The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) Best Quotes

Starring: Patton Oswalt, Eric Stonestreet, Kevin Hart, Jenny Slate, Ellie Kemper, Lake Bell, Dana Carvey, Hannibal Buress, Bobby Moynihan, Tiffany Haddish, Nick Kroll, Harrison Ford, Pete Holmes

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Animated comedy sequel directed by Chris Renaud. The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) continues the story of Max (Patton Oswalt) and his pet friends. Max faces major changes after his owner Katie (Ellie Kemper) gets married and now has a child named Liam, making Max become overprotective. Then on a family trip to the countryside, Max meets a farm dog named Rooster (Harrison Ford), and both attempt to overcome his fears. Meanwhile, Gidget (Jenny Slate) tries to rescue Max’s favorite toy, Busy Bee, from a cat-packed apartment, and Snowball (Kevin Hart) sets on a mission to free a white tiger named Hu (Nick Kroll) from a circus.

Read the movie review here.

Our Favorite Quotes:

Best Quotes

Molly: [with Snowball and her toys] I’m calling this meeting of the superhero animal friends to order. Commander Horsie, please read the minutes from our last meeting. Thank you. Now remember, everyone, crime is out there. We have to be ready.
Molly’s Mother: Come on, Molly. Time to go.
Molly: Ooh. I’m going to be late for school. Captain Snowball, you’re in charge while I’m gone.
Snowball: [after Molly leaves] First of all, I want to welcome White Thunder back from the washing machine, who was put in there with a red blanket, and hence forth will be known as Pink Thunder.

Snowball: [dressed in his superhero outfit] Good morning, New York City!
Max: Snowball! Hey, Snowball what are you doing?
Snowball: What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m looking for crime, tiny dog. I’m doing superhero stuff. I’m staying focused. If anybody comes in here looking for trouble, oh, they’re going to meet my partners. We’re talking about paw and arm.
Max: Uh-huh. Okay, well, you do know that your owner is just playing superhero, right? You’re just wearing some superhero pajamas.
Snowball: Huh, tiny dog, you’re so naïve. Point me in the direction of any animal who needs my help, and stand back!
Max: [as Snowball starts doing superhero moves] Okay, okay. I got it.

Snowball: [referring to Katie’s young son, Liam] Hey, quick question. Is he still peeing everywhere? Can’t control his bladder?
Max: Yeah, he’s peeing. But every pet knows, if you pee on it, you own it. And Liam, he’s just thinking ahead.
Snowball: Yeah, but you still better train him before pre-school starts. You don’t want Liam to get a reputation as one of those pee-pee kids?
Max: Yeah, totally. Hey, wait, pre-school?
Snowball: Yeah, he’s around that age. The baby bird is leaving the nest, TD.
Max: No, no. Baby bird is staying put. He doesn’t need pre-school. You know, stay home with me, where it’s safe.
Duke: Hey, Max, It’s no big deal. No need to overreact, but Liam just left.
Max: Wait, what? Where did he go?
Duke: I don’t know. He never tells the dogs specifics.

Max: [using the baby monitor] This is home base to all units. The package has left the building. Does anyone have eyes on him?
Buddy: I don’t see him, over.
Mel: He’s not in this bag of chips, over.
Max: Okay, keep… Wait a minute. Why would he be in a bag of chips?

Katie: Hey, Maxie, what say we go for a walk?
Max: You know, I got to say, this is nice. Good to stretch the legs.
Dog: [passes Max] I don’t want to go to the vet!
Max: The vet! No! No, no, no, no! No, not cool! You tricked me!
Katie: Maxi, come on boy. You’ve been so stressed lately, but the vet is going to help you. Let’s go, buddy.

Cat: [at vet waiting room] First time here?
Max: Yeah.
Cat: Oh, Dr. Francis is the best veterinarian in the business. You’re going to love him. He specializes in behavioral disorders.
Max: Behavioral disorders?
Cat: Yeah.
Max: But I don’t have a behavioral disorder. I mean I worry a little, sure. But it’s a dangerous world. You’d be crazy not to worry.
Cat: Yeah, I’m fine too. It’s my human that’s nuts. I mean, you know, I bring her a dead bird, she throws it out. I bring her dead mouse, right in the garbage!
Cat: [to his owner] Is nothing I do good enough for you, mother?!
Max: Okay.

