative.
[Dell walks over the cars]
Dell Scott: Goddamn.
Philip Lacasse: They’re not practical.
Dell Scott: Exactly!

[after Philip buys a painting for eighty thousand dollars]
Dell Scott: Eighty thousand dollars? Do you know what I could do with eighty thousand dollars? Who I could do with eighty thousand dollars?
Philip Lacasse: Okay, but how do you put a price on a creative work? You pay to show it has a value to you. I own a collection of first edition novels. Books I read as a child. Signed by the authors. That was a gift from my wife. One for each year that we were together. How much would I pay for those? I really couldn’t say.

[as Dell is about to change Philip’s catheter]
Philip Lacasse: Look, Dell, just find something you love doing. And then find a way to scale it. I mean, what are you really good at?
Dell Scott: Well, it’s clearly not this.

Dell Scott: [to Philip] I’m telling you, P, you can have any girl you want, man. You’re rich and you’re available. What about this lady right here with all the Botox? Y’all would be perfect for each other. You can’t move your body and she can’t move her face.

[dictating to Yvonne a poem for Lily]
Philip Lacasse: “I would spread the cloths under your feet. But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”
[Dell laughs]
Philip Lacasse: What?
Dell Scott: P, I hate to break it to you, but you ain’t poor.
Philip Lacasse: I’m quoting Yeats, a famous poet.
Dell Scott: I know who she is. Why don’t you write Lily your own poem? Hm? Like, one using your words.
Philip Lacasse: Oh, I am not a poet.
Dell Scott: What you talking about? Everybody’s a poet.

[referring to his painting]
Dell Scott: What do you think? Come on.
Charlotte: Well, I’m not saying I’d hang it, but there’s something…
Maggie: Something very passionate.
Jack: Almost post-postmodern.
Doorman: I like the dog.
Philip Lacasse: It’s unexpected. And I say that with admiration.
Dell Scott: Who knows, man? I might be the next, the next Baskwat. Life is crazy.
[Dell walks off]

[referring to Dell’s painting]
Yvonne Pendleton: You can’t be serious.
Philip Lacasse: Well, it may not be your cup of tea, or mine…
Yvonne Pendleton: Or even in the tea family.
Philip Lacasse: But the important thing is to see and encourage potential. Don’t you see potential here?
[Yvonne nods and they both smile]

Philip Lacasse: I specifically said, “Nothing for my birthday.”
Yvonne Pendleton: I didn’t, I… Everybody wanted to do something, and I just thought that…
Philip Lacasse: Yvonne, there are very few things in my life I can control. And you know that. My time and the people I choose to share it with are at the top of my list.
Yvonne Pendleton: I know. I’m sorry. I’m going to tell them that they all should leave.

Philip Lacasse: Did you know about this? Huh?
Dell Scott: I’m sorry, P. I’m sorry you got to have a surprise party in your huge mansion. You got to get a bunch of expensive gifts from your rich friends. I’m sorry that you got a thoughtful executive. Some of us got real problems. I’m fighting to see my son.
Philip Lacasse: Oh. I’m sorry, D. Is a single afternoon with your son not enough to repair the years of neglect?
Dell Scott: Watch your mouth, man.
Philip Lacasse: And whose fault is it that you can’t see him?
Dell Scott: Screw you. And screw your damn privilege, man. And your attitude, man.
[he starts smashing things in the room]

Dell Scott: Are you mad? You mad, P?
[Philip looks over to a bottle of wine]
Dell Scott: What? You want to break this? You want to break Carter’s bottle of wine? Huh? You want to break this big-ass bottle of wine?
Philip Lacasse: Yes!
[Dells smashes the bottle of wine]
Dell Scott: What else you want to do, P? Hm?
[Philip looks over to a vase full of flowers]
Dell Scott: You want this, right here?
[Dell picks it up and smashes it on the ground]
Philip Lacasse: The bull. I’ve always hated that.
[Dell picks up the bull statue and smashes it]
Philip Lacasse: The portrait.
[Dell grabs a portrait]
Philip Lacasse: No, no! Not that one.
[Dell points to another portrait]
Dell Scott: This one?
Philip Lacasse: No.
Dell Scott: This one, right here?
Philip Lacasse: No!
Dell Scott: Which one?
Philip Lacasse: The one behind you.
Dell Scott: This one?
Philip Lacasse: Yes.
[Dell picks it up and smashes it]

[referring to the portrait he just smashed for Philip]
Dell Scott: He a relative?
Philip Lacasse: [laughs] It’s a she.
Dell Scott: Are you sure that this is a she?
Philip Lacasse: That’s Jenny’s Aunt Winnie. It’s actually a very flattering portrait of her too.
[Yvonne enters the room]
Yvonne Pendleton: What…
[she sees the mess in the room]
Philip Lacasse: Dell made a mess.

