Movie Info
Starring: Zach Galifianakis, Owen Wilson, Kristen Wiig, Ken Marino, Jason Sudeikis, Jon Daly, Devin Ratray, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones
Story: Action comedy based on true events directed by Jared Hess. Masterminds (2016) follows David Ghantt (Zach Galifianakis), a night guard who is convinced by his work crush, Kelly Campbell (Kristen Wiig) and her accomplices, led by Steve Chambers (Owen Wilson), to join in a far-fetched plan to rob a bank vault. But when his partners steal the money and betray him, he is forced to evade a police detective and an eccentric hit man, Mike McKinney (Jason Sudeikis), while seeking his revenge.
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Top Wacky Masterminds Quotes
David Ghantt: All I’ve really ever wanted was adventure. That’s what got me into the armored car business. Between the guns and the cash and the constant threat of violence, it seemed like a total dream. But that’s all it was just a dream. Because in reality, my day-to-day was as boring as any garbage man, pizza guy, or paperboy. Pick it up, drop it off, repeat.
David Ghantt: I used to fantasize about getting robbed in the line of duty just to prove to myself that I would man up, given the chance. But I was denied even that simple pleasure. I blame popular culture. See, I grew up watching spy movies. They made it seem so fun, judo-chopping the bad guys and saving the girl. I wanted that life, but it didn’t quite pan out that way. So I settled.
David Ghantt: Until you take a chance in life, you really never find out who you are.
David Ghantt: My name is David Ghantt. In 1997, I was a quiet middle-aged man knocking on forty. But then, then the wind blew in Miss Kelly Campbell. After four decades of waiting, finally came knocking.
Kelly Campbell: You know what I’d do with a million dollars? Buy a crapload of CDs. Music is very important in my life.
Kelly Campbell: What would you do with a million dollars?
David Ghantt: Probably start my own business, you know? Maybe go after some felons or convicts, you know? Be a bounty hunter or skip tracer, or something like that. You know, put a cap in there.
Kelly Campbell: You nearly shot yourself a new butthole.
David Ghantt: Yeah, went straight down the crack. It feels like it just grazed my biscuits right betwixt them.
David Ghantt: You farted right into my butthole. It’s like a fart transplant.
David Ghantt: Calling Steve a snake in the grass is an insult to snakes and to grass. He was a petty thief mostly known for stealing tiny wheelchairs from pediatric hospitals.
Steve Chambers: [referring to robbing a bank] Come on. How hard can it be? You load up a truck and you drive away.
Beryl: There he is. The man of your dreams.
Jandice: He’ll live here with us forever. It’s like you’re marrying both of us, David. Me and Mama.
David Ghantt: I look like if Jesus and a cat had a baby.
Steve Chambers: I’m not going to do anything for the kids. They got to learn that presents just don’t show up under a Christmas tree. I mean, I’d like to see these turkeys go out and earn seventeen million dollars. Wouldn’t even know where to begin.
Mike McKinney: So, who y’all want me to kill?
Steve Chambers: Woh! Oh, Mike. No, no, no, no. We’ll talk about it later. Not now. Not in front of…
Mike McKinney: [as Steve nods towards his sons] Oh, I see. Is it one of them?
Steve Chambers: What? No!
Scanlon: [referring to David] Look at him. Look at him. He look like Kenny Rogers and Kenny Loggins had a love child. And then Kenny G, he just showed up to the birthday party, started playing a flute and messed this boy up.
Scanlon: Katie Candy Cane. What is she, a stripper?
David Ghantt: Hey, you ever see The Parent Trap? That Walt Disney film with that Hayley Mills lady? That was a powerful flick. I remember that movie. About how them two girls, they raised separately, but then they meet each other at summer camp and it blows their tiny minds. That’s kind of how I feel right now.
David Ghantt: I’m starting to feel like a corn dog at a hot dog party, and it ain’t flattering, I’ll tell you that!
David Ghantt: Do your kids know that you’re a lying, cheating sack of filth?
Runny: I just haven’t found the right moment to tell them.
David Ghantt: Brace your boobies.
Kelly Campbell: What?
David Ghantt: Sometimes the only way out is through.
Kelly Campbell: You robbed a bank for me.
David Ghantt: Oh, I’d rob a million banks for you, Kelly Campbell. I would. I’d rob a funeral home for you. There’s probably not a lot of money in it, but you get my drift.
David Ghantt: Hey, let’s make a promise.
Kelly Campbell: Yeah, what?
David Ghantt: When we’re in prison, let’s keep our bangs.
Kelly Campbell: I was hoping you’d say something like that. I promise.