Our list of the best quotes from Disney+’s MCU series, WandaVision, based on the characters Wanda Maximoff and Vision blended in the style of classic sitcoms. Set after the events of Avengers: Endgame (2019), we follow Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) and Vision (Paul Bettany), who are living the ideal suburban life in the town of Westview, trying to conceal their powers. As they begin to enter new decades and encounter television tropes, the couple suspects that things are not as they seem.'You are my sadness, and my hope. But mostly, you're my love.' - Wanda Maximoff (WandaVision) Click To Tweet
1. Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience
Vision: My wife and her flying saucers.
Wanda Maximoff: My husband and his indestructible head.
Vision: Aren’t we a fine pair?
Wanda Maximoff: What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee?
Vision: I say, “Oh, I don’t eat food.”
Wanda Maximoff: Well, that explains the empty refrigerator.
Vision: Someone’s drawn a little heart right above today’s date.
Wanda Maximoff: Oh, yes, the heart. Well, don’t tell me you have forgotten, Vis.
Vision: Forgotten? Oh, Wanda, I’m incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. That’s not an exaggeration. In fact, I’m incapable of exaggeration.
Wanda Maximoff: Well, then tell me what’s so important about today’s date.
Vision: What was the question again? Oh, well, perhaps, you’ve forgotten yourself.
Wanda Maximoff: Me? Heavens, no. I’ve been so looking forward to it.
Vision: As have I. Today, we are celebrating.
Wanda Maximoff: You bet we are. It’s the first time we have ever celebrated this occasion before.
Vision: It’s a special day.
Wanda Maximoff: Perhaps an evening.
Vision: Of great significance.
Wanda Maximoff: To us both!
2. Don’t Touch That Dial
Wanda Maximoff: What do you see?
Vision: Only your lovely rose bushes.
Wanda Maximoff: That’s all? Are you using your night vision, Vision?
Vision: I assure you, my love, I see nothing amiss. You have absolutely no reason to be frightened…
Wanda Maximoff: [Vision yelps as they hear the loud thudding noise] You were saying?
Vision: Actually, I did overhear a couple of lads at work remarking on a few unsavory characters settling in the neighborhood. Now, who knows what those ne’er-do-wells might be up to? Robbing houses, vandalizing property.
Wanda Maximoff: Walking through walls, moving objects without touching them.
Vision: Wanda, darling, you can’t be suggesting my colleagues were referring to us.
Wanda Maximoff: Darling, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season, and it’s our neighborly duty to participate. Plus, it’s our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so.
Vision: [points to his face] Well, I don’t think that should be a problem.
Wanda Maximoff: This is our home now. I want us to fit in.
Vision: [holds up a glittery glamorous leotard] Oh, darling, we do. We shall. And we’re going to knock their socks off. Especially, with you wearing this.
Wanda Maximoff: Oh, that’s actually the rest of your costume.
Vision: Would you look at us? Wanda and Vision, Westview fitter-inners.
3. Now in Color
Doctor Nielsen: Yep! Definitely pregnant.
Wanda Maximoff: Well, that much we figured.
Vision: It’s just kind of taken us by surprise. It’s just kind of suddenly. Quite suddenly, wasn’t it? I mean, practically overnight. I mean, how did this happen?
Doctor Nielsen: You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much…
Wanda Maximoff: Well, we’re just tickled pink, or blue.
Doctor Nielsen: You’re at about four months now. Is that right?
[Wanda nods, Vision shakes his head, they look at each other and Vision nods with Wanda]
Doctor Nielsen: I thought as much. We let the little ladies keep tabs on their growing babies with fruit. Makes it simple for them. At four months, the fetus is about as big as a pear. At five months, a papaya. Six, grapefruit. Seven, pineapple. Eight, honeydew.
Vision: Hypothetically speaking, what size fruit would it be at, say, twelve hours?
Doctor Nielsen: Pardon? Twelve hours?
Wanda Maximoff: Well, I think this line of questioning is fruitless.
Vision: Well, hypothetically speaking, should we be concerned?
Doctor Nielsen: Hypothetically speaking, every new father-to-be gets nervous.
Vision: Well, I have nerves of steel, so there goes your theory, Mr. Doctor…
Wanda Maximoff: Vision, why don’t you see the doctor out?
Vision: I can’t wait to be a proud papaya.
4. We Interrupt This Program
Dr. Highland: [after we see Monica returning from The Blip] Maria died three years ago.
Monica Rambeau: Three? No. No. No, no.
Dr. Highland: Which was two years after you…
Monica Rambeau: After I what? After I what?
Dr. Highland: After you disappeared.
Director Hayward: Captain Monica Rambeau.
Monica Rambeau: Director Tyler Hayward.
Director Hayward: Acting Director. You haven’t aged a day.
Monica Rambeau: And you look old as hell.
Director Hayward: The world’s not the same as you left it. Space is now full of unexpected threats.
Monica Rambeau: Always was full of threats. And allies.
Director Hayward: Listen, Monica, I just want to acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. I know SWORD’s your home. Your mom built this place from the ground up. You grew up here. You should have been here to help name the replacement.
