What's Your Number Quotes: By the Numbers Rom-Com

(Total Quotes: 85)

MOVIE INFO.

Directed by: Mark Mylod
Written by:
Gabrielle Allan (screenplay)
Jennifer Crittenden (screenplay)
Karyn Bosnak (novel “20 Times a Lady”)
Starring:
Anna Faris – Ally Darling
Chris Evans – Colin Shea
Ari Graynor – Daisy Darling
Blythe Danner – Ava Darling
Ed Begley Jr. – Mr. Darling
Joel McHale – Roger the Boss
Zachary Quinto – Rick
Martin Freeman – Simon
Andy Samberg – Gerry Perry
Anthony Mackie – Tom Piper
Oliver Jackson-Cohen – Eddie Vogel
Thomas Lennon – Dr. Barrett Ingold
Mike Vogel – Dave Hansen
Chris Pratt – Disgusting Donald
Dave Annable – Jake Adams
Aziz Ansari – Jay
Eliza Coupe – Sheila
Heather Burns – Eileen

OUR REVIEW & RATING ★★☆☆☆

What’s Your Number quotes is a prime example of romantic comedy by the numbers. The story is your standard run-of-the-mill, two unlikely strangers meet, become friends and get closer until they realize that the right one was right there in front of them all along, this is all being played out under the plot line of after a young woman having hit her limit at 19 partners decides to track down the men she slept with in the hopes that she overlooked the guy that could have been “the one”.

The jokes are mostly crude and unsophisticated but provide just about enough entertainment. The lead players are both likeable with good chemistry between them, but the main perk was Chris Evans ‘Captain America physique’ being exposed to us at every opportunity, which is probably about the only thing that can tempt you to watch to the end!

Verdict: There’s no surprises here and best saved for a rainy day when you’ve got nothing else to do.

What’s Your Number? Quotes Page 1 2 THE NOVEL

[first lines; after Ally wakes up early, makes herself up and goes back to bed pretending to wake up at the same time as her boyfriend]
Rick: How come you always look so great in the morning?
Ally Darling: Do I?
[Rick rolls over and goes back to sleep]

[as Ally serves Rick breakfast]
Ally Darling: Hey, so I was thinking that maybe you’d wanna be my date to my sister’s wedding. There’s a vegetarian alternative, I already checked.
Rick: Are your parents gonna be there?
Ally Darling: At my sister’s wedding? I think so.
Rick: I don’t know, it just feels a little serious.
Ally Darling: Oh, I’m sorry. It just, um…felt kind of serious last night when you were doing me from behind, but I couldn’t see your face, so.

Rick: You know, if you just wanna hook up, just call me.
Ally Darling: Oh, thank you, Rick. That’s very generous of you.
[Rick turns to leave]
Rick: See you around.
[he turns back to face her again]
Rick: Keep it green.

[Ally is talking to her sister on the phone whilst walking to work]
Daisy Darling: I could have you it wasn’t gonna work out with Rick two months ago.
Ally Darling: Why?
Daisy Darling: You love meat, you hate cyclists.
Ally Darling: I do love meat.
Daisy Darling: And to be honest, I was a little worried about the way he kept wanting to do it doggy style.
Ally Darling: Some people like that, you know?
Daisy Darling: No, nobody likes it. Even the dogs are just waiting for it to be over.
Ally Darling: How many relationships do I have to have before I meet the right guy?
Daisy Darling: Uh…evidently a lot.

[at work, Ally is called into her boss’ office]
Roger: Sweetheart, we have to let you go. I’m sorry, but, uh…we had to make some painful cuts.
Ally Darling: Who else is getting fired?
Roger: Well, for now, just you.

