Starring: Tom Holland, Samuel L. Jackson, Jon Favreau, Zendaya, Marisa Tomei, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cobie Smulders, Michael Keaton
OUR RATING: ★★★½
MCU’s superhero action adventure sequel directed by Jon Watts. Set after the events of Avengers: Endgame, Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) follows Peter Parker (Tom Holland) and his friends as they go on summer vacation to Europe. While abroad, he is recruited by Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) to team up with Quentin Beck (Jake Gyllenhaal), who appeared out of a tear in the Multiverse caused by Thanos’ snap, in order to battle the Elementals.
Our Favorite Quotes:
Quentin Beck: [to Nick and Maria] Who are you?
Quentin Beck: [referring to the Elementals] You don’t want any part of this.
Betty Brant: [after a video tribute to Tony Stark] Gone, but not forgotten.
Jason Ionello: Thanks to Kenneth Lim and Vienna Hamarky for their help with that touching video tribute.
Betty Brant: This year has been nothing short of…
Jason Ionello: S**t is crazy. It’s like insane.
Betty Brant: Jason!
Jason Ionello: What?
Betty Brant: No swearing.
Jason Ionello: No, it’s a scholastic school. We’re good here.
Betty Brant: [looks back at the camera] …historic.
Betty Brant: Over five years ago, half of all life in the universe, including our own Midtown High, was wiped from existence. But then, eight months ago, a band of brave heroes brought us back. They called it The Blip. Those of us who blipped away came back the same age. But our classmates that didn’t blip, had grown five years older.
Jason Ionello: Yeah, like my little brother. He’s now older than me.
Betty Brant: Yeah, it’s math.
Betty Brant: [looks back to the camera] And even though we had blipped away halfway through the school year, and had already taken midterms, the school made us start the whole year over from the beginning.
Jason Ionello: It’s totally unfair. It’s not right.
Betty Brant: Tigers, it’s been a long, dramatic, somewhat confusing road. As we draw this year to a close, it’s time to move on, to a new phase of our lives.
Jason Ionello: And pray nothing crazy happens again. Because are the Avengers even like a thing anymore? Does anyone even have a plan?
Peter Parker: [to Ned] I really like MJ, man. Okay? She’s awesome, she’s super funny in a kind of dork way, and sometimes I catch her looking at me, and I feel like I stood up… Wait. Dude, she’s coming now. Just don’t say anything.
MJ: What up, dorks? Excited about the science trip?
Peter Parker: Hey, yeah. We’re just talking about the trip.
Ned Leeds: Yeah, and Peter’s plan.
MJ: You have a plan?
Peter Parker: I don’t have a plan.
Ned Leeds: No, he’s just going to collect tiny spoons while we’re traveling to other countries.
MJ: Like a grandmother?
Peter Parker: I’m not collecting tiny spoons. He’s collecting tiny spoons.
MJ: Oh. Okay, well, that was a real roller coaster.
May Parker: Did you get your passport?
Peter Parker: Yeah.
May Parker: Mini toothpaste?
Peter Parker: Yeah, I did.
Happy Hogan: Hey, sorry I’m late.
Peter Parker: Happy! Hey.
Happy Hogan: Oh, you look lovely.
May Parker: Thanks, you too.
Happy Hogan: Thank you. New dress?
May Parker: Yeah. Yes, it is. That’s a new beard.
Happy Hogan: It’s my blip beard, because I grew it in a blip. Blip beard.
May Parker: I see.
Happy Hogan: [referring to the giant check] Anyway, so, the reason I’m late is because this was misplaced at the office, can you believe it? Because it’s enormous? I mean, not the amount, the size. The amount is nice too.
May Parker: [laughs] Oh.
Happy Hogan: The very generous Pepper Potts, said…
May Parker: Thank you.
Happy Hogan: …she’s sorry she couldn’t be here.
May Parker: I think I’m going to go change the sterno under the vegan lasagna. Spider-Man, go shake hands.
Peter Parker: Will do.
Peter Parker: [turns to Happy as May leaves] What just happened?
Happy Hogan: Heads up, Nick Fury is calling you.
Peter Parker: Nick Fury’s going to call me?
Happy Hogan: Yeah.
Peter Parker: Why?
Happy Hogan: Why? Because he probably has some hero stuff for you to do. You’re a superhero. He calls superheroes.
