Television

Bruce Banner: [after their car accident] The inhibitor. Jen, get away from me. I’m bleeding. Get away.

Bathroom Girl #1: [when they see Jennifer in a disheveled state] Okay, no judgments, but whoever did this to you, does not care about you.
Bathroom Girl #2: You do not need him. Or her. Or them.

Jennifer Walters: You’re Hulk again.
Bruce Banner: Smart Hulk.
Jennifer Walters: Wow.
Bruce Banner: Yeah. I didn’t come up with it. You never have a choice with these names.

Bruce Banner: You know, weird stuff just kind of finds you when you’re a Hulk. But first, we got to deal with you.
Jennifer Walters: Me? What happened to me? I changed.

Bruce Banner: My blood got into your system, and after the wreck, and you got a lethal dose of gamma radiation.
Jennifer Walters: Lethal? As in I’m going to die?
Bruce Banner: No. There is more to it that I’m going to explain.
Jennifer Walters: That is not the sentence to take a pause on, Bruce!

Bruce Banner: You and I, we share a rare combination of genetic factors that allow us to synthesize gamma radiation into something else.
Jennifer Walters: So I turn into a Hulk now too.

Bruce Banner: I’ve been analyzing your blood. And the way it synthesized gamma, I was able to use it to completely heal my arm.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Because I’m better than you?
Bruce Banner: It’s basically different.
Jennifer Walters: In a better way.

Jennifer Walters: Smug Hulk.
Bruce Banner: Smart Hulk.
Jennifer Walters: Well, it’s pretty smug to call yourself smart.
Bruce Banner: I didn’t come up with it.
Jennifer Walters: You use it. Implied endorsement.
Bruce Banner: Don’t lawyer me.

Jennifer Walters: You’ve analyzed everything. Now fix me. Get me back to normal.
Bruce Banner: Jen, this is not going away.
Jennifer Walters: What do you mean?

Bruce Banner: Jen, I have been struggling with this for years. The best that I could do was merge my two halves. Give it time in the lab, we could possibly do the same for you.
Jennifer Walters: No. No. I don’t want to be a Hulk. God. I just got my own office. I have business cards.
Bruce Banner: Jen, this is it. There is no going back to what you were before.

Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] This is a multi-year journey you’re about to embark on, on coming to terms with being the Hulk. I traced all of my steps through my evolution. I never thought that it would end up being a syllabus, but here we are. Now, with my help, hopefully, your progress will go a little bit faster than mine.

Jennifer Walters: You said “multi-year”?
Bruce Banner: About fifteen years, give or take.
Jennifer Walters: Fifteen years?

Bruce Banner: These transformations are triggered by distressed emotional states, so we need to know the exact threshold that causes it for you.
Jennifer Walters: Ooh! Put on a Pixar movie. When Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon in Inside Out.
Bruce Banner: No! Oh, Bing Bong. No. Stop. I need to focus.

Bruce Banner: The triggers are anger and fear.
Jennifer Walters: Those are like the baseline of any woman just existing.

Jennifer Walters: It kind of feels like if I don’t transform, I’m going to die. Do you have a plan B for that?
Bruce Banner: No.
Jennifer Walters: No? Ha-ha. Not funny, Bruce. What, you’re just going to kill me?

Jennifer Walters: [to Bruce] What do you normally use this chamber for, you psychopath?

Bruce Banner: [as Jeniffer transforms into She-Hulk] Easy, girl. Easy. Easy.
Jennifer Walters: Why are you talking to me like I’m a stray horse?

Bruce Banner: This is incredible. You don’t have an alter ego. You’re the only one in there?
Jennifer Walters: As far as I can tell.
Bruce Banner: This is huge, Jen. I think I’m jealous. Is that what I’m feeling? You don’t have another guy to wrestle with for ten years.

Bruce Banner: You still can’t control when you transform.
Jennifer Walters: Okay, so how do I turn back into Jen? How did you do it?
Bruce Banner: Usually, I fall out of a jet, or I get knocked out by a robot, and I’d wake up as Banner. Or Natasha, for a little while, would tell me a lullaby.
Jennifer Walters: Walk me through how that worked, again.
Bruce Banner: I don’t have a great explanation for it.

Bruce Banner: One time, I was stuck as the other guy for over two years. That was in outer space.
Jennifer Walters: No, I can’t stay like this for two years.
Bruce Banner: I said “one time”.

Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] You have so much more to learn about being a Hulk. I don’t think you have thought through how dangerous this level of power is. Do you know the damage you can cause? I mean, one mistake, one freak-out is literally life or death.

Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] You can’t be emotional. Forget Hulk rage. Just regular anger means death and destruction for everything and everyone around you. And I’m telling you, when people start seeing you as a monster, that never goes away.

Jennifer Walters: Let your thoughts drift away. Relax your neck. Bend your knees if that’s comfortable. Hold in your farts. Namaste, all day.
Bruce Banner: It’s more about presence. About accepting the situation you’re in.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, I thought it was about getting my butt tight as hell. Up top.
Bruce Banner: Gross, Jen. I’m your cousin.

Jennifer Walters: [waking and transforms into She-Hulk after hearing air horn sound] Woh, Jesus! What the hell, man?
Bruce Banner: Still in control? No overwhelming feelings of rage?
Jennifer Walters: No! A normal amount of rage!
Bruce Banner: You do revert back to Jen-form when you sleep.
Jennifer Walters: Was the air horn really necessary?
Bruce Banner: For comedy, absolutely.

Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] So, you’re going to need to reinforce all your furniture. Don’t even think about moving to a place with less than ten-foot ceilings. Trust me.

Bruce Banner: Who’s your best friend?
Jennifer Walters: Nikki.
Bruce Banner: Spandex. Spandex is your best friend.

Bruce Banner: [after he tosses a boulder] Just trying to show you how it’s done.
Jennifer Walters: Well, I’m shown.

Bruce Banner: Being a Hulk asks for balance.

Bruce Banner: [pushes her off the edge of the cliff] Little punk!
Jennifer Walters: D**k move.
Bruce Banner: Completely.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to her Hulk training] So I’m clearly nailing it at all of these things. When am I ever going to use this as a lawyer?
Bruce Banner: Jen, when you have powers like this, it’s like putting a target on your back and the backs of all the people you care about.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Cool. Yet another way my life is ruined. Thanks, Bruce.

Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] Our bodies metabolize alcohol at an incredibly fast rate. Which means that we can drink so much and not get drunk. All buzz, no barf.

Bruce Banner: [referring to when he and Tony built the bar] It was a good time during a hard time.

Jennifer Walters: Bruce, you failed to mention that I’d still have to deal with a Hulk-sized hangover.
Bruce Banner: Ah, I’ll have to put it in the binder.

Bruce Banner: I know I’ve been pushing you through a lot, but being a superhero is a trial by fire.
Jennifer Walters: Bruce, I’m not going to be a superhero.
Bruce Banner: What else you going to do as a Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: Return to my career that I have spent years building, use my law degree that I’m still paying off a fortune in student loans for.

Bruce Banner: It’s not one or the other, Jen. I am trying to show you that we can live between what we want and what is. But we can’t pretend like we aren’t two of the few people on Earth that can actually protect her. Which is why we have to make sure of your ability to tolerate the stress, and regulate your emotions, especially your anger.

Jennifer Walters: Here’s the thing, Bruce. I’m great at controlling my anger. I do it all the time. When I’m catcalled in the street. When incompetent men explain my own area of expertise to me. I do it pretty much every day, because if I don’t, I will get called emotional, or difficult, or I might just literally get murdered. So I’m an expert at controlling my anger, because I do it infinitely more than you. So all of this just feels like projecting a lot of s**t onto me.

Jennifer Walters: I guess I’ve outgrown your binder, cuz. Love you, Bruce, but I’m going home.

Bruce Banner: I know you didn’t ask for this, but whether you like it or not, you’re now a superhero. And who’s going to protect the world if it isn’t people like us?
Jennifer Walters: Are you quoting a comic right now?

Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry. The idea of being a superhero is not appealing to me. I’m not you. And I’m not going to become you. I don’t need to join some secret government contractor squad and have my entire life taken away from me.

Bruce Banner: My life wasn’t taken away.
Jennifer Walters: Really? Oh, so you didn’t wind up alone, hiding away on some remote beach with no friends, no relationships, never seeing your family, and definitely not dealing with a decade’s worth of trauma? Why would you want that for me, Bruce? You’re a cautionary tale.

Bruce Banner: I spent a lifetime running from this aspect of myself. Denying half of your being is no way to live, trust me.

Bruce Banner: What, you think you can just say a bunch of mean things like that, and then take off?!
Jennifer Walters: Yes!

Bruce Banner: See, Jen, you’re doing the best you can, and you can do better.
Jennifer Walters: Enough dialectical behavioral bulls**t!

Bruce Banner: For the record, I really didn’t want to do this. Okay, I wanted to do it a little. Why wouldn’t you listen to someone who’s been through all of this before?!
Jennifer Walters: Because we’re different people!
Bruce Banner: Lunkhead!
Jennifer Walters: Dummy!

Bruce Banner: [after they’ve fought it out] So, if you want to go back to your life as a lawyer, I respect that.
Jennifer Walters: Thanks.
Jennifer Walters: [breaking the fourth wall] He doesn’t mean that.

Jennifer Walters: And I’m sorry that I said a bunch of harsh but very true things.
Bruce Banner: Wow, an apology that still doubles down on a thing you’re apologizing for. That’s very lawyerly.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, I’m a much better lawyer than I am a Hulk.
Bruce Banner: Now who’s smug?

Jennifer Walters: So that’s how it all happened. And no crazy Hulk stuff since. So, now my family knows, and Nikki knows, and you know. Basically, I was right, and Bruce was wrong, and I never have to be a Hulk.

Nikki Ramos: [after Titania breaks into the law building] You need to do your thing.
Jennifer Walters: Right now, in front of everybody?
Nikki Ramos: Yes. Yes. Come on. Civic duty. Jen, come on.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, God. I really like this outfit.

Titania: [as Jennifer transforms into She-Hulk] Who the hell are you?
Jennifer Walters: Jennifer Walters, attorney at law.

Jennifer Walters: [after transforming back into herself] I’m ready to give my closing argument now.

Jennifer Walters: [mid-credits lines, drinking with Bruce at his bar] It’s just so sad. Steve Rogers did so much for his country and he never got to experience sex. Did you see that a**? Like that a** did not deserve to die a virgin. It’s like so sad.
Bruce Banner: Steve Rogers is not a virgin. He lost his virginity to a girl in 1943 on the USO tour.
Jennifer Walters: Yes. I knew it.
Bruce Banner: You’re not drunk?
Jennifer Walters: Captain America fu…!

Nikki Ramos: You could be an Avenger.
Jennifer Walters: Do the Avengers offer healthcare? Maternity leave. A pension. Are they even paid?
Nikki Ramos: Here’s the thing though. Hulk Jen is a total snack. Right?

Bruce Banner: [voice message] Hey, Fuzzball, just checking in on you. I’m here if you want to talk a little bit more. No gloating this time, I promise. Maybe a little.

Morris Walters: Jen, you don’t have to worry about getting fired. I already told everyone, so it won’t be awkward. No one is going to bring it up.
Jennifer Walters: Hi, everybody.
Cousin Ched: You got fired.
Morris Walters: Ched!
Cousin Ched: You said to bring it up.
Morris Walters: I said don’t bring it up! Why would I tell you to bring it up?

Morris Walters: Jen, that Hawkeye guy, what happens to those arrows of his? I mean, does he go around and collect them when he’s done?

Morris Walters: So back to Hawkeye. It’s pretty hazardous to leave those things lying around.

Jennifer Walters: I’m not okay. But I’m okay with not being okay. Because it just sucks. You know, like I thought I could keep this at bay, for I don’t know how long. Eternity?

Jennifer Walters: Now I feel like I’m being punished for doing the right thing. Like I get fired for saving people, and now I can’t get another job because of it.
Morris Walters: You didn’t tell me.
Jennifer Walters: What were those years of law school even for? Maybe I should’ve just let those people get smooshed by that desk.

Morris Walters: [to Jennifer] This isn’t even the first time we’ve had to deal with a Hulk in the family. And you didn’t destroy a city.

Morris Walters: [to Jennifer] The thing that you were dreading happened. But look, you’re still standing. And now you get to keep moving on.

Holden Holliway: So, I would like you to come work for us.
Jennifer Walters: You got me fired, and now you want to hire me?

Holden Holliway: More and more eccentric superhumans are coming out of the woodwork. We just started a Superhuman Law Division, and I want you, well, the She-Hulk, to be the face of it. That means I’ll expect you to be at work, and in court, as the She-Hulk. Not as a normal person.
Jennifer Walters: Right now?

Jennifer Walters: Oh, my God. Is this why they hired me? Okay, this sucks. I am totally qualified, but now everyone around here is always going to think this is the only reason that I got the job. It’s so unfair. I should be able to enjoy the fact that I got an amazing new job, and I can’t. These dodos never had to deal with this on their first day at work.

Nikki Ramos: Why are you in Hulk form? That is a look.
Jennifer Walters: I just found out, the only reason they hired me is because they wanted a Hulk lawyer in the Superhuman Law Division.
Nikki Ramos: Yes, but look at everything it’s getting us. Are you kidding? Big-a** windows, yes. A fully stocked mini fridge. And a desk. I mean, this is normal. But this is a very fancy desk.
Jennifer Walters: I’m going to have to buy an entirely new wardrobe just to come to work.

Pug: [to Jennifer and Nikki] I made you guys a welcome basket. It’s got some office supplies to get you started. Snacks. And a map to the best bathroom for pooping.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Blonsky] I’m sorry, but I can’t represent him, sir. I have a serious conflict of interest. This man tried to kill my cousin Bruce.
Holden Holliway: Yeah, that’s quite alright.