Guinea Pig: [Max looks at the guinea pig in its cage, running around in its cage wheel] I run, I can run, and I run, and I run, and I get out, and I’ve gone nowhere. Nowhere!

Nervous Dog: My owner always says, “You’re such a good dog,” and I feel like a good dog. But what if deep down I’m a bad dog? What if I’m a bad dog?!

Siamese Twin Cats: We start fires.
[Max freaks out and yells]

Duke: [referring to the cone around Max’s neck] Oh, hey I like your coat. Listen, I heard Chuck tell Liam that we’re going on a trip!
Max: Really? We’re going in the car?
Duke: We’re going in the car!

Max: You know, life is funny. One minute, you’re getting fitted for a cone, and the next, you get to go in a car!

Max: I was wondering, could you watch my Busy Bee while I’m gone?
Gidget: He is so cute!
Max: I know, it’s my favorite toy in the whole world. And that little face. Oh, his little face. Oh, and, and, ready?
Gidget: [as Max squeezes his toy, Busy Bee] Oh, wow. I love him. Oh, I just love him immediately. It’s like we’re his parents. It’s like you’re the dad, and I’m the mom, and we’re in a relationship, and this is our baby.
Max: Well…
Gidget: It’s exactly like that. Exactly!
Max: It’s okay, yes. Yes, that’s exactly what it is. So you’ll watch Busy Bee while I’m gone?
Gidget: Max, you go, have a great time. And I want you to know, I have got this.
Max: Thanks, Gidget. See you later.
Gidget: I will defend Busy Bee with my life.

Max: Hey, man!
Dog: I’m in a car!
Max: Us too!

Snowball: [as he’s about to do lift some weights] You know, I’ll be the first bunny with washboard glutes. I’m not even sure what glutes are, but mine are going to be shredded.
Chloe: Oh, yeah, yeah. That’s fascinating.
Snowball: Let me tell you something, criminals will take one good look at my glutes, and they’re going to give up.
Snowball: [tries to lift the weights, but is unable to budge it] No! Okay, this is obviously glued to the floor.

Daisy: Excuse me, rabbit, cat, do any of you know Captain Snowball?
Snowball: Yes. Yes, we do.
Chloe: And here we go.
Daisy: Oh, good! My name is Daisy, and I really got to talk to him. A poor defenseless animal needs saving.
Snowball: Are you saying…?
Daisy: Yes. I need Captain Snowball for a top secret rescue.
Snowball: Alright. Well, I got to go. But nice meeting you what was it again?
Daisy: Okay, you don’t listen. It’s Daisy.
Snowball: Whatever. Okay I got to do, stuff to do today. Bye-bye.
Daisy: [as Snowball hops off] Mm-hmm. That was weird.
Chloe: Oh, sister, it’s going to get way weirder.

Snowball: [puts on his superhero costume] It’s Snow-time, baby.
Daisy: Is he okay?
Chloe: Not in any way, no.

Snowball: Hello, citizens.
Daisy: Who is that? Mm-mm-mm.
Snowball: I’m Captain Snowball. I hear one of you needs my help.
Daisy: Ooh, that’s me.
Snowball: Ah, very good.

Snowball: Let’s free that tiger.
Daisy: Or die trying.
Snowball: Well, I mean…
Daisy: I mean we might.
Snowball: Um…
Daisy: Probably you.
Snowball: Huh?
Daisy: You’re wearing a bright suit. Everyone’s going to notice you. It’ll be fine.

Duke: [to Max as they arrive on the farm] So many smells I’ve never smelt before! My nose is so confused and happy!