[after getting fired, Ally is riding home on the subway, she reads a magazine article stating the average woman has 10.5 sexual partners in their lifetime]
Ally Darling: Ten point five? Holy shit!
[the woman sat next to her looks at her as makes this outburst]
Ally Darling: I’m sorry. It…it just says here, the average number of lovers women have in their lifetime is ten point five.
Plant Lady: Yeah, that seems very high.
Ally Darling: High? No, that’s low! Ten point five is low!
Plant Lady: Whatever you say.
[Ally looks freaked out and starts making a list of all of the guys she has slept with]

[Ally arrives at her sister’s pre-wedding party]
Ava Darling: Where is Rick?
Ally Darling: Rick’s on a business trip, for his business.
Ava Darling: Nuts, I was looking forward to finally meeting him. Why aren’t you wearing the dress I bought you?
Ally Darling: This is the dress you bought me.
Ava Darling: What? It looked very different on the mannequin.
Ally Darling: Is Daisy upstairs?
Ava Darling: Yeah, she is. She is a wreck.
Ally Darling: Okay, I’m gonna go check on her.
Ava Darling: Please, do.
[Ally starts to walk off]
Ava Darling: Oh, your cousin Beau is here.
[as she’s walking up the stairs, Ally shouts back]
Ally Darling: Step cousin! He’s a step cousin, we’re not even remotely related!
[she takes out her notebook and adds Beau to the list of guys she’s slept with]

Daisy Darling: Thank God you’re here. Mom has been such a bitch, ever since Eddie’s parents got here. She just cannot believe that her marriage ended before there’s did.
Ally Darling: Well, dad should be here soon. So she’ll have someone else to focus her hatred on.
Daisy Darling: Um…dad’s not coming. She won’t let me invite him here.
Ally Darling: Are you inviting him to the wedding?
Daisy Darling: Ah…I don’t know.
Ally Darling: Oh.

Ally Darling: Hey, what was creepy puppets guy’s actual name?
Daisy Darling: You mean the guy who lived next door that was obsessed with me? Gerry Perry.
Ally Darling: Gerry Perry! Thank you.
[Ally takes out her notebook and adds Gerry Perry’s name to her list of men she’s slept with]
Daisy Darling: What are you writing?
Ally Darling: Nothing, just some notes for my toast.
Daisy Darling: Is it gonna rhyme?
Ally Darling: It depends. What rhymes with orgy?
Daisy Darling: You just keep it under three minutes. Ready?
Ally Darling: Oh, you look amazing.
Daisy Darling: Thank you.
Ally Darling: You go ahead. I’ll be down in a couple of minutes.
Daisy Darling: Okay
[as Daisy leaves the room, Ally counts the names on her list and it adds up to 19]
Ally Darling: Holy shit! Nineteen.
[Ally freaks out and takes a large sip of champagne]

[after finding out the number of guys she’s slept with, Daisy gets drunk and gives a toast to her sister and her fiancé]
Ally Darling: When Daisy first told me that she was dating Eddie, I couldn’t believe it. I said, Eddie Vogel? The schmuck you went out with in high school? He was the biggest douchebag of them all! Even worse than Baby Hands!
[to her friends, who are looking at her in amusement]
Ally Darling: Do you guys remember him? Baby Hands?
[she imitates doing baby hands]
Ally Darling: You know how Eddie broke up with her? He started dating her best friend, who’s here tonight, by the way. Sheila, stand up.
[Sheila laughs nervously and stands]

Ally Darling: But…but, when Eddie saw Daisy at their high school reunion, he knew what a big mistake he had made. No offense, Sheila. And now, Eddie’s amazing. You wouldn’t even know he’s the same guy, except he looks exactly the same.
[Ally laughs]
Ally Darling: God! I wish I went to my high school reunion, but I was growing out my bangs. I’m always growing out my bangs. I don’t get bangs.
[there’s an uncomfortable silence as everyone is looking at her]
Ally Darling: Well, to Daisy and Eddie!
[as she salutes with her champagne bottle she clicks her bottle with the glass of guy standing next to her, but she hits his glass to hard and breaks it making her friends laugh]

[after her sister’s party, Ally, her sister and their friends are in a bar drinking, Ally suggests a game where they all write down the number of sexual partners they’ve had, put them in a jar then each draws one, reads it aloud and try to guess who it belongs to]
Jamie: Thirteen.
Katie: Thirteen? Who here has had thirteen?
Sheila: Me.
Daisy Darling: Girl, you’re a slut!
[everyone mocks Sheila and Ally looks worried]
Ally Darling: Slutty whore!
Sheila: What is the big deal?
Katie: That is thirteen different penises in one vagina.
Sheila: It’s not like they were all in there at the same time. You know what, I’m done with this. Ally, you go.
Ally Darling: Oh, okay.

