Movie Info
Starring: Russell Crowe, Ryan Gosling, Matt Bomer, Kim Basinger, Margaret Qualley, Jack Kilmer
Story: Comedy thriller directed and co-written by Shane Black. The Nice Guys (2016) is set in Los Angeles in the 1970s and follows a criminal fixer, Jackson Healy (Russell Crowe), who finds himself embroiled in a mystery surrounding a young woman’s disappearance. But it seems the only guy who can help him solve the case is a seemingly incompetent private detective, Holland March (Ryan Gosling), who he had previously roughed up as part of another job.
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Top The Nice Guys Quotes
Mrs. Miller: I’m terribly worried, it’s just Fred’s never gone this long before.
Holland March: [notices the urn of ashes over the fireplace with Fred’s name on it] How long has he been missing?
Mrs. Miller: Since the funeral.
Holland March: Well I can start right away.
Jackson Healy: [looks up the word of the day on his calendar] “Equanimity. The quality of being calm and even-tempered.”
Holland March: Who is it?
Jackson Healy: Messenger service.
Holland March: [opens the door, suddenly Healy hits him hard in the face] F***!
Jackson Healy: March, we’re going to play a game.
Holland March: I think you have the wrong house.
Jackson Healy: [ throws March across the room] It’s called “shut up unless you’re me”.
Holland March: [gets kicked in the stomach] I love that game.
Jackson Healy: [looks at March’s ID in his wallet] You’re a private investigator?
Holland March: There’s twenty bucks in there, alright? Just take it.
Jackson Healy: No, I’m not here for that. I’m a messenger. Give me your left arm.
Holland March: No!
Jackson Healy: I’m not in the yellow pages, but if you got trouble with someone you might ask around for me, Jackson Healy.
Jackson Healy: March, Jack Healy. Don’t get upset. I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to ask you a question.
Holland March: [opens his cubicle door and points his gun at Healy] How stupid do you think I am? I got a license to carry, dumba**! And ever since your little visit this little baby is going to stay right here.
Holland March: Look away.
Jackson Healy: [turns and sees March through the bathroom mirror] You know there’s a mirror here, right?
Holland March: This is a high profile case.
Jackson Healy: It made the newspapers.
Jackson Healy: You’re a private investigator? There’s a couple people that say you’re a good detective. I want you to help me with this case.
Holland March: My profession is very complicated, okay? It’s nuanced.
Holland March: Well, look who decided to show up for class?
Jackson Healy: There’s a couple of people I trust that say you’re good at this. I want you to find Amelia.
Holland March: I would have thought your job ended with breaking my f***ing arm.
Holly March: [to Healy] You’re the guy who beat up my dad.
Holland March: Sucker punched your dad, big difference.
Holly March: You beat people up and charge money?
Jackson Healy: Yeah.
Holland March: Sad, isn’t it?
Holly March: How much would you charge to beat up my friend Janet?
Holland March: What?
Jackson Healy: How much you got?
Holly March: Thirty bucks.
Holland March: Have you seen this girl? She’s got dark hair, her name is Amelia.
Bartender: What’s in it for me?
Holland March: [points to Healy] He’ll stop doing it.
Bartender: Doing what?
Bartender: [suddenly Healy grabs the him by his tie and smacks his head on the counter] Ow! F***!
Holland March: That.
Jackson Healy: Marriage is buying a house for someone you hate.
Holland March: Have you seen this girl?
Bartender: What’s in it for me?
Jackson Healy: Well you can do this the easy way.
Bartender: [suddenly Healy grabs him by his tie and smacks his head on the counter]Ow!
Jackson Healy: We’re currently doing it the easy way.
Bartender: Whatever happened to offering me twenty bucks?
Holland March: It’s the recession.
Holland March: What the hell is going on?
Jackson Healy: Oh, yeah. There’s guy coming to kill us. That kind of crap.
Holly March: [at a late night party] Dad, there’s like whores here and stuff.
Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don’t say “and stuff”. Just say, “Dad, there are whores here.”
Holland March: Where are you going?
Jackson Healy: I think this is going to work better if we split up.
Holland March: Wow, that’s really insensitive.
Holland March: Guy without his balls. A Munich.
Jackson Healy: Munich, is a city in Germany, Munich. München.
Holland March: You sure?
Jackson Healy: My dad was stationed there.
Holland March: Right. Hitler only had one ball.
Judith Kuttner: First of all I want to say, I thank you. We’ve been watching interviews and it sounds like you might have saved my daughter’s life.