Supermax Guard: [as Jeniffer is going to visit Blonsky in prison] In the event of injury or death, please indicate who we should notify.
Jennifer Walters: It’s that bad, huh?
Supermax Guard: Never let your guard down. The prisoner is a very dangerous man.
Jennifer Walters: Is he going to serve me up with some fava beans and then a nice chian…
Supermax Guard: Ma’am, this is a prison.
Jennifer Walters: Of course.

Emil Blonsky: Jennifer Walters. Well, first off, namaste.

Emil Blonsky: I’m simply Emil now. Russian born, British raised, Royal Marines commando, on loan to the US government.
Jennifer Walters: Okay.
Emil Blonsky: With seven soul mates that I met through the prison pen pal program that I want to start a new life with.

Emil Blonsky: So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? Your cousin. The Hulk.
Jennifer Walters: My cousin, Bruce.
Emil Blonsky: Semantics. He was the Hulk, wasn’t he? You know, I tried to kill him. You know, so let’s get that out of the way. It wasn’t personal or anything, so.

Emil Blonsky: You know, I was sent on a mission to take out a threat, and I thought I was the good guy, you know? I thought I was going to be, you know, Captain bloody America, or something, you know? And now, that very threat, your cousin, is held up as some kind of hero, and I’m locked up in here. Where’s the justice in that, Jen?

Emil Blonsky: Look, I just want to move on with my life, live in peace on a large piece of property purchased for me by my seven soul mates.

Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer, over phone] Actually, Blonsky wrote me a really nice letter a while back, and a really heartfelt haiku. So we put everything behind us. That fight was so many years ago, I’m a completely different person now. Literally.

Bruce Banner: [over phone] What did they end up naming you, anyway?
Jennifer Walters: She-Hulk. Don’t even.
Bruce Banner: No, I love that. That’s got a nice ring to it. She-Hulk, Attorney at Law.

Reporter: [as Jennifer watches the news] So far there have been no statements made by Emil Blonsky’s attorney after shocking footage leaked showing the Abomination participating in what appears to be an underground fight club after having somehow escaped from prison.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. That sucks.

Jennifer Walters: [mid-credits lines, carrying the water in She-Hulk form] I’m glad you’re staying hydrated, Dad, but this is a bit excessive.

Social Media Man: They took the Hulk’s manhood away, but then they gave it to a woman?

Nikki Ramos: [to Jennifer, referring to the media] You have to respond. You have to be in control of your own narrative.

Nikki Ramos: This case is huge. People want to know every single detail about your life. You’re a public figure now. And the office line has been flooded with calls and requests for interviews, so you should do one.
Jennifer Walters: People only care because I’m representing Emil Blonsky. Once that’s over, this whole media circus will die down.
Nikki Ramos: No, Jen, this is not going to go away just because you’re ignoring it.

Holden Holliway: The girlfriend in question is a shape shifting Light Elf from New Asgard.
Jennifer Walters: Wow, Dennis.
Dennis Bukowski: Okay. Well, to be fair, I thought I was dating Megan Thee Stallion.
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry. What? Sorry. You thought you were dating Megan Thee Stallion? Multiple Grammy award-winner megastar Megan Thee Stallion?
Dennis Bukowski: What part of “shapeshifter” did you not get?

Wong: Everything Mr. Blonsky told you is factual. I extracted him from the prison against his own wishes, because I required a worthy opponent as part of my training to become Sorcerer Supreme. And as Sorcerer Supreme, I insist that he not be punished for my actions.
Jennifer Walters: Again, I am not the one who will be punishing him.

Wong: I know what you’re thinking, Ms. Walters, and I’m not erasing everyone’s memories. Not again.
Jennifer Walters: That is not what I was thinking. That is highly unethical.
Wong: Yeah, it’s also very messy, believe me.

Wong: We’ll send him to the Mirror Dimension.
Jennifer Walters: I don’t know what that is, but no.
Wong: Shadow Dimension?
Jennifer Walters: What you can do to help is show up at the hearing and explain everything.
Wong: Very well. We’ll reserve sorcery for strategy B.
Jennifer Walters: Don’t tap your nose.

Reporter: She-Hulk, can we get a word? Is it true you were rejected by the Avengers?

Emil Blonsky: Is Wong about?
Jennifer Walters: No. I don’t understand how a guy with zero commute time is late.

Emil Blonsky: [during his parole hearing] Let’s start by saying that I feel great remorse, great shame to those that I’ve harmed. So, to answer your question, yes, I feel I have been rehabilitated. I’ve spent every day of my incarceration focused solely on redemption. I have changed. Emotionally, physically, metaphysically, spiritually, karmically, cosmically, inter-dimensionally…
Jennifer Walters: Et cetera.

Jennifer Walters: Mr. Blonsky is currently in a long-term committed relationship with several pen pals. All of whom have pledged to financially support him.
Emil Blonsky: Excuse me. If I could. May I clarify?
Jennifer Walters: No.
Emil Blonsky: Blair, Ruth, Marta, Sheila, Alejandra, Yvonne, and Nicolette are my soul mates. We met through the prison pen pal program. They are my better eighths.

Literacy Program Guy: [referring to Blonsky’s contributions] Now the library is more than just a quiet place to shiv someone.

Prison Counselor: [referring to Blonsky] Instead of toilet wine, prisoners make toilet kombucha.

Judge Price: She may have diplomatic immunity in New Asgard, but we are not in New Asgard.
Runa: Excuse me, Your Honor, but Asgard is not a place, it is a people. Therefore, I…
Judge Price: Thor’s inspirational speeches are not admissible in court.

Dennis Bukowski: And when this is over, I’m canceling my Hollywood Hookups subscription. There’s clearly no vetting process.

Wong: [at the parole hearing] In regard to Mr. Blonsky vacating his cell, I gave him no choice. But it was absolutely his choice to return. I offered him asylum at the Kamar-Taj, which is truly lovely this time of the year. But he was quite adamant he be returned to serve out his sentence, and repay his debt to society.

Parole Officer: And as for Mr. Wong…
Wong: Just “Wong”. The Sorcerer Supreme. Master of the Mystic Arts. Leader and former librarian of Kamar-Taj.
Parole Officer: Yeah. You realize that you’ve just admitted to facilitating a prisoner escape, which is a crime.
Wong: I must depart.

Jennifer Walters: And then I get to my car, and some protester has written on it, “Monster defending a monster.”
Nikki Ramos: This can go away, you know, with one little interview.

Jennifer Walters: I cannot wait for this to be over so I can go back to being a normal anonymous lawyer. Who also happens to be a Hulk.
Nikki Ramos: What are you talking about? Jen, the genie is out of the bottle, girl. You are a story now.

Pug: [referring to Dennis] How did you two work with him for so long?
Nikki Ramos: Oh, I killed him in my head several times, in many different ways.
Jennifer Walters: And yet he was convinced that she had a crush on him. The man is almost terminally deluded.
Nikki Ramos: I’d call him gross.

Pug: How would you characterize Mr. Bukowski in relation to his romantic life?
Jennifer Walters: Self-absorbed, chauvinistic, conceited. He once described himself as a New York ten, and an LA eleven. He nicknamed his office the Dennisphere…
Dennis Bukowski: Objection. Relevance.
Judge Price: Mr. Bukowski, need I remind you that you’re not representing yourself here? And this is your witness.

Pug: In your opinion, Ms. Walters, do you think that Dennis Bukowski would believe that he could actually pull Megan Thee Stallion?
Jennifer Walters: Yes. Dennis Bukowski is an almost pathologically entitled man. He would absolutely believe that he’s dating the real Megan Thee Stallion, because he is truly that delusional.

Megan Thee Stallion: That’s right. There’s only one Megan Thee Stallion.

Emil Blonsky: [after he’s released on parole, but forbidden from transforming] Thank you, Jen. I’m in your debt, you know. Spiritually, of course.
Jennifer Walters: Just stay out of the news. That’s all I ask. I don’t want to read any more stories about either of us.
Emil Blonsky: You might want to reconsider that. I mean, they’re going to write a story about you one way or the other, you know. Better to be a part of it really.

News Interview Anchor: So, tell us, how did you come up with the name She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Funny story, I didn’t. Some random guy on the news came up with it after thinking about it for like two seconds. But it stuck. So, now whether I like it or not, I am forever She-Hulk.
News Interview Anchor: Great. We have to take a break. When we come back, She-Hulk shares her diet and exercise secrets.
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry. What?

Wrecker: If you’re going to strut around showing off your powers, you better be able to back it up.
Jennifer Walters: When did I ever strut around and show off my powers?

Jennifer Walters: Did you guys rob an Asgardian construction worker?
Wrecker: Yeah.

Megan Thee Stallion: Oh, you are way more fun than my last lawyer.
Jennifer Walters: I will kill for you, Megan Thee Stallion.
Megan Thee Stallion: Dial it back.

Morris Walters: [referring to the thugs] Well, what if they come back?
Jennifer Walters: I will kick their a** again. And you can use the shovel.

Nikki Ramos: [as they’re watching Jennifer’s interview on TV] Okay. We have got to get you some new clothes.
Jennifer Walters: There’s a very limited selection of clothing that fits my body.
Nikki Ramos: Clearly.
News Interview Anchor: How did you come up with the name She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: You ding-dongs dubbed me that.

Wong: I’m having an issue with a “magician”. Notice how I used the word “magician” in quotes.
Jennifer Walters: I did, yes.
Wong: It’s because he’s not an actual magician. This charlatan goes by the name of Donny Blaze.

Wong: Practicing the Mystic Arts without proper training not only endangers people, it risks untangling the material and astral planes.
Jennifer Walters: Completely.

Wong: Students pledge themselves to be loyal servants of the Mystic Arts.
Jennifer Walters: And did you get that in writing?
Wong: No. Ms. Walters, we answer to a higher power that abides by the metaphysical laws of the time-space continuum.
Jennifer Walters: Sure. But this is the American legal system. No judge is going to take this seriously unless we do things by the book.
Wong: Oh, The Book of Vishanti.
Jennifer Walters: No, the book of American laws.

Jennifer Walters: Onto the last bit of the Blonsky parole brief. Whoo-whoo!
Nikki Ramos: Did you just “whoo-whoo” a parole brief?
Jennifer Walters: I hated it as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Married Guy: Excuse me, ladies. I hate to see two stunning women sitting all alone.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, well, there’s two of us. So by definition, not alone.

Jennifer Walters: See, that guy is exactly why I don’t date.
Nikki Ramos: Oh, my God. You don’t have to date that guy. Jesus. There are plenty of non-gross people out there for you to date.

Nikki Ramos: [looking at Jennifer’s dating profile] We’re not using your corporate head shot as your profile photo. What’s your first date going to be? Webinar?
Jennifer Walters: This is exactly why I didn’t want to show you.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, there’s no judgment. But that was a really bad choice.

Jennifer Walters: Oh, my God. Are you swiping?
Nikki Ramos: Yes, of course. Come on. It’s a numbers game, alright? After five hundred swipes, you’re going to get about a third of those as matches. And that’s when the real filtering happens. Oof. Hetero life is grim.
Jennifer Walters: Nikki, you’re not helping.

Nikki Ramos: What if you made a profile, hear me out, as She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: I thought you hated the name She-Hulk.
Nikki Ramos: I do. But I don’t know. I can’t stop saying it. It’s really catchy.

Donny Blaze: Absurd. You can’t own magic.
Cornelius P. Willows: Yeah, you can’t own magic.
Donny Blaze: And you can’t trademark a spirit, register a soul, copyright art.
Jennifer Walters: You can copyright art. Yes.
Donny Blaze: This is a farce.
Cornelius P. Willows: This is a farce.
Jennifer Walters: Are you just like hype-manning him?
Cornelius P. Willows: Maybe.

Donny Blaze: What’s the matter, Wong? Are you scared I’ll become more mystical than you?
Wong: The Sorcerer Supreme doesn’t engage in competition, but I am more mystical in my sleep.

Alan: I decided I couldn’t just be a yes-man to some stiff boss, you know? That’s why I’m an entrepreneur.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. In what field?
Alan: TBD.

Madisynn: [as Wong brings her to court as his witness] Oh, did you get a ticket for texting? Just say you were texting 9-1-1. They can’t prosecute.
Jennifer Walters: That isn’t what this is, and that’s not true.

Jennifer Walters: Could you tell us about the night you participated in Donny Blaze’s show?
Madisynn: Oh, sure. So, first he gave me roses that didn’t smell like anything. And then he pushed me into a fire land.
Jennifer Walters: That must have been terrifying. How did you escape?
Madisynn: I made a pact with a demon that I cannot discuss. Otherwise he said he would “reap my soul and the souls of all I love”, which, honestly, is so dramatic. And I hate drama.
Jennifer Walters: [to Wong] Okay. This was a mistake.

Jennifer Walters: And how would you describe your emotional state during this saga?
Madisynn: Great question. At first it was fun. Then scary, then fun again. Then spooky, but in a fun way.

Wong: This case travels beyond these courtroom walls. The men you see are seeking to wield the power of gods. And that places us on the edge of a precipice. One man in the mortal realm has the ability to cause a ripple so great, it reverberates through every dimension. And that ripple through galaxies has the ability to destroy all life within the known and unknown universe.
Madisynn: Case closed!
Judge Hanna: Okay. No. This case is far from closed.

Wong: Can we send Donny to the Mirror Dimension? He probably won’t even die.
Jennifer Walters: I would love that, but that will ruin our case.

Madisynn: Wongers, can we get froyo?
Wong: No.
Madisynn: We can talk about The Sopranos.
Wong: Fine. No more spoilers.
Madisynn: Whatever. I was over it after Tony killed Christopher anyway.
Wong: Madisynn!
Madisynn: What? I mean, he was like a son to him. It was so sad.

Jennifer Walters: [as she’s getting a lot of dating matches as the She-Hulk] Well, that is demoralizing for Jen.

Derek: How much can you dead lift?
Jennifer Walters: A literal ton?
Derek: Well, I just did six hundred. I’m not even a superhero.

Noah: God, you’re just so powerful. What a specimen.
Jennifer Walters: Did you just call me a specimen?
Noah: As a compliment.

Jennifer Walters: Is there anything worse than dating in your thirties?

Jennifer Walters: So what’s your story, buddy?
Arthur: I’m in medicine.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, what’s that like code for selling Adderall?
Arthur: I’m a pediatric oncologist.
Jennifer Walters: Oh.

Arthur: I’ve been on so many first dates, and I hate talking about myself Tell me about you.
Jennifer Walters: Oh.
Arthur: Also, should we split some fries?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. Let’s get those to go.

Amberleigh: You did the same trick in a show last week, and my friend Kaylah ended up stranded in a parking garage in Pomona.
Donny Blaze: Come on. Just close your eyes.
Amberleigh: No. I’m not going to get into your weird fire hole.

Arthur: You know, I got to say, this is the best date I’ve had in a while. I mean, swipe-dating is so dehumanizing.
Jennifer Walters: Yes.
Arthur: Everyone treats you like some soulless avatar on their phone.

Wong: Ms. Walters, why aren’t you answering your mobile phone?
Wong: [sees Jennifer as She-Hulk about to kiss Arthur] Never mind. I see.

Wong: [as Jennifer leaves her date] Come on. I feel like your dad.

Jennifer Walters: I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here.
Wong: Be a Hulk!

Jennifer Walters: [as she’s helping Wong get rid of the demons] After so many bad dates, I finally meet a guy who’s sweet, and listens.
Wong: Focus, Ms. Walters!
Jennifer Walters: And he’s very, very hot. Not that that matters. But it does. And instead of kissing his very hot face right now… Oh, God. They’re growing. And now I’m covered in demon goo, at a magic show, which is the worst part of this whole thing.

Arthur: [the next morning after spending the night together] Who are you?
Jennifer Walters: Jen. Just not in Hulk form. Just Jen.
Arthur: Oh. Cool. Cool.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Arthur: That’s cool. Unexpected.

Jennifer Walters: [after Arthur leaves] Whatever. Hot doctor’s a cliche anyway.

Delivery Person: [referring to Titania] She’s suing you for misuse of a trademark.
Jennifer Walters: Misuse of a trademark? What trademark? She’s suing me over the name “She-Hulk”? But that’s my name.
Delivery Person: Not if she trademarked it first, right?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, is that how it works, Your Honor? Get out of here.

Jennifer Walters: Kind of a bummer way to end this episode. I bet there’s a fun tag.

Wong: [mid-credits lines] What’s blue curacao?
Madisynn: I don’t know. It’s blue.

Wong: I’ve had vodka and yak milk. Never again
Madisynn: Do you have any of that here?
Wong: Actually, we still have some left from the wedding, yeah.
Madisynn: I would love to try some yak milk.

Madisynn: What’s your favorite drink?
Wong: Well, gin and tonic.
Madisynn: Wongers! Okay. I don’t know if they do bottomless gin and tonic, but we will find it.

Jennifer Walters: I do admit though there are parts of it that I enjoy.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, you’re not done.
Jennifer Walters: Like the amazing hair. No hangover. Being able to walk home at night with headphones on without being afraid.
Nikki Ramos: Every woman’s dream.
Jennifer Walters: But I’m not a different person who needs a different name.

Nikki Ramos: So you’re not mad at the name She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: No. No, I don’t care about it.
Nikki Ramos: Okay. So you’re totally over it?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, like the most over it.
Nikki Ramos: You’re crushing your stapler.
Jennifer Walters: What?

Nikki Ramos: [to herself, referring to Titania] Why does she have to charge her fans so much for everything? Because that’s smart, Nikki. That’s why she is rich and you’re broke.

Pug: Alright, I can’t pretend like I’m here for a friendly visit. I need a favor.
Nikki Ramos: Oh. well, you know my price. Return favor. Plus interest.
Pug: Done.

Pug: The Iron Man Threes are coming out, and they’re limited to one pair per customer.
Nikki Ramos: Why do you need two pairs?
Pug: One to rock and one to stock.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, so you’re telling me that you collect shoes to look at that you’re never going to wear? I respect that.

Nikki Ramos: Okay. I’m going to need to call in my favor right now.
Pug: But you haven’t even done the original favor.
Nikki Ramos: But I am letting you slide on the interest, aren’t I?
Pug: You’re right.

Barista: What do you need? I got everything. Captain America shield, Thor hammer. Avengers T-shirt.
Nikki Ramos: This says, “Avongers.”
Barista: You don’t like Avongers? I got Avingers.

Mallory Book: Why didn’t you trademark your pseudonym?
Jennifer Walters: I never even thought about it, you know? Why would I? Did Doctor Strange have to trademark his name? Did Thor?
Mallory Book: You chose two examples of people who use their real names.

Mallory Book: If you’re going to be my client, you’re going to dress like you respect yourself, and not like a football player pleading no contest to a DUI. Nikki?
Nikki Ramos: Yes? Wasn’t lurking. I was close by.
Mallory Book: You obviously spend a lot of time thinking about what you wear. Why don’t you help Walters with her look?
Nikki Ramos: I’m actually already on top of that. I got you a consultation with the guy who makes clothing for superheroes.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, I don’t think I really need that.
Mallory, Nikki: You do, yeah.

Titania: [to Jennifer] Nice suit, Shrek.

Jennifer Walters: I will not answer to that name. You know why? Because it’s not my name. My name never has been, and never will be She-Hulk. It’s lazy, it’s reductive, and it’s straight-up garbage.

Luke Jacobson: [as he sees Jennifer in her She-Hulk form] Oh, my God! Is the hag convention in town?

Jennifer Walters: Well, like I told you before, She-Hulk is going to be one of the Avengers.
Luke Jacobson: You said she was one.
Jennifer Walters: It hasn’t been announced yet, because they’re still working out the deal. But basically she is an Avenger. The Hulk is her cousin.
Luke Jacobson: By blood?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. And she is going to be a megastar.
Luke Jacobson: Her?

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Jacobson] Why did he have to be so mean?
Nikki Ramos: In fashion, it’s cool to be mean.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Book] She’s so impeccable. Where does she shop?
Nikki Ramos: I don’t know. Somewhere with valet parking.

Nikki Ramos: [referring to Todd] You rolled over so quickly.
Jennifer Walters: So quickly.
Nikki Ramos: But the drinks are on him, girl.

Jennifer Walters: I made a dating profile as She-Hulk, and went on several dates as She-Hulk, showing a clear pattern of using the name. Every single one of those dates is a corroborating witness. This is how I win this case.
Nikki Ramos: By parading all the questionable men that you dated in front of a courtroom. Oh, Jen, that’s going to be embarrassing.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.

Mallory Book: My client used She-Hulk, not as a name to exploit in order to sell product, but as a genuine part of her identity. As you can see in the “About Me” section, my client wrote, and I quote, “Mean, green and straight-poured into these jeans.”
Titania: Ew.
Mallory Book: And to answer the question, “What are you looking for in a partner?” My client wrote, “A sturdy back and reinforced king-size bed. JK. JK. JK.”

Noah: I specifically remember her referring to herself as She-Hulk, in the third person, and as a writer myself, I found that grating.

Mallory Book: So you would say you really connected with She-Hulk?
Arthur: She-Hulk and I had an intense connection. We had a great date. She battled demons, I mean, come on.
Mallory Book: Would you have gone on the date if She-Hulk had instead presented as Jennifer Walters?
Arthur: Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but, no. She’s not really my type. But She-Hulk. She-Hulk’s incredible. She’s amazing.

Titania: [after Jennifer wins the case] This isn’t over, hater.

Derek: I’m so sorry that happened to you. What you getting into later?
Titania: Fine. You can buy me things. Let’s go.

Jennifer Walters: I mean, I might need to schedule several sessions of therapy, but we won.
Mallory Book: Look, Walters, what that extremely attractive man said in there, you can do better. You deserve better.

Mallory Book: Quite a strategy. I don’t know any other lawyer who would humiliate themselves that way to win a case.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. I mean, you can always count on me to throw myself under the bus. It’s why Holliway pays me the medium bucks.
Mallory Book: Holliway could never have gone through that. He’s never had to prove his value to a parade of underwhelming men.

Jennifer Walters: Think about everything that She-Hulk brings to the table, and those guys were my best option.
Mallory Book: You can have literal superpowers, and some guy with an Internet connection will still think he can do better.
Jennifer Walters: Yes! Oh, my God! The things we put up with.

Luke Jacobson: [as we see Daredevil’s golden helmet] Hello, this shouldn’t be left out in the open. Tinsley, does client confidentiality mean nothing to you?

Heather: [to Jennifer in her She-Hulk form] Girl, your a** looks crazy right now. Incredible!
Lulu: Everybody has an a**.

Jennifer Walters: Obviously, this is the one time I didn’t want to show up as just Jen.

Mallory Book: Alright, Mr. Hollis.
Mr. Immortal: Mr. Immortal.
Mallory Book: I’m sorry. Didn’t you say your name was Craig Hollis?
Mr. Immortal: It is. But I go by Mr. Immortal. It’s pithier.
Mallory Book: Sure.

Mr. Immortal: It’s not like I didn’t try marriage out. I did. Several times. In fact, it could be said that no one has tried more than me. Probably literally. I’m a good guy. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. But you know, inevitably, things go stale. But that is a tough conversation. “I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I find that you are emotionally suffocating me. And you wear weird pajamas.” Can you blame me for walking out into traffic during rush hour, and putting an end to the whole issue right there?
Nikki Ramos: Wait. What?

Mallory Book: Let me get this straight. Are you saying that instead of having a conversation with your wife, you kill yourself to get out of the relationship?
Mr. Immortal: Woh. Woh. Woh. I don’t kill myself. I’m immortal. So, I can’t die.
Nikki Ramos: I’m sorry. And you think that this woman, who has a law degree, doesn’t know what immortal means?

Mr. Immortal: In my case, I do die. But only in the legal sense.
Nikki Ramos: So you die.
Mr. Immortal: I do. I die, but only for a… “Kind of die” for… But I do die.

Mr. Immortal: If you have the opportunity, I think this is the most considerate way to end a marriage.
Mallory Book: “Considerate”. That’s not the word you’re looking for.
Nikki Ramos: No. You just don’t know how to have any sort of confrontation whatsoever.
Mr. Immortal: Oh, I thought that lawyers were supposed to not be judgmental.
Nikki Ramos: No, they just have to represent you.
Mallory Book: I’m tapping out.

Lulu: Are you dating a guy? Is there a boy in your life?
Jennifer Walters: Oh. No. No. No. No.
Lulu: Oh, no! I’m sorry. You’ll find someone. Don’t feel bad.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, I don’t feel bad.
Lulu: That’s right! You know what, you still have a little time.

Heather: Lulu! Team Edward or Jacob?
Lulu: Let it rest! You know I dated both those actors.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Titania] She has weaseled her way into this wedding to mess with me. That is so obvious. Why does nobody else see that?
Titania: Okay, you’re being very loud.
Lulu: Jen, I hear you. Again. I do. But you sound insane right now. Like Titania wouldn’t just show up to my wedding, you know, trying to kill you, or something, I don’t know.

Jennifer Walters: Did they give you a plus one for this? Because I don not understand the metrics they used to decide.
Josh Miller: Yeah, they didn’t. But I don’t mind. See, my plan was to strike up a very normal conversation with a beautiful woman stuffing her face with candied nuts. I’m very good at sticking to my plans.

Mallory Book: This is what I was worried about. Not only did you fake your own death multiple times, but you also forged multiple fake identities. Frankly, all of these spouses should be filing criminal charges. You are lucky you’re not in prison.
Mr. Immortal: I will never understand women if I lived to be a… And I will.

Heather: So, the groomsmen were playing Mario Kart, and their shirts got all wrinkled.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, my God. From a video game?
Heather: Yeah. Video games are sports now. They’re on ESPN and everything.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Heather: So you’re on ironing duty, right?
Jennifer Walters: I am?
Heather: Yeah. Go bride squad!

Cousin Ched: What’s going on, my party people? It’s your boy, DJ In-ch-ch-chedible Hulk!

Nikki Ramos: [to Mr. Immortal’s ex-wives] Amy. You are going to receive a sincere apology with meaningful eye contact. Lasting at least fifteen seconds. Okay? And remember, everyone. What’s our mantra? Never again! Yes!

Mr. Immortal: [quietly to Nikki] Is that the absolute best you can do on eye contact?
Nikki Ramos: And so, Amy, that’s twenty seconds of eye contact.
Mr. Immortal: That seems interminable.

Jennifer Walters: [leaving a message] Bruce, where are you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks, or months, or days, or whatever. Call me back, you ding dong.

Jennifer Walters: [drunk at the wedding reception] You know, everyone is always so, saying about how She-Hulk is amazing. They’re always saying it. I just wanted to be amazing tonight.
Josh Miller: I don’t know. I think you’re pretty great.
Jennifer Walters: You do?
Josh Miller: I do.

Titania: [as Jennifer tries to hit her and misses] This is just sad. It’s no fun unless you’re She-Hulk. Come on!
Jennifer Walters: Why are you so obsessed with me?
Titania: I am not obsessed with you. Although it seems like everyone else is. You don not get to ruin everything for me for something that you don’t even want. Something you don’t even deserve. So now I am forced to prove it. So green up!

Jennifer Walters: Okay, just this one time I turn She-Hulk. Oh, no, I forgot how to do it.
Titania: This is pathetic.
Jennifer Walters: Give me a second!

Titania: My veneers! Oh, you think this is funny? Are you showing your eleven followers on Instagram? Where are you going? And I’m taking this! This wedding sucks!

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Titania] Oh, Lulu. I know I promised. She sucker-punched me when I was throwing up. Like, who does that?

Lulu: [drunk] She-Hulk is at my wedding? I love you so much. I’m a fan.
Lulu: [as she’s hugging Jennifer] Woh! Huge boobs!
Jennifer Walters: Yes, they’re big.
Lulu: Okay, huge boobs. Congrats. Whatever.