[Ally draws the last slip, her own, and rips it in half, so it reads 9 instead of 19]
Ally Darling: Oh, wow! Look at that! Nine. I drew myself. Game over.
Katie: Wait…
[Katie notices the piece if paper Ally had ripped and picks it off the floor and read it] whats-your-number-1
Katie: One. Is this yours?
Ally Darling: Uh…
Katie: Oh, my God! You’re at ninety-one!
Ally Darling: No! I’m a nine!
Daisy Darling: You’re at nineteen.
Katie: Nineteen?
Sheila: Hello, friend.

Ally Darling: Fine, I admit it. I’m at nineteen. Almost twice the national average, it’s bad. Look at this. There was even a whole article in Marie Claire about it.
[she takes out the article from her bag]
Ally Darling: I thought that playing this game would make me feel better about my number, but now I think I’m starting to believe this article is right. It’s high.
Jamie: Apparently in America, ninety six percent of women who’ve been with twenty or more lovers can’t find a husband.
Ally Darling: It actually says twenty?
Jamie: Mm-hmm.
Sheila: Who cares? Who did that study anyway? Some scientist over there at Marie Claire magazine?
Katie: Hey, that magazine taught me how to orgasm.
Eileen: Actually, that’s study was conducted by Dr. Keller, a post-doctoral fellow at Harvard University.
Ally Darling: Shit!
Eileen: I see it in my practice all the time. When you’re too sexually available, it messes with your self-esteem. The next thing you know, you’re forty five, no self-respect, no husband and no muscle tone in your pelvic floor.
Ally Darling: Okay, well that is not gonna happen to me. Harvard says that twenty is the limit, I’m at nineteen, so that gives me one more chance.

Ally Darling: Okay, I’m gonna make a proclamation.
[to the table nearby who are shouting]
Ally Darling: Shut up! I’m proclamation.
[holding up her glass]
Ally Darling: Okay, I am not gonna sleep with one more guy until I am sure he’s the one. I may not have control over much, but I do have control over my pelvic floor. The next guy that vacations at Casa Esperanza, is going to be my husband. To taking control of my own destiny!
[as she toasts the girls take a sip of their drinks then Ally stands and makes another toast]
Ally Darling: To better decision making and full following through!
[the next scene shows the Ally is now drunk standing on the bar making another toast]
Ally Darling: To twenty!
[she ends up dancing at the bar and the next scene opens with her in bed with her ex-boss]

[Ally calls her sister after finding her ex-boss next to her, butt naked]
Ally Darling: I slept with my ex-boss!
Daisy Darling: Carole?
Ally Darling: No! The job I just got fired from!
Daisy Darling: You got fired?
Ally Darling: This is your fault!
Daisy Darling: When I tried to get you to leave the bar last night, you spit on me. But congratulations! You said twenty is your husband and now you’re at twenty.
Ally Darling: Shut up.
Daisy Darling: I have to admit, I just did not think it was gonna happen this quickly, but I’m so excited.
[turning to her fiancée]
Daisy Darling: Hey, Eddie. Ally’s gonna get married!
Eddie Vogel: Great!
Daisy Darling: He’s thrilled.
Ally Darling: Now you’re just being a bitch. But maybe he is my husband. Maybe it’s fate! Now I’ve got a great story to tell our grand kids.
[Ally turns and looks at her ex-boss, who’s getting dressed]
Ally Darling: I don’t know why I never considered him before.
[as she watches her ex-boss getting dressed, she sees him stick his hands down his pants and sniff his fingers]
Ally Darling: He’s not my husband.