Peter Parker: Well, I mean if it was really that important, he’d probably call someone else. Not me.
Happy Hogan: [Peter sees his phone is ringing] Apparently not.
Happy Hogan: [Peter looks at his ringing phone] No caller ID. That’s him.
Peter Parker: I don’t really want to talk to Nick Fury.
Happy Hogan: Answer the phone.
Peter Parker: Why?
Happy Hogan: Because if you don’t talk to him, then I have to talk, and I don’t want to talk to him.
Peter Parker: Why don’t you want to talk to him?
Happy Hogan: Because I’m scared. Just answer the phone. You sent Nick Fury to voicemail?
Peter Parker: Yeah.
Happy Hogan: You don’t send Nick Fury to voicemail.
Peter Parker: Did you hear that? They’re calling me. I got to go. I got to go.
Happy Hogan: You got to talk to him.
Peter Parker: I’m going to call him. I promise you, I’m going to call him. I will.
Happy Hogan: You do not ghost Nick Fury.
Peter Parker: I promise you, I’ll call him. After my trip.
Happy Hogan: [answers a call from Fury] Yeah? No, no. He’s not ghosting you.
May Parker: Hungry?
May Parker: [tosses a banana at Peter, and it hits his face] So sorry. I thought that you could sense that, with your Peter-tingle.
Peter Parker: Please, do not start calling it my Peter-tingle.
May Parker: So what’s up? You can dodge bullets but not bananas?
Peter Parker: No, I just really need this vacation. I need a break.
May Parker: You deserve it. You know what? You should pack your suit, just in case. I have a tingle about it.
Peter Parker: Please stop saying tingle, May?
Betty Brant: [watching Mysterio on the news report] Who is that guy?
Ned Leeds: He’s like Iron Man and Thor rolled into one.
Flash Thompson: He’s alright. He’s no Spider-Man.
MJ: What is it with you and Spider-Man?
Flash Thompson: What? He’s just awesome, okay? He protects the neighborhood, and, you know, he’s inspiring. He inspires me to be a better man.
Flash Thompson: [to Peter as he enters the room] What’s up, d**kwad? I thought you drowned.
Ned Leeds: What are you going to do about the water monster?
Peter Parker: Nothing. It’s dead. And besides, that Mysterio guy’s all over it. Look, I just want to spend some time with MJ. We were talking about Paris, and I think she really likes me.
Ned Leeds: That’s nice. It reminds me of when Betty and I first fell in love. I had just finished my fruit cobbler, right…
[Ned is shot in the neck with a tranq dart by Fury and collapses]
Nick Fury: You’re a very difficult person to contact, Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: You’re Nick Fury. You just shot Ned.
Nick Fury: It’s just a mild tranquilizer. He’ll be alright.
Nick Fury: It’s so good to finally meet you. I saw you at the funeral, but I didn’t think that was a good time to exchange numbers.
Peter Parker: No, that would have been really inappropriate.
Nick Fury: That’s what I just said.
Peter Parker: Right.
Nick Fury: The important thing is, you’re here. I tried to bring you here. You avoided me, and now, you’re here. What a coincidence.
Peter Parker: Wait. Was this a coincidence?
Nick Fury: I used to know everything. Then I come back five years later, and now, I know nothing. No intel, no team, and a high school kid, is dodging my calls.
Nick Fury: Stark left these for you.
Peter Parker: Really?
Nick Fury: [Peter opens the box and sees Tony’s glasses] “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.” Stark said you wouldn’t get that because it’s not a Star Wars reference.
Nick Fury: Remove the mask. Everyone here has seen you without it. You’d only be feigning anonymity and breathing through spandex for no good reason. Come on.
Peter Parker: Yeah.
Nick Fury: There we have Maria Hill. That is Dimitri. And this is Mr. Beck.
Peter Parker: Mysterio?
Quentin Beck: What?
Peter Parker: Doesn’t matter. It’s just what my friends have been calling you.
Quentin Beck: Well, you can call me Quentin.
Quentin Beck: You handled yourself well out there today. I saw what you did with the tower. We could’ve used someone like you on my world.
Peter Parker: Thanks. I’m sorry, your world?
Nick Fury: Oh, Mr. Beck is from Earth. Just not yours.