Carter: How well do you know Dell Scott?
Philip Lacasse: Why?
Carter: Well, I can e-mail this to you.
[holds up his phone to show Philip Dell’s police record]
Philip Lacasse: No, I know about his past. I’m more interested in his present.
Carter: Philip, I get it. Second chances. But how many chances has this man had? He’s done real time. And you have him working in a building we all live in.
Philip Lacasse: Which is my right.
Carter: Just think about what I’m saying. We all got to live here.

[referring to Dell’s painting]
Carter: Is this new?
Philip Lacasse: Yes. Yes, I just acquired it.
Carter: Who’s the artist?
Philip Lacasse: He goes by various names.
Carter: Is it a Banksy?
Philip Lacasse: Oh, we don’t really know, do we? You know what the Doberman represents?
Carter: Well, obviously.
Philip Lacasse: Yeah, we’ve tried it all over. I mean, everybody loves it, of course, but it has to speak to you. It has to say, “I belong here.”
Carter: Mm. Yeah.
Philip Lacasse: Yeah. We’ll probably auction it. I just hate the fees they take.
Carter: Well, all they care about is the money. Do you think it’ll appreciate?
Philip Lacasse: I think there’s no telling what it could be worth, Carter.

[referring to Lily]
Philip Lacasse: I can’t believe that you talked me into seeing her.
Dell Scott: I called her. That’s it. That’s all I did.
Philip Lacasse: Mm-hmm.
Dell Scott: I was going to hang up the phone. You chose to speak to her. I didn’t hold a gun up to your head.
Philip Lacasse: Oh. Well, although, I gather you’ve had some experience doing that. Given your concealed weapon charge.
Dell Scott: So we’re going back to my record, now?
Philip Lacasse: You know what? I wanted to engage Lily on my terms, and you took that from me.
Dell Scott: I took it? Because I’m a thief, right?
Philip Lacasse: Well, aren’t you?
Dell Scott: You know, that’s my past, and I will own that. I got no problem with that. But I’m moving forward. What about you, P? Hm?
Philip Lacasse: Yeah, I’m moving forward too.
Dell Scott: Are you?
Philip Lacasse: Yeah. With this. Get out. You’re fired.
Dell Scott: I’m what?
Philip Lacasse: I’m letting you go. Alright?
[Dell turns and leaves]

[as they are paragliding]
Philip Lacasse: Just relax!
Dell Scott: I am relaxed! This is me being relaxed!

Dell Scott: Hey, it’s time to let the beard go.
Philip Lacasse: Why?
Dell Scott: Just trust me on this one.

[we see Dell shaving Philip’s beard, then turns his chair to look in the mirror]
Dell Scott: Talk to me. Talk to me.
Philip Lacasse: I look like a…
Dell Scott: A porn star.

[after shaving more of Philip’s beard off]
Dell Scott: Oh, that’s the one.
Philip Lacasse: Let me see. Let me see.
Dell Scott: Oh, this is the one right here.
Philip Lacasse: Let me see.
[Dell turns Philip’s chair to look in the mirror]
Dell Scott: That’s the one.
Philip Lacasse: I’m badass!
Dell Scott: Yeah, I was tired of you looking like a bitch.
[Philip is then looking in the mirror with a tiny pert mustache]
Dell Scott: No. No, that’s not it.
[speaking in a British accent]
Philip Lacasse: Hello, there.
Dell Scott: I know what to do. Let me see.

[next we see Philip with a Charlie Chaplin mustache]
Philip Lacasse: Is it Chaplin?
Dell Scott: No.
Philip Lacasse: It’s Charlie Chaplin.
[Dell combs down Philip’s hair]
Philip Lacasse: No, no, no!
[they both start laughing]
Philip Lacasse: Oh, that is terrible.

[after finally shaving off all of Philip’s bear and mustache]
Dell Scott: Oh, there he is.
Philip Lacasse: Yeah.
Dell Scott: Who’s that guy?
Philip Lacasse: I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a while.

[last lines]
Dell Scott: Alright. How you feeling, P?
Philip Lacasse: Good. Very good.
Dell Scott: Well, hold on, because the best is yet to come.
[Dell leaves, then Yvonne touches Philip’s shoulder and sits opposite him]
Yvonne Pendleton: Hi.
[they look at each other]
Philip Lacasse: Hi. I missed you.
[as Dell leaves he watches the two of them reunite, he then returns home to his ex-wife and son]

Total Quotes: 34

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