[as Ally is trying to get rid of her ex-boss he neighbor knocks at her front door]
Colin Shea: I’ve locked myself out of my apartment with my keys and…well, everything is over there. Can I use your phone?
Ally Darling: Sure, of course. Let me just get that.
[to Roger, her ex-boss]
Ally Darling: Hey, Roger, why don’t we talk later? Because I think 6A really needs my help.
[Colin turns to Roger]
Colin Shea: Hi.
Roger: Nice to meet you.
[Colin holds out his hand and Rogers shakes it with the hand that he’s just put down his pants, Ally smiles to herself as she sees this]

[as Ally is trying to give her phone to Colin, Roger grabs hold of her]
Roger: So how about some dinner tonight?
Ally Darling: Tonight, tonight? whats-your-number-2
Roger: Mm.
[Colin, sensing Ally wants out of this situation, interject]
Colin Shea: Oh, we have that, uh…tenants meeting tonight.
Ally Darling: Oh, that’s right! Tenants meeting. Oh, we’re trying to get this very large bird evicted. But, um…why don’t I call you later and we’ll figure out, uh…maybe another time that we can get together, uh…
Roger: Okay.
[as Roger is about to leave her turns, picks Ally up and kisses her hard on the mouth]

[after Roger leaves as Ally is about to close her door she sees a woman come out of Colin’s apartment]
Ally Darling: Hey, do you think the woman coming out of your apartment could have helped you with the being locked out problem?
Colin Shea: Uh…okay. Uh…I had a little situation that I needed to get out of, not unlike your situation here. So I…
Ally Darling: Lied to her, then lied to me.
Colin Shea: I look at it as trying to avoid her feelings.

[referring to her sculptures]
Colin Shea: Wow, this is pretty cool. Where do you get this?
Ally Darling: I made it.
Colin Shea: No shit?
Ally Darling: Shit. Listen, I don’t wanna have anything to do with your crusade to sleep with every woman in Boston, okay? They’re kind of like my sisters.
Colin Shea: Wow, I thought you’d be cooler than this. I saw that toast you made on YouTube, it seemed like you had a good sense of humor.
Ally Darling: Those bitches put my toast up on YouTube? How did you see it already?
Colin Shea: Oh, I get everybody in the building on Google Alert. I come from a family of cops, so it’s in my nature to dig up dirt. The guy in 4D, tried to marry his dog.
Ally Darling: No! Bandit?
Colin Shea: Oh, yeah.
[he checks through her front door peephole to see if the coast is clear]
Colin Shea: Alright. Well, looks like the coast is clear. Thank you, you’re a peach.
Ally Darling: You’re a pig.
[Colin smiles and leaves]

[as Ally is tasting cakes for Daisy’s wedding]
Daisy Darling: That’s enough. I think the idea it’s just to taste them.
Ally Darling: Why? Nobody’s ever gonna see me naked again. Might as well enjoy myself.
Daisy Darling: Oh, yeah! Like you’re really gonna be celibate.
Ally Darling: I don’t have a choice, I said I was gonna stop at twenty. Now I have to accept finger smelling fuck as my twenty. Just promise me you’re not gonna put me at the singles table with mom, please.
Daisy Darling: Sitting is really complicated.

...Read More Page 1 Quotes

[Ally spots a guy she used to date walking into the cake shop]
Ally Darling: That’s Disgusting Donald! I dated him.
Daisy Darling: Did I ever meet him?
Ally Darling: No! Nobody did. He’s the reason I learned to cook.
[she has flashback to when she was living with Donald who was very overweight]
Daisy Darling: That’s guy’s not disgusting at all. He’s actually kind of cute.
Ally Darling: I know, but I really think it’s him.
Daisy Darling: Alright. Well, go say hi and see.

[after finding out the guy in the cake ship is Disgusting Donald]
Disgusting Donald: Oh, Ally, please meet my fiancée, Cara. This is Ally.
Cara: Hi, nice to meet you.
Ally Darling: You too. Wow! So, how did you guys meet?
Cara: Oh, at a conference.
[they look at each other and kiss]
Disgusting Donald: I mean, can you believe it? She’s a rocket scientist.
Cara: No, I’m not.
Disgusting Donald: Yes, you are.
Cara: I’m actually just an engineer, but he loves to say that. You know, I’m not the typical…
Ally Darling: Oh, I get it!
Disgusting Donald: Ally and I are old friends.

