We all know that there a lot of funny movie quotes out there, but with so many things going on in our lives nowadays it’s hard to remember them. To help you along on this little expedition of merriment and amusement, a random collection of quotes have been gathered here. So if you don’t have the time to watch the entire film, well, these quotes are the next best thing. Hopefully these quotes will put a smile on your face. But remember, don’t take the jokes too seriously!
A – Z Funny Movie Quotes
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Chastity: I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe.
The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
[referring to Andy’s incredibly hairy chest]
David: I love your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck?
Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell’s diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
American Reunion (2012)
Jim’s Dad: I have not had a night like that since the seventies.
Jim: [disgusted] Don’t need this.
Jim’s Dad: You’d be surprised what you can do with a well placed thumb.
Annie Hall (1977)
Alvy Singer: I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Tony Mendez: What are you shooting?
John Chambers: Monster movie.
Tony Mendez: Oh, yeah? Is it any good?
John Chambers: Target audience will hate it.
Tony Mendez: Who’s the target audience?
John Chambers: People with eyes.
As Good as It Gets (1997)
[enters his psychiatrist’s office]
Melvin Udall: Hi.
[shuts the door, turns and yells]
Melvin Udall: Help!
Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
Austin Powers (1997)
Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for bu**ery. My mother was a fifteen year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my t**ticles. There really is nothing like a shorn sc**tum. It’s breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
Peter Quill: I’m going to ask you this one time, where is Gamora?
Tony Stark: Yeah, I’ll do you one better. Who’s Gamora?
Dax: I’ll do you one better! Why is Gamora?
Dr. Karl: Remember when I said that all marriages are savable? Well, it ain’t going to happen for you guys.
Amy: So what do you think we should do?
Dr. Karl: Well, as a therapist, I’m not allowed to tell you what to do. But as a human being with two f***ing eyes in my head, yeah, I think you should get divorced as soon as possible. This is some catastrophic s**t.
[referring Emily’s medically induced coma]
Chris: You know, it might be a good thing. Like, she might wake up with a new skill. Like, my cousin, uh, blacked out once, and then, when he came to, he thought he knew a different language.
CJ: Did he?
Chris: No. Apparently, it was just gibberish that he made up. It was brain damage.
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Jim: What did you expect? “Welcome, sonny.” “Make yourself at home.” “Marry my daughter.” You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know, morons.
Cars 2 (2011)
Finn McMissile: Finn McMissile, British intelligence.
Mater: Tow Mater, average intelligence.
The Change-Up (2011)
Dave: You’re living the dream, Mitch. Having children, it’s like, it’s living with little mini-heroin addicts. You know, they’re laughing one minute, and then they’re crying the next. And then they trying to kill themselves in the bathroom for no good reason. They’re very mean, and selfish, and burn through your money. And they break s**t…
Mitch: Got it! Got it! Got it!
Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?
Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner’s ball sack.
Wade Wilson: I had a Liam Neeson nightmare. I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it.
Vanessa Carlysle: Hey, uh, they’ve made three of those movies.
Wade Wilson: At some point you have to wonder if he’s just a bad parent.
Cable: Dubstep’s for pu**ies.
Deadpool: You’re so dark! Are you sure you’re not from the DC universe? I love dubstep!
[Gru shows Perkins his plans for stealing the moon]
Gru: I fly to the moon, I shrink the moon, I grab the moon, I sit on the toilet bowl… What?!
[sees a child’s drawing in his plans of himself sitting on a toilet bowl]
Gru: Just because everybody hates, it doesn’t mean it’s not good.
The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Emily: I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
Tommy Wiseau: I did not hit her. It’s not true. It’s bulls**t. I did not hit her. I did not.
[throws a water bottle on the ground]
Tommy Wiseau: Oh, hi, Mark.
Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That’s weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bulls**t.
Dumb and Dumber To (2014)
Harry Dunne: Woh. Check out the hotties at twelve o’clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That’s three hours away. Why can’t I check them out now?
[to his father’s ashes]
Ethan Tremblay: Dad, you were like a father to me.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an a** is what he does, Ed.
Dory: I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.
Anna: Olaf, you’re melting.
Olaf: Some people are worth melting for.
[as his face starts to melt he tries to hold it up]
Olaf: Just maybe not right this second!
Brooks: We can’t go to the cops!
Brooks: The Bulgarian’s got a ton of moles.