Monica Rambeau: You were the obvious choice.
Director Hayward: I was the only choice.
Monica Rambeau: I wasn’t going to say it.
5. On a Very Special Episode…
Wanda Maximoff: If you go to sleep, I promise you will be my favorite twin.
Vision: Oh, come on now, darling. You know we love them both equally.
Wanda Maximoff: Well, don’t tell him that.
Wanda Maximoff: No luck with Billy?
Vision: Tried reading to him, but for some reason, Charles Darwin’s The Descent of Man made him cry even harder.
Vision: [as he quickly changes to his human form] Agnes, I was just fluffing this pillow. With my face.
Agnes: Oh, I was just on my way to Jazzercise when I heard your new little bundles of joy were on a sleep strike.
Vision: Oh? Who told you that?
Agnes: My ears.
Vision: [referring to their baby cribs] They’re empty.
Wanda Maximoff: Then where are the twins?
Tommy, Billy Maximoff: [we see the twins have aged] Mommy? Daddy?
Agnes: Kids. You can’t control them. No matter how hard you try.
Director Hayward: What’s the first thing you do remember?
Monica Rambeau: Pain. And then, Wanda’s voice in my head.
Director Hayward: Did you try to resist?
Monica Rambeau: There was this feeling keeping me down. This hopeless feeling. Like drowning. It was grief.
6. All-New Halloween Spooktacular!
Billy Maximoff: Halloween’s a magical holiday. All about family, friends, and the thrill of getting to be someone else for a day.
Tommy Maximoff: Wrong! Halloween’s about candy. And scaring people, but mostly candy.
Billy Maximoff: Where’s your costume, Tommy?
Tommy Maximoff: This is my costume. I’m the cool twin.
Billy Maximoff: What does that make me?
Tommy Maximoff: A dorksaurus rex.
Billy Maximoff: Not a real dinosaur.
Tommy Maximoff: [referring to Pietro] Man. He even snores cool.
Billy Maximoff: Woh, mom. Are you old Red Riding Hood?
Wanda Maximoff: I’m a Sokovian fortune teller.
Pietro Maximoff: Wow. That is so…
Tommy Maximoff: Rad.
Pietro Maximoff: Lame.
Billy Maximoff: Mom has been weird since Uncle Pietro got here. I think it’s because she hasn’t seen him in a long time. And he’s what you call, “a man child”.
7. Breaking the Fourth Wall
Wanda Maximoff: Look, we’ve all been there, right? Letting our fear and anger get the best of us. Intentionally expanding the borders of the false world we created.
Billy Maximoff: Mom, my head feels weird. It’s like really noisy. I don’t like it.
Wanda Maximoff: As punishment for my reckless evening, I plan on taking a quarantine style staycation. A whole day, just to myself. That’ll show me.
Wanda Maximoff: [referring to the milk carton constantly changing] Yeah, I’m not sure what that’s about. It’s probably just a case of the Mondays. Am I right?
The Strongman: [after Vision becomes conscious near a circus] You’re the new clown? At least you’re already in makeup. You’re late for rehearsal with the escape artist.
Darcy Lewis: Yeah, I’m not great at this gig, I got to be honest. It doesn’t really speak to my skill set. I put in for the bearded lady, but this alabaster complexion wasn’t fooling anyone.
Evanora Harkness: [Salem, 1693] Agatha Harkness, are you a witch?
Agatha Harkness: Yes. I am a witch.
Evanora Harkness: Yet you have betrayed your coven.
Agatha Harkness: I have not!
Evanora Harkness: You stole knowledge above your age and station. You practice the darkest of magic.
Agatha Harkness: I know nothing of these crimes. I swear it!
Evanora Harkness: Enough deception!
Agatha Harkness: I did not break your rules. They simply bent to my power.
Agatha Harkness: [after she’s drained the life from the other witches] Please, I can be good.
Evanora Harkness: No, you cannot.
Agatha Harkness: [referring to Wanda] She does look shocked to meet the real us, doesn’t she? Oh. That’s adorable. My thoughts are not available to you, toots. They never, ever were. So don’t go giving yourself a migraine.
Agatha Harkness: [to Wanda] I take power from the undeserving. It’s kind of my thing.
Agatha Harkness: [to Wanda] You’re clearly in over your little red head. So why don’t you surrender your magic to someone who knows what to do with it? And I’ll let you keep this pathetic little corner of the world all to yourself. What do you say?
Wanda Maximoff: [as she sees White Vision] Vision? Is it really you?
White Vision: Wanda.
Vision: [after he’s saved Wanda from being killed by White Vision] Where are the boys?
Wanda Maximoff: They’re in the house. Safe. Vision, I should’ve told you everything. The moment I realized what I had done.
Vision: It’s alright, Wanda. I know why you made this world, but this…
Wanda Maximoff: I can fix it.
Vision: Can you?
Agatha Harkness: Oh, this is awkward. Your ex and your boyfriend together at the same party. Who are you going to choose, Wanda?