[to Ally]
Disgusting Donald: What are you doing here?
Ally Darling: Oh, I’m just tasting some cake for my wedding.
Disgusting Donald: Wow!
Ally Darling: I’m marrying a scientist too. Yeah, he doesn’t look smart either. I’m here with my sister, because, um…he’s up in the North Pole dealing with a whole ice cap situation.
Disgusting Donald: Oh.
Ally Darling: Yeah, he’s probably gonna fix it.

[as they leave the cake shop]
Ally Darling: I can’t believe that he said that we were just friends! Like I was the embarrassment, he had man boobs! Big hairy ones! God, I can’t believe that’s the same guy, he looks so good now. He even looks taller.
Daisy Darling: A lot of men get better with age. I mean, you said yourself, Eddie used to be a total douche. People change.
Ally Darling: You’re right. Daisy, you’re a genius. I don’t know how to be celibate or go over twenty.
Daisy Darling: What do you mean?
Ally Darling: Donald can’t be my only ex who’s gotten better with time. Oh, okay! Love you.
[she kisses Daisy and leaves]

[Ally hears Colin opening his front door and she sees him naked, except for a towel in front of his crotch]
Ally Darling: Hi!
Colin Shea: Morning, 6E.
Ally Darling: Hey, um…I see that you have company, but I just wanna ask you a really quick question. Remember how you said you were good at digging up dirt? Do you think that maybe I could pay you to find some people for me?
Colin Shea: Sweetheart, if I’m gonna help you, you gotta give me more info than that.
Ally Darling: Just some guys that I’ve dated.
Colin Shea: Oh, you have herpes. That’s not a phone call to make.
Ally Darling: No, I…I don’t know. I just…I think that one of these guys might be worth a second look.

[Colin walks over to Ally and takes the towel he had in front of him to wipe his mouth as he eats an apple]
Colin Shea: No, I refuse to be a part of this crazy. I don’t know why these guys broke up with you and I need to protect them.
Ally Darling: Wait, why are you suddenly all broke up with me? whats-your-number-4
Colin Shea: Because you seem like the type of girl who tries to make a bad thing work.
Ally Darling: Some people call that optimism.
Colin Shea: I call it crazy.
[she turns and walks back towards her apartment]
Ally Darling: I’m sorry I asked. I knew you’d be a jerk.
Colin Shea: Well, don’t be mad. It doesn’t mean I won’t sleep with you.
Ally Darling: Oh, gross!

[after Ally rescues Colin from getting away from the latest woman he’s slept with]
Ally Darling: You help me track down my ex’s, I’ll help you escape yours.
Colin Shea: What happened to protecting your sisters?
Ally Darling: If those girls can’t see you coming, they deserve what they get.
Colin Shea: Wow, Jesus! This place really goes on and on, doesn’t it?
Ally Darling: And, you can use my apartment to hide in.

Ally Darling: So, here’s all the info I have on the guys. Names, most recent phone numbers…Hey!
[she sees Colin is ignoring her and checking out the girl in the sandwich shop]
Ally Darling: Addresses. Find out who’s alive, single and still on the East Coast. Okay? I’ll take a car or a train, but not a plane. I prioritized the list, so start at the top.
[reading from her list]
Colin Shea: Jake Adams. Is that the one that got away?
Ally Darling: Well, something like that. His dad’s name is also Jake Adams, and he owns like half of Boston, so he should be pretty easy to find.
Colin Shea: The Jake Adams? Well, he may not be hard to find, but I guarantee he’s gonna be hard to get to. You don’t have a phone number or an address or anything like that?
Ally Darling: If I had that I wouldn’t need you. I do know that Tom Piper is on fast track to becoming a senator. Oh, and move John Kimble to number three. He probably still works at Starbucks, but he’s the best sex I’ve ever had.
Colin Shea: You haven’t had sex with me.
Ally Darling: No, but I have had sex with other overly confident struggling musicians, so I’m good.
Colin Shea: What makes you think I’m a musician?
Ally Darling: Guitar in your apartment, you dress like a horny teenager, I paid for that sandwich. Struggling musician!