Quentin Beck: There are multiple realities, Peter. This is Earth dimension 616. I’m from Earth-833.
Peter Parker: I’m sorry. You’re saying there’s a multiverse? I thought that was just theoretical. I mean, that completely changes how we understand the initial singularity. We’re talking about an eternal inflation system. And how does that even work with all the quantum, it’s insane!
Peter Parker: [Fury and Hill look at him] Sorry. It’s really cool.
Quentin Beck: Don’t ever apologize for being the smartest one in the room.
Quentin Beck: They were born in stable orbits. Within black holes, creatures formed from the primary elements. Air, water, fire, earth. The science division had a technical name. We just called them Elementals.
Maria Hill: Versions of them exist across our mythologies.
Quentin Beck: It turns out, the myths are real.
Maria Hill: Like Thor.
Peter Parker: Thor was a myth, and now I study him in my physics class.
Nick Fury: These myths, are threats.
Quentin Beck: They first materialized on my earth many years ago. We mobilized and fought them. But with each battle they grew and got stronger. I was part of the last battalion left trying to stop them. Quentin Beck: All we did was delay the inevitable.
Maria Hill: Well, the Elementals are here now, attacking the same coordinates. Our satellites confirm it.
Nick Fury: So thank Mr. Beck for destroying the other three. There’s only one left. Fire.
Quentin Beck: The strongest of them all. The one that destroyed my earth. It’s the one that took my family.
Peter Parker: I’m sorry.
Nick Fury: We have one mission, kill it. You’re coming with us.
Peter Parker: I’m sorry. Did you say Prague? Listen, Fury, this all seems like big-time, you know, huge, superhero kind of stuff. And, I mean I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, sir.
Nick Fury: B**ch, please. You’ve been to space.
Peter Parker: I know, but that was an accident.
Peter Parker: Sir, come on. There’s got to be someone else you can use. What about Thor?
Nick Fury: Off world.
Peter Parker: Okay, Doctor Strange?
Maria Hill: Unavailable.
Peter Parker: Captain Marvel.
Nick Fury: Don’t invoke her name.
Peter Parker: Sir, look, I really want to help, I do. But if my aunt finds out I left my class trip, she’s going to kill me. And if I’m seen like this in Europe, after the Washington Monument, my whole class will figure out who I am, and then the whole world will figure out who I am. And then, I’m done.
Nick Fury: Okay. I understand.
Peter Parker: I’m sorry, what?
Nick Fury: Why don’t you get back before your teachers miss you and become suspicious. Dimitri. Take him back to the hotel, please.
Peter Parker: Thank you, Mr. Fury. And good luck.
Ned Leeds: Peter, What’s going on?
Peter Parker: I think Nick Fury just hijacked our summer vacation.
Ned Leeds: Awesome.
Peter Parker: [looking unhappy] Yeah. Awesome.
Peter Parker: [enters a public bathroom] Hello.
The Seamstress: Close the door.
Peter Parker: I’m Peter Parker.
The Seamstress: Take off your clothes.
Peter Parker: Excuse me?
The Seamstress: You told Fury Spider-Man cannot be seen in Europe. So I made you this, another suit.
Peter Parker: [takes the suit] Oh. Thank you. I’m sure it fits. I don’t really to…
The Seamstress: Take off your clothes.
Peter Parker: [starts to unzip his trousers] Okay. Sure. It’s a little embarrassing.
The Seamstress: Now. Hurry up.
Peter Parker: [takes off his trousers] Weird.
Brad Davis: [walks in on them] Sorry. I thought this was the bathroom.
Peter Parker: This is not what it looks like. Just…
Brad Davis: Yeah.
Peter Parker: [as Brad takes a photo of them on his phone] What are you doing?
Peter Parker: [the seamstress point her gun at Brad] Don’t shoot anybody.
Peter Parker: [pulls up his trousers and follows after Brad] Brad? It’s not what it looks like, buddy.
Peter Parker: Hey, man, my friends are here, and I can’t help but think that we’re putting them in danger.
Nick Fury: You’re worried about us hurting your friends? You? Who called a drone strike on your own school tour bus? Stark gave you a multi-billion dollar AR tactical intelligence system, and the first thing you do with it is try to blow up your friends. I told him, it’s clear to me that you were not ready for this.
Quentin Beck: Look, Fury asked me to come up here and see how you were doing. He just, he felt bad about snapping at you.