Duke: Hey, cow, moo! You’re a cow, you’re supposed to mooo!
Cow: Woof-woof!
Duke: What?
Cow: Oh, I’m a dog. I’m wagging my tail like an idiot.
Duke: Okay, dude. Not cool.
Cow: Oh, are you going to throw a ball? Oh, please throw a ball, and I will chase it because my brain is the size of rat turd.
Duke: [laughs] Okay. Yeah, I get it. You made your point.
Cow: Oh, look, I’m peeing on a tree.
Duke: Okay. Yeah, great. We’re leaving now.
Cow: I guess I’ll just stare at the door until you come back!

Max: Oh, I miss New York.
Duke: Maybe a break from the city is just what you need. This place is…
Max: [a massive turkey stomps behind them and chases after him] What? What did I do?! What did I do? What did I do?
Max: [Rooster howls loudly and the turkey stops in his tracks] Huh?
Duke: [as the Turkey leaves] Woh.

Gidget: Real quick. Why is there a lampshade on your head?
Chloe: [acting drunk] Listen, Gidget, baby, I got to be honest with you, my owner might have given me a little bit of catnip.
Gidget: Oh, okay. Gotcha. That’s great. Listen…
Chloe: It is great, Gidget. Everything is great.
Gidget: Alright.
Chloe: Do you hear that?
Gidget: Hear what?
Chloe: It’s like a tiny, like a tiny motor. It’s like a humming sound.
Gidget: I’m not, don’t know what you’re… Oh. Well, you’re purring. That’s you.
Chloe: What? That’s me? I’m guessing the sound is coming from inside of me?
Gidget: Yep.
Chloe: Oh, I wonder what other sounds I can make?
Gidget: It’s just Max trusted me to look after his Busy Bee, and then…
Gidget: [as Chloes purrs again] Would you listen?
Gidget: [Chloe does another loud meow] Wow, please stop.
Gidget: [Chloe meows again] Are you finished?
[Chloe make another weird sound]

Rooster: [to Max after he’s drunk from Rooster’s water bowl] Dog’s got two things in this life, his water bowl and his dignity. You take one, you take the other.

Duke: We are so sorry, Mr. Chicken.
Rooster: Name’s not chicken. Do I look like a chicken to you?
Max: No. No, sir.
Duke: No, not even a little.
Rooster: Name’s Rooster.

Rooster: [referring to Liam’s playpen] Hey, what’s that kid doing in the cage? Something wrong with him? He got the fever?
Max: That’s Liam. He likes to run.
Rooster: So let him run.
Max: Well, Liam’s super fast. We blink, and he’s up a tree.
Rooster: So then your kids up a tree. What’s the problem?
Max: Well, he could fall.
Rooster: He might.
Max: And then he hurts himself.
Rooster: Oh, so he got really high up, in this hypothetical tree? Kid gets hurt, he learns not to do it again. You know how many electric cords I’ve chewed?
Max: Like multiple cords?
Rooster: One. It shocked me. I walked backward for a week, but I never chewed a cord again.
Max: Well, that is great for you, and it explains a lot. But I like to protect Liam from everything.
Rooster: Well, that’s you, and you’re wrong.

Max: Thanks. He got the jump on me. I guess he, I couldn’t see him because of the cone.
Rooster: Then get rid of the cone.
Max: Oh, man, I would. I would, but my therapist says I need it.
Rooster: Oh. Oh, okay. Well,. that makes sense.
Max: Yeah, it’s a medical device. These doctors…
Rooster: [uses his teeth to take the cone off Max] There. You’re cured. Hallelujah.
Max: Not a fan. I am not a fan of the farm.

Chloe: Tail. Ears. And voilà.
Mel: [puts fakes ears and tail on Gidget] Woh, Gidget, you look so much like a cat it’s crazy.
Gidget: Yeah. Who knew? It’s so easy.
Chloe: Woh, woh, woh, hold on. It’s going to take more than fake ears and a sock. Okay. You got to learn how to act like a cat.

Chloe: I’m going to throw some situations at you, and you’re just going to, you know, you’re going to react like a cat.
Giget: Gotcha!
Chloe: [d tosses a ball] Fetch.
Buddy: Yeah! I’m going to get it!
Chloe: Gidget, stay.
Giget: But…
Chloe: No! Cats don’t care about fetching. Fetching is for dopes. You’re above that, because you are a cat.