Colin Shea: So, I don’t get it. Why go through all this trouble? Why not just find a new guy?
Ally Darling: No. No new guys.
Colin Shea: New is always better than old.
Ally Darling: Of course you’d say that. I bet the longest relationship you’ve ever had is with that sandwich?
[Colin deliberately takes a large bite out of his sandwich and give him a look before walking away]

[as Daisy is trying on her wedding dress]
Sheila: That is a lot of poof.
Daisy Darling: The poof is what I like about it.
Sheila: But don’t you wanna have wedding night sex with your dress still on?
Daisy Darling: I don’t know, do I?
Katie: Yeah. Naughty bride, you do.
Sheila: I’m just concerned that with all those layers he’s not gonna be able to find your vagina.
Ally Darling: Good point.
Sheila: I mean, forget about sixty nines.
Eileen: Oh, she’s not gonna sixty nine!
Sheila: Why not?
Eileen: Because, she’s a grown up. Sixty nines are for when you’re seventeen and you’re trying to cram everything at once before your parents get home.
Katie: Thank you. Matt is always trying to do that, and I say, let’s just take turns. What’s the rush?

Daisy Darling: Are you tracking down all your ex-boyfriends, so you don’t have to go over twenty?
Eileen: What?
Ally Darling: Think about it, you know if it works out with one of these guys, that means a whole period of my life won’t have been a waste.
Daisy Darling: Yep, but it didn’t work out with any of those guys because they were all wrong for you.
Eileen: Dave Hansen? Isn’t that the magician you dated?
[Ally has flashback to when she was dating David the magician, and how he was always producing coins at every opportunity]

[meets Colin at a bar after he’s found one of Ally’s ex’s, David Hansen]
Ally Darling: Wow, you work fast!
Colin Shea: Well, this one was easy. He has his own website, super-sexy-magic-dot-com.
Ally Darling: Well, I’m sure I’ll be able to find him. So you can scoot and skedaddle.
Colin Shea: And miss the show?
[Colin points to where David is working behind a bar hitting on a woman with coin magic trick]
Ally Darling: Nope! I’m done here.
[Ally walks off]

[after Ally’s seen her ex, David Hansen and leaves the bar]
Colin Shea: That’s it? Why? Because he’s a bartender?
Ally Darling: No, because he’s still a bartender. That’s exactly where he was nine years ago, an out of work magician, sleeps till noon, bartends till three and goes around pulling money out of people. He keeps your quarter, by the way.
Colin Shea: So what? You could have had some fun for old times sake.
Ally Darling: No, even if it didn’t raise my number, I can’t afford to waste anymore time on guys like him.
Colin Shea: Wait, wait, wait! That’s what this is about? You don’t wanna raise your number. That’s why you won’t sleep with me?
Ally Darling: No. There’s a lot of reasons why I won’t sleep with you.
Colin Shea: No, there’s not.

Colin Shea: I don’t know why you care so much about your number anyway.
Ally Darling: You guys all have this ideal girl in your minds, and if our number gets too high, we can’t be that girl.
Colin Shea: The ideal girl. Tell me about her.
Ally Darling: You know, you can take her home to the family, she’s smart, but not smarter than you, and she bakes apple pies with your mom and place catch with your handicap sister. But then when you’re alone, she takes off her glasses and puts on a vinyl cat suit and fucks you sideways.
Colin Shea: That girl doesn’t exist, if she did, I’d be sleeping with her. And what kind of guy cares about how many people you slept with anyway?
Ally Darling: Decent guys.

