Movie Info
Starring: Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn, Jada Pinkett Smith, Christina Applegate, Lilly Singh, Annie Mumolo
Story: Comedy written and directed by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore. Bad Moms (2016) follows Amy (Mila Kunis), a worn-out mom trying to keep up with work, kids, and perfection. When pushy PTA moms (Christina Applegate and Jada Pinkett Smith) go too far, she snaps and teams up with two other stressed moms, Carla and Kiki (Kathryn Hahn and Kristen Bell), to ditch the pressure and have some long-overdue fun, clashing with the PTA perfect moms along the way.
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Top Fun and Bawdy Bad Moms Quotes
Amy: I’m Amy Mitchell, and I’m a mom. I had my first kid when I was twenty years-old, and I’ve been running late ever since. My days are filled with dropping the kids at school, then racing to work where I have meeting, after meeting, after meeting. I usually end up eating a s**tty lunch at my desk, and I try to work out once a week. Why do I suck at Zumba?
Amy: At least once a day, I feel like the worst mom in the world, and I cry in my car. Then I shuttle the kids to piano lessons and soccer games and dance classes and doctors appointments, before my daily trip to the grocery store. This chick seems like she’s got it all figured out. But I feel like I’m screwing up all the time. Still, I love being a mom.
Gwendolyn: [referring to Kiki] Oh, my God. She just got all her sadness all over me.
Jane: I can’t believe I’m going to be late to my first soccer practice.
Amy: Baby, I’m doing the best that I can.
Jane: Yeah, that’s what makes it even sadder.
Amy: Excuse me, Coach? I’m so sorry that Jane is late. It is all my fault.
Soccer Coach: You look wrecked. You having a bad day?
Amy: Oh, God. It literally could not get any…
Soccer Coach: [as Amy suddenly gets hit by a soccer ball] S**t.
Gwendolyn: Now, I called this emergency PTA meeting to address an issue that radically affects the safety of our children. The bake sale.
Amy: Is this a joke?
Gwendolyn: Now, this is a list of the toxic ingredients that are absolutely banned from the bake sale. No BPA, no MSG, no BHA, no BHT. Plus no soy, no sesame, and, of course, no nuts or eggs or milk or butter or salt or sugar or wheat. Okay?
Amy: Sorry, what ingredients can we use?
Amy: I’ve had a really long day. I have been bruised and burned, knocked unconscious. I screwed up my daughter’s first day at soccer, and I hand-searched my son’s poo for a pen cap, and my poor dog has vertigo. I mean, who knew that that was even a real thing, you guys? God, I’m drowning at work and my boss is a f***ing moron. And three hours ago I may or may not have committed a felony hit-and-run. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. I’m done. I quit.
Carla: [to Kiki] You’re bat-s**t crazy, yeah. And I’m never getting in a car with you.
Carla: [getting drunk at a bar] Do you know what I hate? There are so many f***ing rules now.
Amy: Yes, God. “Don’t punish your kids.”
Kiki: “Don’t say no to your kids.”
Carla: Yeah. “Go to your kid’s baseball games. Tell your kids you love them. Don’t f*** the janitor at your kid’s school.” I mean, what the f*** is this? Russia?
Amy: We’re killing ourselves, trying to be perfect, and it’s making us insane.
Kiki: In this day and age, it’s impossible to be a good mom.
Amy: Let’s be bad moms.
Carla: Oh, I’m in.
Amy: Right?
Kiki: Oh, my gosh. Okay. This is exciting. I’m in!
Amy: Yes! To bad moms
Amy: We love you, Kiki.
Carla: We just met, Kiki.
Kiki: Forever. I love you forever.
Kiki: I have to iron Kent’s underwear.
Amy: What? Why?
Kiki: I don’t know. He likes really stiff underwear.
Amy: This has been so much fun. Thank you, girls, for coming out with me.
Kiki: Are you kidding me? This has literally been the best day of my entire life.