Jackson Healy: That was mostly Holly, his daughter.
Holland March: It’s genetics.
Judith Kuttner: I need your help. I want to know if I can trust you.
Jackson Healy: I’m kind of getting the idea that, you know, you might not have much choice.
Judith Kuttner: Well my situation is very delicate.
Jackson Healy: That’s where I know you from, right, the TV. You’re prosecuting that car company thing.
Judith Kuttner: The lawsuit of the catalytic converter. Yes, that’s half my day. The other half I spend on p**nography.
Holland March: What kind? Like which films? What’s your favorite?
Jackson Healy: No. No. Anti, anti-p**n.
Holland March: Right.
Jackson Healy: Like a crusader.
Holland March: Should I be writing this down?
Jackson Healy: Yeah, write it down.
Judith Kuttner: The Vegas Mob is trying to spread its p**n operation to Hollywood Boulevard, and I’m doing everything I can to stop it.
Holland March: Thank you.
Holland March: [to himself as he writes this down] “P**n is bad.”
Holland March: So you’re telling me you made a p**no where the plot is the point?
Judith Kuttner: [to Healy] The mob is trying to spread its operation to Los Angeles. Somehow my daughter Amelia is involved. Please, find her.
Jackson Healy: One thing we know for sure, something funny is going on.
Jackson Healy: [as they see a guy get shot and hrown out the building] Oh, this just keeps getting better and better.
Holly March: You’re the world’s worst detectives.
Holland March: The world’s worst.
Jackson Healy: March! Gun! Gun!
Jackson Healy: [March throws his gun towards him but it smashes out through the window] F***!
Holland March: S**t!
Holland March: [screams] I’m alive!
[just then someone starts shooting at him]
Holland March: Look at the bright side, nobody got hurt.
Jackson Healy: People got hurt.
Holland March: I’m saying I think they died quickly so I don’t think that they got hurt.
Holland March: [March is crying like a baby] Oh, my God!
Jackson Healy: Hey, can you behave like a professional.
Holland March: I’m sorry.
Holland March: She’s dead.
Jackson Healy: She’s not dead!
Holland March: She’s dead!
Jackson Healy: She’s not dead!
[just then Amelia lands on the hood of their car]
Holland March: [to Healy] Why do you think everyone involved with this case is dying?
Woman: [points her gun at March] Weapons on the floor.
Holland March: This is not you. You’re not a murderer.
Jackson Healy: She just killed three people.
Holland March: I know, but I’m saying deep down.
Jackson Healy: Look if you come into here, you beat up on me, it’s part of the job, I accept it. But what do you do? You pi** me off.
Holland March: Before we go solving the crime of the century let’s deal with the rotting corpse.
Jackson Healy: I got a plan.
Jackson Healy: [as they’re carrying the dead body towards the fence] Did you fall down the hill?
Holland March: I had like two or three drinks tops.
Jackson Healy: Yeah, that’s why you can’t walk straight.
Holland March: Oh, excuse me I’m carrying a dead body and I have a schvantz in my face, so I’m sorry I’m not Pakishnirov.
Jackson Healy: You can’t even say Baryshnikov!
Jackson Healy: You did, didn’t you? You fell down the hill. You get drunk, you lose your gun, you take a header off the balcony, and then you’re going to tell me it’s like a hallowed time on a detective ploy right?
Holland March: It was very slippery up there, okay? I was just, I was in the pool.
Jackson Healy: You were in the pool!
Holland March: Yeah.
Jackson Healy: Why?
Holland March: I had to question the mermaids.
Holly March: Promise you’ll get them
Holland March: Yeah, I promise.
Holly March: [puts up her little finger] Pinky promise?
[March reluctantly links his pinky finger to hers to promise]
Holly March: Dr. Malik, would you like a cookie? I just baked them.
Jessica: There’s none left, remember?
Holly March: No, there is a couple. Doctor?
John Boy: I could be persuaded, after I look at Sleeping Beauty.
Holland March: [as they’re being shot] I think I’m invincible. I don’t think I can die. Let me.
Jackson Healy: [as March steps out of his hiding place] That’s not the smart idea.
Holland March: I got a cool ad though. I made your head small because I know you’re sensitive how big it is.
Jackson Healy: [March shows Healy the cutout of the ad showing a drawing of their heads] It’s terrible. Yeah.
Holland March: Alright, which one of you c**k-and-balls wants to make twenty bucks?
Kid on Bike: You guys want to see my d**k?
Holland March: No, kid. We don’t want to see your d**k.