Peter Parker: Really?
Quentin Beck: You guys do have sarcasm on this earth, right?
Quentin Beck: How are you feeling?
Peter Parker: I didn’t think I was going to have to save the world this summer. I know that makes me sound like such a jerk. I just, I had this plan with this girl that I really like, and now it’s all ruined.
Quentin Beck: You’re not a jerk for wanting a normal life, kid. It’s a hard path. You see things, you do things, you make choices. People look up to you. Even if you win a battle, sometimes they die.
Quentin Beck: I like you, Peter. You’re a good kid. There’s a part of me that wants me to tell you to just turn around, run away from all this. And then, there’s another part of me that knows what we’re about to fight, what’s at stake, and I’m glad you’re here.
Peter Parker: Me too.
Quentin Beck: But you’re worried about your friends.
Peter Parker: Yeah. I just always feel like I’m putting them in danger.
Quentin Beck: Look, just get them inside and keep them in a safe place, for just a few hours. It’ll be alright.
Peter Parker: It’s really nice to have somebody to talk to about superhero stuff, you know?
Quentin Beck: Anytime. And hey, if we survive this, you’ll have all summer to kill Brad.
Peter Parker: See you out there.
Quentin Beck: Alright.
Peter Parker: You look really pretty.
MJ: And therefore I have value?
Peter Parker: No. No, that’s not what I meant at all. I was just…
MJ: I’m messing with you. Thank you.
Peter Parker: You’re welcome.
MJ: You look pretty too.
Peter Parker: Thank you.
Maria Hill: So it’s over?
Quentin Beck: That was the last of them.
Nick Fury: But not the last threat we’ll ever face. We need to stay vigilant. There’s a void in this world for someone like you. Hill and I are going to Europol headquarters in Berlin tomorrow. You should join us.
Quentin Beck: Thank you. I just might take you up on that.
Nick Fury: You got gifts, Parker. But you didn’t want to be here.
Peter Parker: Mr. Fury, I…
Nick Fury: I’d love to have you in Berlin too. But you’ve got to decide whether you’re going to step up or not. Stark chose you. He made you an Avenger. I need that. The world needs that. Maybe Stark was wrong. Was he?
Peter Parker: Fury was right. Tony did a lot for me, so I owe it to him, to everybody.
Quentin Beck: Do you?
Peter Parker: Yeah. I mean, Mr. Stark gave me a chance to be more. He wanted me to be better than him. And Fury just wants me to live up to that.
Quentin Beck: What do you want, Peter?
Peter Parker: What do you mean?
Quentin Beck: What do you want?
Peter Parker: I don’t know.
Quentin Beck: What do you want? You, Peter Parker, now. I know you’re thinking about it.
Peter Parker: I want to go on my trip. Right? I want to go back on my trip, with my friends. And go to the top of the Eiffel tower, with the girl who I really like, and tell her how I feel, and give her a kiss.
Peter Parker: [as Beck laughs] Shut up, man.
Quentin Beck: You’re not going to do that, are you?
Peter Parker: No, I can’t.
Quentin Beck: Why not?
Peter Parker: Because I have too much responsibility.
Quentin Beck: What are those? Are those the…
Peter Parker: EDITH glasses, yeah.
Quentin Beck: It was on the floor? Try them on. Let’s see what they look like.
Peter Parker: Yeah?
Quentin Beck: Yeah.
Peter Parker: [puts on the glasses] I actually really like them.
Quentin Beck: Can I be completely honest with you?
Peter Parker: Please.
Quentin Beck: They look really stupid.
Peter Parker: Oh.
Quentin Beck: Maybe they have a contact lens version of them.
Quentin Beck: [after Peter gives him Tony’s EDITH glasses to try on] What do you think, kid?
Peter Parker: [to himself] “For the next Tony Stark, I trust you. For the next Tony Stark, I trust you.”
Quentin Beck: What?
Peter Parker: Mr. Stark left me a message with those glasses. “For the next Tony Stark, I trust you.”
Quentin Beck: I’m still not following. How many lemonades have you had?
Peter Parker: He knew every mistake I ever made, okay? So he must have known that I was not ready for something like this.
Quentin Beck: Why would he give it to you?
