Starring: Jason Bateman, Olivia Munn, T. J. Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Jillian Bell, Courtney B. Vance, Kate McKinnon, Jamie Chung, Rob Corddry, Abbey Lee, Karan Soni, Matt Walsh
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Comedy directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck. Office Christmas Party (2016) centers on CEO, Carol (Jennifer Aniston), who tries to close her hard-partying brother’s branch, so he and his Chief Technical Officer rally their co-workers and host an epic office Christmas party in an effort to impress a potential client and close a sale that will save their jobs, but the party gets way out of hand.
Security Guard: [seeing Carol enter the building who notices the Christmas decorations] Ooh, somebody’s getting fired.
Clay Vanstone: Oh, no. it’s my sister.
Josh Parker: It’s Christmas, we should celebrate they say, just a little get together for the employees. Have a few drinks, blow off a little steam, nothing crazy.
Mary: Hi, Meghan. I thought I had been clear about the number of buttons that can be unbuttoned.
Jeremy: Are you body shaming her right now?
Josh Parker: Jeremy, come on.
Mary: It’s winter. Can we put Dancer and Prancer back in their stable.
Josh Parker: Hey, Allison. Is Clay in there?
Allison: [talking on her phone] You f***ing m**herf***er! If I hear you let your stripper girlfriend put my children on her motorcycle one more time, I will Gone Girl you so hard.
Allison: Hey, Josh. You can go ahead.
Josh Parker: I’m just going to go in.
Carol Vanstone: You’re having a Christmas party, tonight?
Mary: Oh, it’s not a Christmas party. It’s a non-denominational holiday mixer. More inclusive.
Carol Vanstone: Well whatever you call it, it’s not happening.
Clay Vanstone: Alright, it’s cancelled.
Carol Vanstone: [looks at Mary and mouths “it’s happening”] Hey, idiot, I’m looking right at you.
Clay Vanstone: Okay, we’re not doing it.
Clay Vanstone: [looking at the others] We’ll still do it.
Mary: This is a sample cheeseboard for our holiday mixer tonight.
Carol Vanstone: I’m sorry, you’re having a Christmas party tonight? It’s not happening.
Clay Vanstone: Alright, it’s cancelled.
Carol Vanstone: [to Mary, winks and mouths “it’s not”] Hey, idiot, I’m looking right at you.
Clay Vanstone: I’m telling you the thing is not happening at all.
Carol Vanstone: [to Mary, mouths “it’s happening”] I’m not messing with you. Hey! Stop doing that, alright!
Carol Vanstone: This branch is failing, I’m shutting you down.
Josh Parker: You got to give us a little bit of time to turn this around.
Carol Vanstone: Alright. If by some miracle you can close Walter Davis and his fourteen million dollar account, your jobs are safe.
Clay Vanstone: Done! You’ll see, you’re going to look so stupid.
Carol Vanstone: Then we’ll finally have something in common.
Clay Vanstone: Goddammit, she’s so mean!
Clay Vanstone: Nobody is losing their jobs!
Josh Parker: Yeah.
Clay Vanstone: That is a Josh and Clay Christmas promise.
Jeremy: Your promises are dog s**t!
Clay Vanstone: Guys, what if we show him the greatest time of his life at our Christmas party tonight? This is how we save everybody’s job.
Tracey Hughes: It’s not the worst idea.
Clay Vanstone: God, I know I haven’t asked you for much in this life. Granted, I was born rich. And white. And male. And straight. Except for that one time. But that’s Las Vegas. But tonight I need you to bless this party. This party has to rock.
Tim: [to Nate] Hey, so, are you going to be inviting your fake girlfriend to the holiday party later? I mean I just want to make sure you have time to inflate her.
Clay Vanstone: Walter, do you party?
Walter Davis: I used to.
Mary: [to Clay, reading a text message] It’s “F-word, Christmas, B-word. Let’s get mother F-word drunk. Walter.”
Mary: [to the office party goers, makes an announcement on the microphone] Tonight the decision you make will have consequences that will haunt you for the rest of your professional lives.
Mary: I’ve got doughnuts. I’ve got jelly and sprinkles, but not cronuts because they’re a bastard pastry.
Mary: [to the office party goers, makes an announcement on the microphone] If you are going to have intercourse tonight please do not do it on company property. Go into the right A parking lot.
DJ: We’re talking right A baby making all night!
Party Goer: [a guy dressed in a Jesus outfit] It’s my birthday.
Josh Parker: Ah, really committing. That’s nice.
Clay Vanstone: This party has to rock.
Josh Parker: Did you rent a live baby?
Clay Vanstone: What? It’s cheaper than you think.
Trina: [to Clay, who’s dressed in a Sana suit] Hey, Santa, want to party?
Meghan: [sending a text] “Greatest party ever. Hashtag, open bar.”
Kelsey: Who are you sending that too?
Meghan: Everyone in Chicago.
Carol Vanstone: I’m CEO of Genotek, please just drive.
Uber Driver: I just dropped off four people there at that party tonight. They gave me three stars like a bunch of b**ches.
Carol Vanstone: What did you just say?
Uber Driver: I said they were a bunch of b**ches!
Trina: [to Clay] Pull over or I will shoot you p**is in the face!
Walter Davis: I love this company!
Carol Vanstone: What did you guys do to him?
Walter Davis: I feel alive!
Josh Parker: [Walter swings on some lights and crashes hard into an office cabinet] I think he meant to swing there.
Clay Vanstone: You know, the thing is, I told everybody they were going to be okay, but then they weren’t. And so, I broke a Christmas promise, which is basically the worst thing you can do.
Trina: I mean, it is so stressful being the boss. Nobody ever talks about that.
Clay Vanstone: No. No, not at all. And if you want to complain about it, everybody’s like, “Oh, boo-hoo you, rich Santa.”
Trina: Yeah, no one gives a s**t!
Tracey Hughes: [referring to the reindeers in the elevator] Where did you get these?
Clay Vanstone: It’d be better if I didn’t say.
Josh Parker: [Carol is pinning down a large man in a wrestler’s grip] You do not want to die at the hands of Lulu Lemon here. It’ll be really embarrassing for you, you’re a large guy and she’s made of nothing but salad and smartwater.
Carol Vanstone: [as the man taps her on the arm to let him go] No, no tap outs.
Josh Parker: Merry Christmas, Jeremy.
Jeremy: [we see him outside the office building, standing with his pants down and urinating in some flowers] Great night, huh?