Annie: On his face?
Brooks: No, in the police department.
Max: My neighbor is a total nymphomaniac. Her boyfriend’s always over.
Lucas: She starts fires?
Max: No, that’s a pyromaniac. She’s a nymphomaniac. Someone who has s*x on land and sea.
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Well that’s just as fascinating as the first eighty-nine times. What is wrong with Giving Tree here?
Rocket Raccoon: Well he don’t know talking good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to “I” and “am” and “Groot,” exclusively in that order.
Peter Quill: Well I tell you what, that’s going to wear real thin, real fast, bud.
Stu Price: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!
Alan: I’m going to miss you monkey. I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day.
Happy Feet Two (2011)
Carmen: You, me? Fat chance!
Ramon: I have a chance! And it’s fat!
Mullins: You are killing us out there, you don’t fit in! Take off that f***ing jacket.
Ashburn: This is a good jacket.
Mullins: Really? Because you look like you’re going to set up a table and do their f***ing taxes!
Sadness: Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life’s problems.
Jack and Jill (2011)
Jill: Are you going bald?
Jill: No! No! No! You’re getting fatter and your hair doesn’t realize it needs to cover more face.
Joyful Noise (2012)
G.G. Sparrow: Well, I am who I am!
Vi Rose Hill: Well, maybe you were, five procedures ago.
Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
[as he sees that Po is alive]
Shen: How many times do I have to kill the same stinking panda?!
Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016)
Po: Master Shifu? Good time, bad time?
Shifu: Time is an illusion. There is only the now.
Po: So now is a…good time?
Katherine Newbury: It’s so unfair. I mean, Tom Cruise is the same age as me. We’re the same age. He gets to fight the Mummy. I am the Mummy! You know what? No, no, no. I’m too old to play the Mummy. They’d get Anne Hathaway in to play the Mummy, and put like Mummy makeup on her. I’m probably going to have to have a facelift just to do voice work. I’m going to have to have like Botox and lip filler just to play the voice of a wise old tree in a Pixar movie.
Robin: My name’s Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.
Batman: Well, children can be cruel.
Batman: If anybody has black parts I need them, okay? I only work in black. And sometimes very, very dark grey.
Life of Brian (1979)
Brian’s mother: He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Richard: Oh, my God. I’m getting pulled over. Everyone, just pretend to be normal.
The Man with Two Brains (1983)
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people!
Dr. Necessiter’s butler: Can I get you anything more, doctor? I’m about to retire.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Really? You seem so young.
Muppets Most Wanted (2014)
Constantine the Frog: My name will go down in history as greatest thief of all time.
Dominic Badguy: You mean our names, right?
Constantine the Frog: Of course. My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name.
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)
Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No, thank you. I don’t wear them.
The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you want to do it. Just remember the two key elements here. One, guns to be thrown down. Two, come on out!
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon Dynamite: Heck, yes! I’d vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, you have a sweet bike. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus, you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.
National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)
Clark Griswold: I think you’re all f***ed in the head. We’re ten hours from the f***ing fun park, and you want to bail out! Well, I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m going to have fun, and you’re going to have fun. We’re all going to have so much f***ing fun, we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You’ll be whistling Zippity Do-da out of your a**holes! I got to be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy s**t!
Holland March: Look at the bright side, nobody got hurt.
Jackson Healy: People got hurt.
Holland March: I’m saying I think they died quickly, so I don’t think that they got hurt.
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard. Na-ghee-na-na-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it. Until I was about twelve years-old, and that no-talent a**-clown became famous, and started winning Grammys.
The Other Guys (2010)
Terry Hoitz: Your farts aren’t manly.
Allen Gamble: Are you serious?
Terry Hoitz: They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.
Nyles: Material matters don’t really concern me.
Sarah: With the exception of booze, and burritos, and designer drugs, and candy.
Nyles: Obviously. I’m not a Puritan.
Mr. Prenderghast: Do you know who I am?
Neil: The weird stinky old bum, who lives up the hill?
Mr. Prenderghast: I was asking him!
[points to Norman]
Penguins of Madagascar (2014)
Skipper: We got a soggy mad man to stop.
Classified: I give the orders round here.
[turning to Short Fuse]
Classified: You were supposed to handcuff them!
Short Fuse: But they don’t have hands. They just have flippers, and I have flippers. So it’s flipping useless!