[after Ally wakes up to find Colin sleeping on her couch]
Ally Darling: Hey, what are you doing?
Colin Shea: Waiting for…Amy to leave.
Ally Darling: You hooked up with someone last night after I left you?
Colin Shea: Hooking up sounds so crass. We shared a romantic experience, and then I told her I had an early dentist appointment and I’m hiding on your couch till she leaves.
Ally Darling: Well, maybe you could use this downtime to do some actual work.
Colin Shea: I am working. I set up a Facebook account for you.
Ally Darling: I don’t wanna be on Facebook. What picture did you use?
Colin Shea: The one I just took of you sleeping. I think this is gonna be better while you’re looking for them, they can be looking for you.
Ally Darling: Fine, but I refuse to tweet.
Colin Shea: Ooh, number fourteen, Evan Slater, has friend requested you. He’s tagged you in a photo and he’s suggested you become fan of Tito’s Tacos.
Ally Darling: Oh, I liked Evan.
Colin Shea: Yeah, who doesn’t like tacos?

[Ally goes and sits next to Colin and looks at Evan’s Facebook page]
Ally Darling: He’s adorable. whats-your-number-3
[then she sees the picture of him with his wife and kids]
Ally Darling: And so are his wife and kids.
Colin Shea: Well, he clearly doesn’t understand what Facebook is for.
Ally Darling: You know if you don’t start taking this job more seriously you’re fired from using my apartment. Where’s my coffee pot?
Colin Shea: I broke it. If you were on Twitter you’d know that already.

[referring to the coffee pot she’s just bought to replace the one Colin broke earlier]
Ally Darling: You owe me nineteen ninety five.
Colin Shea: How about I pay you in Chinese food? I ordered Charlie Chiang’s.
Ally Darling: Did you get the itty bitty spare ribs?
[Colin holds up a rib with his chop stick]
Ally Darling: Okay, I’ll be there in five minutes.

[as Ally and Colin go through the list of her ex-boyfriends]
Ally Darling: Anything on Jake Adams yet?
Colin Shea: No, I’m sorry. I told you, rich people are very good at protecting their privacy. Just be patient, we’ll find him.
[looking at the list of her ex-boyfriends]
Colin Shea: What about Simon Forester? He’s separated and his house just went on the market, so I’m guessing a divorce is right around the corner.
Ally Darling: Oh, okay. Let’s start with Simon. whats-your-number-5
Colin Shea: Simon.
Ally Darling: Okay, so what’s my plan? A guy getting a divorce…
[she thinks for a moment]
Ally Darling: I could find out who his lawyer is and get a job there as his assistant.
Colin Shea: Or, we keep it simple and you just go look at his open house.
Ally Darling: Oh.

[as they walk to Simon’s house]
Colin Shea: So the challenge of the newly divorced guy is that he’s just looking to have fun. What you gotta do is give him the best sex of his life. He can’t realize that he’s falling in love with you until it’s too late.
Ally Darling: So I’m covering up the fact that I’m marriage material with amazing sex?
Colin Shea: Yeah. How’s your blow job?
Ally Darling: What?
Colin Shea: Relax, this is business. I’m trying to help you.
Ally Darling: Well, if you must know, it’s pretty good. It’s the hand job I haven’t quite figured out yet.
Colin Shea: Well, I guarantee you he has. So skip it.
[referring to Simon’s house]
Colin Shea: Alright, I guess this is it. Ready?
Ally Darling: Yeah.

[as Simon spots Ally outside his house, Ally tries to get rid of Colin]
Simon: Ally Darling? Is that you?
[suddenly Ally starts speaking in an English accent]
Ally Darling: Simon! I can’t believe it! What are the chances?
[Colin look at her with surprise and starts laughing]
Simon: It’s brilliant to see you.
Colin Shea: It is brilliant.
Ally Darling: Simon, this is my neighbor, Colin. But he has to go now.
Colin Shea: No, I don’t.
Simon: Oh, pleasure.
Colin Shea: No. No. The pleasure’s all mine.
[Colin shakes hands with Simon]

Simon: Wow, it’s…it’s great to see you. Did you look this good when we were dating?
Ally Darling: Oh, well, I had a fringe back then.
[turning to Colin]
Ally Darling: That’s bangs, fringe is bangs.
[to Simon]
Ally Darling: Americans!
Simon: They’re…they’re showing my house, so I’ve got to disappear for an hour or so. But do you fancy grabbing a pint?
Ally Darling: Smashing!
[turning to Colin]
Ally Darling: Cheerio, Colin.