Gwendolyn: [to Amy] Well, you see, I care, sweetie. I don’t, I don’t know what’s been going on with you, I mean, with your weird outbursts and your terrible style, but it ends now. Okay? I run this school, and no one takes a class or kicks a ball or plays a f***ing clarinet without my say-so. And I can make life a living hell for you and your dirty little children. Do you understand me?
Gwendolyn: [to Amy] You have crossed the line, little girl. And I am going to destroy you. Winter is coming.
Amy: I promise you, you will be fine
Jane: How do you know?
Amy: Because I’m your mom, and I know you better than anyone, and I know what you’re made of.
Carla: [referring to Amy’s bra] Holy f***! Look at your mom bra! There’s so much surface area. You can make three regular bras out of this one mom bra.
Amy: This isn’t my mom bra. This is my sexy bra.
Carla: [referring to Amy’s bra] Oh! That looks like you just got out of surgery.
Amy: Is it that bad?
Carla: Yeah, there’s just one boob-log.
Kiki: Yeah.
Carla: You don’t even have two tits.
Kiki: [to Amy] This bra will be the death of your v***na.
Amy: You guys, I’ve only handled one p**is my entire life.
Kiki: Oh, honey!
Amy: What do I do if I get a guy with a weird d**k?
Amy: What if I get somebody who’s not circumcised?
Carla: Run out of the room screaming. It’s like finding a gun in the street. Just scream and get out of there!
Kiki: [referring president of the PTA] Right, but all the different mom groups are going to vote for Gwendolyn. She’s got the attachment moms, she’s got the tiger moms, the sad moms.
Carla: She has the blogging moms.
Kiki: She’s got the CrossFit moms.
Carla: Camel toe moms.
Kiki: [referring to Gwendoly] She’s got the drunk moms.
Carla: The moms that you want to f***.
Kiki: The moms that used to be dads.
Carla: She has the moms that always have a limb broken.
Kiki: The hairy moms.
Carla: The wearable art moms. The juicing moms. She has the moms with the huge areolas.
Kiki: The black moms, the lesbian moms, the divorced moms. She even has the divorced black lesbian moms. That is a really hard group to get.
Carla: I love those girls.
Amy: I just wish I knew how I was doing, you know?
Kiki: Yeah, that’s the worst part about being a mom, though, is you don’t know whether or not you’re doing a good job until they’re fully grown.
Carla: And by that point, it’s too late. Your kid is either a nice guy or he’s giving hand jobs in an alley for rent.
Kiki: I don’t think those are the only two options.
Carla: Okay. My kid still watches Sesame Street and he doesn’t get it.
Kiki: You guys, children are such a gift.
Carla: Every time I think about that big, dumb m****f***er going off to college, I want to cry like a baby.
Amy: You’re going to actually have to start doing your own homework from now on.
Dylan: I am a slow learner, remember?
Amy: You’re not a slow learner. You’re just entitled.
Amy: Honey, do you know what “entitled” means?
Dylan: No. Because I’m a slow learner.
Carla: Do you know the best thing about mom parties?
Amy: They end at exactly at eleven o’clock.
Dr. Karl: Remember when I said that all marriages are savable? Well, it ain’t going to happen for you guys.
Amy: So what do you think we should do?
Dr. Karl: [to Amy] Well, as a therapist, I’m not allowed to tell you what to do. But as a human being with two f***ing eyes in my head, yeah, I think you should get divorced as soon as possible. This is some catastrophic s**t.
Amy: [after her PTA election] My husband left me, my kids left me. My f***ing dog left me. All the moms in school hate me, and I am a complete and utter failure as a mother.
Carla: [to Amy] You’ve quit trying. We don’t quit! Moms don’t quit! No! Quitting is for dads!
Carla: [to Amy] You are going to rise up like a small, little white Apollo Creed and you are going to look at Gwendolyn and you are going to say, “You can do what you want to me, I don’t care, throw it at me, but you f***ed with my daughter, and now I have to fight you. I will fight you in the playground. I will fight you in the cafeteria. I will even fight you in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s. But I will have justice for my little girl, because I am a f***ing mom and we protect our young.” So get up off this couch, turn off 12 Years a Slave and let’s body slam this b**ch.