Mallory Book: I mean, I just don’t understand why anyone that afraid of conflict keeps getting married. And I just can’t believe that guy got eight different people to marry him.
Nikki Ramos: You must not be single in Los Angeles.

Jennifer Walters: What the hell is going on?
Emil Blonsky: It’s just two men working through their resentments in a safe environment, Jen.
Man-Bull: Sorry. It’s my fault.
Jennifer Walters: You know what? Apologize to my Prius Prime with money.

Man-Bull: [introducing himself] Man-Bull. It was a weird lab experiment. Don’t ask.
El Aguila: And I am El Aguila. And before you make assumptions, no, I am not a matador. That’d make the two of us fighting pretty cliché, no?

El Aguila: I know exactly who I am. I am a swashbuckler.
Man-Bull: You’re saying that like it’s an actual occupation. Waving a sword around in here is not a job, unless you’re a matador.

Emil Blonsky: You see, to Man-Bull, El Aguila represents every person who’s tried to, you know, stab him in the, you know, for being an affront to nature.
El Aguila: Of which there are many.
Man-Bull: So many.
Jennifer Walters: This is so much unnecessary back story to tell to someone whose car you just destroyed.

Jennifer Walters: I can’t drive this. How am I supposed to go home now?
Emil Blonsky: You know, sometimes life presents a teacher when there’s a lesson to be learned. Jen, think of this totally knackered Prius Prime as your teacher.
Jennifer Walters: That was nothing. You just said nothing in response to a very straightforward question.

Emil Blonsky: Man-Bull? Give us a push to the garage, would you?
Man-Bull: Do I look like a mechanic? My name is Man-Bull. Not Mechanical-Bull.
El Aguila: Wow. How long have you been waiting to say that?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. That felt very forced.
Man-Bull: You too?

Emil Blonsky: Jen. You remember El Aguila and Man-Bull? This is Porcupine. He’s a porcupine. And Saracen thinks he’s a vampire.
Jennifer Walters: Wow. This is quite a group.
Emil Blonsky: You’re welcome to join.
Jennifer Walters: I’ll pass.

El Aguila: Just because I am Spanish, and I have a flair for the style, people constantly assume that I am a matador. It’s dehumanizing.
Porcupine: Spanish is a language, not a nationality, so.
El Aguila: You’ve never heard of Spain?

Man-Bull: Look, I know it’s not your fault, but those attributes make me see you as a matador. And, well, that’s triggering for me.
El Aguila: I did do some light matadoring in college.
Man-Bull: Oh, my God! Dude, what?

Wrecker: Sorry, I’m late. I lost track of time in the yurt.
Jennifer Walters: No way.
Emil Blonsky: Jen. Please.
Wrecker: I really needed it though. I was hurting for a yurting.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Wrecker] That guy is here? You probably don’t even remember who he is. Tell me they previously on’d him. No. I don’t care. We’re doing it again. Previously on this guy!

Wrecker: I was visited by a lot of feminine energy in there. I think I was talking to my dead grandmother, Rose. Hard to tell when you’re surfing the yurt though. Right?

Wrecker: So, I realized real strength comes from facing yourself in the mirror and saying, “Hey, man. I’m going to work on me.” I didn’t need a magic crowbar to give me a false sense of power. All it did was make me and my boys act like idiots. Rolling up on you like we were some supervillains or something.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, you attacked a woman four to one. You absolutely were supervillains.

Porcupine: [referring to Josh] When was the last time you talked to him?
Jennifer Walters: Three nights ago when we…
Man-Bull: Made love?
Jennifer Walters: First off, ew. No. When we’d slept together for the first time.

Porcupine: So how many dates?
Jennifer Walters: Three.
Man-Bull: What was the last thing you texted him?
Jennifer Walters: “That was fun. I can’t stop smiling.”
El Aguila: Yikes.
Jennifer Walters: What?
Porcupine: “I can’t stop smiling”? It is thirsty and a cliché.
Jennifer Walters: You’re thirsty and a cliché.

Wrecker: [to Jennifer, referring to Josh] I think that we have to start considering the very real possibility that you were ghosted.
Saracen: Or he wanted your blood.
Wrecker: No. Not that.

Jennifer Walters: You know in high school that friend that you have that’s like cooler than you are? Like more attractive and athletic. And they get all the attention from everyone.
Jennifer Walters: [points to her She-Hulk form] Hello! Like, you think life would be so much easier if I were that person. And I can turn into that person anytime I want to. And everyone pays attention when I’m this.

Jennifer Walters: But it feels like cheating, because would they like me if I didn’t have all of this? Like, if I was just Jen, would the same guys who like She-Hulk stick around for Jen? Because some of them don’t. And that sucks for Jen, because Jen is great, and no one cares when they’re She-Hulk. So, like I meet this guy who actually likes Jen, and that just felt good to know that, you know? And then, he ghosts me, and it sucks.

Porcupine: Well, for one thing, I’d say you can’t control what others people do.
El Aguila: It hurts when someone rejects us, because it reminds us of the times we reject ourselves.
Wrecker: Maybe this Josh thing hurts so much because you haven’t been spending enough time with Jen.
Saracen: And that’s a shame, because I bet Jen is pretty damn great and tasty. Dammit. Went off the rails. Somebody bail me out.

Man-Bull: [after Porcupine takes off his mask] Oh, my God!
Wrecker: It smells like a fart.
Emil Blonsky: Too much.
Porcupine: It feels good. Feels really good.

El Aguila: Oh, man. How many hours a day have you been wearing that mask, Papa?
Porcupine: Why? Am I ashy?
El Aguila: No. No, no.
Emil Blonsky: Could you just leave the suit on until we can get it dry cleaned?

Emil Blonsky: [after Jennifer deletes Josh’s number] How do you feel?
Jennifer Walters: I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m hurting for a yurting.

Wrecker: Well, we made this for you.
Jennifer Walters: [as she reads the card] Aw. “Bye, Jen. We love Jen and She-Hulk.”
Wrecker: We do.
Jennifer Walters: “The gang.” That’s nice.
Emil Blonsky: But it says “gang”, it’s not a literal gang. Just make sure you make that clear to the parole board.

Emil Blonsky: And Jen, next time you think of Josh, remember everyone we meet, no matter how much they hurt you, is a lesson learned.
[flashback, three days earlier, Josh secretly steals a sample of her blood for HulkKing]

Luke Jacobson: Excuse me? How dare you. I have never made a defective suit in all my life. My work is impeccable.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Obviously, I know that firsthand. And Trust me, I’m not happy to be doing this.
Luke Jacobson: I’m not trusting you after you just lumbered in here and stabbed me in the back.

Jennifer Walters: [as Jacobson rips her gala gown] Oh! Hey, I pre-paid for that!
Luke Jacobson: Then you shouldn’t have betrayed me, you greasy old buffalo. You are blocked, blacklisted, and reported!
Jennifer Walters: Now, I am going to take you down.
Luke Jacobson: Well, I hope it’s not down to wherever it is you get your ugly clothes from!
Jennifer Walters: See you in court!
Luke Jacobson: Goodbye, tragedy.

Judge Price: [to Jacobson] Where is your counsel?
Matt Murdock: I’m here. Apologies for the tardiness, Your Honor. I had trouble finding parking. I’m just kidding. My driver got lost. My name is Matthew Murdock.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to Murdock] Who’s this a**hole?

Judge Price: I’m dismissing this case.
Leapfrog: Am I going to go to jail?
Jennifer Walters: No, but I would like you to.

Jennifer Walters: Luke.
Luke Jacobson: Yes, clown?
Jennifer Walters: I just wanted to apologize for…
Luke Jacobson: For daring to question my craftsmanship?
Jennifer Walters: Is there any way that we could go back to you being my tailor?
Luke Jacobson: Jennifer. Jenny. Jen. No. Because I hate you now.

Matt Murdock: I wanted to extend a peace offering.
Jennifer Walters: Ugh! I hate it when people take the high road.

Matt Murdock: Luke Jacobson made a couple of new suits for me, so I owed him one.
Jennifer Walters: Doesn’t really look like it.
Matt Murdock: That’s a low blow insulting a blind man’s clothes. I’m wearing pants, right?

Matt Murdock: Ms. Walters, have you been checking up on me?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. Can you blame me? You came out of nowhere, and you made my dumb client admit to being even dumber than I thought he was in court.

Matt Murdock: Well, you know the expression, “One for them, one for us”? Well, I run my practice in Hell’s Kitchen, and we mostly do pro bono work. The “us” part. But I do on occasion take a job with a bigger client when the bills start piling up. The “them” part.
Jennifer Walters: Wow. Secret double lives of Matt Murdock. How does he do it? As someone who works for “them” full-time, I really don’t have any gas in the tank for anything else.

Matt Murdock: I think you’re in a unique position to do some real good. You see, the way I see it, Jen Walters can use the law to help people when society fails them. And She-Hulk can help people when the law fails them. So, you can, if you choose…
Jennifer Walters: Be the best of both worlds.

Jennifer Walters: [referring to her chemistry with Murdock] We’re all feeling this, right? It’s not just me?

Todd: God, no one is collecting African s**t on my level. I love it. I love Wakanda. You know, I actually studied abroad there.
Jennifer Walters: Really?
Todd: Wakanda Forever!
Jennifer Walters: Ooh! That makes me uncomfortable.

Leapfrog: [over phone] Listen, you got to help me. I think I’m being attacked!
Jennifer Walters: Legally or physically?
Leapfrog: Definitely physically! But, I mean, maybe legally too.

Jennifer Walters: Where are you?
Leapfrog: I’m on my way to the Lily Pad.
Jennifer Walters: Is that a place I’m supposed to know?
Leapfrog: Yeah. It’s my famous secret lair.

Matt Murdock: [as Daredevil] You need to back off.
Jennifer Walters: And waste this outfit?

Matt Murdock: You’re making a mistake.
Jennifer Walters: You made a mistake when you messed with my client! Because now I’m going to whoop your a**.
Matt Murdock: My a** remains unwhooped.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah? Let’s fix that.

Jennifer Walters: [as she takes off his mask] Matt? Wait. Do you pretend to be blind, man? Because that is really problematic.
Matt Murdock: No. No, no. I’m blind. I’m blind. Relax. I have a spatial method that I use to see.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, like echolocation?
Matt Murdock: Yeah, kind of. Basically I have really good hearing. Or at least I did.

Jennifer Walters: [after telling her Leapfrog kidnapped Jacobson] Why didn’t you tell me that before we fought?
Matt Murdock: Why didn’t you ask me before trying to whoop my a**?
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry that I assumed the guy dressed as the devil was the bad one.
Matt Murdock: Yeah, that’s a fair point.

Jennifer Walters: So, are you like a superhero? Like the Gold Devil?
Matt Murdock: I’m Daredevil.
Jennifer Walters: Well, it is very daring to use ketchup and mustard as your color scheme.
Matt Murdock: How about I tell Luke you said that?
Jennifer Walters: No! No, please don’t.

Matt Murdock: You ever destroy a parking lot before?
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Crap. I’ll go leave a note.

Luke Jacobson: I don’t know who told you that you could pull off this color, but you should go back to them and shoot them.
Leapfrog: Look, I know you’re just being mean because I kidnapped you, but words hurt, man.

Jennifer Walters: I can’t believe this dodo has henchmen. Actually, I can. I bet these goons work for his dad.
Matt Murdock: No. See, that’s where you’re wrong. Goons and henchmen are two completely different animals. Henchmen believe in the cause, whereas, goons are just there for the paycheck.
Jennifer Walters: Henchmen, goons, whatever.

Jennifer Walters: You can hear their heartbeats? Come on. That’s a little far-fetched.
Matt Murdock: I can hear yours too. Your heart’s beating pretty fast.
Jennifer Walters: What? What? No, it’s not. I’m healthy.

Jennifer Walters: I’m a Hulk. How about I just smash our way in?
Matt Murdock: Because they have weapons, Jennifer.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, good thing She-Hulk is indestructible, Matthew.

Matt Murdock: Stealth’s the way to go. Okay? Trust me, I’ve done this a million times. Remind me again, how many times you’ve broken into a warehouse full of goons?
Jennifer Walters: Remind me again who has the superpowers here? I’m pointing at myself.
Matt Murdock: Oh, yeah. I know. I have echolocation, remember?

Matt Murdock: Just let me do my thing.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, and I will do my thing.
Matt Murdock: You don’t have a thing. You don’t ever do this. Just follow my lead.
Jennifer Walters: [as Murdock leaps off the building] Okay. I guess that’s pretty cool.

Leapfrog: So, the devil ninja guy, he’s a lawyer?
Matt Murdock: No. I’m just a big fan of legal dramas.

Jennifer Walters: [as Murdock is beating up the goons] This guy’s really kind of doing it for me.

Leapfrog: [as he jumps out the window] No shame in retreat.

Jennifer Walters: So, you’ll make my gala dress?
Luke Jacobson: Yes, of course. I’m not a monster. Try not to get too bloated between now and then.
Jennifer Walters: Great to be strained professional acquaintances again.

Jennifer Walters: Are you going to give a statement to the cops?
Matt Murdock: I’m not really a stick around and talk to the cops kind of guy.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, so brooding.
Matt Murdock: More of a secret identity thing. You wouldn’t understand.

Matt Murdock: I was the lead superhero on this.
Jennifer Walters: You were they guy who wanted to spend half an hour picking off each goon, one by one.
Matt Murdock: You were the woman who caused excessive property damage. And you still can’t get that math right.

Matt Murdock: Hey, maybe next time I’m in town, I can take you out to dinner.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, or maybe we can skip all of that and just…
[we see them entering Jennifer’s apartment kissing]

Jennifer Walters: [the next morning, after sleeping with Murdock] It’s weird you guys are still here. Doesn’t it feel like this episode should be over?