Peter Parker: Because maybe he didn’t trust me to have EDITH, he just trusted me to pick who should. It makes so much more sense. He always knew I would do what’s right, and he’s not going to give them to Fury, because Fury would just give himself EDITH.
Quentin Beck: Well, you’re probably right about that.
Peter Parker: Right. So, the world needs the next Iron Man, and it’s not going to be me. I mean I’m a sixteen year-old kid from Queens. It needs to be an adult, with some experience, and that’s good like Tony Stark, like you.
Quentin Beck: No, Peter. Come on. No.
Peter Parker: EDITH?
EDITH: Hello, Peter.
Peter Parker: Hi. Yeah, I’d like to transfer your control over to Quentin Beck.
Quentin Beck: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter Parker: Doing the right thing.
EDITH: Any transfer will require confirmation.
Quentin Beck: Stark gave you the glasses.
Peter Parker: Stark gave me a choice. It’s my choice to make, okay? And I’m going to make it. Look, you’re a soldier, a leader, you stopped the Elementals. You saved my life, you saved the world. Okay? He’d want you to have them.
EDITH: Waiting for confirmation.
Peter Parker: Confirm.
EDITH: Please hand the glasses to Mr. Beck.
Peter Parker: [offers the glasses to Beck] Welcome to the Avengers. They look good on you.
Quentin Beck: Thank you. It’s an honor.
Peter Parker: Yeah. Mr. Stark would’ve really liked you.
Quentin Beck: [after Peter has given Beck the EDITH glasses] See? That wasn’t so hard. Somebody get this stupid costume off me!
Peter Parker: Look, there’s this thing that I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for a while.
Peter Parker: It’s our last night in Europe, and I had this plan that I wanted to tell you. I’m just going to, I’m just going to tell you. MJ, I…
MJ: Am Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: What?
MJ: I just figured you were going to say that you’re Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: No. I’m not Spider-Man.
MJ: I mean, I’ve been watching you for like a while now. It’s kind of obvious.
Peter Parker: I’m not Spider-Man. I mean, what would make you think that I was Spider-Man?
MJ: Peter, Washington?
Peter Parker: Yeah?
MJ: The fact that you like disappear, out of nowhere, for no reason?
Peter Parker: No, that was, I was sick. Remember? I had my, the tummy?
MJ: You know Suzanne Yang thinks that you’re a male escort?
Peter Parker: What? No, of course I’m not a male escort.
MJ: Well, then, you’re Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: No, I’m not Spider-Man at all.
MJ: Well, what about tonight? When you snuck off and fought that thing, I saw you.
Peter Parker: You can’t have seen me because I’m not Spider-Man. And also, on the news, it was the Night-Monkey.
MJ: The Night-Monkey?
Peter Parker: Yeah. That’s what it said on the news. And the news never lies.
MJ: Night-Monkey. Okay.
Peter Parker: What are you doing?
MJ: [takes out the piece of debris she retrieved during the carnival battle from her bag] Well, do the Night-Monkey and Spider-Man use the same webs?
Peter Parker: I mean, maybe. Maybe he’s a Spider-Monkey. Who knows?
Peter Parker: Were you only watching me because you thought I was Spider-Man?
MJ: Yeah. Why else would I be watching you?
Peter Parker: Doesn’t matter. Just thought that maybe…
MJ: [referring to the piece of debris that projected a simulation of the Air Elemental] What is it, like some kind of projector or something?
Peter Parker: Yeah, but it’s really advanced.
MJ: It looked so real.
Peter Parker: Yeah, really real.
MJ: Wait a minute, does that mean that…
Peter Parker: The Elementals are fake? That doesn’t make any sense, because we were there, right? There was fire, and destruction, and… Who would do something like that?
[the projector shows Beck]
Peter Parker: [after realizing that Beck is a fraud] I am Spider-Man, and I really messed up.
MJ: Wait, you’re being serious right now?
Peter Parker: Mm-hmm.
MJ: You’re not joking with me? Like you’re a hundred percent serious? Because it’s not funny.
Peter Parker: No, I’m not joking.
MJ: Because I was only like sixty-seven percent sure.
Peter Parker: MJ.
MJ: So, why are you here? Why are you on this school trip?
Peter Parker: MJ, look, I know you have a lot of questions! But look, we really have to get out of here, okay?
MJ: Okay. Okay. I can’t believe I figured it out!