Captain Teague: I heard where you’re headed. The Fountain.
Jack Sparrow: Have you been there?
Captain Teague: Does this face look like it’s been to the Fountain of Youth?
Jack Sparrow: Depends on the light.
Pineapple Express (2008)
Dale Denton: Couscous. The food’s so nice they named it twice.
The Proposal (2009)
Margaret Tate: What am I allergic to?
Andrew Paxton: Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion.
Humpty Dumpty: You got any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo prison?
[the music playing in the tavern stops]
Humpty Dumpty: I’ll tell you this, my friend. It ain’t over-easy!
Ohhh Cat: Ooh!
[referring to Google]
Ralph: Wow. I guess we know where to go if we ever need a pair of goggles. There’s a whole building full of them.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Wallace Wells: If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott, break out the L word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbian?
Wallace Wells: The other L word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbians?
Seven Psychopaths (2012)
Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
Billy: No, it doesn’t. There will be one guy left with one eye. How’s the last blind guy going to take out the eye of the last guy left?
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t color-blind!
Dr. Melik: Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything?
Miles Monroe: Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
Anton: Who the f*** are you?
Susan Cooper: I’m the person that’s going to cut your d**k off and glue it to your forehead so you look like a limp-d**k unicorn! That’s who the f*** I am!
Step Brothers (2008)
Brennan Huff: I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this s**t on me?
Hogan ‘Hoagie’ Malloy: Synchronize your watches.
Bob Callahan: I don’t know how to do that.
Randy ‘Chilli’ Cilliano: I don’t wear a watch.
Kevin Sable: Time is a construct.
Flynn Rider: You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose.
[he takes a deep breath]
Flynn Rider: Really let that seep in. What are you getting? Because to me it’s part man-smell and the other part is really bad man-smell. I don’t know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown. Your thoughts?
Ted: I look stupid.
John Bennett: No, you don’t. You look dapper.
Ted: I don’t! I look like Snuggles accountant.
John Bennett: Come on. It’s not that bad.
Ted: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell them Grandma died.
John Bennett: Look, I know it sucks, okay? But you got to make some money so you can pay for an apartment.
Ted: I don’t want to work at a grocery store.
John Bennett: Yeah, but you have no skills.
Ted: I told you, I can totally be a lawyer.
Samantha: Do I have “f*** me” eyes?
Ted: No, you have the “Give us the ring, my precious” eyes.
That’s My Boy (2012)
Donny Levine: What the f*** is this?
Mrs. Ravensdale: It’s water infused with cucumber, rose petal, and harvest sandylion.
Donny Levine: It tastes like f***ing d**k infused with balls!
This Is the End (2013)
Craig Robinson: I would suck a d**k for half a cracker!
Toy Story (1995)
Woody: You! Are! A! Toy! You aren’t the real Buzz Lightyear! You’re an action figure! You are a child’s play thing!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take Stupid Pills this morning?
Toy Story 3 (2010)
[to the toy Peas-in-a-Pod]
Mr. Potato Head: I told you kids to stay out of my butt!
Kirk Lazarus: Me? I know who I am! I’m a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.
The Watch (2012)
[interrogating a teenage kid]
Franklin: Look at his face.
Evan: Look at my face.
Franklin: Look at this face and listen to me.
Evan: Look at him and listen to me.
Franklin: Look at me.
Evan: Look at me.
Franklin: Look at him and understand me. Look at both of us, but understand no one. Listen to my words, and hear his face.
What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
Deacon: I’ll kill you!
Nick: I’m already dead!
The World’s End (2013)
Gary King: And we’re back, just like The Five Musketeers.
Steven: Three Musketeers, isn’t it?
Gary King: Well nobody knows how many there were really, do they?
Oliver: You do know that The Three Musketeers is a fiction, right? Written by Alexandre Dumas.
Gary King: A lot of people are saying that about the Bible these days.
Steven: What, that is was written by Alexandre Dumas?
Gary King: Oh, don’t be daft, Steve! It was written by Jesus.
Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
King Candy: You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you?
[Ralph takes the glasses from his face and smashes it over his head]
King Candy: You hit a guy with glasses! That’s, that’s well played.
Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.
Zoolander 2 (2016)
Montana Grosso: Be careful, he’ll try to get inside your head.
Derek Zoolander: Don’t worry, it’s closed for business.