Movie Info
Starring: Jason Bateman, Olivia Munn, T. J. Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Jillian Bell, Courtney B. Vance, Kate McKinnon, Jamie Chung, Rob Corddry, Abbey Lee, Karan Soni, Matt Walsh
Story: Comedy directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck. Office Christmas Party (2016) centers on CEO, Carol (Jennifer Aniston), who tries to close her hard-partying brother’s branch, so he and his Chief Technical Officer rally their co-workers and host an epic office Christmas party in an effort to impress a potential client and close a sale that will save their jobs, but the party gets way out of hand.
Where to Watch:
Top Office Christmas Party Quotes
Josh Parker: You guys have parties at 10:30 in the morning?
Ezra: Less liability. Apparently, people don’t get drunk before noon.
Mary: It’s winter. Can we put Dancer and Prancer back in their stable.
Mary: Oh, I thought it was clear. This is a multi-denominational holiday sweater. It has Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the Buddhist day of enlightenment, and Boxing Day on it. Everyone’s included!
Jeremy: Is everyone included? What about something for the Satanists?
Tim: [to Nate] Hey, so are you going to be inviting your fake girlfriend to the holiday party later? I mean, I just want to make sure you have time to inflate her.
Allison: If I hear you let your stripper girlfriend put my children on her motorcycle one more time I will Gone Girl you so hard!
Clay Vanstone: It’s so hard to shop for the bald. Who are they? What do they want?
Josh Parker: Hair.
Mary: Dammit. I hate tension, and I farted.
Carol Vanstone: You’re having a Christmas party tonight?
Mary: Oh, it’s not a Christmas party! It’s a non-denominational holiday mixer. More inclusive.
Carol Vanstone: I saw that! You whispered to the farty cheese lady.
Carol Vanstone: Is that Dad?
Clay Vanstone: No, Carol, I just have some random guy’s ashes in my office. Got it online.
Clay Vanstone: You’re going to look so stupid.
Carol Vanstone: Then we’ll finally have something in common.
Clay Vanstone: Nobody is losing their jobs!
Josh Parker: Yeah.
Clay Vanstone: That is a Josh and Clay Christmas promise.
Jeremy: Your promises are dog s**t!
Clay Vanstone: First rule of business: Shoot for the moon and you’ll land on the sun.
Tim: Significant others are welcome at the party.
Drew: Look at that. Looks like we’re finally going to meet Becca.
Nate: Yeah! Oh, shoot. Except she’s working late tonight. Modelling.
Tim: Is she shooting the cover of Full of S**t magazine?
Carol Vanstone: I don’t see happy. I see crappy. And a rug that makes me sad.
Josh Parker: Wow! You look like Cinderella, if she joined the TSA.
Clay Vanstone: God, I know I haven’t asked You for much in this life. Granted, I was born rich. And white. And male. And straight. Except for that one time. But that’s Las Vegas. But tonight I need You to bless this party. This party has to rock.
Mary: [to the office party goers] Babies are not getting made tonight, not here on company property. If you’re going to have intercourse, please go beyond the flood lamps at the perimeter of the plaza and into the Rite Aid parking lot.
Mary: [to the office party goers] This is still an office, and even though it’s dark outside, the rules don’t turn off. The rules may not turn off, but your inhibitions can! I’m talking about take your pee-pees out and put them in some booties! And remember that tonight the decisions you make will have consequences that will haunt you for the rest of your professional lives.
Jeremy: [referring to Mary] She is like a poisonous f***ing cloud of s**t gas, like just seeping into everybody’s good time. Every word she says makes my f***ing haemorrhoids throb! I want that on the record.
Josh Parker: It is.
Fred: Mommy! I mean, Allison. Don’t leave.
Allison: Save that s**t for the fourth date like a normal person!
Meghan: “Hashtag, Greatest party ever. Hashtag, open bar.” How do you spell “Hanukkah”?
Kelsey: Wait. Who are you sending that to?
Meghan: Oh, you know, everyone in Chicago.
Carol Vanstone: Just get me on a plane. Get me on any goddamn plane, alright? I have enough miles to orbit the sun.
Airline Concierge: I’m sorry, ma’am. All flights are grounded until the snow clears. There’s nothing more I can do.
Carol Vanstone: Well, refer me to someone who can do something.
Airline Concierge: That would be God, ma’am.
Carol Vanstone: Oh, Her.
Lonny: You know, I could hook you up if you want to be an Uber driver.
Carol Vanstone: I’m good. I already have a job. Thank you very much.
Lonny: Yeah, but you could be CEO of your own car!
Carol Vanstone: I am a CEO.
Lonny: Of Uber? Oh, my God. Is this Undercover Boss? Is that a camera? Are you wearing a disguise?
Nate: Allison, are you okay?
Allison: No! I’m not okay. My ex-husband is dating a stripper, Drew is cyberstalking me, and Fred from accounting is like a human f***ing AMBER Alert. Don’t I deserve to date someone who is nice?
Nate: Hey! What the hell? I hired you to pretend to be my girlfriend, then you go and give all my co-workers hand jobs?
Savannah: You hired me to impress your co-workers, and he was pretty impressed.
Jeremy: There’s a real human centipede situation happening in the men’s room.
Josh Parker: Can this thing handle snow?
Mary: Oh, please. It’s a Kia. It’s what God would drive.
Mary: Last year I filed a sexual harassment complaint against myself.
Josh Parker: [referring to Carol] You do not want to die at the hands of Lululemon here. It’d be real embarrassing. You’re a large guy, and she’s made of nothing but salad and Smartwater.
Josh Parker: Mary, why do you even have a minivan? You don’t have kids.
Mary: I buy in bulk!
Mary: Hey, guys, I got doughnuts! I got jelly and glazed, and some other stuff. But no Cronuts, that’s a b*****d pastry.
Jeremy: [to Mary] I still hate your rules. But your dancing is wild and free. Like an unmanned fire hose.
Clay Vanstone: I got to tell you, I was always like, “Tracey, this doesn’t make any sense,” and she was like, “Words, words, words, and some numbers.” But she did it.