Chloe: [pushes Mel and Buddy off a ledge, they both scream in terror as they fall] You see, dogs land like the clumsy oafs they are. Meanwhile, cats land on their feet.
Gidget: Really? How…
Gidget: [Chloe pushes her and she manages to land on her feet] Yes, I did it! I landed on my feet! Yes!
Buddy: Nice work.
Mel: [as Mel lands on his back] Seriously guys, I think I broke something.

Chloe: [referring to her litter box] You got to. It’s a fact of life.
Gidget: Absolutely not. Never going to happen.
Mel: [pops his head out of the litter box chewing on something]] Guys, I found treats!
Buddy: Oh, Mel. Ugh.
[Chloe looks like she’s going to puke]

Chloe: [referring to the small pet bird] Okay, Gidget. Eat Sweetpea.
Gidget: What?!
Chloe: Cats eat birds. It’s nature.
Gidget: Yeah, I’m going to pass.
Chloe: No, no, no, no. You used your one pass on the litterbox, so you have to do this.
Gidget: But…
Chloe: Bu-bu-bu, do it!
Buddy: You’re seriously going to make her eat Sweetpea?
Chloe: Oh, no, no, no, no, of course not. I’m just freaking her out…
Gidget: [after she puts Sweetpea in her mouth] Okay, what’s next?
Chloe: Gidget, no! That’s… Bad dog! Bad cat-dog!
Gidget: [spits out Sweetpea, who pecks her hard on the head] Ow. Sorry.

Chloe: [to Gidget as she jumps up to the desk] Up. Tail in the face. Okay, touch your butt to the cup. Walk on keyboard. There you go. Coffee on computer. And down.
Buddy: Nice.
Chloe: Yes, you got it. Gidget, you’re as close to a cat as a dog can get.
Mel: Cool, now turn me into a chinchilla. Can you do that?

Snowball: Hey, big dog, what did I do? Well, I just rescued a tiger. And I’m not even trying to brag. I’m just telling you what happened. You’re so goddamn awesome. When you’re awesome, and you just tell the truth, it sounds like you’re bragging.
Daisy: Let me know when you’re finished tooting your own horn, because we got to find a safe place for Hu.
Snowball: What? What are you talking about?
Snowball: [looks over to see the tiger they rescued ripping off a peace of car] Ahh! Oh, yeah. Oh, that guy.

Rooster: Cotton! What are you doing down there?
Cotton: There’s apples in this tree.
Rooster: Alright, just don’t panic.
Max: Oh, man.
Rooster: Max is coming down to save you.
Max: Wait, what?
Rooster: That tree can’t support my weight. You get down there.
Max: I can’t do that.
Rooster: Sure you can. Think of this as a game of fetch. Now, go fetch the sheep.
Max: No, no, no, no. It’s too high, and I’m too afraid.

Rooster: Max, here’s the trick. The first step of not being afraid is acting like you’re not afraid. So, are you scared?
Max: [cowering down shaking with fear] No?
Rooster: Are you scared?!
Max: No! No, I’m not!
Rooster: Now you’re talking.

Gidget: Snowball?
Snowball: Puppy Dog?
Gidget: What are you doing in Max’s apartment?
Snowball: Nothing. Why are you hanging out with every cat in the Universe?
Gidget: Oh, you know, just because.

Snowball: Tiny dog, where are you going?
Max: Yeah, I’m not sure, but I guess I’m going to, going to try and find my inner Rooster.
Snowball: What?

Max: Okay, things got back to normal. I mean, mostly. You know what they say, “When life closes a door, then it opens a cat lady’s window.” Because everything changes, nothing stays the same for long. The minute you’re used to something, the minute you think, “Oh, this is how life is,” life finds a way of surprising you.

Max: [walking Liam to his first day at school] You never know what life is going to throw at you. And you have two choices, run from it, or run at it. It’s a big day, and from this point on, nothing is going to be the same. But I’m going to be brave. And I’m going to help Liam be brave, because he’s my kid, and I want him to see the world. The big scary incredible world.

Rooster: [closing credits lines] Okay. Moment’s over.

Trailer: