Wednesday Addams: I don’t believe in mandatory volunteer work, sugar-coated history, or happy endings, but most of all, I don’t believe in coincidences. To paraphrase Agatha Christie, one coincidence is just a coincidence, two are a clue, and three are proof.
Wednesday Addams: The truth is, there are monsters everywhere. And sometimes the monsters we least suspect are the most dangerous. They don’t need teeth and claws to terrify. They hide in the shadows until no one is looking. And then they strike.
Enid Sinclair: When I suggested giving your side of the room a makeover, I did not have Ted Bundy’s Pinterest in mind.
Wednesday Addams: Still not as creepy as your stuffed unicorn collection.
Wednesday Addams: Thing and I may have made an unsanctioned trip to the county morgue to copy the files of the monster’s victims.
Enid Sinclair: Okay, there are so many levels of ew in that statement, I don’t even know where to begin.
Wednesday Addams: Sometimes intentions melt in the face of unexpected opportunity.
Wednesday Addams: [referring to the dress shop] What kind of dystopian hellscape is this?
Sheriff Donovan Galpin: [to Wednesday] Listen, Velma, why don’t you and the Scooby gang stick to your homework and leave investigating to the professionals.
Wednesday Addams: It’s not my fault I can’t interpret your emotional Morse code.
Wednesday Addams: [to Eugene] Listen, people like me and you, we’re different. We’re original thinkers, intrepid outliers in this vast cesspool of adolescence. We don’t need these inane rites of passage to validate who we are.
Wednesday Addams: If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.
Lucas: Is that an abominable snowman?
Enid Sinclair: Oh, my God! You can’t say that, it’s offensive. The correct name is Yeti.
Lucas: Wednesday, I come in peace.
Wednesday Addams: That’s a shame. I brought my pocket mace. The medieval kind.
Wednesday Addams: Whoever invented high heels clearly had a side hustle as a torturer.
Bianca Barclay: As my dear mother always says, “Fire tests gold, suffering tests a woman.”
Bianca Barclay: You don’t care what people think of you.
Wednesday Addams: Honestly, I wish I cared a little more.
Young Morticia Addams: [flashback to 1990] I don’t know what to say, Gomez. Seeing you in handcuffs, accused of murder, I’ve never loved you more.
Wednesday Addams: Since you’ve abandoned me here, I’ve been hunted, haunted, and the target of an attempted murder.
Gomez Addams: Ah, Nevermore. I love you so.
Wednesday Addams: [to Gomez] You taught me how to be strong and independent. How to navigate myself in a world full of treachery and prejudice. You are the reason I understand how imperative it is that I never lose sight of myself. So as far as fatherhood goes, I would say you’ve been more than adequate.
Wednesday Addams: Why would you send me somewhere I could only ever exist in your shadow?
Morticia Addams: It’s not a competition, Wednesday.
Wednesday Addams: Everything is a competition, Mother.
Wednesday Addams: [to Morticia and Gomez] I’ve seen jackals with more self-control than you two.
Gomez Addams: I don’t hold grudges, only blood debts.