Nikki Ramos: By the way, there’s some guy outside dressed in a devil costume, and he’s doing the walk of shame because he’s… Oh. You did. With the…
Jennifer Walters: Yes.
Nikki Ramos: Oh, alright. And we’re happy?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, we’re happy.
Nikki Ramos: Okay. Alright. You’re the devil.

Jennifer Walters: Seriously, what is this scene? This episode already came to a very satisfying conclusion. Trust me.

Jennifer Walters: Wait, we’re doing the gala? That doesn’t feel right. Is next episode the finale?

Jennifer Walters: Just like a tacked-on set piece near the end of the season. This is the big twist, isn’t it? But the question is, is it the kind of twist that’s like, “Ooh, there’s another Hulk, but this one’s red,” or like, “I’m getting fridged?” Whatever. I’m game.

Nikki Ramos: Okay, look. Intelligencia is made up of exclusively dumb dudes. One of these guys is going to slip up, and they’re going to give us enough information so that we can track them down. And then we will find them, and we will destroy them, by any and all means.
Jennifer Walters: Legally.
Nikki Ramos: I said, “By any and all means.”
Jennifer Walters: No. I am going to sue them for defamation and invasion of privacy, and get them charged with unauthorized access to a protected computer.
Nikki Ramos: Ugh. Boring. Alright. If you want to be all Jen Walters about it. Yeah, that’s cool.

Elaine Walters: Jennifer! Can you move the big bookcase for me? I think I want it closer to the window.
Jennifer Walters: No!
Elaine Walters: Oh, that’s right. You can’t be Girl-Hulk anymore.
Jennifer Walters: It’s She-Hulk, Mom. Or was. But never again. Which I know is what I said I wanted, but this doesn’t feel right. This isn’t even a reluctant superhero story. I’m just getting screwed over. Is this what you guys want?

Jennifer Walters: [reading from Blonsky’s Haikus book] “Our hearts beat the same. If you say I’m the monster, what does that make you?” This book sucks.

Todd: Dude, I created Intelligencia. I’m Hulk King.

Wrecker: Hey, Jen. You look like you could use a cup of tea and a friend’s ear.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Wrecker: Saracen got me into this Pu’er tea, but you got to watch him when he makes it, because he likes to slip in chicken blood.

Wrecker: [as he takes a sip of the tea] Kind of miss the chicken blood.

Emil Blonsky: Emil, you’ve been transforming into the Abomination?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. I do speaking engagements. Nothing bad. Strictly for profit.
Emil Blonsky: I vouched for you.
Jennifer Walters: Jen, I’m sorry that you’re upset.
Emil Blonsky: Was there a real apology in there somewhere that I missed?

Jennifer Walters: [as Todd is transforming into the Hulk King] This can’t possibly be where this season was going.

Jennifer Walters: This is a mess. None of these storylines make any sense. Is this working for you?

Writer Zeb: Guys, what do we get if the entirety of the second season is one extended dream sequence?

Jennifer Walters: What the hell, you guys? What kind of stupid finale is this?
Writer Jessica: We thought it’d be really cool, and like unexpected.
Writer Zeb: Yeah. Like fun, kind of with a twist.
Jennifer Walters: A twist? The bad guy steals my blood in order to give himself superpowers. Where did you come up with that original idea? Was that from every other superhero story ever?
Writer Zeb: Okay. There are certain things that are supposed to happen in a superhero story.

Jennifer Walters: Kevin?
KEVIN: It stands for Knowledge Enhanced Visual Interconnectivity Nexus. Were you expecting a man?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. Why would I expect a giant AI brain and not a man?

KEVIN: I will answer your questions, but you must transform back to Jennifer.
Jennifer Walters: Why?
KEVINL You are very expensive.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, sure.
KEVIN: But wait until the camera is off you. The visual effects team has moved on to another project.

KEVIN: I possess the most advanced entertainment algorithm in the world, and it produces near-perfect products.
Jennifer Walters: Near-perfect?
KEVIN: Some are better than others, but I leave that debate up to the Internet.

Jennifer Walters: The Marvel Cinematic Universe is known for its big spectacles and high-stakes plotlines, but it’s often said that Marvel movies all end the same way.
KEVIN: Wait. Who is saying that?
Jennifer Walters: Perhaps, this is a result of following some unwritten rule that you have to throw a bunch of plot, and flash, and a whole blood thing that seems super suspiciously close to Super Soldier Serum at the audience in the climax. I propose we don’t have to do that. It distracts from the story, which is that my life fell apart right when I was learning to be both Jen and She-Hulk.

KEVIN: But Bruce is supposed to return to explain what he was doing on…
Jennifer Walters: No. We don’t need to hear any of that.
KEVIN: But we were going to introduce…
Jennifer Walters: Save it for the movie.

KEVIN: Are we done here?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, would not mind seeing Daredevil again. A woman has needs.
KEVIN: Historically, we’ve been light in that department.

Jennifer Walters: What’s with all the daddy issues? We got Tony Stark. Daddy issues.
KEVIN: Jen.
Jennifer Walters: Thor. Daddy issues. Loki. Same daddy, same issues.
KEVIN: Oh, boy.
Jennifer Walters: Star-Lord. Two daddies, two issues.
KEVIN: Jen, please stop.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, and when are we getting the X-Men?
KEVIN: I cannot tell you that.

KEVIN: You obliterated the thrilling ending KEVIN formulated.
Jennifer Walters: Well, yeah. That’s what Hulks do. We smash things. Bruce smashes buildings. I smash fourth walls and bad endings. And sometimes, Matt Murdock.
KEVIN: Okay, now get back to the show. See you on the big screen.
Jennifer Walters: Really?
KEVIN: No.

Matt Murdock: Jen, I’m here to help.
Jennifer Walters: Hey, Daredevil! You missed it. We’re done. I’m sorry.
Matt Murdock: Everything? Oh, man.
Jennifer Walters: It was great though. And I’m happy to see you.

Jennifer Walters: As your legal counsel, do you understand that if you sign this, you go back to prison for ten years for violating your parole?
Emil Blonsky: Yep. It’s the karmic price I pay for my actions.
Jennifer Walters: Well, maybe you can write some haikus about it.
Emil Blonsky: Sarcasm?
Jennifer Walters: Can’t wait to read them.

Jennifer Walters: Aunt Rebecca, you don’t ask people how much money they make.
Matt Murdock: It’s fine. I don’t do it for the money.
Morris Walters: But you do make some money, right?
Jennifer Walters: Dad!
Morris Walters: It’s very expensive raising kids in LA.
Jennifer Walters: He’s staying for a week!
Matt Murdock: I did not think the conversation would go in that way.
Morris Walters: Matt, I’m going to tell you right now, every conversation is going in that direction, so buckle up.

Bruce Banner: I know I’ve been away on Sakaar for a while. I’ll tell you all about it. But first, I have someone here that I’d like you all to meet. This is my son, Skaar.
Matt Murdock: [to Jennifer] Wow, your family.

Jennifer Walters: The message we’re sending is that if you attack, harm, or harass innocent people, I’m coming for you.
Reporter: Do you mean in a courtroom or as a superhero?
Jennifer Walters: Both.
Reporter: And tell our viewers, who are you wearing to court today?
Jennifer Walters: Okay.
Reporter: The Difficult Diva of Law herself.

Wong: [mid-credits lines, after he breaks Blonsky out of prison] Emil, my apologies for the delay.
Emil Blonsky: You got sucked in another show, didn’t you?
Wong: We’re really in an era of Peak TV. Do you have all your things?
Emil Blonsky: Yeah. What’s the guest policy at Kamar-Taj? Shared fridge?
Wong: We’re kind of all one with everything.
Emil Blonsky: What about Wi-Fi?
Wong: We have Wi-Fi.

Roderick Burgess: I give you a coin made from a stone. I give you a knife from under the hills. And I give you the blood from out of my vein. I give you a song I stole from the dirt. And I give you a feather pulled from an angel’s wing, for you to lift up into the heavens.

Roderick Burgess: I summon you with poison! I summon you with pain! I open the way. I open the gates. I summon you in the names of the old lords. Namtar, Allatu, Morax, Maborym calls you. Horvendile calls you. We summon you together! Come!

Dream: I was powerless, trapped by a spell cast by an amateur, with no concern for the damage he had done to my realm, and to his own. For the following morning, there were some sleepers who could not wake up.

Dream: The sleepy sickness, as it was called, affected nearly one million men, women and children, in every city, town and village in the world.

The Corinthian: Did you think Death was the only one in charge? The Reaper has family, you know. Desire, Destiny, Despair.
Roderick Burgess: Which one have I got then?
The Corinthian: Dream.

Roderick Burgess: What’s the good of a god who governs dreams?
The Corinthian: Not a god. More than a god. And are men not governed by their dreams?

The Corinthian: No one must be allowed to fall asleep in his presence. No one. Or he will escape into your dreams. And you don’t want that.

Roderick Burgess: [referring to Dream] Why are you helping me? What is he to you?
The Corinthian: Well, you could say that he made me what I am today. And if he ever gets free, he could take it all back.

Roderick Burgess: Will I see you again?
The Corinthian: You should hope not.

Roderick Burgess: I know who you are, Dream of The Endless. I captured you according to the laws of magic. But it wasn’t you I wanted. I wanted Death to return my son Randall, who died in the Gallipoli Campaign. If you give him back to me, alive and well, I’ll release you. Is that in your power, Lord of Dreams? No, I suppose not.

Dream: Day after day, he pleaded for gifts that are not mankind’s to receive nor mine to give. So I remained silent. And ten years later, though my presence there remained a secret, my ruby, sand, and helm brought youth and prosperity to Roderick Burgess and his followers. But for the rest of the world, the suffering continued.

Dream: The savagery of my captors bespoke a world whose dreams in my absence turned darker still. A world which would soon be at war again. A world still ravaged by the disease which doctors named Encephalitis lethargica. Some begged for sleep that would not come. Others lived as perpetual sleepwalkers. Most slept without waking.

Roderick Burgess: [to Dream] The woman who lives with me has gone, and robbed me of my fortune. She’s also robbed you. She’s taken your helm, your sand, and your ruby. Now, I can unlock this, you can go after her, if you give me what I’ve been asking for. Wealth, youth, immortality. Oh, you’re a god. These things are nothing to you. Don’t you want your weapons, and your freedom? Speak to me!

Roderick Burgess: [to Dream, as he’s dying] You’re never getting out of there. Never.

Dream: Out of loss, new love was born, as was new life.

Young Ethel Cripps: My mum used to say that if I was good, when I went to sleep, a man would come, sprinkle sand in my eyes, and make all of my dreams come true. But the Sandman’s not coming. From now on, Johnny, you and I are going to have to make our own dreams come true. And nothing, and no one, is going to stand in our way.

Alex Burgess: Just promise that you won’t harm me or Paul, and I will let you out.
Dream: Should I have believed him this time? Should I have forgiven him for murdering my raven? Perhaps. But in the end, I could not.

Alex Burgess (70): [to Dream] I could have asked you for wealth, or power, like my father did. But all I ever wanted was to be free of you. Surely you want that too.

Guard #1: [referring to Dream] Old Dracula here’s not giving an inch.
Guard #2: Why do you call it Dracula?
Guard #1: Because I think it’s one of them Draculas. What do you think it is?
Guard #2: I try not to.

Alex Burgess: It’s you. You’re free.
Dream: I am. And you have any idea what it was like? Confined in a cage for over a century? Do you understand the damage you’ve done to your world?
Alex Burgess: I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Please.
Dream: Your punishment then shall be a gift. I give you this, the gift of eternal sleep.

Dream: More than a century of tortured sleep, of Dreams and Nightmares running riot was coming to an end.

The Corinthian: He’s free. He’s out of his cage. So, I’m afraid I’m going to have to run. And I’m not going to stop until I’ve reshaped this world to look just like me.

Lucienne: My Lord, you are The Dreaming, The Dreaming is you. With you gone as long as you were, the realm began to decay and crumble.

Dream: I will not have Dreams and Nightmares preying on the waking world. I will bring them all back. I made this realm once, Lucienne. I will make it again.

Cain: Blasted, bulbous, bilge-bubbling bollocks.

Dream: You forget yourself, Cain.
Cain: No, my Lord, you forgot us. Do you have any idea what we’ve already lost waiting for you to come back after all these years?
Dream: What you have lost?
Cain: The answer is no.

Dream: I can only reabsorb that which I have created, and Gregory began as a Nightmare.
Cain: Yes, but he’s one of us now. It’s not fair.
Dream: No, it’s not.

Abel: [to Dream] Good luck, my Lord.
Cain: Simpering suck-up.
[stabs Abel with his pitchfork]

Ethel Cripps: You want me to kill the King of Dreams?
The Corinthian: Right. You can do it. I know you can. You just have to listen and trust me.
Ethel Cripps: Then I’m afraid we’re both dead, because I don’t have them.

Dream: You were right, Lucienne. The Dreams and Nightmares no longer seem to recognize their master. I will remind them, and take from them what I require.

Fate Maiden: Morpheus, it’s been a while.
Fate Mother: You look thin, love. Are you eating? Are you hungry?
Fate Crone: He is, but not for food. Look at him. He wants something.
Dream: You’ve found me out. I do want something. I need your help.

Lucienne: [referring to the Gargoyle egg] My Lord, you didn’t give it to The Fates.
Dream: Because it was not meant for them.

Ethel Cripps: You don’t listen, do you? Attractive men seldom do. I suppose they don’t have to.
The Corinthian: Ethel, are you flirting with me?

Ethel Cripps: You asked me where the tools are, I told you I don’t have them.
The Corinthian: I find that difficult to believe, given your extraordinary success.
Ethel Cripps: Do you think that the only way a woman can be successful is by using magic? Supernatural and sexist. You really are a Nightmare, aren’t you?

The Corinthian: Oh, come on, you can’t deny the tools have helped you. They’ve certainly kept you from looking your age.
Ethel Cripps: Now who’s flirting?

The Corinthian: You don’t have to lie. In fact, you don’t have to say a word. Your eyes will tell me everything, every thought, every feeling.
Ethel Cripps: You will regret this. I promise you.
The Corinthian: What makes you think that?
Ethel Cripps: I don’t need Dream’s tools. I have my own.

Cain: Who gave you an egg?
Abel: You did.
Cain: I didn’t give you an egg. Why would I give you an egg?
Abel: As an apology for murdering me.
Cain: When have I ever apologized for murdering you?

Abel: I think I’ll call him Irving.
Cain: Irving? You can’t name a gargoyle Irving, you gully-guts.
Abel: I like Irving.
Cain: Gargoyle names always begin with a G. “Gormogon. Gladstone. Ganymede.”
Abel: Alright then. Girving.
Cain: Girving?
Abel: It starts with a G.

Ethel Cripps: How are you, Johnny? Are you well?
John Dee: Same as ever. Slightly bored. Highly medicated. The days are all the same in prison.
Ethel Cripps: Hospital, John, not prison.
John Dee: If it pleases you to think so.

Abel: I’ll call you Goldie for Cain’s sake, but I think of you as Irving really. In my heart.

Abel: [referring to Cain] He can’t help it. It’s not his fault. It’s who he is. It’s who we are. The first murderer, the first victim.

Dream: If this Constantine is anything like her ancestor, she will serve me well enough. She is only human.
Lucienne: As was Roderick Burgess. What could possibly go wrong?

Lucienne: Dreams and Nightmares do not belong in the waking world.
The Corinthian: Oh, turns out I fit right in.

The Corinthian: [referring to Dream] Oh, no. I see him for what he is. He doesn’t give a f*** about you or me. He only cares about himself. His kingdom. Well, he can have it. Because I am leaving, and I am never coming back.
Lucienne: He will come after you.
The Corinthian: Well, then, if he does, he won’t be coming back either.

The Corinthian: [referring to Dream] You can’t change him. You can’t save him either.

The Princess: Are you going to be sick? Kevin? Are you going to be sick during our wedding?

Johanna Constantine: [to Erica] You were right about the demon, wrong about the host.

Johanna Constantine: [to Agilieth] Run along and f*** off back to Hell.
Dream: You have no idea what you’ve done.
Johanna Constantine: I do though. I’ve just tripled my fee.

Ethel Cripps: Look, let’s just say that I have it on good authority that the ruby’s owner is coming for it, and for the people who stole it from him.
John Dee: Then he’s coming for you. You’re the one who stole it from him.
Ethel Cripps: And you’re the one who stole it from me. You’re the only one who knows where it is.

John Dee: Every time, every time you moved us to a new town, and changed our last name, it wasn’t because your boyfriend of the time was beating the s**t out of us, it was because the f***ing Sandman was coming.
Ethel Cripps: I was trying to protect you.

Erica: [referring the Princess] Poor thing. She did seem possessed.
Johanna Constantine: She was. Love f***s you up.

Erica: Your new man is not unfit.
Johanna Constantine: He’s not my man. He’s not even a man.
Erica: What is he then?
Johanna Constantine: He’s Endless.

Mad Hettie: I said the Sandman, and I meant the bleeding Sandman.

Dream: [referring to his sand] Without it, my realm will cease to exist. And if dreams disappear, then so will humanity.
Johanna Constantine: No offense, but I could do without dreams for a while. Haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in ages.
Dream: Nor will you. Until we find the sand.

Dream: We must go, now.
Johanna Constantine: Does this approach generally work for you? You just turn up and order people about?
Dream: Yes.

Ethel Cripps: [referring to the ruby] I want us to give it back to him. Maybe he’ll forgive us.
John Dee: Maybe. But maybe we shouldn’t give away a jewel that makes dreams come true, when we could use it to dream of a world without the Sandman. We could start again.

Dream: Do you know who I am?
Matthew the Raven: Not entirely, but I don’t even know who I am anymore. A couple hours ago, I apparently died in my sleep, and now I’m a bird. I used to have thumbs. Now, I have these things.

Johanna Constantine: How did you find me?
Dream: You were dreaming. But it wasn’t only a dream, was it? It’s a memory. No wonder you do not sleep.
Johanna Constantine: Maybe I don’t deserve to.
Dream: Perhaps not. But I could make it go away.
Johanna Constantine: Only if I help you find your sand.

Dream: Why do you humans love objects so much?
Johanna Constantine: They do come in handy sometimes. You seem pretty attached to your sand.
Dream: It’s not just an object, it’s a part of me.

Dream: [referring to the photos] Is this you?
Johanna Constantine: Why? Do I look that different? Or younger?
Dream: No. Happy.

Johanna Constantine: [referring to the sand] I did not leave it with her. I sort of left it. And her. I was staying at her place for a few months. She interpreted that as us living together, which we weren’t. So, one night, I just went on a job and I never went back.
Dream: Why?
Johanna Constantine: Because it never ends well, does it?
Dream: What? Love? No. I suppose it doesn’t.

Dream: I’m coming with you.
Johanna Constantine: No, you’re not. Do you have any idea how much she probably hates me? Do you have any ex-girlfriends?
Dream: I will not wait long.
Johanna Constantine: You won’t have to. She’s going to slam the door in my face, like I’m about to do with you, right now.

Matthew the Raven: I say this as someone who was recently human. Human beings cannot be trusted.
Dream: No.
Matthew the Raven: If I were Johanna Constantine, I’d be up there cutting a deal with Rachel to keep the sand, then cut the dream sand with real sand, and sell it to the highest bidder. But then, I wasn’t the best person when I was a person. We can’t all be Jessamy, who was apparently perfect in every way.

Johanna Constantine: [to Dream, referring to Rachel] What is wrong with you? You want your sand back so that you can save all of humanity, well, here she is! But we’re all just Roderick Burgess to you. All you care about is your sand. Your power. What is the point of you? Well, you got your sand back. Why are you still here if you won’t help?

Ethel Cripps: [referring to her amulet] I am trying to save you, not hurt you. Here. This kept me alive for a hundred and sixteen years so far. I hope it keeps you alive forever. It’s all a mother wants, really. Take it. One last thing. I’m sorry I was such a s**t mum.
John Dee: [as she’s ageing and dying] No. Mother. Take it back.
Ethel Cripps: It’s too late now, love.

Johanna Constantine: [referring to Rachel, after Dream helps her to die] You know, she was actually a good person. There are a few of them out there, you know. They’re not all like me and Roderick Burgess.
Dream: You are not Roderick Burgess.

Matthew the Raven: Don’t ever spy on me again.
Dream: I wasn’t spying. If I were spying on you, you’d never know it.

Matthew the Raven: Where are we going?
Dream: Hell.
Matthew the Raven: Hell. As in Hell-Hell, or were you being metaphorical? Because either way, we should probably check in with Lucienne first, right? See how she’s feeling about it. I’m going to go out on a limb, which is something birds actually do, and say she will not be in favor of Hell-going. But I don’t get a sense that you’re listening. So, f*** it, let’s go to Hell!

Dream: When we first met, Lucifer was the angel Samael.
Matthew the Raven: I forgot the Devil used to be an angel.
Dream: Not just any angel. The most beautiful, wisest, and most powerful of all angels. Saving only the Creator, Lucifer is, perhaps, the most powerful being there is.
Matthew the Raven: More powerful than you?
Dream: By far. Especially now.

Dream: A demon has a hundred motives for anything he does. All of them malevolent.

John Dee: This is going to sound rather odd, but the secret to having compassion for people is knowing that they are fundamentally selfish. And I say this without judgement. It’s how human beings are built. It’s how we’re made. But if you know that going in, if you understand that we are operating out of the biological congenital selfishness, then life begins to make a lot more sense.

John Dee: I was saying, knowing that people are selfish sets you free from having to take their actions, their lies, personally. People lie because they are selfish. They lie because they are human.
Rosemary: They lie because they’re scared. People will say anything. Do anything to keep from being hurt. That’s what I think, anyway.

Lucifer: You look well, Dream. Are you well? And your family, Destiny, Death, Despair, and the others?
Dream: I presume the Ruler of Hell knows this is no social call.

Lucifer: Have you come to join forces then? To ally your realm to ours? To acknowledge the sovereignty of Hell?
Dream: You know my feelings on that, Lightbringer.
Lucifer: Feelings change. Especially when one has been caught and imprisoned by mortals. We expected better of you, sweet Morpheus.

Lucifer: It surprises us how easily you would give up, Dream. We know how you relied upon your tools. But tools are the subtlest of traps. We become reliant upon them, and in their absence we are vulnerable, weak, defenseless.

John Dee: I could use a drink, if you don’t mind.
Rosemary: Sure. What would you like?
John Dee: I don’t know. I haven’t been out in the world for thirty years.
Rosemary: You’ve been in prison for thirty years?
John Dee: No, psychiatric hospital. The beverage options were extremely limited to say the least.

Choronzon: As the challenged, I’ve selected my champion, Ruler of Hell, Lucifer Morning star to represent me in a contest of skill, confidence, and transformation. The oldest game.

Dream: I am a universe. All things encompassing, all life embracing.
Lucifer: I am anti-life. The Beast of Judgement. The dark at the end of everything. What will you be then, Dream Lord?

Lucifer: There are no more moves. What can survive the anti-life?
Matthew the Raven: Hey, boss. Listen to me. You know what can survive the anti-life? You. Dreams don’t f***ing die. Not if you believe in them. And I believe Dream of the Endless would never leave his raven here alone, in Hell with Lucifer.
Dream: I am hope.

Dream: Well, Lightbringer? It’s your move. What is it that kills hope?
Lucifer: Choronzon, give him his helm.

Lucifer: Why should we let you leave? Helmet or no, you have no power here. After all, what power have dreams in Hell?
Dream: You say I have no power here. Perhaps you speak truly. But to say dreams have no power in Hell, tell me, Lucifer Morning star, what power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?
Lucifer: One day, Morpheus we shall destroy you.
Dream: Until that day, Lightbringer.

Matthew the Raven: You think Lucifer will come after you?
Dream: Why?
Matthew the Raven: Because you just publicly humiliated the Ruler of Hell.

John Dee: You’re a good person, Rosemary. Unfortunately, good people seldom survive in this world.

John Dee: [referring to the amulet] Here. Take it. Wear it. From now on, no one will be able to hurt you. Not even me. There’s no need to be afraid or tell a lie ever again.
Rosemary: Don’t you need it?
John Dee: No. I have my ruby. The ruby makes dreams come true. And I’m going to use it to save the world.

Bette Munroe: You said you were going to change the world. I didn’t believe you.
John Dee: All I did was take away the lies. You all did the rest. You did what you wanted to.
Bette Munroe: I never wanted this.
John Dee: You didn’t want to be seen, or touched, or loved?
Mark Brewer: I didn’t want to kill anyone.
John Dee: Yes, you did. Or you wouldn’t have done it.

John Dee: I offered you a world where you could be yourselves without having to suffer for it, but it seems you enjoy your suffering. And if that is your truth, then perhaps your suffering will set you free. The truth is a cleansing fire, which burns away the lies we’ve told each other, and the lies we’ve told ourselves. So that love and hate, pleasure and pain, can all be expressed without shame. Where there is no good or bad. There is only the truth.

Bette Munroe: [after everyone in the diner is dead] How is this a better world?
John Dee: You’re still seeing it with your eyes. You need to close them. Embrace the darkness.
[Bette then stabs herself in the eyes]

Bette Munroe: I see the future.
John Dee: Then tell me. Tell me my future.
Bette Munroe: You come from dust. You walk the dust. You go back to dust.
John Dee: That’s everyone’s future. Tell me my future.
Kate Fletcher: There is no future for you, John Dee. It is bound by walls, and guards, and the sour smell of madness.
Bette Munroe: And then the skein of your life is cut, son of your mother.

Dream: What is it you think you’re doing?
John Dee: Saving the world from its lies.
Dream: The ruby wasn’t made for that.

John Dee: They’re lying to themselves. It’s all lies.
Dream: Not lies, John. Dreams.

Dream: Kate dreams of running away, where no one will find her. Garry dreams of proving his father was wrong about him. Bette dreams of creating something that matters to people. Their dreams inspired them. Their dreams kept them alive. But if you rob them of their dreams, if you take away their hope, then, yes, this is the truth of mankind.

Dream: You must stop. It is not too late to save yourself.
John Dee: Oh, you think it’s me that needs saving?

John Dee: How does it feel to know I hold your life in my hands?
Dream: You’re hurting the dreamers.
John Dee: Well, it’s time they woke up! Your life and your lies end now.

Dream: Thank you, John.
John Dee: But I killed you.
Dream: You destroyed the ruby and released the power inside it. I would never have thought of that. I’d forgotten just how much of myself I had placed in the jewel.
John Dee: Are you going to kill me?
Dream: I could. Perhaps I will. But the dream stone was not made for mortals. And it came to you through no fault of your own. So, no, John. I will not kill you. Sleep well, John.

Dream: The ruby didn’t do this. John merely used it to reveal wounds that were hidden, but never healed. Tomorrow, the rebuilding will begin. In this realm and in mine. But tonight at least, humanity will sleep in peace.

Dream: I find myself wondering about humanity. Their attitude towards your gift is so strange. Why do they fear the Sunless Lands? It is as natural to die as it is to be born.
Death: People may not be ready for my gift. But they get it anyway. No matter what the circumstance. At the end, each of us stands alone. The Sunless Lands are far away and the journey is hard. Most of us will be glad for the company of a friend.

Death: At the end, I’m there with them. I’m holding their hand, and they’re holding mine. I’m not alone when I’m doing my job.

Death: [to Dream] The only reason we even exist, you and I, and Desire and Despair, the whole family, we’re here to serve them. It isn’t about quests, or finding purpose outside our function. Our purpose is our function. We’re here for them. Since I figured that out, I realized I need them as much as they need me.

Hob Gadling: It’s not like I don’t know what death is. Death is stupid.

Hob Gadling: [1389] Nobody has to die. The only reason people die is because everyone does it. You all just go along with it. But not me. I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going to die.
Man: Hobs, death comes for every man.
Hob Gadling: You don’t know that. I might get lucky. There’s always a first time. There’s so much to do, so many things to see.

Dream: Why would any sensible creature crave an eternity of this?
Death: You could find out.
Dream: How?
Death: I could grant him his wish.
Dream: Do that, and he will be begging for death within a century, I assure you.

Dream: [1489] You live your life as you choose. Then on this day, every hundred years, we will meet.
Hob Gadling: Because you want to know what it’s like. Alright. I’ll tell you what it’s like. It’s f***ing brilliant.

Dream: What will you people think of next?
Hob Gadling: With any luck, something to get rid of fleas.

Will Shakespeare: [1589] I would give anything to have your gifts. To give men dreams that would live on long after I’m dead. I would bargain like your Faustus for that boon.

Dream: Who is he?
Hob Gadling: His name’s Will Shaxberd. Acts a bit. Wrote a play.
Dream: Is he good?
Hob Gadling: No, he’s crap.

Will Shakespeare: Have we met?
Dream: We have. But men forget in waking hours. I heard you talk, Will. Would you write great plays? Create new dreams to spur the minds of men? Is that your will?
Will Shakespeare: It is.
Dream: Then let us talk.

Hob Gadling: Everything to live for. And nowhere to go but up.

Hob Gadling: [1689] I’ve hated every second of the last eighty years, every bloody second. Do you know that?
Dream: So do you still wish to live?
Hob Gadling: Are you crazy? Death is a mug’s game. I got so much to live for.

Dream: [1789] It’s a poor thing for one man to enslave another.
Hob Gadling: It’s just how it’s done.
Dream: I suggest you find yourself a different line of business, Robert Gadling.
Hob Gadling: You’re giving me advice? After four hundred years? What happened to “live your life as you choose”?
Dream: The choice is yours. But would you take that choice away from others?

Dream: The great stories will always return to their original forms.

Hob Gadling: That lad, Will Shakespeare. He turned out to be a half-decent playwright after all. You made some kind of deal with him, didn’t you?
Dream: Perhaps.
Hob Gadling: What kind of deal? His soul?
Dream: Nothing so crude.

Hob Gadling: [1889] Sorry about Lushing Lou.
Dream: Lushing Lou. Is that what they call her?
Hob Gadling: Well, in here, they call her “the Hospital”.
Dream: Why?
Hob Gadling: Because she’s in them a great deal, and because she’s sent so many men into them.

Hob Gadling: That might be the only thing I’ve learned after five hundred years. People are almost always better than you think they are. Not me though. Still the same as ever.

Hob Gadling: I think I know why we still meet here, century after century. It’s not because you want to see whether or not I’m ready to seek death. I don’t think I’ll ever seek death. By now, you know that about me. So, I think you’re here for something else.
Dream: And what might that be?
Hob Gadling: Friendship. I think you’re lonely.

Dream: You dare suggest one such as I might need your companionship.
Hob Gadling: Yes. Yes, I do.
Dream: Then I shall take my leave of you and prove you wrong.
Hob Gadling: I’ll tell you what, I’ll be here in a hundred years time. If you’re here then too, it’ll be because we’re friends. No other reason, right?

Bartender: [1989] You waiting for someone?
Hob Gadling: I think I’ve been stood up. We had a fight. Last time we were here. It was my fault. Wish I could say I was drunk at the time, but I was just an idiot.
Bartender: I’ve seen plenty of friends get in fights in pubs. Even more of them laugh about it together later.
Hob Gadling: Maybe in another hundred years.

Hob Gadling: [present day] You’re late.
Dream: It seems I owe you an apology. I’ve always heard it impolite to keep one’s friends waiting.

Unity Kincaid: In my dreams, I had the most glorious life. I took over my father’s business. And I met a man with golden eyes. And we had a baby. But it wasn’t until I woke up that I found out that none of it was real. Except for the baby. Apparently, while I was asleep in hospital, I had a baby girl. They hushed it up at the time, but Mr. Holdaway found out that she was adopted by a fine family. And that she grew up to have a daughter of her own. Called Miranda. Miranda Walker. Your mother. I’m your great-grandmother, Rose.

Fun Land: [referring to the Corinthian] What do you think he does with the eyes?
The Good Doctor: He’s a collector. Same as us.

The Good Doctor: If we want to get his attention, we have to think like him. Act like him.
Nimrod: Are you suggesting we…
Fun Land: Copycat the Corinthian?
The Good Doctor: Might be fun.
Nimrod: We do not plagiarize one another’s work. We have a code.
The Good Doctor: We also have over a hundrded serial killers coming to this thing.
Nimrod: “Collectors”. Please.

Fun Land: Do you think the Corinthian has a type?

Carl: And you are?
The Corinthian: I guess you could say I’m kind of a headhunter.

Fun Land: Why would the Corinthian even care about a copycat?
Nimrod: Well, I’d care. If someone was out there taking credit for my work, I’d find them, and I’d make sure they never did it again.
Fun Land: That’s another good reason not to do it.

Fate Crone: You are at a crossroads, Rose Walker.
Rose Walker: How do you know my name? Who are you?
Fate Crone: Names, names, names.
Fate Maiden: Each name is but a single aspect of the whole.
Fate Mother: Be satisfied with the trinity you have, love. You wouldn’t want to meet us as the Kindly Ones.

Unity Kincaid: But it’s never enough years though, is it? It seems we’ve all had our lives terribly interrupted, haven’t we?
Rose Walker: Maybe that’s what life is. Just a series of interruptions.
Unity Kincaid: And reconnections.

Unity Kincaid: [as she gives Rose a ring] It’s a gold annulet. What? What’s wrong?
Rose Walker: I had a dream in the car, on the way here, about an annulet.
Unity Kincaid: Did you? Well, then, may all our dreams come true.

Carl: You a big reader?
The Corinthian: I prefer people.
Carl: That’s good news for people.

Merv Pumpkinhead: You’ve been here for five minutes. Do you even know what to watch for?
Matthew the Raven: No. Do you want to go?
Merv Pumpkinhead: I do not.
Matthew the Raven: Then tell me what to watch for.
Merv Pumpkinhead: Oh. Any unusual behavior.
Matthew the Raven: Said the pumpkin to the talking bird.

Lucienne: So, look for any signs of shock or trauma.
Merv Pumpkinhead: [referring to Rose] Anything that could trigger her into killing us all.
Matthew the Raven: So, basically anything.
Lucienne: Basically, yes.

Ken: I’m Ken.
Barbie: I’m Barbie.
Ken: It’s terrible.
Barbie: We know.

Chantal: We possess the largest collection of stuffed spiders in private hands on the Eastern Seaboard.

Rose Walker: [referring to Chantal and Zelda] Are they…
Hal Carter: Sisters? Mother? Daughter? Lovers? Nobody knows. But I feel knowing would somehow ruin it.

Fun Land: [as he places eyes on the table] I figured if one copycat crime doesn’t get the Corinthian’s attention, two will.
Nimrod: Make that three. Though I consider mine to be more of an homage.
The Good Doctor: You both said this was a terrible idea.
Nimrod: In the absence of a better one.

Nimrod: I mean, why the eyes, or why only the eyes?
The Good Doctor: They are the window to the soul.
Fun Land: And they’re really hard to get out without popping them.
The Corinthian: [shows up at their table] The trick is to use your thumbs.

The Good Doctor: We hoped that since you are the current Corinthian, you might deliver the keynote speech.
The Corinthian: “The current Corinthian.”
The Good Doctor: Well, you don’t look a hundred and thirty years-old to me.
The Corinthian: Thank you.

Dream: All humans are connected to the Dreaming. They spend a third of their life here. Breaking that connection would require knowledge, and power.

Rose Walker: Matthew, is that you?
Matthew the Raven: No, that’s a crow. I’m a raven. Common mistake.
Rose Walker: You’re real?
Matthew the Raven: Technically I’m a dream, but sure.

Rose Walker: [as the Corinthian is watching them] And is Morpheus watching right now?
Matthew the Raven: He is. I can feel him in the back of my head. It’s the weirdest feeling.

Hal Carter: Rose, do you think I want to be here? Cleaning up after Barbie and Ken? Don’t get me wrong, I love them, they’re great. But if Broadway called tomorrow, I would sell this f***ing house. And I would never think about any of these people ever again. Go to grad school, write a novel, about me. But do it now while I’m still cute enough to play myself in the movie. Because this was never my dream.

Chantal: [in her dream] I am having a relationship with a sentence. It was just one of those things. It was a chance meeting that grew into something more important for both of us. Everybody knows about me and the sentence. And now, I have the pleasure of reading it into the Library of Congress.

Rose Walker: So, what is a dream vortex? What is it for? What does it do?
Dream: I confess, there are some questions to which even I do not have an answer. But I can tell you that a vortex has the power to dream entire worlds, or destroy them.

Child Zelda: [in her dream] Nobody understands me. Nobody cares. Nobody understands but Chantal. Chantal comes along, shows me she’s my soul sister. Me and her are gothic heroines, secret brides to the faceless slaves of the nameless night of the castle of dread desire.

Rose Walker: [referring to young Zelda in her dream] Is she lost?
Dream: She’s at home here. That is what most people seek when they dream.
Rose Walker: Home?

Hector Hall: You being here, in my dream, means something is different. Something has shifted. So, if you can choose to be here, maybe you can choose to stay. Think about it. We can have the life we always wanted. Have a baby. Start a family. Lyta. This is a dream. Anything is possible.

Dream: Humans cannot live in dreams. As long as he stayed there, the child had no life, nor the chance for one.
Gault: [referring to Jed] The boy is being abused. He’s suffering.
Dream: You abused that suffering to build a Dreaming you could rule.
Gault: I had no wish to rule. I merely wish to be a Dream and not a Nightmare. To inspire rather than to frighten.
Dream: The choice is not yours to make.

Dream: We do not choose to be created. Nor do we choose how we are made.
Gault: That is true. But we can change.
Dream: No. We are, each of us, born with responsibilities. Even I am not free to choose to be other than I am. Nor is anyone.

Gault: I’m not afraid.
Dream: You should be. A Nightmare’s purpose is to reveal a dreamer’s fears, that they may face them. Perhaps a few thousand years in the darkness will reveal your fears.
Gault: Better that than to make others afraid. Even a Nightmare can dream, my lord.

Lucienne: [to Dream] We all change, sir. Even you, perhaps. One day.

Gilbert: You know, to me, the object of travel is not to set foot in a foreign land, but at last to set foot in your own country as a foreign land.
Rose Walker: So, it’s all about going home?
Gilbert: Yes. I suppose it must be, in the end.

Hector Hall: I guess if earthquakes happen in real life, they can happen in dreams too, right?
Lyta Hall: Yeah. We call those nightmares.

Rose Walker: [referring to Jed] What if he doesn’t like me? Or worse, what if I don’t like him? What?
Gilbert: I’m just so impressed. You allowed yourself to be happy for nearly a minute there before inventing some new problems for yourself.

The Corinthian: [referring to the cereal convention] It’s just a bunch of boring grown-ups down there.
Jed Walker: Then why are you going?
The Corinthian: I’m going to make it less boring.

Gilbert: What fascinates me about humanity is that so many people are looking for reasons to be unhappy. It’s only when they’re mired in their self-made misery that they are truly content.

Gilbert: I do love a paradox. Chesterton did too. Take charity for example. Charity usually means one of two things, pardoning an unpardonable act, or loving an unlovable person. Or take love. Love’s an even better one. To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. And hope means hoping even when everything seems hopeless.

Dream: [to Hector and Lyta] A ghost cannot escape his fate by hiding in The Dreaming. Nor can a living human being escape her grief here.

Dream: Your husband died a long time ago. He was a ghost and this is a dream. The baby is yours, for now.
Lyta Hall: What do you mean?
Dream: The child was conceived in The Dreaming. It is mine.
Rose Walker: What?
Dream: And one day, I will come for it.

Grass Widow: I’m sorry, but you are too young and too hot to be The Corinthian.
The Corinthian: You’re too kind.
The Hammer of God: I’ve always been curious. Is the name biblical? A reference to Paul?
Adonai: Or to Corinth? The Roman city of vice?
Grass Widow: Or are you just into leather?
The Corinthian: You know, all of the above.

Gilbert: No children at a cereal convention? That seems a bit of a missed opportunity. Or is it maybe sort of more of a porridge and muesli affair?

Gilbert: [as he takes the name tag Dutch Uncle] How exciting! I’ve never been an uncle before.

The Good Doctor: The “Chaste” blog is written by an apparent fanboy named Philip Sitz. Who, as you can see, looks exactly like our Boogieman.
Nimrod: Since you’re our guest, would you care to collect Mr. Sitz?
The Corinthian: Oh, I thought we don’t s**t where we eat.
The Good Doctor: Except when we have to.
Nimrod: Needs must when the Devil drives.

Dream: Why? Why did you leave? I trusted you. You were the heart of The Dreaming.
Gilbert: No, sir. You were the heart of The Dreaming. And you were gone. I was curious. And it turns out that life as a human contains substance I never even imagined when I was here.

Philip Sitz: I want to understand, that’s why I had to get here. To see you all. To learn.
The Corinthian: Okay, then let us teach you. The Good Doctor. She likes to kill her victims by removing their organs, one by one. Nimrod is a hunter. He can skin, bone, joint, and gut just about any animal in minutes. And as for me, well, I like the eyes.

Gilbert: Lucienne, he came to you and told you he was wrong. It was very nearly an apology. The Morpheus I knew was incapable of that.
Lucienne: Then perhaps he will be merciful to you since you came back on your own.
Gilbert: Oh, it doesn’t matter what happens to me. What matters is that Dream stops The Corinthian, and saves Rose Walker.
Lucienne: There is no saving Rose Walker.

The Corinthian: [after he kills Fun Land in front of Rose and Jed] Hello, Rose. Don’t worry. You’re safe with me.

Dream: A knife against a dream?
The Corinthian: Oh, you don’t think dreams can die? Let’s find out.

The Corinthian: He can’t kill you if you kill him first.
Dream: Killing me may save your life, but it won’t save the lives of those you love.
The Corinthian: I’m trying to keep you alive here.
Dream: I’m trying to keep your world alive.
The Corinthian: You have to choose one of us, Rose.

Dream: You’re not going back. I brought you into this world to serve humanity. Not to feed upon it.
The Corinthian: Do you know why I do it? So I can taste what it’s like to be human

The Corinthian: And you don’t care about humanity. You only care about yourself, and your realm, and your rules.
Dream: I contain the entire collective unconscious. Without my rules, it would consume me. Humanity would be consumed.
The Corinthian: Or you might actually feel something.

The Corinthian: I am not the problem, Dream.
Dream: You’re right. This was my fault. Not yours. I had so much hope for you. But I created you poorly then. So I must uncreate you now.

Dream: [after he destroys Corinthian] Next time I make you, you will not be so flawed and petty, little Dream.

Dream: And you, who call yourselves “collectors”, until now, you have sustained fantasies in which you are the victims, comforting daydreams in which you are always right. But no more. The dream is over. I have taken it away. For this is my judgment upon you, that you shall know from this moment on exactly how craven, and selfish, and monstrous you are. That you shall feel the pain of those you have slaughtered. And the grief of those that mourn them still, and you shall carry that pain, and grief, and guilt with you until the end of time.

Rose Walker: [over phone] I woke you up. I’m sorry.
Unity Kincaid: Oh, Rose, the one thing I do not need more of in my life is sleep.

Dream: [to Rose] Death is not always such a bad thing. You could stay here if you like.

Rose Walker: You? You’re a Dream?
Gilbert: I am. I left my post here to experience life as a human being. A life which I humbly offer in exchange for yours.
Dream: I’m afraid that’s not possible. For the Dreaming and the waking world to live, the vortex must die.
Rose Walker: Then what’s the point of a vortex? Why do we even exist?

Gilbert: When a human is at the center of the Dreaming, is it not to remind us that we exist because humans dream, not the other way around? The miracle of humanity itself should always be more vivid to us than any marvels of power.

Rose Walker: What was your role? Who were you?
Gilbert: Oh, my dear. Fiddler’s Green is not a “who”, it is a where. I was not a person. I was a place. And, after your death, if you stay in the Dreaming, visit me. Walk in my meadows and my green glades. Rest beneath my trees. Farewell, Rose Walker. It was a privilege being human with you.

Dream: I do not wish to take your life. But we all have responsibilities, and this is one of mine. I am sorry.
Rose Walker: Just do it. Whatever it takes to save my brother and my friends. I’m ready.

Unity Kincaid: [to Dream] You’re not very bright, are you?

Unity Kincaid: What happened?
Dream: You died. So that Rose might live.

Unity Kincaid: I was meant to have died a long time ago, Rose. But if I had, I would never have met my golden-eyed man, and we would never have had our beautiful baby girl, and you would not have been born.

Dream: [to Rose] You and your brother are children of the Endless. You have suffered enough. You may leave this place.

Jed Walker: You ever notice how people only ever use your name when you’re in trouble? Rose?
Rose Walker: That’s true, actually.
Jed Walker: See? So, as long as you don’t have a name, you can’t get in any trouble.

Dream: [to Desire] My sibling. We of the Endless are the servants of the living, not their masters. We exist only because they know deep in their hearts that we exist. We do not manipulate them. If anything, they manipulate us. And you, and Despair, and even poor Delirium would do well to remember that.

Dream: Mess with me or mine again, and I shall forget you are family. Do you believe yourself strong enough to stand against me? Against Death? Against Destiny?
Desire: No.
Dream: Remember that next time you’re inspired to interfere in my affairs.
Desire: Oh, poor Dream. I really got under your skin this time, didn’t I? Next time, I’ll draw blood.

Lucienne: Are you making new Nightmares to replace Gault and the Corinthian?
Dream: The world does not need a new Corinthian quite yet.

Gault: May I ask what made you change your mind about me, sir?
Dream: I had no right returning here after over a century expecting everything to be just as I left it. Lucienne tried to tell me that. So did you. But now I’m listening. Or trying to. New Dreams. New Nightmares. A new age.

Mazikeen: Your Majesty. Shall I ring for your attendants to help you dress? There are several demon battles scheduled for your entertainment.
Lucifer: I can think of nothing I’d enjoy less.
Mazikeen: In which case Lord Azazel would like a word.
Lucifer: Except that.

Azazel: I come at the bidding of the assembled Lords of Hell.
Lucifer: You’ve stopped fighting each other long enough to assemble?

Mazikeen: What are you going to do?
Lucifer: Something that I have never done before. Something that will make God absolutely livid, and bring Morpheus to his knees.

The Prophet: I have come for justice. For revelation. For wisdom.
Crow: Justice is a delusion. And wisdom has no place here either. But revelation, that is the province of Dream, if your heart is strong, and you are not afraid.
The Prophet: I am afraid of nothing.

Crow: A little cat could come to much harm, if she strays from the path.
The Prophet: Cats walk their own paths.

The Prophet: I walked through the Wood of Ghosts, where the dead and lost whispered to me. I heard my children calling me. But I walked forward. I walked through the Cold Places, where every step was pain, every movement torment. I walked through the Wetness that numbed my paws, drenched my fur. But still, I walked forward.

The Prophet: I walked through the Darkness, through the void, where everything was sucked from me. Everything that makes me what I am. And even when I no longer knew why, I walked forward. After a time, myself returned to me, and I found myself at the mountain.

The Prophet: I’ve come too far to be turned away. I will state my business to the one I came to see, and only to him. I am a cat. I keep my own counsel.
Wyvern: Enter then, proud cat. But be warned. Dreams have a price.

The Prophet: I am here.
Dream: And who are you?
The Prophet: A cat. A walker in the night places.

The Prophet: I want to know why could they take my children from me? Why do we live as we do? I don’t understand.
Dream: The cat may look at a king. Or so they say. Look into my eyes then, little sister. Look into my eyes.
The Prophet: And in his eyes, I saw everything. I saw the truth. Our truth. And it transcended anything I had imagined.

The Prophet: Many, many seasons ago, cats truly ruled this world. We were larger then. Everything made for us. Humans were tiny creatures. No larger than we are now. They would groom us, feed us. When the moon shone full, we would hunt them. For they were more delightful to catch than even birds. Oh, the joy of those days I saw in his eyes, the game of cat and man.

Golden Haired Man: [to the other humans] Dreams shape the world. Dreams create the world anew, every night. Do not dream the world the way it is now. Dream of a new world. A world where we are no longer hunted, no longer prey. A world we rule. If enough of us dream it, it will happen. Dreams shape the world.

The Prophet: [referring to humans] They dreamed. And the next day, things changed. We were prey to them, to dogs, their metal machines. We were tiny, and they were huge.

The Prophet: [referring to humans] So, they changed the world? Made it like it is now?
Dream: Not exactly. They dreamed the world, so it was always the way it is now. There was never a world where cats reigned. They changed it from beginning of all things to the end of time. It was ever thus.

Dream: Then you know what your task must be. The burden you must bear. Are you strong enough?
The Prophet: Yes. I hope so.
Dream: Then wake, child. With my blessing.

The Prophet: You see, I had seen the soft underbelly of what he had shown me. I left that night to spread the good news. And now I travel from place to place. I have preached to feral cats in empty places, shouting my message to the stars. I have whispered it to cats in alleyways. And wherever I have gone, my message is the same. Dream it. If enough of us dream, a bare thousand, we can dream a world where no cat suffers, where no kittens die, cold and alone. Where all cats are queens and kings of creation. That is my message. And I shall keep moving, repeating it until I die, or until a thousand cats hear my words and believe them and dream. And we come again to paradise.

The Tabby Kitten: Mistress? I believe.
The Prophet: Then there is hope, child.

The Tabby Kitten: Do you think it will happen, like she said?
The Grey Cat: I’d like to see anyone, prophet, God or king, persuade a thousand cats to do anything at the same time.

Don: [referring to the Tabby Kitten] I think she’s dreaming.
Laura: I wonder what cats dream about.
Don: The way she’s twitching, she’s probably hunting something. Oh, look at her. Isn’t that cute?
Laura: It is. It’s really cute.

Calliope: An artist prays to the Muses. He offers vows of service and devotion to the goddesses in exchange for divine inspiration. An artist does not hold a Muse against her will.
Richard Madoc: You gave Erasmus Fry what he wanted.
Calliope: I did not. He took it from me.

Richard Madoc: I’m drowning, Calliope. Please. I am begging you.
Calliope: Ask me again, when I am free.

Calliope: Is there nothing you can do? No one who can intercede on my behalf?
Fate Maiden: There are few of the old powers who are willing, or able to meddle in mortal affairs in these days, Calliope.
Fate Mother: Many gods have died, my daughter. Only The Endless never fade.
Fate Crone: And even they have been having a difficult time of late. Still, every little bit helps, as the old woman said when she pi**ed in the sea.

Calliope: The Dream King will never help me. Not after what I did to him. He hates me for that, and I despise him. I would not accept his help.
Fate Mother: Foolish child.

Fate Crone: Oneiros is in no position to help you even if he wished it, which is unlikely.
Fate Maiden: Like you, your former husband has been ensnared by mortals. He’s immured beneath the ground.
Fate Mother: Leaving this realm gripped by sleeping sickness.
Fate Crone: And a plague of Dreams and Nightmares wreaking havoc.

Emanuela: [referring to Richard’s new book] It’s a gorgeous book. Quite remarkable. I mean, the sheer richness of the material.
Lara: Yes. But why has he gone and changed this name?
Emanuela: How do you mean?
Lara: From Richard to Ric, without the K?
Emanuela: I think it probably speaks to the novel’s theme of reinvention.
Lara: I think it probably speaks to the author’s pretension.

Richard Madoc: Can you not allow yourself to enjoy our success? Even for a second? We are telling stories that move and inspire people. Isn’t that what Muses were made for?
Calliope: My sister goddesses and I were born. We were not made.

Calliope: I call to you, Oneiros, that you may hear me, and come to my aid when I say your name out loud.
Richard Madoc: [interrupts her and takes her letter] Morpheus? What does it mean?
Calliope: It is the name of the God of Dreams.
Richard Madoc: You’re writing him a letter?
Calliope: Something like that.

Richard Madoc: [to Calliope] You’re mine. By law. The God of Dreams can’t save you.

Calliope: You came.
Dream: You called.
Calliope: They told me you had been imprisoned, just like me.
Dream: Not like you. My suffering was nothing compared to yours.
Calliope: Don’t say that. Comparing our suffering only compounds it. It pained me to hear of your misfortune.

Calliope: I know that you cannot free me. Only he can do that. But perhaps you might inspire him? To let me go?
Dream: I will do all that, and more.

Dream: He must be punished.
Calliope: How? What punishment could be enough? Even his death would not bring back what he has taken from me. He’s nothing. He’s just a man.

Dream: I cannot allow him to go free.
Calliope: Why? Because I was once yours?
Dream: Because he hurt you.

Dream: The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again.
Calliope: I’m sorry. I did not know where else to turn.
Dream: You misunderstand me. When I heard you call to me, even after all this time… Let me help you. Please. I owe you that much.

Dream: You’re keeping a woman here against her will. I’ve come to request that you set her free.
Richard Madoc: Are you out of your mind? There’s no woman here. I’m calling the police. Do you know who I am?
Dream: I know precisely who and what you are, Richard Madoc.

Dream: [to Richard] She has been held captive for more than sixty years. Demeaned, abused, defiled. And you will not set her free because you need ideas? Well, if it’s ideas you want, then you shall have them, in abundance.

Richard Madoc: What did you do to me? Are you giving me nightmares now? Tell me!
Calliope: I have done nothing to you, Richard Madoc. You have met Morpheus, who the Romans called The Shaper of Form. He was once my husband. And the father of my son.
Richard Madoc: I didn’t know you had a son.
Calliope: You know nothing about me. But it is too late to let any of that concern you now.

Sofia: Your work spans so many genres, so many worlds, so many different kinds of characters. May I just ask, where does all that come from?
Richard Madoc: For me, ideas don’t come from anywhere. They’re all around us, all the time.

Nora: What’s happened to your hands?
Richard Madoc: Oh, my God. I’m just having so many ideas. I didn’t have a pen, or any paper, so I just used my hands. I said I needed the ideas, but they’re coming too fast.

Calliope: It is over. Thank you.
Dream: I merely answered your call.

Dream: What will you do now?
Calliope: I think what I must do is to try to make sure that this never happens to anyone else ever again.
Dream: How?
Calliope: I do not know. By inspiring humanity to want better for themselves and each other.

Calliope: You have changed, Oneiros. In the old days, you would’ve left me here to rot without turning a hair. Do you still hate me for leaving you? For blaming you for what happened?
Dream: No. I’ve learned much in recent times, and… No matter. I do not hate you.

Calliope: I think you should release the mortal now. He has set me free, and without forgiveness, wounds will never heal.
Dream: You would forgive him for what he has done?
Calliope: I will not forgive what he has done, but I must forgive the man. Not for him. For me. Will you free him?
Dream: If that is what you wish, it shall be done.

Richard Madoc: [referring to Calliope] She’s gone. And it’s all gone with her. The ideas, the stories. They were all hers.
Nora: Whose? Who are you talking about?
Richard Madoc: I have no idea. No idea.

Calliope: May I visit you in the Dream Realm sometime, so that we may finally talk about our son, and grieve him properly?
Dream: One day, perhaps, but…
Calliope: I understand. Thank you, Oneiros. I will not forget this. Fare you well. Fortune be with you.
Dream: Goodbye, Calliope.