Quentin Beck: [as Peter battles multiples illusions created by Beck] I don’t think you know what’s real, Peter. You need to wake up! I mean, look at yourself. You are just a scared little kid in a sweatsuit! I created Mysterio to give the world someone to believe in. I control the truth! Mysterio is the truth. If you were good enough, maybe Tony would still be alive. Deep down, you know I’m right. You made your choice, and all you had to do was step aside. And now you have…
[suddenly we see Beck fall, subdued by Fury]
Nick Fury: [after Fury forces Peter to reveal who he told the truth about Beck] You are so dumb.
Peter Parker: What?
Nick Fury: Just a sucker.
Quentin Beck: [as Fury transforms into Beck, revealing it was another illusion] Now all your friends have to die. It’s easy to fool people when they’re already fooling themselves. But for what it’s worth, Peter, I really am sorry.
Peter Parker: Don’t tell me to relax, Happy! How can I relax when I messed up so bad? I trusted Beck. Right? I thought he was my friend, so I gave him the only thing that Mr. Stark left behind for me, and now he’s going to kill my friends and half of Europe. So please, do not tell me to relax! I’m sorry, Happy. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t shout. I just really miss him.
Happy Hogan: Yeah, I miss him too.
Peter Parker: Everywhere I go I see his face. And the whole world is asking who is going to be the next Iron Man? I don’t know if that’s me, Happy. I’m not Iron Man.
Happy Hogan: You’re not Iron Man. You’re never going to be Iron Man. Nobody could live up to Tony. Not even Tony. Tony was my best friend, and he was a mess. He second-guessed everything he did. He was all over the place. The one thing that he did that he didn’t second-guess was picking you. I don’t think Tony would’ve done what he did if he didn’t know that you were going to be here after he was gone.
Happy Hogan: Your friends are in trouble. You’re all alone. The tech is missing. What are you going to do about it?
Peter Parker: [referring to Beck] I’m going to kick his a**.
Happy Hogan: No, I mean, right now. Like, specifically, what are we going to do? Because we’ve been hovering over a tulip field for the last fifteen minutes.
Peter Parker: Right. I can’t call my friends because he’s tracking their phones. Give me your phone?
Happy Hogan: My cell phone?
Peter Parker: Yeah.
Happy Hogan: Okay. Here.
Peter Parker: What’s your password?
Happy Hogan: Password.
Peter Parker: No, what is your password?
Happy Hogan: Password. The word. Spell that. Password.
Peter Parker: You’re the head of security and your password is password?
Happy Hogan: I don’t feel good about it either.
Peter Parker: Yeah, I need a suit!
Happy Hogan: Suit?
Peter Parker: [Hogan reveals Stark’s suit-manufacturing machine on the plane] Okay. Bring up everything you have on Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: [the machine brings up holograms of different suites] Yeah, open that. Okay.
Peter Parker: [looking through the different suits] No, no, no. What?
Happy Hogan: [looking at Peter proudly] Nothing. You take care of the suit. I’ll take care of the music.
Peter Parker: [as Back in Black by Ac/CD starts playing] Oh, I love Led Zeppelin!
Happy Hogan: I got to get you guys out of here! Get on the jet!
MJ: Who are you?
Happy Hogan: I work with Spider-Man, okay? You got to get on that jet.
Flash Thompson: You work for Spider-Man?
Happy Hogan: I work with Spider-Man, not for Spider-Man!
Happy Hogan: [the jest suddenly explodes] New plan. Into the tower!
Ned Leeds: Are we going to die?
Happy Hogan: Nobody dies on my watch.
Ned Leeds: I wasted my life playing video games, and we’re going to die!
Betty Brant: I have a fake ID, and I’ve never even used it.
Flash Thompson: I post stupid videos daily for people to like me!
Happy Hogan: Hey! If it wasn’t for those stupid videos, Spider-Man would have never found you.
Flash Thompson: Spider-Man follows me? I saved us, guys!
MJ: If you saved us, then why are we about to die?
Betty, Ned: Stop it!
MJ: I’m sorry! Okay? I just, I’m obsessed with telling the truth even if it hurts other people’s feelings.
Happy Hogan: I’m in love with Spider-Man’s aunt.
[they all look at him in shocked silence]
Happy Hogan: We’re sharing, right?
Peter Parker: Your lies are over, Beck.
Quentin Beck: This certainly isn’t ideal, but I have contingencies. EDITH?
Peter Parker: Just give me the glasses.
Quentin Beck: [holds up the glasses] You want these? Come and get them.
Peter Parker: How could you do all of this?
Quentin Beck: You’ll see, Peter. People, they need to believe. And nowadays, they’ll believe anything.
[Peter sees Beck take his last breath and die]
Nick Fury: Where’s Parker?
Happy Hogan: He’s with the girl.
Nick Fury: I need to speak with him.
Happy Hogan: He’ll call you.
Nick Fury: He’ll ca…
Nick Fury: [starts laughing] Okay. That’s great. Well, he better, or it’s your a**. And don’t even think about ghosting me.
Peter Parker: [at the airport after they arrive home, they hold hands] You sure no one else has figured it out?
MJ: Yeah. It’s not like anybody really pays attention to you.
Peter Parker: Ouch.
MJ: Except for me.
Peter Parker: Aw. Thanks.
MJ: Don’t be late.
Peter Parker: I won’t. See you later.
Betty Brant: [referring to Peter and MJ] You guys are so cute.
Peter Parker: Thanks. I was thinking that maybe we should all, I don’t know, like go on a double date or something.
Ned, Betty: Oh, we broke up.
Peter Parker: No! What? Why?
Ned Leeds: Men and women grow apart. But the journey they shared together will always be a part of them.
Betty Brant: [touches his face] You are so wise.
Ned Leeds: Thank you.
Peter Parker: I’ve kept my identity pretty guarded these past couple of years. I faced a lot of deception, and I’m tired of the lies. So it’s time for the truth to be out there. Are you dating?
May Parker: Not really.
Happy Hogan: Yes. What? I think…
May Parker: Summer fling.
Happy Hogan: Yes, that evolves and grows like any other. Open to wherever it might lead.
May Parker: I still don’t know where it’s going to go. Anywhere. On or off.
Happy Hogan: And to share with people.
May Parker: But we’ll always be friends, no matter what.
Peter Parker: [awkwardly] I’m going to go, because I’ve got a date. Bye.
Voice: [mid-credit lines, Peter in his Spider-Man suit sees breaking news coverage] This is breaking news.
Pat Kiernan: We come to you now with revelations about last week’s attack in London. An anonymous source provided this video, it shows Quentin Beck, AKA, Mysterio, moments before his death. A warning, you may find this video disturbing.
Quentin Beck: [we see footage of Beck] I managed to send the Elemental back into the dimensional rift, but I don’t think I’m going to make it off this bridge alive. Spider-Man attacked me for some reason. He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology. He’s saying he’s the only one who’s going to be the new Iron Man, no one else.
[it cuts to an altered footage of the Tower Bridge battle]
EDITH: Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack? There will be significant casualties.
Peter Parker: Do it. Execute them all.
Pat Kiernan: This shocking video was released earlier today on the controversial news website thedailybugle.net.
J. Jonah Jameson: There you have it folks, conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the brutal murder of Mysterio. An interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet, and who will no doubt, go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time! But that’s not all folks, here’s the real blockbuster. Brace yourselves, you might want to sit down.
Quentin Beck: [we see another footage from Beck] Spider-Man’s real… Spider-Man’s real name is… Spider-Man’s name is Peter Parker!
Peter Parker: [horrified as a photo of Peter is shown] What the fu…!
Soren: [post-credit lines, we see Hill and Fury transform into the Skrulls Talos and Soren] You got to tell him.
Talos: It was fine. The little boy handled it. We helped.
Talos: Come off it, how was I supposed to know that the whole thing was fake? I mean that was all very, very convincing, you know. The performances, the illusion, that costume, the craftsmanship in that. I mean, this is just embarrassing for a shape-shifter. Fine!
Talos: [answers a call from Fury] Hey, there. I hope your mission is going well. We gave the glasses to Parker, about a week ago, like you said. And it was very touching, you know? Really, really quite touching.
Talos: And, you know, shortly after that, everything kind of went off the rails, and so we need you to come back. Because everyone kept asking me where the Avengers are, and I don’t know what to say to that. So you’re lucky…
Nick Fury: [ends the call, where he’s on a Skrull spaceship] Everybody, back to work! Who’s got my shoes?