Wednesday Addams: In case you’re wondering, I don’t hold séances very often. I can barely tolerate the living. Why would I want to commune with the dead?
Wednesday Addams: I was reaching into the black maw of death to contact a relative.
Enid Sinclair: Feels very on-brand for you.
Enid Sinclair: I believe everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday.
Wednesday Addams: I prefer to be vilified.
Enid Sinclair: What happened? It looked like you were having a seizure.
Wednesday Addams: I wasn’t that lucky.
Wednesday Addams: [reading the note from her birthday present] “May your 16th be as sour and misery-filled as your desire. Your ever doting mother and father.”
Wednesday Addams: I haven’t always been against birthdays. Each one reminds me I’m a year closer to death’s cold embrace. What’s not to like about that?
Wednesday Addams: Birthday, yes. Happy, never.
Tyler Galpin: [referring to her birthday] Don’t you like a day that’s all about you?
Wednesday Addams: Every day is all about me. This one just comes with cake and a bad song.
Sheriff Donovan Galpin: Your father and I buried the hatchet. Maybe you should do the same.
Wednesday Addams: I don’t bury hatchets. I sharpen them.
Wednesday Addams: “No man chooses evil because it is evil. He only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.” Mary Shelley wrote that line to describe people like Weems, who do bad things under the guise of protecting the greater good.
Wednesday Addams: I don’t need your help or your pity. I already have a mother and a therapist. That’s enough torture, even for me.
Wednesday Addams: Alright, you go left, I go right.
Enid Sinclair: You seriously want to split up? In here? That is literally how every best friend dies in a horror movie.
Uncle Fester: But you know lobotomies. They’re kind of like tattoos. Can’t just get one.
Wednesday Addams: The dead can be just as annoying and unreliable as the living.
Marilyn Thornhill: Part of the dorm experience is making friends with people that you wouldn’t normally connect with. And those friendships often turn into lifelong bonds.
Wednesday Addams: I would rather buy a rope.
Wednesday Addams: Friends are a liability and can be exploited. That makes them weaknesses.
Wednesday Addams: I’m not friend material, let alone more-than-friend material. I will ignore you, stomp on your heart, and always put my needs and interests first.
Enid Sinclair: Don’t tell me Wednesday Addams is mellowing out.
Wednesday Addams: Never. More like evolving.
Enid Sinclair: Well, one inch of duct tape at a time.
Enid Sinclair: [to Wednesday] We work. We shouldn’t, but we do. It’s like some sort of weird, friendship anomaly. Everything you said about me is true. But I don’t apologize for it. Not anymore. It’s just who I am.
Wednesday Addams: [after having a vision of Tyler being Hyde] Of course the first boy I kiss would turn out to be a psychotic, serial-killing monster. I guess I have a type.